WTRanger Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 After doing some un-related LS research in my graduate school program, I stumbled across all sorts of cognitive biases. One in particular stood out to me and that is the Male Sexual Interest Bias, some call this the Romeo bias. Serioulsy, google the term "sexual overperception" and you will find all sorts of supporting research into this. Long story short, this bias has been shown in males only and it can cause the male to greatly over estimate a female's sexual interest in him. This, giving away to the chase or the puppy dog who follows you around. Back when we were living in caves and reproduction was not just fun activity to do after getting loaded at a bar, the male wasn't sure if the woman was really interested, not interested, or playing hard to get. So in an effort to not risk missing a chance to mate, our poor simpleton brains over estimate the female sexual interest levels. Sometimes this can lead to what is know as acquaintence rape, which explains why most women are raped by someone they know. Still, this doesn't make rape right and rapist should be shot. But remember, just because we have cell phones and don't wear loin cloths anymore does not mean we are too far removed from the caveman days as far as our brain structure goes. Playing hard to get, ignoring him in hopes that he "gets it" really won't help this one ladies. This is where you need to use that spine of yours and tell him to his face you are not interested. Does that mean that as a guy I should always chase a girl who is CLEARLY not interested in me? No, that's not a good thing. But this does make it a little clearer as to why sometimes the guy just doesn't go away. So don't blame me ladies for not leaving you alone. Blame evolution.
boogieboy Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 The problem with this theory is its talking about guys who are desperate and cant read a womans interests. Most guys are astute enough to figure out how to read signs after dating a few women, so theres no overestimating anything.
Author WTRanger Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 (edited) Really? You've never in your entire life mis-judged another girls interest level in you? Do we need to dig this one up? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t188548/ If so, then I guess you are on a higher evolutionary plane than I am so get out there and mate like crazy because we need your superior genes to be spread. Edited October 9, 2009 by WTRanger
Author WTRanger Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 This bias doesn't necessarily apply to the early stages either. This can easily apply to a well established relationship. You know those nights were you were 100% sure you were going to get laid, either with your girlfriend, wife, or girl you just met, and nothing happens? You call your friends up and tell them you were so positive you were getting laid and the night ended with a thud. Hello over-perception bias!
phineas Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 If I have to chase her, she isn't interested. Seems like a no-brainer to me. I also don't assume a woman wants to have sex with me just because she is talking to me.
Author WTRanger Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 So when you were married or if you are currently dating now, you never once though that your SO was totally going to rock your world only for nothing to happen? As I stated above, this bias does not just apply to people you have just met. The just met or unknown people can fall under the "Halo Effect." You're telling me you were never at a party with your SO and the she seems to be absolutely flirty with you, she's giving off all of the right signals and by the end of the night she just kisses you and falls asleep next to you, and meanwhile you've got a boner that could etch glass. You don't have to publicly answer it, just think about the past. You've never chased anyone either? I highly doubt that.
Els Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Eh, telling them in their face sometimes doesn't work. I tried that with a guy who was interested in me a few years ago. He persevered with the motto 'If you try hard and long enough you'll eventually get it'. -.-'
sweetjasmine Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Sometimes this can lead to what is know as acquaintence rape, which explains why most women are raped by someone they know. I don't buy this. Most rapes committed by someone the victim knows are planned well in advance. They're not impulsive actions, and rapists wait for the right victim and the right circumstances. That type of rape doesn't have much of anything to do with sexual attraction, so sexual over-perception would be irrelevant.
boogieboy Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Really? You've never in your entire life mis-judged another girls interest level in you? Do we need to dig this one up? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t188548/ If so, then I guess you are on a higher evolutionary plane than I am so get out there and mate like crazy because we need your superior genes to be spread. I never stated that I wasnt a noob at some point in my life, I had to learn like everyone else. I clearly stated in that thread I knew my ex wasnt interested in me and was using me for an ego boost because she had someone new. Im sorry but if youve dated a bunch of women, you have your head on straight to think, and you dont blow off the women that dont show enough interest in the beginning, then yeah I guess I am on a higher evolutionary plane than you. I shall be spreading my superior genes....
phineas Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 So when you were married or if you are currently dating now, you never once though that your SO was totally going to rock your world only for nothing to happen? As I stated above, this bias does not just apply to people you have just met. The just met or unknown people can fall under the "Halo Effect." HUH? Your mixing Married & dateing. Two totally different types of relationships. When I was married (techincally still am) I knew if she was going to rock my world or not because we actually talked about it. I never just went up to her & expected sex. You're telling me you were never at a party with your SO and the she seems to be absolutely flirty with you, she's giving off all of the right signals and by the end of the night she just kisses you and falls asleep next to you, and meanwhile you've got a boner that could etch glass. You don't have to publicly answer it, just think about the past. Nope. Not a significant other. not someone I was in a long term relationship with either. I've been on dates where I "HOPED" I was gonna get some by the way a woman was hanging on me, but I NEVER expected a woman to put out for me. You've never chased anyone either? I highly doubt that. Define "chase". You put it into the context of aquaintence rape. I'll make it clear. I was never one to waste much time on a woman that didn't show interest in me. I'm fairly certain i've never asked a woman out a 2nd time if she didn't go out with me after I asked her the first time.
Author WTRanger Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 I'm saying that this bias can be one of the causes for you to over think a woman's actions or be unsure of what she wants. I know I do sometimes, and both of you Boogieboy and phineas have posts where you are quite unsure of what the other woman may be thinking, so don't act like you've never done it. What in the world do you think is causing the confusion? I'm not saying that just because this is a proven and known thing that it makes it right to just chase a girl. Use this situation for example, and I'm sure we've all been here. You meet this girl at a social function and you think the two of you hit it off. You talk to her into the wee hours of the morning, she's laughing and you jokes and it feels to you as if she's flirting back. At the end you ask her to hang out some other time and you get either a maybe or a straight no (and we're all aware that maybe=no). What caused you to think that she was interested in seeing you again? I think it's something deep down in the core of your brain that triggers your need to ask to see her again. Now at this point after the initial rejection, if you continue the chase you are just stupid. I will agree with you on that. An Phineas, you missed the point. I don't EXPECT a girl to put out. That's not what this is about. This is about misinterpreting a woman's friendliness or flirts as sexual interest. I've been on dates where I "HOPED" I was gonna get some by the way a woman was hanging on me, but I NEVER expected a woman to put out for me.That is the bias in action my friend. You're hope was being skewed by her friendliness. You don't expect her to put out, but you can almost swear she will by the way you are interpreting her actions. Guess what? If you didn't get some, you misinterpreted her actions. Your quote right there can be use to describe this bias almost to the T.
phineas Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I'm saying that this bias can be one of the causes for you to over think a woman's actions or be unsure of what she wants. I know I do sometimes, and both of you Boogieboy and phineas have posts where you are quite unsure of what the other woman may be thinking, so don't act like you've never done it. What in the world do you think is causing the confusion? I'm not saying that just because this is a proven and known thing that it makes it right to just chase a girl. Use this situation for example, and I'm sure we've all been here. You meet this girl at a social function and you think the two of you hit it off. You talk to her into the wee hours of the morning, she's laughing and you jokes and it feels to you as if she's flirting back. At the end you ask her to hang out some other time and you get either a maybe or a straight no (and we're all aware that maybe=no). What caused you to think that she was interested in seeing you again? I think it's something deep down in the core of your brain that triggers your need to ask to see her again. Now at this point after the initial rejection, if you continue the chase you are just stupid. I will agree with you on that. An Phineas, you missed the point. I don't EXPECT a girl to put out. That's not what this is about. This is about misinterpreting a woman's friendliness or flirts as sexual interest. That is the bias in action my friend. You're hope was being skewed by her friendliness. You don't expect her to put out, but you can almost swear she will by the way you are interpreting her actions. Guess what? If you didn't get some, you misinterpreted her actions. Your quote right there can be use to describe this bias almost to the T. How do you figure? I go on a date with someone. I hope i'll get laid but I don't expect it. I go to a Bills game & I HOPE their gonna win but I don't expect it. How can I misinturpret what I KNOW to be an unkown? Towards the end of either situation I usually have a good idea what the night holds & If i'm wrong it's usually good for me because I was usually wrong about the final score in both situations. Actually I can honestly say the first time i've had sex with most of the women I was with it was a complete surprise for me it happened so quickly. Flirting & reaching for my package are two different things. I can usually tell a woman is a tease & won't take her on a date. If I run into one out in the wild I usually try to distance myself from them. As someone else said, when I was younger I got fooled by a tease or two, but I was never left with a hard-on by them. Just a few bucks less from buying them drinks. And even then I didn't expect them to sleep with me because I bought them a few drinks. But then, of the few one-site stands i've had, they happened because the woman insisted I take her home & come in or she come home with me. It sounds to me that woman getting you stiff then walking away is a common occurence for you & your trying blame this behavior on some scientific theory & refusing to believe other men don't have the same problem as you. Just my observation.
torranceshipman Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Lol, thanks for posting this - it is quite funny and actually quite insightful. I look back and this makes sense for a number of occasions/scenarios that I can remember. Maybe it also contributes to how some girls overanalyze (presumably the opposite to this condition!) about if a guy ISN'T interested...and is often far more switched on to signs that could suggest ambiguity of interest, hence the talking and talking of 'what did he mean when he....' with friends - and the general lack of this tendency to talk with other guy friends about all of this.
Odyssey Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 ...google the term "sexual overperception" and you will find all sorts of supporting research into this. Long story short, this bias has been shown in males only I don't think it's a male only thing. Men tend to show up in these research more because traditionally, men are the 'chasers' that initiates. I think it's human. Overestimation (some might say over confidence, hell, put a scientific label on it "overperception"), we have all done it at some point.
BookerT Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I don't think it's a male only thing. Men tend to show up in these research more because traditionally, men are the 'chasers' that initiates. I think it's human. Overestimation (some might say over confidence, hell, put a scientific label on it "overperception"), we have all done it at some point. Good OP. Yes I think men often over-estimate and thus become bonded to a woman earlier on. Whilst women over-estimate and become bonded more later on. Both have to do with evolution and reproductive needs. The dynamics are not the exactly the same.
Ilovecake Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Wow if that is true it explains a lot. I know two guys who were acquaintances that I gave my number to, after speaking to them on the phone I realized I had no interest in dating them. It's been over ten years and still when I run into them both act like they're mad at me and won't even respond when I say hi. I wondered how they can hold a grudge for so many years over something so small. I didn’t lead any of them on.
Ilovecake Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I don't buy this. Most rapes committed by someone the victim knows are planned well in advance. They're not impulsive actions, and rapists wait for the right victim and the right circumstances. That type of rape doesn't have much of anything to do with sexual attraction, so sexual over-perception would be irrelevant. That is absolutely false in every way possible. It is also an extremely naive and dangerous way of thinking.
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