brock9911 Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 anyone knowing my posts knows that i started seeing a girl recently. 1st since my breakup. she happens to be a life long friends of a friend of mine. we've been friends since we're 7. and he apparently had a life long crush on this girl. she once dated one of his friends and matt (my friends name) didnt talk to her or the other guy for years because of it. shes time and time again she said she wants no relationship with him, that he is like a brother. i confronted him to tell him that me and desiree (the girls name) have been talking and that i can tell shes interested. that i didnt want to pursue her if he had feelings for her. i said i wasnt jumping into a relationship and at first i thought it was a sexual thing. i even confessed that thats what i wanted, but we were talking and getting more involved in our conversations and i didnt want anything to happen behind his back. that i didnt know their history or relationship. he goes on to tell me that he has no feelings for her anymore that after that all he does is talk to her on occasion and when hes drunk he goes to her house to f*ck. he than says f*ck her all you want, but stay away from the relationship because shes nuts. i said well im not getting involved with anything quickly, i dont know what i want, that we were just talking. me and matt hung out, went to the bar with a few friends to watch our local hockey teams play. he invited me to a game on monday with him and another friend. we have a side job saterday. we were even discussing a trip to ireland. i left the bar after the games, he stayed and continued to drink. and heavily. a little while later he calls the girl desiree yelling at her about us. telling her that all im talking to her for is to f*ck. that i dont want a relationship, and that i have other girls on the side that im f*cking. 1. i never said i wanted to just f*ck, i said i thought that is what was happening at first until we kept talking 2. i said im not jumping into anything, not that im not looking 3. i havent slept with anyone since my ex, so hes full of sh*t. i explained myself and learned that they did hook up a year ago when they were drinking and she hasnt done anything since. he lying to both of us to turn us against each other. i dont know what to do. i talked to him man to man. he lied to my face and went behind my back to make me look bad. and to pitty him self hes telling her hes going to kill himself by jumping infront of a train. i didnt mean for anything to happen, we just hit it off and started talking. now even if i stop talking to her i know hes not going to talk to me, regardless of what i do.
Odyssey Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Sheesh some friend you got there. I guess he felt rejected by Desiree and then seeing you and her get along so well kinda p*ssed him off, enough to sabotage her chances with you. Clearly he's go issues that haven't been resolve, even after a year. I don't think the issue is with you, it's definitely her. I wonder what happened with them two, when they hooked up?
Author brock9911 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 they have been friends since 6th grade, so she looks at him like a brother...he loved her and she tried to make something of it at the end of highschool but she couldnt do it. now to present day, she said they hooked up while drunk, but she told him they shouldnt have. that it was a mistake and she doesnt want him to be led on. i mean it her word against his, but iv had experience with him being conniving and sneaky. i found out recently he sent my ex a message trying to talk ect. he also left his #. i confronted him and he denied it up and down, saying someone had to have hacked his myspace....i tried to believe him, but now i know its bullsh*t. on top of the fact i lent the kid $3200 when we lived together, and still pushed me tout of his life because of an argument we had. we just started talking 3 months ago, so i didnt want to cause any bad blood....i guess too late for that
Nedved Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 I don't think you've caused any bad blood here and at least you were honest enough to approach him and tell him the situation with you and that girl. your only really talking to her anyway. His behaviour on the otherhand was very sly in contacting your ex to give her his number. He then bad mouths you to a girl that your only really talking to at present and makes up lies. I mean if anybody deserves a swift left hook in the jaw he dose. He's over stepped the mark a few times now. I'd go to him again and ask him to explain himself. But i'd be careful with him brock as from what your telling us he's no friend and i think he has a deep grudge against you and this situation has triggered it. You might be better off standing back from both of them now and see how it pans out. For all you know they might have hooked up more than once and she is'nt gonna tell you that if she likes you. Its a tough one but i'd keep my distance.
Author brock9911 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 yeah i understand...i just hate losing friends, even if their lousy. its weird cuz iv known him for so long, its like hes a brother...and im always looking for acceptance from everyone. i didnt want there to be any problems with other friends having to pick and choose who and when to hang out. hes deff. crossed me too many times though. and the worst part, well for him at least, he lost sooo many of his friends so hes really stuck with no one
GrayClouds Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 yeah i understand...i just hate losing friends, even if their lousy. its weird cuz iv known him for so long, its like hes a brother...and im always looking for acceptance from everyone. i didnt want there to be any problems with other friends having to pick and choose who and when to hang out. hes deff. crossed me too many times though. and the worst part, well for him at least, he lost sooo many of his friends so hes really stuck with no one Often we have crappy people in our lives because we are will to put up them. Fact is that is unfair to both; it gives them no reason to become a better person and you no reason to expect quality relationships. Hate to say but this guys sounds like a girlfriend who alienates everyone and craps on her mate but doesn't get dump because "we have such a history" You said you don't like looking weak and asking for help , being dependent on others (for example going to AA). But can't you see that is already happening but in this case it is with unhealthy and selfish people? Brock I can tell by your writing, your a very deep, caring and thoughtful individual. Until you force yourself out of your comfort zone ( the old gang) all of your the doubts are going to be reinforced. Until you start really wanting something better and surrendering yourself with people that agree you deserve it, your will be stuck with your doubts. This is where the old gang wants you to stay, not out of malice but it is where they are comfortable. The fact is with the anxiety, doubts and anger it is obvious that your no longer comfortable in this emotional place but just have not found the courage to move on. Though I can tell you want to and have to strength to do so.
Author brock9911 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 are you a therapist because you always seem to have an inteligent logical response to things haha. yeah i know these people i call "friends" are selfish and inconsiderate. but i guess with the self esteem and always doubting myself i seem to settle. i do have 3 groups of friends, all of which i spend equal amounts of time with. and its odd i never had trouble gaining friends, its letting them go i have trouvble doing. when this kid matt and i stopped talking last year, i had so much hate and resentment. we wouldnt talk cuz were both stubborn, until we got tricked into meeting at the same place...im really learning that he is an individual who has some deep seeded problems. last night whil he was talking to this girl, he said he would walk in front of a train...hes always looking for him self, weather its out of pitty of with his ego. i dunno, maybe i read too much into things and should lighten up, but like you said im a very deep emotional person. and that has a tendancy to hurt me
GrayClouds Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 im a very deep emotional person. and that has a tendancy to hurt me It hurts you because, I suspect, you don't have respect for that part of you, maybe even a bit embarrassed. Likely you see it as a weakness rather then a unbelievable strength that allows you to experience life on a level must people wish too. Because you see it as a weakness you surround your self with people that will confirm to you it is. They will disappoint, disrespect, belittle it, and discourage it. Because it is part of who your are, you in return turn this into self hatred. In return you continue to hang with those who reinforces it, date woman who are intressed in the level of intimacy, and embrace destructive behaviors like excess drinking. But these things are not the problem, they are symptoms, you thinking you don't deserve better then this is the problem. But you do, you have a level of connection with the world that is rare, Once you get face that, there will be less drama and more satisfaction.
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