GorillaTheater Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Some questions: 1) Are there different types/approaches? I mean, I've got to imagine there are, but I'm totally clueless as to the options, if indeed there are any. 2) Has anybody sought counseling based on the fact that you felt there was uncomfortable distance between you and your spouse and/or difficulties in communicating (not to tip my hand or anything)? If so, what was your experience with MC? Did it help? 3) If you were the one who broached the subject of seeking MC with your spouse, do you have any recommendations about how to go about it? Other comments and questions are, of course, welcome. For those who don't know me, my wife and I have been married for almost 26 years. Just when you think you may have it all more or less figured out, reality checks in. Thanks.
quankanne Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I can't sing the praises of the Marriage Encounter program loud or long enough, because it gave us the tools to communicate better as well as *really* see why/how we value each other. very intense weekend that focuses on all areas of stress/problems that pops up for couples, including (but not limited to) family, finances and sex, but in a setting where you've GOT to focus on the relationship, not bury issues by watching TV or burying yourself in a hobby. DH said it's the best thing we ever did for our marriage, though initially, he was totally against it because he thought it would be a weekend of me calling him a lousy husband because that's how he thought I saw him. Which honestly wasn't my intention, I just wanted to be able to connect in a more meaningful way with him, after hearing a priest-friend talk about ME. I didn't raise the issue again, but when I told him Father Bob was going to be in the area to be part of an ME weekend, out of the blue he suggested we sign up for the retreat with him. And I jumped on it immediately. what did we get out of it? I learned to be more patient with him, because while I had some very precise thoughts about marriage being forever, his experience led him to a very different viewpoint and so we weren't on the same page, so to speak. For him, I got the impression that he finally understood how my background shaped me, and why marriage was something you didn't go into lightly or dick around with. And that no matter how angry or frustrated I get with him, that has nothing to do with the love that's the bedrock of our marriage. We also learned how to communicate more effectively, which has cut out a lot of the nonsense a couple can sometimes throw in there but only clouding the real problem ... my best advice is to let your spouse know that you want to enrich your marriage by going to counseling or taking part in an enrichment program like ME – not because she's "bad" or "wrong" but because you realize that having the proper tools can help as y'all navigate new "seasons" of your relationship. In other words, make it appealing by not making it feel threatening to her. She just may surprise you by jumping on the opportunity, because she could be feeling there's something else y'all can do to enrich the relationship. hope this helped!
Author GorillaTheater Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 Thanks Quank. Weekends away are something of a logistical nightmare for us, so I'm inclined to try regular ol' MC, at least at first. I have some good recommendations for counselors. I appreciate the advice on how to approach her. I don't want alarms to start going off in her head like "OMG, he's CHEATING!!" or anything like that. We aren't in a crisis, necessarily. I'm just not sure that we're doing that well.
65tr6 Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Gorilla, I believe MC is great if both spouses are totally into it but that is just me. Have a question for you...How do you rate your marriage on a scale of 10 ? Ask your wife the same question later tonight. And yes this is a trick question.
Author GorillaTheater Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 Gorilla, I believe MC is great if both spouses are totally into it but that is just me. Have a question for you...How do you rate your marriage on a scale of 10 ? Ask your wife the same question later tonight. And yes this is a trick question. At this point? Maybe a 7. But I've gotten spoiled to pretty consistent 9s. And I will ask my wife tonight when I bring up MC.
Art_Critic Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 In a previous life I went to MC...a couple of different ones butin the end one that I stayed with for about a year or so. In the beginning I (we) went to her to save the marriage and in the end I was going to her to figure out how to get out of the marriage. I'd go again .. anytime.. The only requirement that I would put on a MC is that they be married and never been divorced..
quankanne Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 counseling isn't just a reactive step, it's a proactive one when it comes to marriage, because it's then an enrichment type of thing, IMO. in my neck of the woods, theres a program called "We Vow Now" that's offered by the city's health department, and it looks a lot like ME, but on a secular level.
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