lastnight Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 It has been so long since I have been here and needed to take heart from this site, but here i am again. Over christmas last year i experienced one of the worst and most painful times of my life, and this site and the input people gave and reading similar threads really helped me genuinely turn my life around: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t175504/ But after this time, a lot changed for me. I gained a new lease of life, cared for myself, i was over my ex. I even started seeing somebody else which was cool, started a new job etc everything was great. Until March this year a month down the line of seeing the new girl, my ex decided she still loved me. Hesitantly i heard her out, it transpires that my gut feelings were right, she did cheat on me on her holiday and it took nearly 9 months for it to come out. Still, despite this, she basically said it had taken her to be on the brink of losing me forever and to grow up a bit to releaise what we had and that she really did love me and meant it, and we ended up getting back together, things were better than ever. This girl had grown up a lot and i actually for the first time in the relationship felt on an equal footing, and that she was prepared to go out of her way to care and make my life better for her being in it. Slowly though as time has gone by, familiar cracks have started to appear. I admit i have in myself let all the good work i did on myself go slowly but surely and my state of mind has been less than happy in the last few weeks. I have been so stressed out over my job and general money worries that have been making me not feel myself. The trouble is though, these are all issues that really she has no concept of, she is a lot younger than me, 18 years old and i am about to turn 24 in a few weeks. She has just started a new college course and is meeting all these new people that i have no idea who they are and is planning the next stage of her life going to uni next year. She is very focused on all this, and i do not resent it, i am happy for her but not happy and am quite fearful for where this will leave us. I know i should be living for now and just rolling with it, but this constantly plays on my mind and has i think caused her to feel negatively towards me. I feel like im losing some sort of control and do not want to feel like this. All i want is to go back to feeling tight and happy in the relationship without feeling our differing paths are coming between us. She has distanced herself as of late and we ended up clearing the air last weekend, and again during this week. I spoke honestly to her and said i do understand i have not been much fun and that i know her priorities in life right now are different to mine but that i dont want us to just drift apart. We have been through a hell of a lot, and i dont want to feel like i made the wrong choice 6 months down the line. I know that if we can work out and going back to actually being friends as well as boyfriend and girlfriend by default, then we can get through this. She is away this weekend and has said the time and space will do us good. I just want to pick up the phone and chat to her because txt messages give me little. Do i just need to chill it, am i in the wrong for wanting to have some stability or am i putting unfair expectations on an 18 year old girl going through many constant changes. I know how i would of felt and did feel at her age, but she has always known our relationship and what it represented and i just feel she owes me some sort of compromise for letting her back in too. Up until now she's wanted to do that, but it seems at the moment she doesnt and her priorities have shifted back to just herself. Should i just leave her too it, the trouble i find is that this isnt as simple as a break up and in some ways i think she feels neglected. I feel that what she wants is me to contact her a little but when i do for it to create excitment and happy vibe, as oppose to what i have been as of late. This is starting to get to me again, and i dont wanna go back to that place, if it falls apart this time i will of lost the love of my life twice over and could never see another way back... Peace. x
JaggedRoad Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 It seems like she has no problem slipping back to her old ways once she knows that she has you. I really don't know what to say other than listen to your own heart.
tryagaintoday Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 I think I'm at the "part one" of your story right now. For me, if I am currently seeing someone else and both our feelings are mutual, I'll definitely be fair to the current one. I'll ask the ex to leave us alone and hope for all the best to her and hope she finds happiness as well. Erm....even if I'm not seeing somebody else, most likely I'll also said she'd missed the boat so she should take the next one.....
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