Soul Bear Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 (edited) :o:o:o:o So I met someone who seems to be everything I have ever looked for in a woman. Totally random and unexpected.I don't have an online dating profile, but I did put an ad up on a local website in their dating section for a laugh, and to see what fate would throw my way. 76 reply's in 3 days and no one pushed my buttons at all.....it did feel good to get that many tho hahaha A few weeks later I got another reply from someone else.... She is Canadian and lives in Canada. I'm in Scotland. I didn't give anything away in my ad about myself at all. When I asked her what she was doing on my local website when she lived over there, she said she was just bored at work, and used to live here. After 48 emails back and forth over the last 3 weeks or so, we have really grown quite attracted to each other and really clicked. Neither of us have ever met someone else we had so much in common with, shared interests and views on life/love/dreams/politics etc etc before.. They haven't been any small emails either, but really good ones. If you strung all the emails together, you would almost have a whole book.... We have been emailing every day since we first started talking and a couple of text messages. It seems strange, but we both think it has the potential to be something uniquely special. We have both talked about what it could become and made it clear that we both are on the same page. I woke up yesterday thinking about someone I have never even met...am I going loopy?! That sounds totally bonkers. I'm being very careful not to fantasize and idealize her, but just base it on what I know already about her. Now I know I'm sounding like a bit of a twat here already, but She wants to call me tomorrow before we arrange somewhere to meet up (I suggested something random and crazy like skydiving for the first meet up, which she thought was pretty awesome ), and I'm so nervous....which is weird as I'm usually crazily confident. How to avoid an awkward phonecall? If it was face to face I know that would be a lot easier for me, but this is obviously one of the side effects of online dating. Online dating is so backwards compared to how I normally meet women. So any tips and advice please? I don't even know what i'll say as we know so much about each other already, or how to stop the call going on to long i.e how to end it without seeming uninterested or like an idiot. (maybe i'm already being an idiot ) I far prefer speaking to someone face to face, that way I can see their body language etc. There was more to ask, but my brain isn't working today. If I think of anything else I'll be sure to add it in. Also if you want to know anything else that you think might help, I'm happy to answer. ArtCritic- if you're around I wouldn't mind hearing from you too please Thanks folks Edited October 10, 2009 by Soul Bear
northstar1 Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 Good for you man where is Canada is she? Anyways advice-: make a list of topics to talk about on the phone, things she's mentioned, questions about her and her life, things you want to do. I used to make a list of 5-10 things and use them if I got nervous or there was a pause. Just be yourself bro. You seem like a good guy and I'm sure it will go fine and canada is a great country.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 :love: Awwww...teehee...how cute! This is how guy-I'm-dating and I started. We sent an insane number of emails in the course of 10 days before we were able to meet up. Now we're averaging like 2,500 sms per month in addition to emails on top of it. (We're 1-1/2 hours apart and very maligned schedules.) We've been in contact for 2 months, now, and have been on a weekend trip together, quite a few dates. I'm curious at one of your requests for suggestions - why are you looking at cutting short the phone call? Just go with the flow. I hate talking on the phone, period. But given how much we talked about over email (me and mine), I don't think the phone would have been that big of a deal. Just let the convo flow. I thought it was cute, also, that you said you're nervous and you're usually crazy-confident. That's something mine also said. I'm so excited for you, SB! I just wanted to give a show of support and say I hope everything goes well! How cool!
Author Soul Bear Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 Hey North, long time. You're a Star indeed Thanks for that. She is in Ottowa. I always wanted a Canadian lady! haha I'm new to this whole online dating thing, but it does seem like fate has really thrown me something here. I'll be sure to make a list of things (about her) and some random things about me for the awkward moments. Still tho, it's quite nerve wracking!
Author Soul Bear Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 SoulSearch Thankyou for your support. WOW! that is an insane amount of txts per month... Nice to know that I'm not the only one in this position/has been in this position. Only difference between us, is that we are a pond apart (or an ocean, depending on how you look at it). I know if it's all it seems to be, I would willingly move tho. My request on cutting the phonecall short is not so much about cutting it short, but how to end it. When we were texting each other it was hard to find a cut off point if you know what I mean. Which I guess I should take as a sign that the conversation will just flow, as you guys said I guess I'm so nervous as I don't want to ruin a good thing. I'm so touched by the responses I get from my friends on LS. You guys are just so friggin awesome.
northstar1 Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 Hey North, long time. You're a Star indeed Thanks for that. She is in Ottowa. I always wanted a Canadian lady! haha I'm new to this whole online dating thing, but it does seem like fate has really thrown me something here. I'll be sure to make a list of things (about her) and some random things about me for the awkward moments. Still tho, it's quite nerve wracking! Ottawa is a good spot. Nation's capital and all that, and close to Quebec and Montreal (amazing city). Ask her if she likes Poutine . Just go with the flow and you'll be fine. Let us know how it goes.
Author Soul Bear Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Oh no! I waited for her call yesterday, but fell asleep after 11pm....and then guess who texted just after that to arrange our phone call...yup, you guessed it. Damn time difference. It's such a shame, I was so nervous and excited about it. I even made a list of things to ask or gain insight into. Maybe tonight we will talk, but oh boy, am I nervous!! It'll be 2 cans of redbull at 10pm just to get myself totally on the ball for when/if she calls LOL. This is so weird. But very very exciting.
tigressA Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Oh no! I waited for her call yesterday, but fell asleep after 11pm....and then guess who texted just after that to arrange our phone call...yup, you guessed it. Damn time difference. It's such a shame, I was so nervous and excited about it. I even made a list of things to ask or gain insight into. Maybe tonight we will talk, but oh boy, am I nervous!! It'll be 2 cans of redbull at 10pm just to get myself totally on the ball for when/if she calls LOL. This is so weird. But very very exciting. Aww, this is so cute! Sorry you didn't get to talk to her last night. It's good that you made a list, but I'd recommend just looking over it some before you talk to her instead of having it right in front of you. I definitely think that once you two start talking it will just flow really well and you'll be wondering why you were so nervous!
carhill Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 With the amount of contact so far, Skype her to arrange to fly over and meet her in person. I wouldn't invest a lot of time in written and verbal communication without meeting in person.
Author Soul Bear Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Tigress- Thankyou for your advice. I will be sure to follow it! I'm sure things will flow, but still, this is very different for me... Carhill Was wondering where you got to recently. I agree with what you say, and that has been my main goal. Only problem is, my finances are not so hot at the moment.... I guess the purpose of the phone call was to set up a meeting of some sort and she wanted to put a voice to the face and writing. Personally, I would be much more relaxed if I could actually see her body language and her eyes. It's nice to get to know someone first. Very backwards, but nice.
TheLoneSock Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Oh no! I waited for her call yesterday, but fell asleep after 11pm....and then guess who texted just after that to arrange our phone call...yup, you guessed it. Damn time difference. It's such a shame, I was so nervous and excited about it. I even made a list of things to ask or gain insight into. Maybe tonight we will talk, but oh boy, am I nervous!! It'll be 2 cans of redbull at 10pm just to get myself totally on the ball for when/if she calls LOL. This is so weird. But very very exciting. I wouldn't recommend the Red Bull. You are already concerned about acting too jittery lol. Try something that would chill you out instead, like a cocktail or a few swigs from a Jager bottle. Wine even. Not saying get buzzed... but you know, it might help to take the edge off a little. It's hard for me to imagine knowing someone for almost a month and never having spoken to them on the phone. Regardless though, congrats and good luck. Hope it works out for you. Just remember to relax! haha
Author Soul Bear Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 LoneSock- You think this is odd?! I think it's totally bonkers. Completely. I feel like a bit of a numpty, but it's all good, and I have heard some peoples similar stories turning sucessful on here too.!!! hahaha
tigressA Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 LoneSock- You think this is odd?! I think it's totally bonkers. Completely. I feel like a bit of a numpty, but it's all good, and I have heard some peoples similar stories turning sucessful on here too.!!! hahaha Yay for optimism! I think this will turn out well. Just keep thinking positively.
TheLoneSock Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 The good thing you have here is that the connection you guys have is based %100 and purely on substance thus far. That's a pretty big plus. Just get your swagger and charm on in person, I'm sure it'll be great.
Author Soul Bear Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Tigress- I'm always positive. So much so it got me into trouble when I first came onto LS LoneSock- I agree, it's a pretty big plus. Not how potential relationships usually start, but definatley a good way this time round! Thanks for all your help and good wishes guys. It means a lot me EDIT* Yay for me!- post number 1000 I'm going to celebrate
BlueHarvest Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Wow. 76 reply's in 3 days and your a male? Usually in most online dating sites the women are outnumbered by the men so what it ends up being is the women choose who they want to respond to because they are usually bombared with mail from men everyday. To see a man get that much response is quite extraordinary. Kudos.
Author Soul Bear Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 (edited) I think it's because of how I worded the advert...I really didn't give anything away...sounded mysterious Edited October 12, 2009 by Soul Bear
aerogurl87 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Aww this reminds me of when I first starting talking to my ex bf whom I met online. Ahh memories... but anyway, just be yourself. Talk about whatever, daily life, what you did that day, your crazy workmates, etc. Then just hang up when 1) it starts getting too late for either of you and/or 2) you fall asleep together (that's so romantic but may be expensive too unfortunately). Talk as much as you feel comfortable with. I talked to my ex boyfriend for about 3 hours straight before I got off the phone with him, and that was only because he had to go to work, lol. But good luck!
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I'm patiently waiting for an update on the phone call. I'm so excited for you, SB!
Author Soul Bear Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) She is coming to see me in a few weeks and is looking into flights today! I just started an intensive course lasting 6 weeks to become a Personal Fitness Trainer, so I hope I can juggle. If all this is as it seems it is, they'll be a move on the cards for me. We will have to see. Still totally all unbelievable Edited October 13, 2009 by Soul Bear
carhill Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 they'll be a move on the cards for me. OK, enough.... How long ago did your fiance dump you? Don't make me go look You can't even afford a plane ticket and you're talking about moving. Yes, that's right. They call me 'buzzkill'. Pay the receptionist on your way out....
prettybaby Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 //Debbie Downer comment ahead// Be aware that you may have ZERO chemistry from the second you meet in person. The chemistry you have online often doesn't translate in real life, so it's something to keep in the back of your head as a possibility.
silverfish Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 This reminds me a lot of my ex b/f and me....we just had a few hundred miles between us though. Just a word of caution - it can fizzle out as fast as it started and did with us, although we were and are great friends. I think for me, it was exciting writing and talking every day, then meeting up. It gave me all the positive bits of being in a relationship without the day to day stuff. However, I wasn't over my ex at all (thought I was). I just wasn't ready to get into a serious relationship, and I'm not sure how anyone knows after a break up when they are really
northstar1 Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 She is coming to see me in a few weeks and is looking into flights today! I just started an intensive course lasting 6 weeks to become a Personal Fitness Trainer, so I hope I can juggle. If all this is as it seems it is, they'll be a move on the cards for me. We will have to see. Still totally all unbelievable Sweet Jesus - I'm guessing the 1st phone call went well! Just take it slow my man, don't start planning a move to Canada until you meet her in person. Good luck to you Soul Bear, I'm happy you've met someone you are into so far.
Author Soul Bear Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 (edited) I'm not talking about moving right away. I'm not that crazy! I'm saying IF this is all as it seems and the chemistry is there, then I would CONSIDER moving in the future. By future I mean a year or so after dating IF everything was still ok. I plan on working here with my new qualification before I sell my business or anything like that. My fiance left me in March, and it's the best damn thing that has ever happened to me. I wouldn't be who I am today should it not have been for that. I have my dignity back, my self respect, I have changed so much and am continuing to do so, and will for a more time to come I'm sure. I feel so bad for the people that are still not over their ex. I saw a picture of her and her new boyfriend the other day, and I seriously felt nothing at all. I don't even find her attractive anymore, she looks really different lol. I was happy for her. So I know I'm good. I'm happy to be single, and have been enjoying it. I've dated, almost broke someones heart, but managed to remain friends. Until someone popped into my life randomly recently that SEEMS to have qualities that I find very attractive. I'm basing everything I know about her on what I have been told, so of course there is still MUCH i don't know. It may not be as it seems, and if so then that's fine. But I would like to think I trust my instincts and believe in fate somewhat. There are still a lot of 'IF'S' here, and we have not met yet. I'm not going to count my chickens. All I'm saying is that this is all pretty cool. It's all new to me. Why is it so hard to think I'm over my ex??!! I'm a positive person, and I'm worth far more than that. It was just never meant to be. Simple as that. Anyway, this isn't about my ex, this is about me I really appreciate all your different opinions/advice tho Receptionist paid. Edited October 14, 2009 by Soul Bear
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