ryanrabl Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 So my ex-fiancee dumped me about 5 months ago and soon after decided to date some new guy.This was the worst summer of my life.She played head games,lead me on blah blah blah.Then 2.5 months ago she says her new bf doesnt like me talking to her and asks me not to talk to her.I respect it,and move on.NC has worked so well for me,I feel terrific and am acing all my classes.Do i love her and care for her?Absolutely,I am happy that she is happy..but im not pining for her or wondering whether she will come back.I picked myself up from my bootstraps and started healing my shattered heart.However,she hurt me alot,often times giving me second lass treatment. Yesterday,while in the library studying i recieve a text message from her number (i deleted her from my phone).She said she dreamt of me and was telling me she missed me alot and how it is sometimes really hard.I havent responded,should i even respond?Is this just small talk?If i do respond what should i say and wtf is she trying to say now?
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 From what you've said you are being VERY strong. That's really commendable to be able to get through that pain and see success. Honestly, how dare she try and come to you now? She ended an engagement to be with a new man, then told you not to talk to her anymore because he wasn't comfortable with it. Now she has come back because she wants to be reassured that your still there waiting in the wings if it fails with the other guy. She wants to keep you attatched in some way incase her new 'happy' relationship doesn't work out. In short, you need to ignore her. You have been strong till this point, don't falter now. You have to deny her the pleasure of dangling you on a string. I highly doubt she's truly having second thoughts. She's pulling her typical dumper BS because she wants you to make her feel good, be the nice guy, be there for her for whatever. It doesn't matter to her if it brings you pain, all she cares about is herself. Deny her. Don't even respond. It's CRITICAL to your own happiness. Be strong.
Exit Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 The message she sent you doesn't really say anything meaningful, unless she comes crawling back it's not even worth a response, she just wants to know if you're still stuck on her, which because of your hard work, you aren't!
Author ryanrabl Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 Thanks guys.I needed your confirmation that i was doing the right thing.I have this weird intuition that she is trying to get a response out of me to relieve any guilt she might have.I have been doing well, mostly because I have a sense of great worth.I have been taking this time to evaluate myself,finding what i need to do to make sure im the best man i can be tto the next girl.If she wants to truly make an effort she would do more than a measly text message,right?I love her unconditionally and want her to be happy but i dont think i want her back.
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Thanks guys.I needed your confirmation that i was doing the right thing.I have this weird intuition that she is trying to get a response out of me to relieve any guilt she might have.I have been doing well, mostly because I have a sense of great worth.I have been taking this time to evaluate myself,finding what i need to do to make sure im the best man i can be tto the next girl.If she wants to truly make an effort she would do more than a measly text message,right?I love her unconditionally and want her to be happy but i dont think i want her back. Exactly. You don't need her, she needs you for validation in some way. You see, if you respond and start giving her what she wants, she will feel like she did the right thing by leaving you. You will VALIDATE her by giving her attention even after everything she's put you through (and she is aware of what she put you through). You have the power now because you believe in yourself and you don't need her for any happiness. Keep that power for yourself. You deserve it. Give her nothing. Take everything for yourself.
Author ryanrabl Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 Thank you very much,I feel as though I am doing the right thing!God Bless!
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