Way to kill a night, way to start the weekend

[GrayClouds]

We got a new puppy right before the break-up. I notice it has a tendency to chase its own tail. I think that something it and I have in common...the only difference the puppy occasionally succeeds.

 

I really wish my own personal crazy was so clearly visible as others' seem to be to me. I suspect we all do

[Kaya]

Though I have now discovered that both interminable thinking and holding your breath will lead to a state of turning blue.

 

mmm.. I think I may need to re-evaluate my "advice giving skills".

 

By the way, I would suggest with a screen name like yours , you are either a narcissus or the most well adjusted member on this little old heartbreak forum.

 

Ha.That was almost lol funny. At least you haven't lost your sense of humour, I think.

 

I really wish my own personal crazy was so clearly visible as others' seem to be to me. I suspect we all do

Well you're one step ahead of me, I'm still trying to work this one out:

http://xkcd.com/128/

[TaraMaiden]

Here comes Little miss Heartless to knock a few heads together.

 

Stop wallowing.

 

Take a look in that mirror of yours, and pretend you're your best friend.

 

I'm utterly serious.

"separate" you, from your reflection.

Really, really imagine you are somebody else.

Stop whatever you're doing, and try it.

Just imagine, for now.....

 

Quite content to be single.

No ties, no commitments, no attachments, just breezin' through, enjoying the moment.

Empty your mind of all extraneous crap, and make like you have someone else's carefree existence.

Just be still, for a moment, ditch it all, and empty.

Dwell in the lazy comfort of nor having this sh*t to deal with.

Pretend like you actually choose to be single, alone, content and totally, but totally ok with it.

Ok..... feel it....?

(if not, keep trying, until you do. I'm serious.)

 

Now, ask 'you'.....

 

Why are you choosing to let yourself be this way?

I mean, you have a choice, you know.

No, really, you do.

It sucks, I know, but it's true.

 

You enjoy whanging yourself over the head with a frying pan?

because you know, she's not the one whanging it.

You are.

 

So she came over.

So what?

 

Oh F**K off.

Stop being so precious woman, and assuming you're still as important as you ever thought you were.

 

 

Christ, the drama..... why play it?

I mean, seriously, why?

you've just gone and wasted two, perfectly good days, on angst.

twenty-four hours, shyted and gone for good.

Irretrievable, and miserably so.

 

Every sixty seconds you choose to spend miserable, is a whole minute, in which you could have been having a good time.

 

By choice.

 

But no. Oh no....you had a crappy thought, and instead of dismissing it, you watered it, tended it, pruned, trimmed and clipped it, into the perfect, prize-winning topiary that is 86,400 seconds of misery.

 

And for what exactly?

To what good end?

For what reason?

I mean, anyone who actually has a 24-hour rant about the crap they've just experienced, must be doing it for a constructive and aimful purpose? (Aimful. That's a new word. As opposed to 'aimless'....)

 

No?

 

You're kidding, right?

 

GrayClouds, you have to show a little personal resolve here, and turn the page, honey.

I hate to use the cliché, but you let such matters take your 'power' away.

 

You LET.

In other words, it's a voluntary abdication.

 

So?

 

Aw, hell with it.

Take it back.

Enough nonsense, now.

 

Jeesh, you know it makes sense, because, ker-ist, you tell other folk the way it is exactly like it is.

 

Remember that blissful instant when you pretended you were someone else, and it all fell away?

Now, just lengthen the time....

It feels so good, I really think you'd enjoy making it a more permanent state of mind, you know.....

[GrayClouds]

Here comes Little miss Heartless to knock a few heads together.

 

However did I think I may have avoided this one (though I can appreciate the rant even if it is the meds not working).

 

"Even when a person prone to rumination comes up with a potential solution to a significant problem, the rumination itself may induce a level of uncertainty and immobilization." Susan Nolen-Hoeksemaz Yale University

As you were saying... Edited October 12, 2009 by GrayClouds

[TaraMaiden]

"He who deliberates fully before taking each step will spend his entire life on one leg".

 

pass a cold beer.

[GrayClouds]

I can help from thinking Ms Susan Nolen-Hoeksemaz has a bit better bed side manner.

 

"He who deliberates fully before taking each step will spend his entire life on one leg".

and I afraid I am a little to straight to be able to pull off being a good flamingo.

[TaraMaiden]

Look GC (I can call you GC, can I?)

 

The way I see it, it's simple. You can stay, or you can move on.

 

Scupper the weekend or not, how you feel really is your choice. Now, you can 'blame' the fu*ked up weekend on her, or you can blame it on you.

It's your decision.

But the more you put stuff 'out there' at someone else's feet, and the more you reason they did it to you, the less you admit you're in charge of you and what you think say and do.

 

She might have been an initial catalyst, but a full 24 hours is a long time to put in someone else's bag.

You're a smart guy.

You're witty, stimulating and articulate.

 

but you do, don't you... you think too much.

 

The very bottom line is just - 'do I get over this quickly, or shall I speed it up a bit, because truly, I'm not enjoying this..... '

You can spend months - pages - discussing it. (We're on page 3, if you're aiming for the twenties....like someone else we could mention..... )

Or you can do it.

 

I just don't think really, that hanging on for the simple and sheer hell of it, is your style.

[GrayClouds]

 

The very bottom line is just - 'do I get over this quickly, or shall I speed it up a bit, because truly, I'm not enjoying this..... '

 

Yes once again you have dutifully hit with the velvet sledgehammer. A true believer I am in gospel according to X.B.M.W.P. But as I proceed with this catechism, is there a chapter that speak specifically about the how to expedite the resurrection. If so I am happy to read ahead. Because silly me I thought I was doing all the correct things... which is leading me to question my faith. It could be perception, but I don't believe I am picking the scab as much as I just can not get to stop bleeding.

 

(again 48 hours with limited sleep encourages mix metaphors at best, and gibberish at worst)

Edited October 13, 2009 by GrayClouds

[TaraMaiden]

(. . .) But as I proceed with this catechism, is there a chapter that speak specifically about the how to expedite the resurrection. If so I am happy to read ahead. Because silly me I thought I was doing all the correct things...

 

Well, to borrow a much-hackneyed Cliche,

"insanity is doing the same things over and over again, and expecting a different result...."

 

I gave you a clue earlier on, with regard to clearing your mind of the current insinuating and pervasive crap, and 'pretending' you are someone else.

In fact, the secret - if a secret it can be called - is to arrest the thought in its tracks, rather than to pursue it, nourish it, feed it with negativity, or perpetuate its downward slide.

Watch it.

See it arrive. Understand that every single emotion, reaction, feeling and mood stems from this single, original thought.

It starts your ball rolling, because, like a snowball in an avalanche, it gathers every like thing to it, and becomes bigger, all invasive and dominating and it's all you can see.

Well, you have to watch it, and halt its progress. it's that simple*

You have to deny it the food of your resentment, and cease dwelling on it.

You have to refuse to entertain it, and delete it from your Mind-Set.

Don't pander to it, and certainly do not let it cast its control over the remainder of your day.

 

(NB: *'Simple', doesn't mean 'easy'.)

 

Interestingly, I was pondering your dilemma, (both here, and in your comment below, regarding 'Faith') and as I perused a different website (on which I moderate) I came across an interesting thread.

 

(. . .) which is leading me to question my faith. It could be perception, but I don't believe I am picking the scab as much as I just can not get to stop bleeding.

 

Read the following quotations, from a man called Viktor Frankl:

 

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

 

Just what I was saying, above.

 

"Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become in the next moment."

 

And another ditto....

 

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - just think of an incurable disease such as inoperable cancer - we are challenged to change ourselves. "

 

Dum-de-dum.....

 

The bleeding will stop, as all bleeding must.

 

With all my very best. (())

[Sbrizio]

Thanks a lot; TaraMaiden.

 

i'm in a struggle with myself too... you help me seeing the way out.

 

F.

[GrayClouds]

Interestingly, I was pondering your dilemma, (both here, and in your comment below, regarding 'Faith') and as I perused a different website (on which I moderate) I came across an interesting thread.

())

I may be going out on a limb but I' going to guess that site is a bit more cheerful then this one...

 

With all my very best. (())

 

So what your saying is be more steel, less gravy? Not that I have completely figured what that means (possible a worthy contemplation for your other website?) but I do like the way it sounds.

[TaraMaiden]

I may be going out on a limb but I' going to guess that site is a bit more cheerful then this one...

 

Well.... I dunno that 'cheerful' is the right word...but there are a few less messed-up individuals there, let me put it that way. Or else, if they are screwed up, they already realise it's them what's screwing themselves up, as opposed to including a third party collective....

 

So what your saying is be more steel, less gravy? Not that I have completely figured what that means (possible a worthy contemplation for your other website?) but I do like the way it sounds.

More steel less gravy....

 

Well, call me a simpleton, but that's like comparing doughnuts to hand-grenades.... come to think of it, those might be better comparative opposites.........

Less bloat, more bang.....?

 

You have to be a lot more interested in the individual you currently are, than in the part-of-a-pair you no longer are.

[GrayClouds]

So here is a question, How do one go about respecting the greving process, giving sadness, anger and all the other pesky emos there proper due while not overly feeding them? Ignoring them is said not to be healthy tough crossing other side of that fine line just make things worst and endless.

 

I would wager to guess that this is a contributing factor to this last weekend, and most for that matter. I keep busy, work out, spend time with friends, work long hours all week but then when there is not something to fill the time, it all come out is spades and very hard to stop. The simple answer is to get busier during the weekend but the fact is I am exhausted from the week, the support system is often and understandably preoccupied with their relationships. While all the simple distractions of reading, writing, arithmetic (couldn't stop myself) movies, galleries, coffee shops are less distraction then reminders feeding the beast.

[TaraMaiden]

They're attachments.

We grasp at them, because there is comfort in the familiar.

better to feel the pain and prove we're human, with feelings and emotions, than to just see it as ephemeral, fleeting, transitory and unnecessary, right?

 

Wrong.

 

Whilst it's perfectly ok to manifest feelings, emotions and moods, it's the clinging and attaching to them that is soul-destroying and debilitating.

Suffering is a choice.

 

Suffering IS A CHOICE.

 

Yes, mourn.

Yes, grieve.

Yes, bemoan a loss.

 

but after a while, it becomes a burden that merely makes you weary of being in that mourning, grieving place of loss.

You become fed up with it.

You even tell yourself "Sheesh! I really should be getting over this by now!"

 

That's when it has become unhealthy.

When you're tired of moping, and you want to be your old 'self' again.

When really, the sadness becomes irksome.

 

So, revert to plan 'B'.

 

.....arrest the thought in its tracks, rather than pursue it, nourish it, feed it with negativity, or perpetuate its downward slide.

Watch it.

See it arrive.

Understand that every single emotion, reaction, feeling and mood stems from this single, original thought.

 

It starts your ball rolling, because, like a snowball in an avalanche, it gathers every like thing to it, and becomes bigger, all invasive and dominating and it's all you can see.

 

Well, you have to watch it, and halt its progress. it's that simple.

You have to deny it the food of your resentment, and cease dwelling on it.

You have to refuse to entertain it, and delete it from your Mind-Set.

Don't pander to it, and certainly do not let it cast its control over the remainder of your day.

 

[GrayClouds]

So, revert to plan 'B'.

.....arrest the thought in its tracks, rather than pursue it, nourish it, feed it with negativity, or perpetuate its downward slide.

Watch it.

See it arrive.

Understand that every single emotion, reaction, feeling and mood stems from this single, original thought.

 

It starts your ball rolling, because, like a snowball in an avalanche, it gathers every like thing to it, and becomes bigger, all invasive and dominating and it's all you can see.

 

Well, you have to watch it, and halt its progress. it's that simple.

You have to deny it the food of your resentment, and cease dwelling on it.

You have to refuse to entertain it, and delete it from your Mind-Set.

Don't pander to it, and certainly do not let it cast its control over the remainder of your day.

 

 

 

yes but I tried that for a full 3 hours and 16 minutes and it didn't work

[TaraMaiden]

Ok.

Go over your process.

tell me more.

I really cannot understand how you can try something for that long and it not work.

my guess is that it started snowballing again, and you couldn't stop it.

That's ok.

like I said, 'simple' ain't 'easy'......

 

Did it take you more than three hours to learn how to drive a car, by the way?

 

So much to remember, right?

That's why they're called lessons, we take 'em regularly, and know that really, one hour at a time, roughly, is enough....

After a while, it's as easy as fallin' off a log.....

[GrayClouds]

yes but I tried that for a full 3 hours and 16 minutes and it didn't work

:osorry that was a joke... a bit of a defense mechanism as you have likely discovered. I may not be in the best of sort but I not quite that far out yet!

[TaraMaiden]

Pardonez mon 'sang froid'!

 

 

Missed the humour there..... jeesh...