NoneoftheAbove Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 It's been a week or so since i told my ex that it was over and im done. Lately, I've been thinking where did i go wrong. Briefly, before i gave her a second chance. She was still talking with her ex boyfriend, didn't tell me anything that she is still talking whatsoever. after a while she stopped saying i love you and other nice things she used to say, i followed my instincts and hacked in her email to make sure. I saw few emails from her ex, she was telling him how much she needs to talk to him and how much she loves him. I cut off everything and moved on with my life, it was hard but i did this all alone with no help from anyone. On the other hand, i added her back on msn and started talking after months she never contacted me or called me i loved her very much from the bottom of my heart and showed in MANY different ways that she was the center of my world. she said she was stupid for doing that and that i was the best thing that happened in her life. My partner would always give me the silent treatment, not just once but over and over again. For example, she says she cant talk because she works, when she comes home she ll tell me the computers monitor is too hot i thought i should turn it off, im gonna go clean the house which takes her 9 hours to do so? I used to call her everyday and she told me I WAS UP ON HER ASS ALL THE TIME. Now im scared that i ll do that again, so i keep it simple, id call her once a day, she says shes gonna go read a book in the sauna, if we cant sit and talk like a normal couple, we would never understand each other..MILLION EXCUSES. And each time i ran back to her, saying sorry and crying even though i did NOTHING wrong. through out the years i set my boundaries, she said she will change but ive seen no change in her nor any actions to show me that she is changing. i know it takes a while to change, you cant just do it over night. She was the type of girl whod always use words just words no actions. I've put her above me. I took every possible chance to go and see her, I even lied to my parents so i could go see her, I've cried in front of my dad just so he can rent me a car and i could go see her. I guess i had no respect for myself and allowed her to treat me like a doormat. I always wanted to work things out, thats why i kept running back to her.. As for her, theres a saying " once a liar, always a liar" she did nothing to gain back my trust for her. When i was there, her friend (guy) stayed at her place. she'd touch his arms and legs like all the time, i would understand if this was a one time thing but why do you need to do that all the time? i understand you can get in his arms and walk nothing wrong with that, she says its a friendly touch? I've never seen any of my girl friends doing that to me. she comes and tells me, he touches her ass and boobs, she comes and tells me how her co-workers talk about their sex life to her. I asked why come and tell me this, her response " i think it's RIDICULOUS that they come and talk to me " and she said " They are not Strangers, they are my friends " Who am i than? If we can't talk about our personal lives, whose life we are going to talk about than? She keeps lying to me constantly, i don't have proof she takes this to as her advantage and uses against me because i have no proof. I know from deep down inside she does it all the time. Ofocurse i did some mistakes, i fixed it right away. i called her a liar once on the phone, she hung up on me i kept calling back to say sorry because i was very angry that she always gives me that silent treatment, but she never answered her phone. I guess everything she said was a lie, im such a fool for letting her do this to me. I always told her, whatever happens in our lives we should not reflect it on our relationship because it will only get worse. im assuming all these years i couldnt make her understand and i can't from now on. told her you are not hte one for me and i wished her a good luck with her life and never contacted her its been like a week. Im not sad or angry because of my decision, my mind is just playing games on me. and its hard to just let it go when i gave her all i got.
Author NoneoftheAbove Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 ahh someone? please.. i really need this
Thebob Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 I guess I'll give a crack at this.... You are acting way to needy towards this girl, and she is taking straight up advantage of you. I'm sorry to be harsh but that is the simple truth. You need to be a man and tell her straight up were done, I don't like being used, especially lied to, and I deserve someone who treats me the way I treat them. "your awesome man, she isn't". Don't worry about it, just dont text her, call her, email her, and if you get the urge, run outside and stay there until you get that feeling out. If she doesn't show you the respect you want then Eff her. IT obviously wasn't meant to be and you should let go for good. I know it's hard, but "NO CONTACT HER" don't do it hoping she will call you back, do it for your well-being and your heart. I am currently on NC for 1 month, have only talked twice, but they were flukes and lasted for 1 minute. I am not trying to be mean, but stop being her doormate and putting her pussy on a petistule. If she really misses you when you do "NC" then she will contact you, if she doesn't contact you at all then it wasn't meant to be, and you should find someone who cares about you for who you are. Hope this helps
t0ri Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 (edited) Well it sounds like you absolutely, 100%, made the right decision in getting rid of this girl. Not only does she not sound invested in you or a relationship with you, she doesn't respect you at all. Plus she won't communicate properly, tells her ex she loves him, has lied to you repeatedly, touches other guys and allows them to touch her butt and boobs, and obviously does not make you as high a priority as you do her? I think she has said plenty with her actions. That is not love. The girl knows how to manipulate you, and she knows she can do whatever she wants and you'll end up being the one crawling back, no matter if it was your fault or not. This girl probably partially doesn't respect you, because you don't respect yourself. You probably come off as pathetic to her, to be frank. You were her little puppy dog, and I'm glad you showed her you have a backbone and ended things. Now stick with it! You deserve a million times better. I don't think you should waste another second on her. Go no contact, and stick with it. Don't be so needy next time, and don't make someone your entire world. A partner is supposed to compliment your life, not make up it's entirety. I learned that the hard way! Edited October 11, 2009 by t0ri
Arabella Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Oh, dear... the more you post, the more I think you and I have been through the exact same thing with two different people. I made the -exact- same mistakes with my ex, and he treated me the -exact- same way your girl has treated you. A few days ago, I ended up doing the same thing you've done and told him I didn't want to be with him anymore. Then he went NC. It's been 10 days now. Now, in perspective, the way I see it is that we've both made the right choice. I know it's really hard because right now all you want is for her to call you up crying and tell you she sees the way she's treated you is horrible and is very sorry and wants to change. It's almost like the decision to break things off for good was made as a last-ditch effort to wake them up, isn't it? Well... I also hoped for something along those lines, but the sooner we recognize it's not gonna happen, the sooner we can move on. The fact is, you and your gf's fates were sealed the moment you failed to put proper boundaries in place and make her respect them, from the very beginning. She knew you would put up with it because you loved her, and she abused that. Try making a list of all the things she did to you and print it out... then read it every time you get the urge to contact her. It will remind you of why you are better off without her. That's what I do. They say it gets better... for both our sakes, I hope they are right. *Hugs* Don't despair. Arabella
Author NoneoftheAbove Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 Thank you guys. I've been on NC for a week now, around 1 oclock tonight she called me. I didn't pick it up, im not ready to talk. and im showing that i dont need her and i can do it with out her. Thanks for the support Arabella, you and me will get out of this. Don't lose your hope your not alone.
Arabella Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 She's likely feeling the loss and that's why she called. Chances are, when/if you pick up the phone, she may end up telling you everything you've been hoping to hear. Be skeptical if that happens and remember everything she's put you through. Nothing has changed in years... nothing is going to Arabella
Author NoneoftheAbove Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 Thats what i thought of and did not pick up the phone. I could careless what she has to say, all these years, after all i put in, after all that hurt i received from her no way im going to pick that phone up. Im not breaking NC. if she really wants it, she knows where i live if not she can find it out from few other friends of mine. a phone call is not going to change my decision.
Arabella Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Well said. Keep posting, keep strong... don't give in! You deserve better. Arabella
Author NoneoftheAbove Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 You shall too do the same.
Author NoneoftheAbove Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) So i did a little search on the internet. It appears to be, she is back on the internet websites ( chat sites and other social sites, where you meet other people) ahh boy. some people never learn told her not to do those things. and her status says " DATING ".. funny how people are 2 faced.. Anyhow it's none of my business anymore and will not look at what shes doing AGAIN. what goes around comes around. thats all i could say. Edited October 12, 2009 by NoneoftheAbove
Author NoneoftheAbove Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) Today i woke up, feeling really sad inside. Looking back, after all i did for her and after all ive put in, giving myself and my heart towards this girl this is not what i deserve. I wish i could go back, without thinking twice i would say no im not taking you back over and over again. I've given everything but didnt receive anything from this person..It really sucks, however im not going to give up im gonna fight, and im going to get over this just like i did before. Edited October 12, 2009 by NoneoftheAbove
Arabella Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Aw None... You really shouldn't have looked her up. All you're going to do is upset yourself You say it's none of your business, and you're absolutely right. Remember that and don't do that to yourself again. I heard from my ex Saturday night. I sent him a text just telling him I hoped he was alright and he replied an hour and a half later telling me he had outrun the cops that night but he was safe (the idiot is into illegal street racing). I didn't see it until yesterday morning and I replied back making some small talk but he was pretty short and rude. Kinda feel like you at the moment. If I could go back, I'd put my foot down and not continue letting him get away with everything. Instead, I would have walked away much sooner when I said I was going to. Anyhow... Don't forget all she's done to you and how she has treated you, and remember each day that goes by, you're one day closer to getting over her. Chin up Arabella
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