lonewoof Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 A little combining here of previous posts for more the story. Sorry if it's a little jumbled, but so is my brain at the moment. I'm not sure where else to post this, so here it is... May: "I started talking to a woman who I've known of for a couple of years, but had never met until recently. We have mutual friends, similar life experiences, interests, viewpoints... We hit it off right from the start and things started heading in a more romantic direction. But the first time we met she was very anxious and nervous. She later that night told me that she has big issues with intimacy due to sexual abuse as a child and she just isn't in a good place in her life to get close to someone, but that she still hoped we could remain friends. I told her I didn't want to lose her as a friend no matter what, so that's where we stand. Outside of saying that though, not a lot has actually changed. There's not been a single day we haven't been in contact in some way, either email, chatting or talking on the phone for hours most nights. She's become pretty much the closest friend I have. We had an awesome day together last weekend, and later that night talked until all hours of the morning and have the same other nights since. I have to admit that it's hard to dance around the feelings and it's pretty obvious that she has still has the same feelings as well (unless I'm more clueless than I realize). I have no idea where this is all headed and have to admit that I'm a little bit confused with the situation. I'm fine with giving her all the space she needs to feel comfortable, but rightly or wrongly still have hopes of being something more than 'just a friend' someday." August: "We talk just about every day, but maybe only see each other once every week or so. I think she still has the same feelings as well, but there are times when I'm not sure if it's real or just me wishing it was. We haven't really talked about it, but I've had it in my mind that becoming closer friends could lead to more as she deals with her abuse through therapy. I'm scared that if I bring it up I may find out I'm mistaken. Even though I don't want to lose her as a friend, not knowing just how she really feels is taking it's toll. I feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Just afraid to take the chance and do what I know I need to." October: "My feelings never changed and I felt she still shared them to some extent and things seemed to be going somewhere, albeit slowly. Then about 6 weeks ago, her interest seemed to suddenly drop significantly. I mentioned that things seemed to different between us recently and I told her of my feelings. The only response I got was 'you can't help what you feel' and I could only assume that they aren't shared. I should just ask her this, but I don't want to push things and really would like to remain her friend, but having a hard time dealing with my feelings towards her currently. Not sure how to decipher something. It was written as a note on Facebook tagged to me and other friends. Most is basic Alcoholic Anonymous stuff, but one part I don't know how to decipher. It's this - Objectives for my life: 2. Don't settle for anything less than the chosen ideal in love (no stupid game playing)....in my own personal conduct..... Given that a few weeks ago I basically had told her I was falling in love with her, I don't know how to read this. Was I in her mind anywhere when she wrote that. Why am I taking it personally? I don't know. Maybe I'm finding trying to be 'just friends' with someone I feel more than friendly towards difficult and am attributing my own level of thought about her to her.
Author lonewoof Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 The real issue is me. I verging on obsession with someone who, at best, is a friend. May not even that anymore. We talked every day for months, now barely at all. but I'm having trouble letting go of the closeness we shared, if only for a short while. Pathetic...
Odyssey Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 We hit it off right from the start and things started heading in a more romantic direction. But the first time we met she was very anxious and nervous. She later that night told me that she has big issues with intimacy due to sexual abuse as a child and she just isn't in a good place in her life to get close to someone, but that she still hoped we could remain friends. I realize this is not what you want to hear, but... ...She is not interested in nor anywhere near emotionally available to have a relationship with you. She has told you this directly and you are not listening, because you do not want to hear her! I'm afraid that if you continue to hang out with this girl, you will continue to harbor feelings and long for a relationship that she's not ready for. Please do yourself a favour and understand that when she tells you these things you need to accept them - for your own good. Move on and start dating other women... immediately. When (and if) this girl becomes ready and interested in more than a friendship with you (assuming she ever does) she will let you know. Until then, you are: (a) wasting your time - to say nothing of setting yourself up for further heartache, and (b) putting unnecessary pressure on her, when she's going through her own personal healing - trust me she'll feel it. i hope you'll understand.
Recommended Posts