Text flurry. Can any1 desipher

[Limbo21]

My judgement is clouded at the moment so thought I could sound you guys out ... A little back story

 

We split (again - mainly my fault) nc for 13 days as I'd changed my tel no. I broke it & asked her if there was anyway back for us. She pretty much said no ... Nc 6 days I went to her work to pick something up (she left something for me) but made sure she wasn't going to be there. Later that evening I recieved an email from her saying 'she missed me but it's for the best we split'*

 

I didn't respond so the next day she called a couple of times, again I didn't respond till a 3rd call (no vm for any of the calls) I simply asked if she was ok and is anything wrong? She said she wanted to say hello to which I said 'pls leave me alone'

 

Anyway last night around 9pm I had 2 more missed calls and a text ... I'm gonna list the texts as my judgement is clouded. Any insight would be very appreciated

 

(her) Miss you x (7.34pm)

 

(her)*Fallen out with anne:) (9pm)

 

(me)*Missed ur call, just come out of alpha. Don't worry about Anne

 

(her)*No it's bad can i call in 10? X

 

(me)*Not a good idea, best just forget about me*

 

(her)*I need you x

 

(me)*That's not fair, were not together & I need to forget about u in my life

 

(her)*Ok just thought you said if i ever need you:(

 

(me)*In time yes. Rejection is a painful thing, it's gonna take me a little while. Call soph or ur mom *

 

(her) I'm not rejecting you! I was hurt x

 

(her 40 mins later)*Love you good night x

 

(her) That's it then?

 

(me)*I understand why we split, I lost my way & felt pretty worthless after redundancy. I'm now sorting myself out. U emailed yesterday it was for the best & I have to live by ur decision*

 

(her)*Sounds like you don't want me to get in your way. Have you found someone else then? X

 

(her)*Ok get the picture. Take care sweet x

 

(me)*I've been dumped haven't I? Ur giving mixed messages again. All I know is I'll never love any1 like I do u

 

(her)*You didn't answer my question?? You got someone else? X

 

(me) What does it matter?

 

(her)*Fine good bye!

 

(her) *Enjoy *x x

 

I didn't respond. What's her game? I haven't met anyone (do those texts infer that I have?). The text "I'm not rejecting you" is the one that has caused me to post this?!?*

 

I love her and would move mountains to reconcile but it'd have to be on solid ground - not just cos she misses me

 

Help me peeps

[Kaya]

My feeling is that she is still confused, missing you and "needs" you when times get tough, but as you say:

I love her and would move mountains to reconcile but it'd have to be on solid ground - not just cos she misses me

 

If I were you I would give it more time until you both feel stable and have clearer heads. In time, your judgement will be less "cloudy"

[Tamia78]

I agree with Kaya. She is probably missing you (she was the dumper, I assume), but it's just best for you to not talk to her in any way just now. I know how you feel, tho. I'm a little worried about her persistence in finding out if you have someone else. If she dumped you, why does it even matter? Next time she texts or emails you, don't answer. It sends a clear signal.

 

--T

[New_Life08]

Ahh, cracking my knuckles here...lol.

 

Here is the deal....she had a falling out with her friend it seems. She is turning to you to fill the loss. As soon as you do, she will back off again. She wants you to be her safety net when she is down and out.

 

I think you did the right thing not to grab at the scraps she is throwing you. This is a lesson to her that she cannot have you as a convenience in her life.

 

As for her feelings, I think she is confusing love with discontentment. If you cave into "being there" for her emotional whims, that will be your place in her life from now on.

 

As men have often said: "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" same goes here.

 

The way you left it...she knows that it is all or nothing, and for that I have to commend you. Not too many people are strong enough to do the right thing when their heart is telling them something else.

 

My guess is that she will think this over for awhile and decide what it is she wants, and she will let you know in her own way.

 

Hang in there...

[Nedved]

You done very well and you got your self respect back which is important. It was the perfect way to deal with an dumper who gets in contact seekeing emmotional support and you did'nt take the bait. I loved the whole not giving her an answer when she asked had you met somebody.

 

Let her think about what your up to for a change and see how empty her life is without you now. It was her decision to dump you and she can't bring you in and out of her life when she feels like it.

 

Don't even answer next time. She's made her decision and she has to live with that now.

[Limbo21]

Lol@newlife

 

thanks guys for reading & responding.

 

My intention isn't to cause her pain, I want this girl back & I'm left wondering with her 'i'm not rejecting u' comment as maybe reaching out to reconcile & used Anne as an excuses to speak to me. She was already resuming contact a few hours before

 

I want this girl back, don't want to fluff my chances up, I wanna fluff her pillows up. Am I reading too much into it? Am I hoping without any hope? Am I going insane?

 

So tempted to tell her i've got no-one else bit worried that'll make me look weak, desperate and unatractive (which I am if I'm honest). She's a cracking girl & I know she could do better. The only thing I've got going for me is my sense of humour and she loves it.

 

Wft do I do? It's this inner turmoil of not knowing what to do ..... Help me guys

 

Thanks again and Brock - I've taken my 1st 2 tablets and my legs are shacking like a mofo

[Nedved]

I think you gotta be realistic here to be honest. you've asked her if there was a future and she said no so your looking out for number one now. I know your not doing it to hurt her but you've been hurt yourself Limbo and very badly. She caused that pain. Your protecting yourself and your own interests so you won't go insane constantly wondering if you'l get back. She's made her mind up. In any of those texts did she ask to get back? She misses the emmotional support you once gave her but until your fully healed you can't be there for her anymore or be a friend to her if thats all she wants. You'l just keep getting mixeds signals and false hope.

 

Now if there's a chance to get back together with her what your doing right now is the best way to get her back. Your showing strenght and discipline and letting her see that you want to move on with your life with or without her. She knows how you feel. Its up to her now to come back to you if she truly loves you. hang in there and be strong!! your doing great

[Limbo21]

I could kiss you Nedved. I keep reading the responses when my mind starts playing tricks on me.

 

Went out and got drunk last night and it was a great night, no women involved as I couldn't even bare to look at them but still a great night out

 

she's not contacted me since & I really want her too but of course fog the right reasons ... But it does feel good when some1 chases you no matter what her intentions

 

going to pack my day out with activities (taking my boy to watch up) but there's not a place I can go that isn't somewhere we frequented as a couple and that's hard to bear sometimes

 

thankyou so much for your support & if anyone has anything more to say pls do, like I say I get strength from your take on things

 

rich

[Nedved]

Not sure kissing me will make ya feel any better but ya think it will then i'm all yours:laugh:

 

Glad to hear you enjoyed your night out and sometimes its good to take a step back and just enjoy the nights and not worry about chasing girls. I would't recommed that until your head is cleared anyway as your prob very much focused on your ex now.

 

Its only natural that you want her to keep contacting you as but be strong. Your the one in control of the situation now. Imagine if you had of given in and helped her the other day and built up your hopes again then all of a sudden she stops contacting. You'd be a lot worse than you are now because you gave in and you'd prob end up sending her a few text message which would only make yourself look needy and weak.

 

Your doing the right thing:) If she's gonna come back its up to her now. S:) She knows how you feel and knows your hurt but she also knows your willing to move on without her now. Even if your not feeling strong she dose'nt kniow that and people will only see what we allow them to see.

 

I know its hard going to places that you used to go with your ex. That still gets me down and there's certain places i went with my ex girlfriend i prob still would'nt be strong enough to go now but a lot of places i went to i felt better after i did.

 

have a great day and if she's gonna contact she'l contact but remember you were very strong the other day so stay with it. You'l get more respect from her in the long term.

[Limbo21]

 

Thanks again brother for your advice, I know it sounds pathetic but I keep reading the responses cos I'm really struggling with it

 

It boils down to closure I guess, I know it's wrong as you've quite rightly pointed out but I want to tell her there is no-one else and ask her outright 'are you asking for me back' .... I know I know ... I'm really struggling thinking what if? & it was 3 days ago.

 

Went to lunch at my parents & shown the texts to my mother, she thinks she wants me back. I guess I would have already contacted her if it wasn't for 2 things .... The advice I'm getting which I know is right, the email she sent the day before the above texts saying 'it's over for the best'

 

damn it I'm struggling with the weight of this on my shoulders but waiting for a text back (as you pointed out) and very possibly rejecting me again & my stock going down is a major issue

 

I'll hang fire & hopefully I'll feel stronger tomorrow

[Limbo21]

Well I've gone & done it haven't I!!! Broke NC and sent her this 30 mins ago and so far no response

 

I'm really struggling since our text convo, hope ur ok? Miss & love u. Can we work something out x

 

feel like vomiting now

[TaraMaiden]

You idiot.

 

So now you're back to square one. *D'oh!*

 

Look, you feel bad enough, so if she contacts you just say somebody was messing with your 'phone, and you didn't send it.

or you were blind drunk.

or *gasp!!!* It was meant for your new GF!!!

 

Say something - anything - but don't get caught up in the 'screwedagain' spiral.....

 

And delete every single shred of evidence of her, or any way of getting in touch with her.

or she with you!!

 

Follow the NC guide in my sig.

 

best thing you could ever do.

 

If she wants you back, she'll have to quit the mixed messages, and make her actions speak loudetr than words.

 

OK?

[Nedved]

Well I've gone & done it haven't I!!! Broke NC and sent her this 30 mins ago and so far no response

 

I'm really struggling since our text convo, hope ur ok? Miss & love u. Can we work something out x

 

feel like vomiting now

 

You were doing well there brother!!! It happens!! The excellent situation you had there by where she was the one chasing you maybe came a bit to soon for you as your feelings are still strong for her. Your mind has prob been racing the last few days and even though your taking the advice on board at the back of your mind you were thinking 'she wants tp get back with me' why else would she text so much'!! You took a chance and now you really are in limbo waiting for a reply and she knows that. Your only human and it can happen to any of us.

 

Whatever you do don't send her anymore texts till she gets back to you. You sent prob the worst text message possible telling her you love her after she rejected you in the email the other day and i don't think you need me to tell you that. She knows now how you feel and her mind is at ease now knowing your obviously not with anybody else and still longing for her.

 

Its not the end of the world and i know you still love her so its not easy but by the sounds of things she'l contact you again and next time be strong. You'l get more respect from her in the long run. Put this down to experience. She knows you still love her so as i said to you in earlier posts its really up to her now. You put your cards on the table and she's left you waiting. What dose that tell you? I know you don't want to hurt her ignoring her but she's hurting you now and she knows that.

 

You gotta take care of yourself now man and when she comes checking up on you again in the not to distant future remember how cold she was to you not replying today. Trust me the best thing you can do now is don't contact her. She'l come checking up on you again. Not chasing her will annoy her all the more and get her mind thinking again and next time you'l be ready.

Edited October 12, 2009 by Nedved

[laricla]

has she responded?

 

I don't think you've necessarily done the wrong thing, but I think a follow through email would probably help the situation. May write to her and explain your text a bit, say that you were confused about her texts because they contradict what she's said before. I'd tell her that you haven't met anyone else, but that unless she's certain about wanting to get back together then she shouldnt contact you beause its not fair on you.

[Limbo21]

Well it's a long one but I'll keep it brief.

 

Yes I sent the text and like you say Nedved I'm sat staring at the phone! Some 3 hours past and I called her (thought she may have changed her no as I did mine so therefore not recieving texts). I just needed l know. Anyway it was a dead line (had she blocked me) like a tool that I am I called from my LL ... Still dead? She must have changed her no? My anxierty was killing me but then I recieved this email from her

 

I'm really pinning for you. I miss you x

 

Well I have to say even if I didn't do the above I would have tried to cointact her after this further email (and she didn't get my text) so I called her @ work! - I know I know

 

we spoke for a while & I asked her if she wanted to give it another go? She said she was confussed so basically I told her I wanted to know by this evening yay or nay.

 

Later she emailed telling me pretty much she loved me, she adored me but because of this religious problem (as mentioned in an earlier thread) she couldn't come to a decision yet. I did the only thing possible left open to me and said 'goodbye'

 

She kept emailing & then called. She says she can't say goodbye, we spoke for over an hour, blew me a kiss and we disconnected.

 

I'm now back in limbo. There's no question she loves me but enough to superseed her faith? I'm torn again. Part of me says keeping in touch (with this bond we have) will lead to better things but of course if it doesn't then I'm gonna be messed about & heartbroken for many moons to come.

 

Thanks for your supporting words, I feel so overwhelmed with emotion & loss. I feel ill with what could or could not be and that depends on my action from here on out

Edited October 13, 2009 by Limbo21

[Limbo21]

She's just email ...

 

Good morning, hope all is well with you?

Tou love Amyx

 

what to do what to do

[TaraMaiden]

Listen very carefully.

 

I have just checked your other thread, and to my mind, you are being very unfair.

here's the deal.

She is a Christian Religious woman.

She is still married.

 

You keep pestering her and encroaching upon her life, and she is never going to get her head clear and sorted, and get her mind straight.

 

So I advise the following:

 

tell her, by all means, that you love her.

But you MUST, you must give her space to try to rationalise what she can do.

She seems to want a divorce from her husband (does he know this??) and she seems to want him to file, because of financial restraints.....

is she in the UK?

Divorce is not difficult here, and costs little in a DIY file.... and her son will be provided for, because he is a direct relation...

her anxiety seems primarily rooted in her religious connection, which as far as I can see, she may well be using as a prop, rather than being sincerely devout, and committed to her religious leaning...

But that's for her to decide, and you badgering her, pestering her and encoraching upon her mind, is both distracting and unfair.

 

If you really want a solution to this, you have to back off and give her space.

Tell her you're doing it, tell her WHY you're doing it -But do it.

[Limbo21]

I understand what your saying (an yes were in the UK) but the fact remains it's her that keeps contacting me. All through this sorry episode I've only re-contacted her twice and the last time was because she keeps suggesting hope or us where as she contacts many many times.

 

Anyway point taken. Hard NC from here

[TaraMaiden]

I appreciate it's a two-way thing, really, I do.

But you already told her to contact you with a 'yay' or 'nay'.

 

In the kindest possible way, you have to make her understand you mean it.

Because it's just as much a trial in limbo for you, as it is her.

It's sweet agony, but without some restraint, it might all well end in tears.

[Nedved]

Its a really difficult one but i think you gotta look after number one here and your entitled to know where you stand. However for her this is a difficult situation and its going to take time for her sort out her marraige situaition and it just depends on how long your willing to wait. She sounds very confused and if shes dedicated to her religon then its a serious issue for her.

 

The problem for me is that she has'nt really put your mind at ease and told you that she wants to get back with you after the dust settles. The texts and emails are very comforting telling you that she loves you but she has'nt told you that your the one she wants to be with and you really are in limbo till she makes her mind up.

 

I agree with tara maiden and i think its times to step away now and leave her to it. Tell her your doing it and its up to her now. She knows you love her and you can't do anymore.

 

Your gonna have to go NC but its not the worst kind of NC in fairness. There may be light at the end of the tunnel here as she clearly still has feelings for you but you also have to go NC in the event she dose'nt come back and you could be waiting for something thats never going to happen unfortunatley. This can only go 2 ways and by keeping yoir distance your protecting yourself from the worst case scenario.It would cushion the blow.

[Limbo21]

Yeah I hear that Nedved and thanks man. You guys talk alot of sense but with my hightened emotions I'm seeing things in different shades of grey and not as black and White as you

 

She's emailed me twice in the last hour but I haven't responded. I fear ignoring her will harm my chances of a possible reconciliation in the near future as she's obviously wanting to stay in touch cos while ever she's married she can't give me what I want. We've both agreed to cut contact but she just won't and can't. Ignoring her seems just so immature ... But like I say you talk some serious sense

[Nedved]

How you holding up Limbo? anymore emails or texts from your ex?

[Limbo21]

Hi brother, my last text I recieved was Tuesday. Some ****e about helping with advice and telling me "I love you baby" - I ignored

 

I've 3 emails waiting and suspect at least 1 is from her but I won't go in to check (the thought makes me feel sick of further rejection) & my mobile contract was disconnected today cos I don't need 1600 texts and 1200 mins anymore. My phone doesn't ring anymore. Back on pay and go

 

missing her like crazy, full of regrets, loss, depression & total hopelessness. If we were still together we'd be already out for the day with our 3 boys but instead i'm laid in bed wondering how to feel my day

 

The thing that pisses me of more than anything is I was doing reasonably well till she lured me back in giving me the impression she wanted me back. Should have known because she has actually said "I want to give it another go, you are the one" but pulled away when I responded

 

I'm in a frickin mess lol

[Limbo21]

Gotta ask with a user name like Nedved are you a footy fan (and to my trans-Atlantic cousins I mean FOOTBALL not American football) the worlds favorite sport not your own kind

 

That's a thought, might see if I can catch some tickets and go to a match!

[Nedved]

I am indeed brother I was sick the last few days!!! have'nt got near the forum, unfortuntatley i'm not pavel nedved but i like name so i stuck with it Yes get a ticket for a match and clear your head. Its a totally numb experience right now but it will get better. Your doing the right thing totally.

 

From experience the worst thing you can do it lay in bed thinking. You feel like you've hit rock bottom when you do that.

 

Its not your fault oberall. She has lured you in and pulling away at the last minute is cruel but you need to keep your guard up and protect yourself now. Your doing the right thing and the numbness and emptyness will go after a while. I was you 5 months ago and after a good period of NC i honestly have very little feelings for her left now after she dumped me and that was a 4 year relationship.