DudeMan27 Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 My ex and I have been broken up 7 months after around a year together. (Both 27) We met thru a mutual friend and she lived in a much bigger city an hour away. It was great because not only was it like living in a new city, I was doing much different things and meeting a done of new people. We broke up because (admitedly) I had some serious insecurities about myself and we had a couple bad sexual experiences (erection problems) which only led to me being even more self conscious. Its took a huge toll on the relationship. I was convinced it was all in my head as it wouldnt happen unless we went to have sex. My gf (ex) was very supportive and just wanted me to see a doctor, no big deal. Well my problem was I was so embarassed and so nervous this was going to kill our relationshp, I couldnt think straight and just got in the mindset that she would always be there. I was so embarased to even tell a doctor. Eventually it just took its toll, even tho we talked about it frequently, she just couldnt understand how I could see this hurting our relationship and not do anything about it. I also held back a great deal, as she even said she knew there was more to me. I would go on and on to my friends about her when she wasnt around, but wouldnt say that stuff to her. I think one time I told her she was beautiful . I was never jealous with her when she hung out with guys. She is very pretty but not the kind to dress to attract men and told me herself she rarely ever gets hit on. Our friend said that I was basically her first real boyfriend. I think because of that I didnt worry. Now all I think about is how shes the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and imagine 10 guys hitting on her everytime she walks into a room. Well I was crushed once again. 3 weeks went by and the mutual friend who set us up was comming home for her bday. I planned for 6 weeks to see her. The night before she asked what my feelings were if my ex came. I totally flipped out emotionally. I told her I wasnt ready and I just couldnt be in the same room wtih her. I felt horrible because I havent seen our friend in years. She understood and said I can feel however I want. Still I felt horrible that I let it get to me after all this time. The next day my ex texts me saying she was dropping friends off at the airport and asked to have lunch. I declined but only for another week. We ended up meeting on my lunch break, only like 30 minutes and hugged and left. She texted after that it was good to see me and she couldnt believe how nervous she was, that she could barely eat and that she is sorry if she pushed things. This is the 2nd time she admitted to doing so as she was the one that initiated contact and the two weeks I didnt call her back all I got were text and IM's aplogizing for annoying me.) I just texted her not to worry about it, I was glad to see her and that I'd be up when our mutual friend was comming back home, that maybe i'd see her then. She replied (sounds good, see ya then) Our mutual friend called me like 2 hours later saying that she heard we met for lunch. So obviously my ex let her know. My ex didnt tell her much but she did say that at her bday party that i didnt show to my ex said "I thought he was comming up?" and "We've been broken up for 6 months and barely talked, do you think I should ask him to lunch?" Now thats where I'm confused. 6 weeks ago we "werent ready to be friends, theres no timeframe on when you have to be freinds, we've only been broken up for 6 months" Then she tells her friend "We've been broken up for 6 months, should I ask him to lunch" I by no means read anythign into this, I just thought it was really weird. So now to try and shorten this up, I have been just as crazy as ever about this girl. I know im torturing myself but the 3 months we spent not talking at all were even worse. We MAY see each other this weekend as our mutual friend is comming back into town. Im at the point where I have nothing to lose. I REALLY worked on myself and self esteem since the breakup. I dont worry about little things anymore, Im more outgoing and more focused. We never really sat down and talked about our breakup. The only time we talked was when we dated and I basically ran from the conversation just hoping she would come around rather than actually deal with it. Again, because of my insecurities. If I get a chance, I may just flat out tell her , with much confidence, I know what I did to destroy our relationship, that I thought over all my insecurities and just basically tell her I miss her and havent had a better time with anyone ever since. I know that wont accomplish anything, but it may feel good to say. (And its true. My life was WAY better with her. I leave work now, go to the gym, go home alone and go to bed. Day after day. My friends do NOTHING anymore. They hang out at the same bars, my married or dating friends never leave their girls side or the home. Im miserable. With her we were constantly going out to dinner parties, I met tons of new people with her, and with her in a bigger city experienced a bunch of new things. Not to mention I have a really small family and we dont do much together. Hers is big and I was always apart of the big family parties and holidays I never got to experience before) Im just at my ropes end. I know she knows how I feel, and shes really not the kind to just check in to see if I still like her for her own ego. Shes a very open and caring person. At least, I'd like to think.
boogieboy Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Dude I have a better idea for you. This might change your mindset. You DONT tell your ex how you feel. You dont bring up the past. When you see her, talk to her like shes someone new that you dont know. Tease her, tell her interesting stories. Show her youre still a great guy, but a new guy. You know what kind of stuff makes her laugh, use it. But dont reference anything you guys have done before. Only reference stuff that you did on your own thats interesting. Im pretty sure she doesnt want to talk about the relationship. So you dont bring it up unless she does. What you want to do is show her that you didnt suffer, and that youre confident, fun and secure in yourself. You want to show her new qualities about you that COULD attract her to you again. But you have to make the ultimate sacrifice....you CANNOT bring up old stuff that will bring up bad feelings that remind her about why she broke it off with you. Make her see the NEW you. "wow, i like this new guy". You have to swallow all that old crap you want to tell her, and start completely fresh. You can hint imply towards your mental improvements, but dont say them directly. The ultimate sacrifice is that you take the chance that she still doesnt want to return to you. When women bail like that, they rarely go backwards. Dont put it past her to avoid mentioning that she might be seeing someone new. If you do this, you have to stick with it. If you start to tell her how you feel, you will push her away quickly because you will look pathetic. You cannot let her know youve been suffering for 7 months. You onlyu open up to her if she opens up to you. DOnt count on it that she will, she most likely wont want to go backwards. You feel me?
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