Would you break up with him over this?? Male and female input appreciated!

October 9, 2009

Last night, I was at the bar, I was with my mom and her two friends. They picked me up. They were kind of hammered and driving me kind of crazy. I was a little sad because of events that happened earlier in the day work-related.

I went to the bathroom to call my BF (of 10 months). It was only 9 oclock, so it wasn't late at all. I was on the verge of tears. I never cry in front of him but the one time I did he was totally mean to me.

So, I was on the verge of tears, I called him with my wobbly crying voice and said, "I'm at the bar, I'm really sad, and I'm stranded because my car isn't here." I never asked him to pick me up, but I did mention I was stranded and my car wasn't there.

He started laughing, YES, LAUGHING, and said something along the lines of, "I'm smoking a bong...I'm playing video games right now. You girls have a fun time!" He continued to laugh at me and said, "Call me later if you want! Bye!"

Jesus tapdancing Christ, if he cared about me, don't you think he would have offered to come and get me? Or at least showed some empathy for my situation?? If the tables were turned I would be at the bar in a HEARTBEAT picking him up.

So now I know how he handles a situation where I'm sad, depressed, or in need of something. I would totally understand if this was like, a common thing for me, but it's not. I think I've called him like, twice in the last 10 months crying. I think he's seen me cry ONE time. He didn't handle that one well either.

Is he just a total dickhead and should I get rid of him? I have been tossing and turning all night wondering what I should do. Am I blowing the situation up or should I end things before I get wrapped up in something?

Thanks for your input, love you guys

<3 z

Edit: also, I don't know if this means anything, but my boss has told me I look really "sad" lately and always asks me what's wrong. He's been asking me this since I've started dating my bf. Maybe this means something.

Edited October 9, 2009 by zilverenvlinder

October 9, 2009

Well, the one time you cried in front of him he was mean to you, why did you stick with him after that?

Could you have called a cab? Do you have a lot of this type of drama around him?

Personally, I dated someone once who told me that if I wanted to "share" with him, he wasn't interested, we are no longer together.

A relationship is supposed to add to your life, yours doesn't sound like it is, from what you are writing.

October 9, 2009

That sounds about right. I don't know, I always give people second chances. There is absolutely no drama in our relationship because I don't pick fights with him about anything. That's why I'm so astounded that the ONE or TWO times I show any weakness around him like crying or being sad, which I NEVER EVER do, he just completely pushes me away.

I thought all guys did this but I only thought they did if their GF was a big drama queen, and I'm not at all, that's why I'm amazed that he could treat me so crappily after only "stirring things up" once or twice in our entire relationship.

October 9, 2009

If it was me, yeah i would of tried and if i couldn't pick you up 'cause i was too damn stoned (DUI not good). I would at the very least call a cab for ya.

So yeah, your bf acted like an arse. Do you think the relationship is getting better or worse?

...my boss has told me I look really "sad" lately and always asks me what's wrong. He's been asking me this since I've started dating my bf. Maybe this means something.

Sounds like depression or bipolar. Have you gone to therapy? With the right medication and counseling, they could help? Have you spoke to your bf about this?

From your post, i get the impression you're scared about something. Maybe you're letting your past relationship haunt you? i don't know.

October 9, 2009

That sounds about right. I don't know, I always give people second chances. There is absolutely no drama in our relationship because I don't pick fights with him about anything. That's why I'm so astounded that the ONE or TWO times I show any weakness around him like crying or being sad, which I NEVER EVER do, he just completely pushes me away.

I thought all guys did this but I only thought they did if their GF was a big drama queen, and I'm not at all, that's why I'm amazed that he could treat me so crappily after only "stirring things up" once or twice in our entire relationship.

So you dont pick fights wih him, but you TEST him, which is just as bad.

You never said to him "hey I need you to pick me up" So he had no obligation to do so.

Guys dont often pick up on hints. If hes high, hes definitely not going to be able to read between your test lines. Its your fault that you didnt make yourself clear to him, its your fault that you cant handle your drama. I dont know whether or not he cares for you, but if you started a fight with me because you didnt want to make yourself clear to avoid being rejected, I'd drop you like a bad habit.

STOP TESTING HIM. If you dont think he cares about you, talk to him straight up about it. If he doesnt, THEN you drop him. You dont drop him because of a misleading test.

October 9, 2009

I'm going to go with insensitive arse on this one.

I don't think this is about "drama" - you were having a bad time and you needed some support. People have bad days, this is life, it happens. He didn't deliver. If it would have been just a one time thing, I probably would let it slide, but twice is the beginning of a patter. And no, you don't have to say "I'm having a crappy day, I need you to be nice and supportive..in fact, I'll make a list with things you should do to make me feel better", it's effing common sense.

Whether or not you should break up with him depends on the overall evaluation of your relationship. Have a glass of wine and give it some thought, perhaps even make a list - writing things down helps putting it in perspective. If the relationship is rocky in other areas as well, this might be the final straw.

October 9, 2009

I wouldn't have very high () expectations of a pot smoker/stoned person.

October 9, 2009

I wouldn't have very high () expectations of a pot smoker/stoned person.

Thats part of my point, if he couldnt hear your voice shaking and immediately ask whats wrong.... All I know is that would be my first instinct if my SO's voice was shaking on the phone.

October 9, 2009

Sorry to be a harsh dissenter here, but you've cried in front of him once and called him crying THREE times now in 10 months? To me, that sounds like a bit of drama/high maintenance. I also agree that you were testing him, and got pissed at him for failing your test. Sure, it sucks that he LAUGHED when you called him, but have you ever spent any amount of time around high people? What did you expect?

That said, it's obvious that you're not getting the emotional support you need (and yes of course you deserve support), so you either need to have a BLUNT chat with him and be straightforward, none of this hinting around crap, or break up with him.

October 9, 2009

Personally, I dated someone once who told me that if I wanted to "share" with him, he wasn't interested, we are no longer together.

A relationship is supposed to add to your life, yours doesn't sound like it is, from what you are writing.

I think I dated the same guy lol? How do these people get through life.....

I would say forgive him if he was just stoned and he didn't really do that much but to be honest if he was mean to you the first time you reached out to him, kick him to the curb...he's just no good

October 9, 2009

Jesus tapdancing Christ, if he cared about me, don't you think he would have offered to come and get me? Or at least showed some empathy for my situation?? If the tables were turned I would be at the bar in a HEARTBEAT picking him up.

A common theme I see around here is men/women trying to communicate with eachother the same way they would communicate with a member of the same sex. This method is fundamentally flawed, and will lead to repeated episodes of 'why didnt they understand'.

As a guy, and someone whose gotten stoned a few times over the years, what you did was want him to put together that you being upset and at this bar with no car = he should pick you up. The problem with this is that men are very direct, and if we expected a ride, we would ask for one. Granted, women - being indirect, can sometimes pick up on what youre asking before you say it, and if the roles were reversed he might not have had to full on ask, but you cant expect him to think/act like you.

Also, he was stoned...I mean, you cant expect him to pick up 'hints' at all. Men dont operate like that, SOBER, and you add a bong to the mix, and you are going to HAVE to be direct to get what you want. On top of that, we hate it when women wont ask, and keep dancing around the issue with hopes that we get it. It has been proven, millions of times over thousands or years, that we aren't just going to 'get it', so just as, and ye shall recieve.

Also, being direct would have let you know more about him than hinting and getting upset that he didnt catch on. If you asked for a ride and he blew you off, you would know - dump! If you asked for a ride, and he said 'sure' and headed out the door right then and there, you would know he cares. But since you did neither, now you really dont have any idea how he feels, except for hypotheticals your mind creates. Im not saying he wasnt insensitive to a degree, but he could have been out of it, and thought you were just checking in, and wanted to get back to whatever he was doing (men are generally not big phone talkers).

Clarity is always your friend.

October 10, 2009

He sounds like an ass. Yes, I would dump him.

October 10, 2009

How is he an ass? He was faded beyond belief probably. Has anyone ever smoked a bong? It gets you floored. That's besides the point. Maybe you should try being straight up with him. You ever hear a guy say that he wants a straightforward GF? This is exactly why. Because when you have a GF trying to communicate to her BF with indirect subtle bull**** hints, and he doesn't pick up on it because...well..he's a guy..we think straightforward and direct, then he isn't at fault - you are. Perhaps since you wanted a ride home, you should've asked for one.

Should you dump him over this? Hell no. What you need to do is re-evaluate why you're still speaking in code and playing mental twister with your BF of TEN MONTHS.

October 10, 2009

A common theme I see around here is men/women trying to communicate with eachother the same way they would communicate with a member of the same sex. This method is fundamentally flawed, and will lead to repeated episodes of 'why didnt they understand'.

As a guy, and someone whose gotten stoned a few times over the years, what you did was want him to put together that you being upset and at this bar with no car = he should pick you up. The problem with this is that men are very direct, and if we expected a ride, we would ask for one. Granted, women - being indirect, can sometimes pick up on what youre asking before you say it, and if the roles were reversed he might not have had to full on ask, but you cant expect him to think/act like you.

Also, he was stoned...I mean, you cant expect him to pick up 'hints' at all. Men dont operate like that, SOBER, and you add a bong to the mix, and you are going to HAVE to be direct to get what you want. On top of that, we hate it when women wont ask, and keep dancing around the issue with hopes that we get it. It has been proven, millions of times over thousands or years, that we aren't just going to 'get it', so just as, and ye shall recieve.

Also, being direct would have let you know more about him than hinting and getting upset that he didnt catch on. If you asked for a ride and he blew you off, you would know - dump! If you asked for a ride, and he said 'sure' and headed out the door right then and there, you would know he cares. But since you did neither, now you really dont have any idea how he feels, except for hypotheticals your mind creates. Im not saying he wasnt insensitive to a degree, but he could have been out of it, and thought you were just checking in, and wanted to get back to whatever he was doing (men are generally not big phone talkers).

Clarity is always your friend.

Yeah THIS is what the OP needs to read over and over again, and perhaps all the female posters who are calling her BF an ass as well.

October 10, 2009

Hahaha I want to party with this dude.

October 10, 2009

Hahaha I want to party with this dude.

Lol fareal. He was probably rolling because one of his friends did some funny ****. You never know, he was high.

October 10, 2009

I don't know if I agree with "ass," but he's probably not for you. You need someone there for you and he's not there for you. So find someone who is.

October 10, 2009

I think it's kind of amusing that you were at a bar with your mom- and she was hammered. If she was the one that drove you and stranded you- why not be mad at her?

I agree with others, your bf probably isn't going to be able to read between the lines when he's whacked out on smoke. He wasn't supposed to be picking you up- you guys had no plans- so he got high with his buddies. Expecting him to drop everything and come and get you- or even console you under the circumstances isn't realistic.

I don't think he's an ass.

October 10, 2009

haha this is too funny. I think if you dump him you might be doing him a favor...

I fault him for nothing. he was stoned (which, if this was an issue for you, then dump him ASAP, but apparently you dont care so i assume this is not part of the consideration) and acted appropriately.

further, if you actually asked me for a ride and i am your bf, i would be upset. I would give you the ride, but i wouldnt be happy. i would think you are a big baby. and if you want to cry about how terrible your night is, then thats what girl friends are for. cant you call one of them up to pass the time???

and like the other poster, i want to hang out with your bf -- sounds like a cool cat

October 10, 2009

Am I the only one that thinks Debbie Downer here needs to let loose and party.

Are you sad because everyone is having a fantastic time but you?

October 10, 2009

No, of course not

(you should have broken up with him over the drugs long ago)

October 10, 2009

I'm part of the "don't expect anyone to read between the lines" team. If you wanted a ride, you should have asked for a ride. Up until you state your needs clearly, you can't fault him for not meeting them.

October 10, 2009

:| The bong comment would have been enough for me to say "bye." But I'm not big into pot heads. That aside - no, I don't think he should have been freaking driving his car when he's ****ing high - which he totally sounded like he was. Would I break up with him over this? Obviously, yes. And I also wonder why you'd stay with a guy that's a jerk when you cry. Again with the face - :|

October 10, 2009

That sounds about right. I don't know, I always give people second chances. There is absolutely no drama in our relationship because I don't pick fights with him about anything. That's why I'm so astounded that the ONE or TWO times I show any weakness around him like crying or being sad, which I NEVER EVER do, he just completely pushes me away.

I thought all guys did this but I only thought they did if their GF was a big drama queen, and I'm not at all, that's why I'm amazed that he could treat me so crappily after only "stirring things up" once or twice in our entire relationship.

I don't think it's a good thing that you don't pick fights, it shows you hold a lot of yourself back, so does the fact that you can't cry around him or be vulnerable because he makes a joke out of it and humiliates you.

This is all very telling that you are not in a healthy nor loving relationship. This R sounds like a real self esteem killer,not good.

October 10, 2009

Hm, mixed thoughts...

1. No offense, but I can see how you calling him can be construed as overly dramatic/moody. Or it could have sounded like you just calling him out of boredom for pillow talk. If he was high, he shouldn't be driving, which he may have known better and was probably better off not being in a car.

2. He sounds like a loser - bong/vgames, hanging up on you (or blowing you off).

I'd say call it off - seems like you're already leaning towards not liking him but are just afraid to admit it...it'll only get worse with time IMO.

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Would you break up with him over this?? Male and female input appreciated!

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