DSM2709 Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Ok, so here's the deal. In my previous thread (titled "Going on a second date"), I spoke about how things were going well with this girl I met online, and that I invited her to NH with me.....well here is where we stand. We went last week to NH, and had a good time overall, but it was a bit weird. While in NH, she got too "annoyingly immature" for me. A couple of things happened when we were there that made me think "WTF was I thinking?", yes we had sex, but then she got all emotional on me, and started asking ?'s like, was I sleeping with anyone else, to which I said "no, are you?"..LOL!! She said no. I told her that I was only talking to other people and wasn't looking to jump into anything serious right now. She started crying, and got all weird on me, but I'm trying to be nice, and calmed her down. She then tells me that we can't have casual sex anymore, because she doesn't want to get hurt. I respect that I guess, but she wanted it from the beginning just as much as I did. The problem, I suppose is that she constituted sex for committment, which is not what I want right now. I also think she got too attached to soon. My fault possibly for inviting her to soon to NH. Keep in mind, we have only known each other not even a month. This past Friday night, I went to her house (hour drive) after she invited me to have dinner. We had dinner, and then she asked me if I wanted to watch a movie, to which I said sure. We went to her bedroom, and got comfy, started the movie....then like a half hour later (9:30ish), she's out like a light...I'm like WTF?? again. She fell asleep on me, and I'm lying there next to her like a moron. I should have gone home, but I didn't. The next day she made me breakfast, I helped her install a new fixture to her kitchen, we took her dogs for a walk, then had lunch, and then I went home.....NO SEX at all the whole time there. I did try talking to her about us while we walked the dogs, but I don't think it did any good. She does have some personal issues, but I'm trying to be the "nice guy" here and be respectful and understanding. I understand her not wanting to have sex until I figure out what I want, but I also want to see what life has to offer. I just want to date and meet different people, but I think taking her to NH with me may have been a mistake because she latched on too quickly for me and acted kind of "high schoolish" with me. I'm also trying to NOT make the same mistakes from past relationships which was to jump right into one without looking. I want to take things slow, and see where it goes. Should I be mad at her for Friday night's BS, I didn't say anything the next day, but while I was driving home, I was mad at how the whole thing went down. I felt like if she was too tired, then maybe she should have set the date another time. How should I handle her, do I run for the hills, or wait it out and see what happens and continue to date other people? Of course I did try to call her tonight, before I went to work, and her VM picked right up. Could she be on a date, or maybe she's sleeping.....at 9pm on a saturday night....who knows. Thanks.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Um. She told you when you were in NH that she didn't want to continue to have casual sex with you. It sounded like you understood that. Why did you assume you'd be getting a piece when you went over to her house on Friday?
Author DSM2709 Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 I didn't assume anything when I went over Friday night, of course how could have I gotten anything anyways, she fell asleep on me...LOL!! I went over there to have dinner and hang out with her, SHE invited me over, and she offered to make dinner, so I obliged. I wasn't expecting sex, but would have taken it if it was offered...LOL!! Seriously though, I respect her wishes of no casual sex. It just felt odd is all when she fell asleep.
writergal Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Maybe you should talk to her in person about the status of things. You both need to discuss what you want from each other. If you want to date other women, then I don't think you should have sex with her anymore or expect it. Like you said, she's already emotionally attached herself to you which we women do (unless we agree its just a casual fling). Men see sex as just sex. Women see sex as a way to emotionally bond. It's a conundrum as old as time. By talking to each other, at least everything will be out in the open, and you can decide together how to move forward. You can either choose to commit to dating just her, or remind her that you want to casually date other women. But once you cross the line of physical intimacy with a woman, it's extremely difficult to go backwards from an emotional standpoint, because she's already made a connection and now has expectations of you. So if you aren't ready for what those expectations may be (to be in regular contact with her when you're not together, for example), and you want to see other women, the sooner you tell her, the better. I hope it works out for you. I really do.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 I didn't assume anything when I went over Friday night NO SEX at all the whole time there... Should I be mad at her for Friday night's BS I guess I was confused what there was to be angry about. People get tired and they fall asleep. You guys were watching a movie - not doing anything like relating to each other. Now, if you'd been having a conversation and she fell asleep, I could understand getting upset. I guess I just misunderstood what you were upset about. I'd say you need to set clear boundaries here - make it crystal clear to her that you are SEEING other people. I had a feeling when I saw you dating that other girl that this was going to become an issue for this girl. Most girls are not okay with multi-dating. Just sayin.
Author DSM2709 Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 I understand what your saying, and your right. I do want to date and see what's out there, and get some experience, because I don't have any because I always just jumped into relationships. This girl seems nice enough, and I appreciate her liking me and taking an interest, but I want to take it slow. We did have a talk last week, and since I told her I wanted to see what was out there, she stated back to me that the window of oppurtunity will close eventually with her. I basically told her, I wanted to take it one day at a time, and move slow. I'm trying to be honest, but also true to myself at the same time.
Author DSM2709 Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 sadintexas, some very good points. Thanks.
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