Untouchable_Fire Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 So, we talked on the phone last night. I asked him why we he wants to come visit me and he said just to get away, like a vacation. He told me it seems like I'm trying to talk myself out of it and I said I am, that I don't think it's a good idea because I'm not good with hanging out with people I've been with before. He said he's very disappointed because he was very excited to come see me. I said it would be pointless for him to take the time/effort to see me. Then he asked 'so you don't think there's a future for us?' and I said 'I live 400 miles away now, there's no point' and he asked 'so you dont think you'll move back up here?' and I said 'no I wont, and you obiviously won't either because you just bought a house.' He said what's the point of us talking if we'll never meet, and also said 'so you dont want to see me...ever again?' and I told him not to put it that way and he got somewhat angry at me saying 'but that's basically what you're saying here.' He said 'you're just pushing me away, you're pushing me away!' I told him I don't want to, but I just want to do what's rational. Seems like our conversation started out with him just wanting to visit me to hang out casually, like all you said, then somehow it turned to him asking me if we'd have a future and him saying I'm pushing him away. I'm not sure which one it is but either way, I don't see a future for us.... I don't understand why any guy would waste his time with you. I think this guy is coming to that realization. Ex #2 probably realized that as well... just much earlier on. Anyone who has slept with guys already... that tries to tell me that they want to wait now... What a joke.
Author conehead Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 Hopefully your honesty will sufficiently motivate him to resolve his feelings for you and move on to a woman who is more compatible with himself. Sounds like a good resolution, albeit a painful one. When my ex and I started talking 1.5 months ago, he did say that his feelings for me never went away the whole time and that he missed me, and it was so nice to hear my voice again *cries*. Perhaps, he can finally get closure for his feelings. My heart broke when he asked me if I thought there's no future for us, and I told him the truth. Carhill, your observations are usually correct... Now, I just feel empty and sad inside. Will take time for me to heal...
Author conehead Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 (edited) What's the point of talking if we're never going to meet, well then what's the point of meeting if we're never going to have a future! Oh, to ease one's loneliness? For sex? Men make me angry at times Edited October 16, 2009 by conehead
hoping2heal Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Ironically, I’ve been recently talking to the previous ex (call him ex#1) who took my virginity! This ex actually contacted me a few months ago while I was still with the other ex (call him ex#2), and he hinted at wanting us to start over, not knowing I was already with someone else and moved 400 miles away. I just brushed him off gently. Ex#1 was the only person I ever was truly in love with. He was a one of kind nice guy, someone I somehow just trusted, unlike ex#2, which I often doubted whether he told the truth or not (since he’s lied to me twice before). Ex#1 broke up with me because I really screwed up (lied/cheated on him). I begged him to stay but he left anyway, and I was heartbroken for a long time. I dated ex#2 while still thinking of ex#1 often since I met ex#2 just one month after ex#1 broke up with me. Well after ex#2 and I broke up, I called up ex#1. I told him that ex#2 and I broke up largely because I didn’t want sex again until marriage. Ex#1 said he really missed me, but his voice changed when I told him I moved 400 miles away. He said he’s not a fan of long distance relationships at all. So it seemed harmless for me to just talk to him as friends, and we’ve been talking once a week for the past 1.5 months. Then a week ago, ex#1 said he’d like to come visit me (he’ll have to pay $160 for a plane ticket and also get a hotel for 2 nights) and I guess I’ve been pondering over this for the last week. He seemed to be very against long distance, so do you think he’s taking the time to fly here just to visit me and have fun? Or do you think he has an ulterior motive? Honestly, I don’t think I can do another long distance relationship…it’s very exhausting. Plus, I don't know if ex#1 and I even have a chance of working out long term...I had really messed up our relationship He already knows that I’m now not going to have sex until marriage. But I guess the twist is that he was the first guy I had sex with! (note: the second and only other guy I had sex with was just a rebound and I TOTALLY regret it since I didnt love him at all!) Any thoughts? I would tread lightly here. Of course no one actually likes LDR's, however if a guy is really all that into you, the distance won't make a difference. It doesn't matter what anyone tries to argue; when you really love someone it's going to take a speeding train to stop you from being with them, it's just how it works. The fact that his voice changed when you told him about the distance, just shows your a low key interest to him, no wether that's a sexual thing or not, I do not know.
Author conehead Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 I would tread lightly here. Of course no one actually likes LDR's, however if a guy is really all that into you, the distance won't make a difference. It doesn't matter what anyone tries to argue; when you really love someone it's going to take a speeding train to stop you from being with them, it's just how it works. The fact that his voice changed when you told him about the distance, just shows your a low key interest to him, no wether that's a sexual thing or not, I do not know. That's a bit harsh don't you think? I mean, it's only normal to be shocked when someone tells you they've moved 400 miles away...and the change in tone of voice can just a reaction to that shock.... I normally agree with your observations, but here is where you were a bit too harsh. Did you read the rest of my thread?
carhill Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 What's the point of talking if we're never going to meet, well then what's the point of meeting if we're never going to have a future! Oh, to ease one's loneliness? For sex? Men make me angry at times OP, have you ever had an elemental bond with another human being? Been completely open and vulnerable to them? Imagine that and then them cheating on you and lying to you. It changes you at a basic emotional level. Your ex hasn't processed all this yet. He's struggling; at war with himself over what he feels versus what he knows is healthy. If his actions make you angry, just imagine how he's felt. This is a key concept for interpersonal relationships; that of empathy. Very important to a long-lasting relationship or marriage. OK, you had your conversation with him. Time for both of you to move on. NC and new things
dreamergrl Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I don't understand why any guy would waste his time with you. I think this guy is coming to that realization. Ex #2 probably realized that as well... just much earlier on. Anyone who has slept with guys already... that tries to tell me that they want to wait now... What a joke. I agree. How can you expect a guy to be okay that you want to wait now when you've slept with him? It makes little sense to me. It comes across as a game. JMO. I mean, guy 2 - you waited two months to tell him, and that's a deal breaker with many people, at least I think so.
BG1985 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 He's definitely in it for the sex. He probably has trouble getting it right now, so he's banking on getting it from a girl from whom he's had sex with in the past. He's hoping that the OP will go back to her days of sex. He will be very disappointed if he ends up visiting her and things don't go as planned.
Sith Apprentice Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Stop being a prude and give up the booty. I remember recently this hor was telling me she doesn't put out without being in an exclusive relationship after one month:mad: I left thinking "yeah, ***k you bitch."
xpaperxcutx Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Conehead do you realize your contradictions? I'm not going to point them out here since the last 3-4 pages had sufficient evidence to highlight why you need to move on from both exes. If your conviction is to stick to celibacy then more power to you. If certain men won't accept your decision then you know they're not right for you. That however does not mean all men won't. Thus said, you've been intimate with ex#1, and by the way he tries to sweet talk you into meeting him, it goes to show he's hoping to change your mind. If you're questioning his intentions, then it's more proof that it's in your best interest not to meet him. Period. There are no and ifs or buts. There shouldn't any more emotional conflict on your very person about what your ex want over what you have decided.
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