conehead Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Ironically, I’ve been recently talking to the previous ex (call him ex#1) who took my virginity! This ex actually contacted me a few months ago while I was still with the other ex (call him ex#2), and he hinted at wanting us to start over, not knowing I was already with someone else and moved 400 miles away. I just brushed him off gently. Ex#1 was the only person I ever was truly in love with. He was a one of kind nice guy, someone I somehow just trusted, unlike ex#2, which I often doubted whether he told the truth or not (since he’s lied to me twice before). Ex#1 broke up with me because I really screwed up (lied/cheated on him). I begged him to stay but he left anyway, and I was heartbroken for a long time. I dated ex#2 while still thinking of ex#1 often since I met ex#2 just one month after ex#1 broke up with me. Well after ex#2 and I broke up, I called up ex#1. I told him that ex#2 and I broke up largely because I didn’t want sex again until marriage. Ex#1 said he really missed me, but his voice changed when I told him I moved 400 miles away. He said he’s not a fan of long distance relationships at all. So it seemed harmless for me to just talk to him as friends, and we’ve been talking once a week for the past 1.5 months. Then a week ago, ex#1 said he’d like to come visit me (he’ll have to pay $160 for a plane ticket and also get a hotel for 2 nights) and I guess I’ve been pondering over this for the last week. He seemed to be very against long distance, so do you think he’s taking the time to fly here just to visit me and have fun? Or do you think he has an ulterior motive? Honestly, I don’t think I can do another long distance relationship…it’s very exhausting. Plus, I don't know if ex#1 and I even have a chance of working out long term...I had really messed up our relationship He already knows that I’m now not going to have sex until marriage. But I guess the twist is that he was the first guy I had sex with! (note: the second and only other guy I had sex with was just a rebound and I TOTALLY regret it since I didnt love him at all!) Any thoughts?
alphamale Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 any man that travels more than 50 miles one-way is looking for sex
singlegirl Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Take a chance on love, trust me I let one get away and 20yrs + later i still think of him
clv0116 Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 (note: the second and only other guy I had sex with was just a rebound and I TOTALLY regret it since I didnt love him at all!) Any thoughts? I note a logistical problem. If the second and only other guy you boinked was a rebound, how did you cheat on #1?
BCCA Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 If the second and only other guy you boinked was a rebound, how did you cheat on #1? I noticed that, too. Also, youve already had sex with the guy; why is he going to think youre waiting for marrige NOW, when you didnt before? If hes been there once, hes going to think he can get there again. I think what you really need to focus on is finding a guy who SHARES your feelings on sexual intimacy, not 2 guys who obviously do not- hoping they change. Youve slept with the first guy, you cant go back to 'waiting for marrige'. I mean think about it, what sense does that even make? The second guy bailed when you said you wanted to wait on having sex until marrige. The common theme here is that both of these guys wants/needs conflict with your views on sex, which = incompatible. I dont think either is a good match for you at all, as I dont know a single guy who would have sex with a girl, and then actually wait until marrige to have sex with her again. I think you know that, too, but I can see where youre hopeful.
Author conehead Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 any man that travels more than 50 miles one-way is looking for sex Well he knows he isn't getting any. Or maybe he just wants to meet me to get closure...I dunno. Take a chance on love, trust me I let one get away and 20yrs + later i still think of him What happened? Why did you let it go and did you ever tell him you regret it? I note a logistical problem. If the second and only other guy you boinked was a rebound, how did you cheat on #1? I lied and cheated emotionally, but did not physically cheat. I didn't have sex with the guy until after I broke up with ex#1, but then got back with ex#1 just 2 months later. Ex#1 was happy at first to get me back, but over just a matter of weeks his happiness faded as he couldn't get over what I did, so he broke up with me that last time I saw him... As you can see, I fear that even if ex#1 and I get back together, I'd always have this fear that he'd leave me again once the past creeps up on him.
Els Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 any man that travels more than 50 miles one-way is looking for sex Bullcrap, from personal experience.
boogieboy Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 Bullcrap, from personal experience. any man that travels more than 50 miles one-way - that dumped conehead - is looking for sex... I dont know why because hes not going to get it...
norajane Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 Maybe stop bouncing from one guy to another and back and stop dating for a while. Clear your head and wait until you meet someone in your city whom you like and who puts every other guy out of your mind. I don't know what this guy has in mind, but he's 400 miles away, neither of you wants a long distance relationship, and you're uncertain of it working out anyway because of your prior history. So why wade in when you're barely out of your most recent relationship? Give it a rest for a while. Then start fresh with someone new who has no ties to either of your exes or cheating or anything.
Author conehead Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 Ok so last Thurs my ex#1 told me that he can visit me within the next couple weeks because he'll be able to take a weekend off. I told him that I was excited at first but now I'm nervous. I don't think it's that great of an idea because I don't want my feelings to come back...I told him it took me a long time to get over our break up. Then he said something that really confused me...he said '[FONT=Helvetica]i don't know. anyway, i think it's best not to worry about what might happen, cause then you might change your mind before it even happens.' I told him I'm not sure I understood that and he said 'but what i said may not have applied directly to what you said....anyway, all i'm saying is, life is short, let's just hang out and then worry about consequences later' What did he mean in the bold above? Do you think he was actually applying that statement to himself? Thoughts? NJ - I know what you mean...I'm thinking that myself. I think I need to just cut all ties to the past and start fresh with someone locally. But I guess I still wonder 'what if' at times....
BCCA Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I think he wants to have sex with you, hence the 'worry about the consequences later' bit. Just 'hanging out' usually = sleep together without a committed relationship, at least the times Ive heard/seen it used. If youre expecting anything more than a fling with this guy, stop. He's not saying anything that sounds like he wants a commited relationship.
norajane Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I think he wants to have sex with you, hence the 'worry about the consequences later' bit. Just 'hanging out' usually = sleep together without a committed relationship, at least the times Ive heard/seen it used. If youre expecting anything more than a fling with this guy, stop. He's not saying anything that sounds like he wants a commited relationship. Agreed. He's just after a hook-up. Not only did his vague language indicate that, the fact that he completely ignored/dismissed your concerns about your feelings potentially coming back shows that he isn't concerned in the least about your feelings. His plan is to come out, hang out, have some drinks, "see what happens", and then go back to his life. Then you'll want to know if "it meant anything" and he'll come at you with some more vague nonsense which means, no, I don't want to start a relationship, but thanks, that was fun.
Author conehead Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 It bogs my mind that a guy would pay a few hundred dollars to fly 400 miles and get a hotel just to have sex with a girl . I mean, why can't he just find someone locally? Why all the trouble just for sex, especially since he already knows I want to wait until marriage now so he knows he's probably not getting any from me.
carhill Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Answer: Ex#1 was the only person I ever was truly in love with. He was a one of kind nice guy <snip> Ex#1 broke up with me because I really screwed up (lied/cheated on him). I begged him to stay but he left anyway, and I was heartbroken for a long time. You are aware that other people can have feelings of love too, but act out of self-preservation, right? What makes you think the man in that quote wants to travel 400 miles just to have sex with a woman? Really?
norajane Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Believe me - if you meant something to him and he really wanted to start a relationship with you, he wouldn't be all vague and deliberately obtuse in his language and he especially wouldn't be saying worry about the "consequences" later. Consequences? Those only come with something bad, not from a man who has genuinely good intentions and romantic interest in you. A man who has genuinely good intentions is not someone you have to decipher and struggle to get a straight answer from. It's only the louses that won't come out and say what they mean because they know you'd tell them to take a hike if you knew what they were really up to.
Author conehead Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 Answer: You are aware that other people can have feelings of love too, but act out of self-preservation, right? What makes you think the man in that quote wants to travel 400 miles just to have sex with a woman? Really? I"m not sure what you are getting at? BCAA and Norajane said he's in it for sex, what do you think?
carhill Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) You mean like she did when she cheated on him and lied to him? LOL, women crack me up... I"m not sure what you are getting at? BCAA and Norajane said he's in it for sex, what do you think? I think you're in no danger; you're not going to have sex until you're married and this man never threatened you or hurt you substantially in any way, other than leaving you after you lied to him and cheated on him (your words). Meet with him and see what happens. Get it over with, if that's it... You see, I don't talk straightforward either. Pisses women off no end Edited October 13, 2009 by carhill
tanbark813 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 His plan is to come out, hang out, have some drinks, "see what happens", and then go back to his life. Then you'll want to know if "it meant anything" and he'll come at you with some more vague nonsense which means, no, I don't want to start a relationship, but thanks, that was fun. Exactly. Why all the trouble just for sex, especially since he already knows I want to wait until marriage now so he knows he's probably not getting any from me. Because what women say they will do and what they actually do are often two different things.
carhill Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Oy! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t181034/ That's the ex 8 months ago. Do you really think he's putting in all this time and effort for some p*ssy that he ain't gettin'? My god...
Author conehead Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 Oy! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t181034/ That's the ex 8 months ago. Do you really think he's putting in all this time and effort for some p*ssy that he ain't gettin'? My god... Hahahah. So Carhill, do you think he's not a user/jerk like everyone on LS says he is? He really is a nice guy with morals, which is why he's the guy I've ever been in love with. When I told him that ex#2 and I broke up cuz ex#2 wanted sex while I wanted to wait, I did ask ex#1 whether he'd break up with a girl over that. He said 'NO, I wouldn't break up with someone just because of that! It depends on if the girl is worth it or not. If she's worth it, I'd wait' Is there really a chance here? I think with ex#2, he resented me for having sex with previous guys but not with him. But with ex#1, well he WAS the previous (and first) guy I ever had sex with!
tanbark813 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 So Carhill, do you think he's not a user/jerk like everyone on LS says he is? He really is a nice guy with morals, which is why he's the guy I've ever been in love with. People aren't as black and white as that. Wanting sex does not make a person immoral. Yet another post where the OP only listens to what they want to hear.
carhill Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 You know, to me, the absolute worst thing that could happen here is that you do exactly what our two very veteran posters suggest, and not do what you say but rather the opposite, and have sex with a guy you say is the only person you've ever loved (that way). I looked back through your postings and could not find substantive evidence that this guy is a jerk or a user. If you can explain or point me to that information, I'd be happy to learn. Unlike some folks, I don't see life as a linear progression of events. I see it as a path with infinite on and off-ramps. An adventure. I did see some past opinion which suggested you post to gain validation and attention. How do you feel about that?
Author conehead Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 You know, to me, the absolute worst thing that could happen here is that you do exactly what our two very veteran posters suggest, and not do what you say but rather the opposite, and have sex with a guy you say is the only person you've ever loved (that way). I looked back through your postings and could not find substantive evidence that this guy is a jerk or a user. If you can explain or point me to that information, I'd be happy to learn. Unlike some folks, I don't see life as a linear progression of events. I see it as a path with infinite on and off-ramps. An adventure. I did see some past opinion which suggested you post to gain validation and attention. How do you feel about that? Carhill, sometimes I'm confused by what you say in your posts. And I don't mean that in an offensive way, just that your posts aren't very direct. First, I won't have sex with anyone until marriage, and that includes ex#1, which is why I ponder why he'd come here just for sex if I won't give him any! He is NOT a jerk/user. That's what I said. But alot of people on LS seems to be thinking that he just wants to use me for sex and have no regards for my feelings. I post because I want people's thoughts...and it's interesting to see such differents views on the same subject. Carhill, I never know what implications are behind your words.
Author conehead Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 People aren't as black and white as that. Wanting sex does not make a person immoral. Yet another post where the OP only listens to what they want to hear. Wanting sex doesn't make a person immoral. But wanting sex just for pleasure without commitment while knowing it will deeply hurt someone else is to an extent at least somewhat immoral.
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