ctx2 Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Background, i've been seeing a slightly younger guy since the end of May. We had split up once over the summer because we did not know what we wanted. However, we grew close again and began seeing each other after a month. Both of us are terrible at getting scared and "running", but we grew to confide in one another and really developed that friendship you need in a relationship. However, we never made it official and called each other boyfirend and girlfriend. Last weekend, he was leaving town and I was stressing the non-commitment thing and brought it up. I blind sided him and told him that there were too many other things that I had to deal with to worry about this. That he's important to me, but he also knows everything i'm going through with a custody issue and I didn't know if I could handle not knowing about us. We split and he went out of town. Saturday, I text him that I missed him and he replied that it was hard to not call me all day. Then, Sunday, I woke up and realized that he cut me off his facebook and text him as to why that was. He claimed that he was trying to protect himself from what could hurt worst. I told him that he didn't have to because all I wnated was him and that I didn't want him to leave...I wanted us to take the next step and be bf/gf. He came back Monday and basically begged all day to talk. When we finally did, he said that it's not that he didn't want to, it's that he can't. He can't take the next step because that would be giving his heart which he can't do because he couldn't stand a heartbreak. This was shocking to me and I told him we've never even fought so how could he leave someone before they've ever hurt them? He cried, I cried and I could tell that he was thinking of staying, but then he said he couldn't and that he would go numb...he was good at it. Tuesday, he text to see if I ever wanted to keep in touch and I told him I did. Stupidly, he came over and he hugged me forever, shaking. We went to my room and curled up for hours and yes, we did end up sleeping together. He was so tender and I thought I picked up on so much emotion. He went home later, because I didn't want my daughter to know he was there. Wednesday, I invited him over, but he had other plans with his best firend who's going through a rough time. He called, explained and that was that. Then, yesterday, he text to apologize for being so abrupt, but said he and his friend had a good night by themselves playing pool. I invited him over last night, but he had plans with the other coaches. Being insecure I told him that I wasn't going to invite anymore, but he said not to do that. He wasn't avoiding me, but just had to do this and would call later which he never did. He is SUPER busy, but in the past he always made time for me and given that everything is still so grey, i'm horribly insecure. I text him the following today, but haven't heard back from him: I don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel awful and I feel you are going numb to me. If I'm wrong tell me, but if i'm not let's get everything in the clear once and for all so there's no more grey area. When will you have time? I need to see you. Sounds desperate, huh? What are your thoughts or advice? This is the first person in a super long time that I wanted to stay in my life and I feel so awful for pushing him aside when I really wanted him to take the next step and be my official bf. What can I do, if anything and what are your thoughts on his behavior. Can I save this?
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