Fallen Angel Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 i actually called my H's OW, twice in the beginning i left very decent messages, to say PLEASE stay away from my H and my family....OW obliged... 7 months later, i found out my H, although had left me, i NEVER thought it was for OW, but yes, they are together and have been... THIS new information hurt MORE then the original/first time i found out about OW... i called OW again...i asked her how she sleeps? how she goes on day after day? she is in fact married herself and has 2 VERY small children and is 40 years old..so NO excuse of being a ding dong 20 year old:o she said to me, verbatim, " i didn't do nothing...and i am out enjoying MY family right now....." OMG! number one, HELLO, grammar much??? number two, how dare she say to me SHE IS ENJOYING HER FAMILY!!:sick: while i have been forced out of my marital/family home, where me and my husband and our child have lived and had hundreds of family gatherings... to now i am living in an apt. alone..with nothing but 4 walls around me.. NOT A HOME..NOT MY HOME.... while i have begged HER/OW to leave MY family alone... this OW is ONE EVIL PERSON.... how did my SWEET H fall for someone SO incredibly COLD and evil...with NO self awareness, no conscience, no dignity, no respect or morals for HER children OR her own H... now, my H and the OW have both filed for D's from their spouses how can THIS even have a happy ending...for me, for OW's children, her H, .... and how does my H and the OW even have a normal day????? what can they possibly talk about??? what to wear to their divorce hearings??? at 40 years old my H is going to step in and raise someone elses VERY VERY small children...he will be 60 years old by the time they are in high school...meanwhile we had raised our son and had only our future and traveling to think of...and grand children. i still believe this OW set out on Facebook in search of a Monkey to get her thru HER own divorce and found that in my H... as my H wanted ONLY a legal separation for nealry a year now... it is cheaper for him and medical for me. apparently that was NOT good enough for OW... everything about it reeked of OW...NOT my H.... i know my H is the bottom line...but still...OW has had a hUGE part in the destruction of my family...at one point my H even said had he NOT met her, we would be going to MC, etc... so bottom line..as much as this was my H's fault.. i blame the OW even more...SHE WAS Relentless..NEVER gave up on him...she NEVER just let him go ....arrgh!! she had NO RIGHT to do this...he was married..IS married....she just had no right...and NOW..now she has assumed my role as my H's wife basically...LOL she calls my H EVERY effing morning at 830AM...without fail, everyday! and one day 21 times she called...wtf is that all about???? who has time in a work day, with children and an H of her own to call MY HUSBAND 21 times in ONE DAY!??? how does someone do this..just shove someone out into the cold that you don't even know and destory everything they ever have known to be good and kind...and take IT away...who is this OW to do this to me??? ok...so i am sorry i got a little carried away...but i am sooooooo hurting and so angry! i miss myhusband, my marriage, my life , my family, my future.... my 50th wedding anniversary i will NEVER EVER have now! please OW...if the W contacts you and askes you to please leave HER H alone..please try to do this..PLEASE! let us have our families...PLEASE! I am an OW. I am not your Hs OW, so I can not answer to why she has done what she has done. I am sorry for your pain. I wish it had not happened to you. I wish I had not gotten involved with my MM. I wish I had the strength to let him go, especially knowing how it must make his W feel. It is not that I do not empathize with her. I do. I struggle with the guilt and the shame everyday. But I stay because I love him. I stay because I want him. I stay because I need him. I stay because I am being selfish. Do you see how many times I come into the answer? It is because I do not know how to think of her feelings above my own that I can find ways to rationalize staying in the affair. I admit that freely. It is my own character flaw. I am working on it. But I am truly sorry for your pain.
delajoonal Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 Fallen Angel... THANK YOU...some how YOUR post has made ME cry. your post took a lot of courage and strength...and you can't imagine HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME... THANK YOU...thank you for being honest.
Katerina Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 delajoonal, I'm so sorry for your pain and all that you've lost. I really am.
tami-chan Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Oh, delajoonal... so sorry for your pain...be assured though, as cliche-ish as it sounds, in time the pain will lessen-you have to believe that.
tami-chan Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 ooopppss.. I forgot to answer the OP's question..got so caught up with delajoonal's post.. I was a very young BS and my H's then OW was the one who confronted me-perhaps she decided that I was too young to be a threat to her. At D-day and right after-it was just disbelief-utter disbelief. I remember thinking--"OMG, OMG-all the sacrifices(being disowned by family) I made was for nothing. I was of no valued to him!!. I cried profusely, quietly in the dark for what seemed like eternity---there was no screaming, no yelling, no asking why. Something died inside me.
delajoonal Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 katerina and tami-chan... THANK you so much for your posts. tami..i am sorry this happened to you so young... i have followed some of your posts ..you are very articulate, caring and kind with your words. thank you again...
scatterd Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 It hurts to know that the person you married has eyes for someone else. Thinking he has that fresh new feeling that he had for me.The wife raises the kids washes the clothes work does the yard and so on.I dont get enough time to dress pretty do my nails and such.When he should be taking me out spoiling me for all that I do.Hes giving his love to someone else.Mean while I am at home crying and wondering what I could have done to deserve this.We have a history a long one.I wonder how the ow could think he was not the same with me.Wondering if for sure he is doing this if only I had proof I could move on.I cry all the time it feels like a knife is my heart.I cant eat or sleep or give the attention my family needs.my children are hurt how do I tell the little ones they wont understand.What do I do where do I go?I just feel like dieing.Get the Idea it sucks
desertmoon Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 It hurts to know that the person you married has eyes for someone else. Thinking he has that fresh new feeling that he had for me.The wife raises the kids washes the clothes work does the yard and so on.I dont get enough time to dress pretty do my nails and such.When he should be taking me out spoiling me for all that I do.Hes giving his love to someone else.Mean while I am at home crying and wondering what I could have done to deserve this.We have a history a long one.I wonder how the ow could think he was not the same with me.Wondering if for sure he is doing this if only I had proof I could move on.I cry all the time it feels like a knife is my heart.I cant eat or sleep or give the attention my family needs.my children are hurt how do I tell the little ones they wont understand.What do I do where do I go?I just feel like dieing.Get the Idea it sucks What proof do you need?
fooled once Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 i actually called my H's OW, twice in the beginning i left very decent messages, to say PLEASE stay away from my H and my family....OW obliged... 7 months later, i found out my H, although had left me, i NEVER thought it was for OW, but yes, they are together and have been... THIS new information hurt MORE then the original/first time i found out about OW... i called OW again...i asked her how she sleeps? how she goes on day after day? she is in fact married herself and has 2 VERY small children and is 40 years old..so NO excuse of being a ding dong 20 year old:o she said to me, verbatim, " i didn't do nothing...and i am out enjoying MY family right now....." OMG! number one, HELLO, grammar much??? number two, how dare she say to me SHE IS ENJOYING HER FAMILY!!:sick: while i have been forced out of my marital/family home, where me and my husband and our child have lived and had hundreds of family gatherings... to now i am living in an apt. alone..with nothing but 4 walls around me.. NOT A HOME..NOT MY HOME.... while i have begged HER/OW to leave MY family alone... this OW is ONE EVIL PERSON.... how did my SWEET H fall for someone SO incredibly COLD and evil...with NO self awareness, no conscience, no dignity, no respect or morals for HER children OR her own H... now, my H and the OW have both filed for D's from their spouses how can THIS even have a happy ending...for me, for OW's children, her H, .... and how does my H and the OW even have a normal day????? what can they possibly talk about??? what to wear to their divorce hearings??? at 40 years old my H is going to step in and raise someone elses VERY VERY small children...he will be 60 years old by the time they are in high school...meanwhile we had raised our son and had only our future and traveling to think of...and grand children. i still believe this OW set out on Facebook in search of a Monkey to get her thru HER own divorce and found that in my H... as my H wanted ONLY a legal separation for nealry a year now... it is cheaper for him and medical for me. apparently that was NOT good enough for OW... everything about it reeked of OW...NOT my H.... i know my H is the bottom line...but still...OW has had a hUGE part in the destruction of my family...at one point my H even said had he NOT met her, we would be going to MC, etc... so bottom line..as much as this was my H's fault.. i blame the OW even more...SHE WAS Relentless..NEVER gave up on him...she NEVER just let him go ....arrgh!! she had NO RIGHT to do this...he was married..IS married....she just had no right...and NOW..now she has assumed my role as my H's wife basically...LOL she calls my H EVERY effing morning at 830AM...without fail, everyday! and one day 21 times she called...wtf is that all about???? who has time in a work day, with children and an H of her own to call MY HUSBAND 21 times in ONE DAY!??? how does someone do this..just shove someone out into the cold that you don't even know and destory everything they ever have known to be good and kind...and take IT away...who is this OW to do this to me??? ok...so i am sorry i got a little carried away...but i am sooooooo hurting and so angry! i miss myhusband, my marriage, my life , my family, my future.... my 50th wedding anniversary i will NEVER EVER have now! please OW...if the W contacts you and askes you to please leave HER H alone..please try to do this..PLEASE! let us have our families...PLEASE! What a heart wrenching post. **hug** I am so incredibly sorry for all you have endured. It has been over 12+ years since I was an OW and after reading your post, I am ashamed of my behavior. I am ashamed of my selfishness. I am ashamed at myself. The pain is evident in your post **hug* There are some predatory women out there who stop at nothing except to get their needs fulfilled, no matter who they hurt. I truly believe the wife goes through more pain in many cases over what an OW goes through when an affair ends. I personally will never be convinced that a OW/OM who proclaims to "know" the cheater more than the spouse really does. They have no idea of the destruction they participate in while they are in an affair. They can claim all day that the wife isn't meeting the needs of the husband so therefore they have to . Crap. OW wouldn't go through the pain they go through at the end of an affair had they not gotten involved to begin with. I know this pain personally; but I believe the betrayed spouse's pain is much greater BECAUSE they are the ones who trusted and believed in this person they married. The OW/OM entered the relationship knowing the cheater is a cheat and a liar. The wife/husband doesn't enter a marriage knowing their spouse is a cheater/liar. Again, I am so sorry for your pain, your loss and that your entire world has been turned upside down. Don't worry, karma will kick them both in the arse one day. ((hug))
NowhereToHide Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 What a heart wrenching post. **hug** I am so incredibly sorry for all you have endured. It has been over 12+ years since I was an OW and after reading your post, I am ashamed of my behavior. I am ashamed of my selfishness. I am ashamed at myself. The pain is evident in your post **hug* There are some predatory women out there who stop at nothing except to get their needs fulfilled, no matter who they hurt. I truly believe the wife goes through more pain in many cases over what an OW goes through when an affair ends. I personally will never be convinced that a OW/OM who proclaims to "know" the cheater more than the spouse really does. They have no idea of the destruction they participate in while they are in an affair. They can claim all day that the wife isn't meeting the needs of the husband so therefore they have to . Crap. OW wouldn't go through the pain they go through at the end of an affair had they not gotten involved to begin with. I know this pain personally; but I believe the betrayed spouse's pain is much greater BECAUSE they are the ones who trusted and believed in this person they married. The OW/OM entered the relationship knowing the cheater is a cheat and a liar. The wife/husband doesn't enter a marriage knowing their spouse is a cheater/liar. Again, I am so sorry for your pain, your loss and that your entire world has been turned upside down. Don't worry, karma will kick them both in the arse one day. ((hug)) Fooled... I love your posts. You have such a way of putting your thoughts out there in a way that is powerful and true. I completely agree with everything you said. While I am going through a lot of pain at the loss of my xAP, it would be nothing compared to the pain I would have felt if my H had had an affair and decided to leave me and our children. I cannot even imagine. There are no winners in an A. Even the OW that Dela referenced who is now with her H... She may have "won" Dela's H, but I guarantee that she isn't blissfully happy. The reason why she is calling her MM is because she is petrified that he is going to cheat on her, just like he cheated WITH her. She will never be able to get a good night's sleep knowing the circumstances under which she gained her mate. No one wins. I would give anything to take back my A. Anything.
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