vnally Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Sorry this is really long. I doubt anyone's going to want to answer it at this point, but hopefully it'll help just to tell the story and get it out in the open. I am young and extremely inexperienced when it comes to dating. I'd only ever hooked up with guys before, and never more than once. Then, this summer, a guy I know through a mutual friend found me online and we started talking. We'd hung out before a couple of times and that same mutual friend seemed to think that he was into me. We got along really well and after about a month he asked me out. For three months, everything seemed perfect. I only saw him about once a week, but after a month he started inviting me over to sleep at his place. Things got much more physical than I am used to, but we never had sex. The whole time he was always the one to initiate things - he asked me out first, he kissed me first, he kept telling me I was cute and how much he liked me. No one's ever done that for me. Around the two and a half month mark, we were cuddling in his bed after fooling around and I finally told him that I'd never had sex before. This was a really big deal for me because, like I said, I 'm very inexperienced and I'm a little embarrassed by it. He told me that he had just broken up with his ex-girlfriend recently before we started chatting, so he wasn't sure about explicitly defining the relationship as "boyfriend and girlfriend" just yet. I didn't care about labels half as much as I cared about him, so I told him it was fine - I'd be ready whenever he was ready. He seemed okay with this, and things only got better from there. I felt really safe and comfortable, and being with him seemed so easy. At the end of the summer, he got really busy with stuff at the college we go to- he's an RA so he had to help out with training - and we weren't able to see each other as much. When school finally started again, we met up for lunch and he told me that he'd been thinking about it and he wasn't sure he was ready for a relationship. He still thought I was really cool and pretty and all of his friends liked me, but he still wasn't over his ex because he'd been with her almost 2 years, and he hadn't been single in a really long time because he kept jumping into serious relationships one after the other, so he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. I had absolutely no idea how to respond to this - I'd never been broken up with before, ever, and it seemed to come out of the blue. We seemed so good for each other and I thought he was really romantically interested in me because he'd lead me to believe that was the case. Still, he insisted that he really wanted to be friends. I was upset, so I told him that I needed time. A little over a month passed, and out of the blue I got an email from him saying that he wanted to catch up. We had lunch together and even though I was really nervous, it went great. We were getting along really well, and he told me that he was planning on coming to a concert I'm going to be in next week because he knows a lot of people in the singing group I'm in. The second we parted, I started freaking out a little bit. I thought I'd be okay with just being friends, but I think I fell for him really hard and I still have strong feelings for him. I think I might even be in love with him, but I don't know because I've never felt anything like this before. On top of that, I don't know how to read the signals he's been giving me. Do you think he's still interested? Is this something real I'm feeling or is am I just unaccustomed to dealing with these kinds of emotions? Should I tell him I still care about him and risk losing a potential friendship? Or should I take it slowly and see how things play out? What do you guys think?
Hop_prophet Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 When this guy tells you he wants to be your friend what he really means is he wants to have sex with you. He does seem to like you but is probably not ready for another relationship and I don't blame him if he just broke up. But he is going about things in a really shady way and not being fair to you. Basically he is using you. Or he could just be a real a**hole and is telling you lies to bed you. Either way my advice is to avoid this guy like the plague as you will probably get hurt if you take things to a physical level. No I would not try to be friends with him since that is obviously not what you want.
Author vnally Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 But if all he wanted was sex, wouldn't he have pushed for it more while we were dating? Not once did he ever pressure me into doing anything that I didn't think I was ready for at the time - in fact, he was extremely cautious about getting physical even before I told him that I'm till a virgin, always asking me if the things he was doing were okay. And during our "catch-up" we had an awkwardly platonic hug, but other than that he made no overt physical advances towards me. Besides, I'm not stupid: if he did want me back, I sure as hell wouldn't have sex with him unless he really wanted a committed "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship with me. I'd decided that even before he broke up with me.
boogieboy Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 if this guy didnt want to get serious with you the first time, he most likely wont feel that "thing" that will make him ever want to get serious with you. I think youre wasting your time with him. You can follow him around like a puppy cuz you think youre in love with him, but he will use you. I think as soon as you told him you were a virgin, he decided he didnt want that responsibility. I think he called you up just because he was a lil lonely, but It doesnt mean he wants to try anything. You can feel him out, but dont count on anything.
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