brenda collins Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I am 23 years old and feeling very very low.. In the past I have been low, but managd to pull myself quickly out of it by having a fun night out or treating myself to something.. I have felt extrmely depressed and low for a few months now... I have had a few knocks from men over the last year and I think this is what has contributed to my depression. I had a couple of flings that did not work out last year and this year was knocked down when I slept with my best male friend fell completely in love with him only to find out he didnt feel the same way (although he claimed he didnt want a relationship... now he has a gf) I managed to pull myself out of my low after this and when I was just getting up again met another guy who knocked me even further... he turned out to have a gf th entire time we were seeing each other. Since this my confidence has been left in shatters, I have become extremely introvert and have spent my time moping at home and any nights that I have had out have done nothing to pull me out of this lull i seem to be in. Whats worse is that he lives in the same are as me so I am constantly reminded of him. I have no idea what to do, I find myself thinking I will be alone forever and have totally given up on ever finding happiness. I also feel very anxious about my future and worry that I will ever make it in my career or be able to afford a morgage.. I fear that I will be 30 still singe and living at home.. I want to pull myself out of this rut but cannot seem to.. Please help..
sweetjasmine Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Have you tried talking to a counselor or therapist? Sometimes it's really hard to pull yourself out of the rut without a helping hand.
boogieboy Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Something is wrong with the way you are screening these guys youre seeing, if they all have girlfriends, you are not getting to know them enough before investing emotionally. Youre only 23, in another year, if you do swtay home moping, as long as youre not talking to any exes, you will be clearer headed. Your feelings will eventually fade. You shouldnt stay at home, you should go out with friends, but if youre first instinct is to stay inside, by the time youre ready to come out, you will be fully refreshed. Next step like I said, is to change your dating criteria. Youre moving too quickly with these guys, and youre ignoring the red flags, like how these guys are spending time with other people and not you.
Author brenda collins Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 I havent as of yet no.. I dont know if my depression is a chemical thing in my head or is due to my recent knocks and bad experiences. I just feel totally lost.. My head feels manic and is always spinning wih worries and thoughts... It is so jumbled that I find it hard to make decsions about the simplest things such as what dress to buy or what to do for my b day let alone more serious descions.. I also feel sort of empty inside, nothing excites me anymore i just feel totally blank
boogieboy Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I wouldnt pawn you off on a therapist just yet, youre depressed because youve been striking out constantly, and you havent yet talked about how you screen these guys you dated that had girlfriends. That is the key to your failed dating, which leads to your depression and feeling of emptiness and failure. You dont need medicine to fix that.
Devil Inside Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Hey Brenda...bad year. Sometimes when the situations in our life knock us down we actually can get chemically depressed. Our brain chemistry will actually alter itself based on our emotions and cognition. So it may be helpful to get in to see a therapist that you can talk and possibly get a referral for some medication. I also wanted to point out a pattern in your post. All this depression started with men. It was started by what you perceived as your not being worthy of a good relationship with a decent guy. If you are going to place the responsibility of your happiness outside of yourself then you are in for a long life. You know what...these guys were jerks to you...so good thing that they are gone. You need to be responsible for your happiness. Anyways, looking at your need for external validation would be something good to explore with a therapist. For now, however, go and start talking to one to help you feel better. It will get better....it always does.
Author brenda collins Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 My best friend did not have a gf... we got together after a few drunken nights but I had always had feelings for him secretly.. I told him my feeligs after we had sex and he told me he wasnt in a position to be with anyone.. But is now seeing a girl quite seriously. The other guy I met at work he asked me out, he seemed lovely.I was cautious as he used to pla football professionally but he did everyhting to prove he was not that type didnt drink etc etc. He then slowly started to pull away after we slept together.. He ha been seen around with different girls and when i googled him when i started to get suspect of him it said he had a gf who he lived wit.. I confronted him and he claimed she had been travelling they broke up and now were back together.. I will never know what to believe.. Its knocked everything out of me since and i am at a very low ppoint right now.. I worry as my sister has depression and it runs in my family..
Author brenda collins Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 Thanks for your reply.. There is more info about the insa nd outs of it above for the other guy that asked.. I think u are right I do seem to seek validation from men and rely on them to make me feel good.. My sister has had an eating disorder and so all of the attention has been on her so maybe that is where it stems from.. Also as lovely as my father is he does not really know much about me and i feel he is dissapointed by us all so maybe it stems from that... I dont really know how to be confident in my own self... my parents ae very focused on my sister and sont really pay me any compiments so i guess i rely on other people to give me them whatever it is i want to get better fast! Not sure i really want to be on anti depressents though
Devil Inside Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Thanks for your reply.. There is more info about the insa nd outs of it above for the other guy that asked.. I think u are right I do seem to seek validation from men and rely on them to make me feel good.. My sister has had an eating disorder and so all of the attention has been on her so maybe that is where it stems from.. Also as lovely as my father is he does not really know much about me and i feel he is dissapointed by us all so maybe it stems from that... I dont really know how to be confident in my own self... my parents ae very focused on my sister and sont really pay me any compiments so i guess i rely on other people to give me them whatever it is i want to get better fast! Not sure i really want to be on anti depressents though Seems that you may have some insight into the root of your self worth issues. That is good. I think that some therapy could be very helpful. It may also help to do some reading on codependency. You could pick up a book at any bookstore or even do some free reading online. I think you may find that you relate with some of that literature. Now these relationship patterns are not necessarily a reason to take medication. Your symptoms are. However, I understand that many people do not like the concept of taking meds...so there are other things to try. Exercise has been proven to be as effective as medication. Make sure that you are eating and sleeping well. Laugh...get out with friends and just have a good time. Look...you are only 23....you are going to be fine. Therapy or no therapy there are things you can do to be proactive and avoid depression. The trick is to do things now...before you become really depressed and do not want to do anything.
Author brenda collins Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 thankyou agan.. your words are wise.. So should I get dressed up in my glad rags go out and have fun with my friends,, will this help me? what else can i do?????? Also will i have to pay to see a therapist
Devil Inside Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 thankyou agan.. your words are wise.. So should I get dressed up in my glad rags go out and have fun with my friends,, will this help me? what else can i do?????? Also will i have to pay to see a therapist Going out will definitely help. Even if you don't want to...you will be glad you did. Just have fun...flirt, but leave those boys alone...you don't need them now. Other things you can do...learn about meditation and do it. Pick up a new hobby or interest and invest time in it. Do things to take your mind off how you feel. Start a journal and start to recognize your moods and when you have them, look for patterns...i.e. maybe you are most sad in the evening, or anxious when hungry. Will you have to pay...yeah. Unless you have EAP at work or insurance.
Author brenda collins Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 I think going near another man will only make tings worse although i feel almost desperate to be loved and have someone adore me...
boogieboy Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I think going near another man will only make tings worse although i feel almost desperate to be loved and have someone adore me... Being desperate is the WORST time to look for love...messes up your judgement.
Recommended Posts