giotto Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Giotto, we have much in common, but interestingly, my experiences with my wife after birth were completely different. I do agree that each woman is different after the baby arrives, and even they do not know how it will be until it happens. My wife did not mind me touching her breasts or any other part of her body. She enjoyed it more, I think. I don't know that she felt more or less sexual than before the birth, but I do think she felt closer to me because of each birth. IME, the wife does feel more like a mother and certainly less like a "single gal." Even when married, people without children can maintain a single life style. When baby comes, then with a little time, these things become less important. Thanks for the memories. well, now you are depressing me... but I do enjoy the memories as well, good or bad...
The Midnight Rider Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Her dad (now my ex) came into the room and noticed I was changing the 37th diaper of the day and said with a scowl on his face, "I wish we'd never had her, we never have any time together anymore." WHAT A COMPLETE AND TOTAL ASS!! When my daughter was born me and my wife would fight over who got to change her!! Glad he's your ex. 129, life will change and that's a fact, but you WILL NEVER regret having children. Not for one second. GL!
Author sb129 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 While the wife will be busy with the baby.... Why can't the H be busy with the baby too? My H is planning on being a very hands on Dad from the get go- he has been practising changing nappies and is keen to get involved with some of the feeding using expressed milk. He doesn't want to miss a thing! Nobody tells us - the men - what to expect from our wives after the birth of a baby and I can tell you, it's a bloody shock! I know that no amount of reading, talking or birthing classes can fully prepare you for whats to come, but I am really really impressed with how supportive and interested my H has been during my pregnancy. He comes to every midwife/doctors appointment with me, he has read a book about pregnancy, birth and babies written by men for Dads, he has been to a series of birthing classes with me and was very involved in group discussions and practical tasks. He also has a few good friends who have recently become or who are about to become Dads, and they have had a few conversations about how they feel about the whole thing which I (and the other wives) was very impressed with. So I am not worried about that aspect of it at all, I don't think he will be a jealous or "left out" type. I worry that we will only ever talk about the baby, and that we might forget to nurture our marriage and our individuality, and of course the sex thing is a concern too. Interesting to hear other peoples experiences though.
GorillaTheater Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Hey SB! Any time now, right? Ceasarean tomorrow, or natural?
Ariadne Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 he has been practising changing nappies and is keen to get involved with some of the feeding using expressed milk. He doesn't want to miss a thing! Aww... he is going to be a wonderful dad! Wonderdad I bet you right now! Good luck with the delivery and all my blessings to you! xoxoxox
Author sb129 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 All natural here- no need for a C-section at this stage, and I really don't want one unless its absolutely necessary. My due date is today here in NZ, but statistically only 5% of women actually give birth on their due date, most are 10 days either side, and I think you are more likely to go overdue with your first baby. I am picking Friday.....(don't ask me why).
hopeful1980 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 All natural here- no need for a C-section at this stage, and I really don't want one unless its absolutely necessary. My due date is today here in NZ, but statistically only 5% of women actually give birth on their due date, most are 10 days either side, and I think you are more likely to go overdue with your first baby. I am picking Friday.....(don't ask me why). I gave birth to my son on the day before my due date and my daughter two days after.
Spoiled Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 M does change but mine changed more after the second child. Our biggest gripe was that sex dropped significantly, I breastfed for a year and my primary spot for arousal was taken. We immediately welcomed our child into our family versus making him the center.(we made time for each other). We allowed grandma to occasionally help so we could date, even if for one hour. Most importantly, WE shared the duties. So many of my friends complained about how their husbands put the diaper on, combed the hair, he forgot the lotion, blah blah blah. They were miserable. Let that little stuff go, he can take care of the baby as much as you. I refrained from consistently criticizing because he did not do something exactly the way I did. Sometimes I would silently cringe but it worked for the better, my H never had a problem with doing anything for our children. This is what kept me from being stressed, a happier wife=happier husband=happy baby.
Author sb129 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 I am trying all the "methods" (except castor oil, my midwife has forbidden that one) to get things moving! H is pretty pleased about one of the methods!
Author sb129 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 Spoiled- I have heard similar things, and I am going to make a very conscious effort to leave him to it, after all I should be grateful that he wants to be hands on rather than letting him do it and then criticising his every move when he does. Its worked for our housework so far, so good. My dad never changed a nappy in his life! We have talked alot about the importance of couple time and not revolving everything around the baby. Luckily we have some good friends in our town who are due next week- we are going to try out some kind of arrangement when the babies are a bit older where one of us can sit for them on their date nights and vice versa etc.
giotto Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) well, I was pretty much involved... with nappies, bathing, cuddling, getting the baby dressed and all that... and then feeding the baby when the wife stopped breastfeeding... we do have 4 children after all... what I meant is that my wife was a bit "possessive" about the babies... but that's natural... and I can see that there are other women who felt like a non-sexual "objects" when still breastfeeding... which, again, is still quite normal... I learnt it the hard way, but I don't regret it... Edited October 13, 2009 by giotto
Star Gazer Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I think you're gonna be waiting until Monday. 10-19-09. It just sounds right!
Author sb129 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 Maybe I should start a sweepstake. Its pretty infuriating having no idea when shes going to turn up! Giotto- thanks for the clarification. I guess all mothers have that to a degree.
GorillaTheater Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Maybe I should start a sweepstake. Ten bucks on Saturday at 8:00 pm, your time.
Author sb129 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 So we have SG- Monday GT- Sat 8pm SB- Friday All proceeds will go to charity.
Fallen Angel Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 This is a long thread and I haven't read it all yet, but one thing that happened with me was my now xH saw me as a "mother only" after the birth of our son. I lost that 'lover' role in his eyes, and our marriage went steadily downhill from there. It certainly is not that way in every marriage, and some men think mothers are sexier than childless women.. i think it triggers a protective hormone in them that they want to love us and care for us more, and deepens their love for us when they see us doing such "womanly" things. I would say, as hard as it is, and with all the inevitable changes, as long as you and hubby are open and honest when you are feeling stressed and communicate with each other if you need a break from parenting duties to recollect yourselves, all will be fine, and you will feel even closer than you did before the arrival of your new bundle of joy!
JamesM Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 For some reason IME most babies are born in the morning. I am going with 2 am Saturday.
Author sb129 Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 Thought it was going to be this morning! Yesterday afternoon had lots of strong contractions that weren't that painful, they felt more like the practice contractions you get from about 28 weeks onwards, but I thought, OK maybe this could be it. They got more uncomfortable, so I packed my hospital bag and went to bed, and this morning they have GONE!!! All back to normal... Sigh. Back to waiting.
GorillaTheater Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Thought it was going to be this morning! Yesterday afternoon had lots of strong contractions that weren't that painful, they felt more like the practice contractions you get from about 28 weeks onwards, but I thought, OK maybe this could be it. They got more uncomfortable, so I packed my hospital bag and went to bed, and this morning they have GONE!!! All back to normal... Sigh. Back to waiting. I recommend lots of walking and frequent sex. Those seemed to work for my wife. And at the very least, it's a good way to pass the time.
Author sb129 Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 Check and check. I wondered if it was yesterdays bedroom action that kicked off the false alarm!
JamesM Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I recommend lots of walking and frequent sex. Those seemed to work for my wife. And at the very least, it's a good way to pass the time. I recommend sleeping and laying very still. We don't want that baby to come before Saturday at 2 am.
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