tassle01 Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 I've been dating a man via long distance on and off the for the past 3 years. We have visited each other numerous times and due to academic circumstances distance has kept us apart yet again. He is now back at home and I am away, so the long distance continues. While we are not "exlusive" or "dating" per say, when we are together we do act as though we are an item. Things are truly wonderful when we are together, physically that is, in one place, together. However, when we are apart things get a bit more complicated. One day he will call me and be cheery and the next day he will be a totally different person. For instance, yesterday he called me after work and I told him "i miss you". He didn't reply to this which frustrated me when I asked why he didn't share the same sentiment he said he will say it when he misses me. Well this escalated into an argument. Today I called him all morning to no avail finally got in touch in the evening and he said he was busy. I called him again and he did not answer. Perhaps my mistake is calling too much or being too demanding? I don't really mention our "relatioship" or ever ask where it is going since we are desperated by distance. I am however getting very frustrated with his non challant behavior and emotional distance from me. I am coming home next week and we are supposed to attend an event together. I am not sure what to do this week ... should I give him his space and let him be? The reason I called him tonight numerous times was because I really don't like being on bad terms with people and like to resolve conflicts quickly. Should I wait for his call? I feel as though he thinks he has 100% hold over me and no matter what he does to me I will never leave him. Maybe that's why he is treating me this way. I really need to make a major change and turn this relationship around if I want to make it work ... but I really do not know what to do. So ... avoid his calls? avoid calling him? how should I go about this event next week?? I obviously do really want to spend time with him and attend the event together but perhaps it's best not to speak to him until then? Give him a taste of his own medicine??
Storyrider Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 when I asked why he didn't share the same sentiment he said he will say it when he misses me. After that discussion and ensuing argument, do you think he misses you more now, or less? should I give him his space and let him be? Yes. Time to put your energy elsewhere for a while. If he doesn't want to go to the event with you, it certainly won't be a good time. And if he does want to go, he will make it happen.
Author tassle01 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 Okay fine. Agreed. And in the case that he calls? I don't want to appear so needy by answering right away ... but when should I answer and should I mention the event first or wait for him to bring it up himself?
Storyrider Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 If he calls, answer, so long as you feel like talking and enjoying his company -- if you feel like you can enjoy each other without resentment. I guess eventually you'll need to know about the event one way or the other, but maybe you could give him a chance to bring it up first. If he doesn't bring it up, I would just ask him in a very straightforward way whether he still wants to go. Hopefully he'll feel comfortable enough to be honest. I think it is fine to express your sadness or disappointment if he says no, but then I would, as I said in my first post, focus your energy elsewhere for a while.
Author tassle01 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 Thanks. The reason I called him multiple times today was because I felt that in order to focus my energy on what's important right now I first needed to speak to him and make sure everything was okay between us. I don't like conflict and am always the one who calls first and tries to smoothe things over. I guess I need to re-prioritize and realize that if he doesn't care enough to call ME and make sure everything is okay between us then he isn't worth it. Not sure how long I can wait for him to call lol i hope it's soon ...
Storyrider Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Not really saying he isn't worth it. I just think you're overly focused on him and what he's thinking and feeling, to the detriment of your own well being. You've got to branch out and diversify. I don't mean other guys necessarily, just other passions. You might find after a while that you care about something else and forget about him for a couple of hours. On top of that, the balance of the relationship is off. He can't miss you because you never give him the chance.
Star Gazer Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 The reason I called him multiple times today was because I felt that in order to focus my energy on what's important right now I first needed to speak to him and make sure everything was okay between us. This statement, led me to repeat this statement: I just think you're overly focused on him and what he's thinking and feeling, to the detriment of your own well being. On top of that, the balance of the relationship is off. He can't miss you because you never give him the chance.
Author tassle01 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 On top of that, the balance of the relationship is off. He can't miss you because you never give him the chance. Very well said ... thanks. I have so much else that I need to be focused on right now and thinking about him is totally draining all of my energy which really should not be the case.
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