tryagaintoday Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Hi, She had an EA and left me for the OM. NC for almost a month now. Trying hard to let her go but I still have feelings for her. I think I just need to get this out of my system. Kind of like just call her and say, "I'd heard your decision the last time, but this time it is for myself. After one month of seeking for answers, I still love you and am still in love with you. Alot of feelings for you. I'm not here to confuse you, but just want you to spend some time thinking things over. I'll wait for you till the next time we meet, should you give us a second chance, I will do whatever it takes to make this work and you need to as well. Should you still choose the OM, then I respect your decision but I want you to respect me as well. Never will you look for me again whatever happens in the future. From this moment on, I'll start a new life and it will exclude you. Goodbye and thank you." Guys, what do you think? I have been struggling many nights. Many a times I had dialled her number and just stop and remove the battery. Please help me, I am breaking. I never knew I could have love someone so much.
Arabella Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Don't send her that. You're basically giving her a free pass to continue with the OM while -knowing- that you will be there waiting for her until she sees you. That makes you a doormat and she will lose even more respect for you I made the mistake of wanting to wait for my ex too, and you know what did it get me? A whole ton of grief... and nothing else. In my opinion, she needs to feel the loss. Don't contact her at all. When the fog from the affair begins to dissipate, she will see what she has lost and likely come crawling back. Hopefully by then you will be over her, though... and it will be up to you to decide whether you want her back on -your- terms.
hoping2heal Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Seriously? She had an emotional affair with another man, then left you for that man. Now you are going to wait around like her ever loyal lost puppy? What on earth?
Author tryagaintoday Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 Yeah, that's why I wanna stop waiting. It's been almost a month and she still has not contacted me on the apartment arrangement and belongings. When she left she said she will contact me on these matters. What? Am I to wait forever? So hell no, that's why I really wanna call her up and say settle it this week or your stuff will be down the dump. For my stuff, I need them, so kindly pack them and pass it to me.
ATR Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Don't send her that, it looks extremely pathetic. What you need to do is go complete NC. You won't get closure from sending that to her, you will either: 1. Be waiting around for her response and when you don't get one you'll feel even worse. 2. She'll send a reply which is not something you want to hear - pretty much anything other than "i'm sorry, lets work it out" is something you don't want or need to hear. There is simply no point sending her that. She will look at it and laugh, think "oh what a pathetic guy i can't believe i was with him" (might even say this to her new man) and go back to giving the new guy head. Now is time to change. Move on. You are better than her.
Dream Brother Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Seriously? She had an emotional affair with another man, then left you for that man. Now you are going to wait around like her ever loyal lost puppy? What on earth? Being in this same situation I have to agree with this.
muse08 Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 men...if your gf broke up with you because of issues that you both discussed before...how long would you go without calling her,considering you are upset over it and really loved her. my ex did not want to break up. however, certain issues would not allow me to stay with him.he tried to change some things while some things didn't change...it's been 4 days and he hasn't called since he monday night when i answered (half sleep) and asked "who is this".he was shocked and asked y didn't i ecognized his voice. i said i was sleep. i texted him the next day saying sorry that i was sleep.and mentioned some other unrelated topic briefly.he didnt respond via text or call since 4 days go.i kind of miss him.i'm not playing games...just miss him a bit.not ready for NC like i thought.
luvflower Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 men...if your gf broke up with you because of issues that you both discussed before...how long would you go without calling her,considering you are upset over it and really loved her. my ex did not want to break up. however, certain issues would not allow me to stay with him.he tried to change some things while some things didn't change...it's been 4 days and he hasn't called since he monday night when i answered (half sleep) and asked "who is this".he was shocked and asked y didn't i ecognized his voice. i said i was sleep. i texted him the next day saying sorry that i was sleep.and mentioned some other unrelated topic briefly.he didnt respond via text or call since 4 days go.i kind of miss him.i'm not playing games...just miss him a bit.not ready for NC like i thought. not sure what most men would say, but seems to me that the guy wouldn't call right away but would call eventually...especially if he really cared for you,IMO.
Author tryagaintoday Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 For my case, we still have 1 final settlement date. So, on that day, I'm gonna ask her 1 last time. Final decision? If still yes, then ok. This is the end. I'm not going to continue to be her friend like she wanted. I'll want nothing to do with her anymore. To me, she'll be like a friend's friend. I wouldn't want her to look for me no matter what happens. Future meetings, if any, will be strictly professional. If this happens, I can bet my last penny that she'll just agree while shaking her head and crying. Yes, she is that confused.
NSW768 Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 (edited) i did a similiar thing aLS told me not to. let me say they were correct. i went in thinking i have some things to say, and shell now know how much i care for her, and then shell fall back in love or something along those lines. wrong i just showed up, got emotional, and prolly pushed her away further. i wouldnt meet up with her at all. it does nothing. NOTHING. you think it will help you but it wont and YOU WILL GET EMOTIONAL my meetup wasnt that bad, because my ex was sad and did cry and she showed emotion which made me feel something, but really all that i felt was hope. and then i waited. and finally whats the point. would you even take her back after she left you for another dude? i mean what do you think is going to happen? you going to say these things and shes going to suddenly be like your right, i made a mistake? no. no. no. it wont happen so whats the point. it will only make you go back, seem pathetic and lose more self respect. Edited October 10, 2009 by NSW768
NSW768 Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 a better letter would be "go **** yourself" which is what i said a week later and now i feel great.
Thebob Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 dude, DONT! I cared for my ex SO MUCH you have no idea, i lost sleep for at least 2 weeks. YOU HAVE TO TOUGH IT OUT AND DO "NC"!!!!! please don't talk to her for me lol. I know it's hard and you just feel like your going to lose your damn mind, but trust me, keep yourself occupied and get yourself in a situation where you can talk to other people and hang out with friends. Then one day, she will realize what she has lost, and come crawling back! but don't rely on that, but time only heals you, and time will show her how lucky she was to have you. " your awsome man, she isn't". Keep tellin yourself that and you will feel so much better. You deserve better than that.
adamt Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 (edited) We all want to contact the ex and hope it can fix things. Some days i am ok, other days i just want to give in and get in contact with her. Its been 4 months since break up and not heard anything from. You have to realise that making contact will not change anything. Even if it could fix things, if the ex left once then they could do it again quite easily. You have to be seen to be moving on and if they come back it has to be under no pressure and their choice. every bit of scrap of info i hear about her from a 3rd party makes me think about her more, wondering what she is doing and hurt when i think she seems happy being on her own rather than with me. We all think our situation is unique, in my case my ex lost her mom jsut before we broke up. But the bigger picture is we all have been dumped. There is nothing more i want to do than contact her to see how she and her family are coping. but i know i shouldnt. Edited October 11, 2009 by adamt
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