seychelles Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Hi guys I'm in a situation and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I broke up two months ago but we still live together (we have a lease together) and I don't want to move out yet. He is a confused guy who is at this point in his life wanting to test the waters, try new girls, be sexual with more than just one person (me). I still love him. Lately considering he's been single, he has single guy mentality. There is this one girl in his class that sat next to him one day and things sparked for him because she talked to him. He really likes the way she looks, and he searched for her on Facebook weeks ago but was not successful. Finally he was able to get her email and searched for her using that. He looked through soooooo many of her pictures, almost everything, and I'm 99.9% sure he masturbated to her pictures. Then the next day he asked to be her friend, she accepted. At night when he comes back from school he looks at her pictures. Then we sleep together. In the morning before class he looks at her pictures. Then he goes and kisses me goodbye while I'm still sleeping in bed. Could something spring from this? I know he wants to get to know her and have sex with her. What can I do? I want to save what's left of the relationship and hopefully make him realize that this is just a phase he's going through. Is there any hope? Please comment!
leap83 Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Ummm... You're not together. End of story. Time for you to move out and get away from him so you'd heal. Not to sound harsh or anything - the more you chase, the worst it gets. He obviously doesn't want to be with you because if he did, he would be with you. It's time for you to stop hurting yourself like this and move out.
unclarity Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 gosh, this is such a hard situation... of you arent together anymore you shouldnt be sleeping in the same bed and you shouldnt let him kiss u, even tho u want it, u know? it will only make things harder for you. seems like he is really interested in this girl, and i know it must hurt u a lot but u need to free him and urself in order for u to be okay again. if u cant (or dont want) to move out just yet, try at least getting some privacy at ur place or u will go crazy, stop watching whether he is checkin on this chick FB profile or not, stop trying to act like ur still his gf and slowly you will regain your confidence and feel better. i hope i could help somehow =/
Author seychelles Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 We sleep together and kiss because he says even though we are broken up we are at that stage where we are "working on things" so that hopefully things will look up.
unclarity Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 dont u think he just wants to keep u close so he wont be alone? cause that way he can be with other girls and still have you "figuring out things" do i make sense? sorry if it sounds harsh but i think u should put ur foot down and tell him what u want and expect of this relationship so u can be happy, this isnt fair to you. i mean, u cannot be trying to work things out with him while he is flirting and stuff with other girls!
leap83 Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 I really don't know why would you settle for this and the way he's treating you. It's pretty obvious you're NOT "working on things" because he's interested in another person. If you were working on things, he would be 100% into your relationship, trying to make it work. He's a liar. Simply put. Now stop being blinded by "his love" or "what he used to be" and get out before you get hurt even more. We sleep together and kiss because he says even though we are broken up we are at that stage where we are "working on things" so that hopefully things will look up.
batinhell66 Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Aww, damn. So pretty much he's looking at her facebook pictures and then getting horny and attempts to have sex with you? That sounds like porn, but the fact that she's kind of more available than Sasha Grey makes the situation a bit worse for wear. I'm so sorry about this, and I'm pretty positive he's not worth all this stress/anxiety from this jealousy or insecurity he's putting you through. Even though it will be very hard (considering you still live with him) moving out would be in your best interest. The fact that you know he masturbates to this girl's pictures, or even highly suspect it, is reason enough. Even if things did work out in the way of a prolonged torture, then wouldn't facebook and "friending" another girl put you on edge? In my experience, many people are willing to put up with loads of **** just to be with the person that they love. The broken trust and hurt, however, are consequences that many cannot deal with in the long run. Even though we might end up staying with our boyfriend/girlfriend, we might not like the person we turned out to be as a result of "working out". A better way to do it is like this: ask yourself (because only you know yourself) if this situation would still bother you in the future if everything turns out fine.
GrayClouds Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 We sleep together and kiss because he says even though we are broken up we are at that stage where we are "working on things" so that hopefully things will look up. No your at the stage where he wants to use you for sex while he is trying to upgrade to someone that seems better. This realsionship is over. Why sould he want to renew the relationship when you can get everything he wants from you with no commitment. You allowing yourself to be used and disrespected. You deserve better and need to believe it.
Beeotch Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 I cannot even imagine being in this situation....I could NEVER live with my ex. NEVER. As just as your situation goes...when the person is trying to move on, your life will be a living hell. Sleeping in the same bed? I think you should try to do something about that living arrangement. I would love to tell you that there is something you can do to make him realize he is making a mistake or going through a phase....but take it from me, as well as everyone else, YOU CANNOT. The more you try to make him see anything the more he runs away. From my experience...making the decision to respect the break up and act broken up and go on about your life (even though it hurts) is the BEST decision you can make. It is pointless to continue this weird arrangement, torture knowing he is masturbating to other women etc and you are just sitting around trying to figure out how to get him to see he loves you? No...no...no. You need to make some choices for YOURSELF and not for him or this relationship. Biggest thing I realized in my break up 7 months ago was that...you have to make decisions for YOURSELF and not for your ex or your former relationship. Once you start making decisions for yourself is when things start looking brighter. But once you make your entire existence about gtting this person back, worrying about them coming back, worrying about the"relationship" (which in reality doe snot exist anymore)...the more you feel stuck, upset, hurt, torn, angered anxious and the less and less your life seems worth living.
Beeotch Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 (edited) We sleep together and kiss because he says even though we are broken up we are at that stage where we are "working on things" so that hopefully things will look up. Oh please...yea right (that is directed at what you said he said) That is NOT working on anything. Do you feel things are being worked on? Can you name what has improved? Do you guys have stronger communication and commitment everyday? Do you feel progress? You should answer that truthfully...if you can HONESTLY answer yes then great, things are being worked on BUT my guess is, since you are posting in this forum, the answer is a resounding NO! If things are being worked on...you know it and feel it. The person will be giving their nest effort. Hon, I think you know the truth, but like so many of us once were or still are....you want the answer/feelings to be wrong and to hope for the best even though the REALITY of what is ACTUALLY occurring does not match up and the reality is very clear. You need to stop focusing on what HE says. That is a major part of the problem, everyone had that problem (me included). Focusing on what your ex says, what your ex thinks, what you think they think, what they feel, and pretty much the way we often speak is as if this person controls the universe. We give that person sooo much power. In a relationship there should be BALANCE....one person's thoughts, ideas, actions shoudn't run the whole show. And with your ex clearly you are going off of what he is saying...doing etc. He can do whatever he wants and you just accept it...NO. That is why I said....make a decision FOR YOURSELF...who gives a flying flucck what he feels or thinks? He sure doesn't care what you feel or think. Once you start living for yourself....then you will see a difference. Edited October 10, 2009 by Beeotch
Author seychelles Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 thank you so much you guys for your input
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