Wow us women have it so good when it comes to dating

[Skump]

yes but only women get to marry up and marry men with prestige and money.

You misunderstand: By and large, men just don't give that much of a damn about a woman's prestige, and frequently don't care much about the money she makes, either. Don't apply a woman's asset weighting scheme to a man's mind. Men don't think that way.

 

What men care most about are a woman's looks and personality. By that standard, millions of men "marry up" every single year.

 

Edit: Further, I should add that there's a reason you only hear about "settling" in the context of the "choice" that women make. By and large, men don't have to settle. See, the period of time in which women have the highest relationship negotiating power (approximately around college) is also the time in which men aren't interested in getting married. This means that in practice, what women really get to "choose" is who to have worthless flings with. By the time many/most guys are ready to settle down, women are no longer at an advantage. This is why - on a cold, hard analysis - women are fools if they view college as just a time to **** around and have casual sex without commitment. Bad idea for any girl who doesn't want to be forced to "settle" later on.

Edited October 9, 2009 by Skump

[MrFun]

I think it's helpful to analyze courting... economically. Think of everything that a potential partner offers as being an asset or a liability (or risk). Good looks - asset. Good education - asset. Past criminal history - liability. Mental illness - liability. Et Cetera. ... Because she's a woman, and it's women who do the choosing... right?

 

I liked your post. It's also the way I've seen things.

 

All in all though, it's not about power, who has the upper hand or whatnot. It's about building a working, symbiotic relationship. I guess that's where a lot of people go wrong these days....

 

Being a great man and picking a great woman can skyrocket the success in your life.

[musicfan876]

You misunderstand: By and large, men just don't give that much of a damn about a woman's prestige, and frequently don't care much about the money she makes, either. Don't apply a woman's asset weighting scheme to a man's mind. Men don't think that way.

 

What men care most about are a woman's looks and personality. By that standard, millions of men "marry up" every single year.

 

Edit: Further, I should add that there's a reason you only hear about "settling" in the context of the "choice" that women make. By and large, men don't have to settle. See, the period of time in which women have the highest relationship negotiating power (approximately around college) is also the time in which men aren't interested in getting married. This means that in practice, what women really get to "choose" is who to have worthless flings with. By the time many/most guys are ready to settle down, women are no longer at an advantage. This is why - on a cold, hard analysis - women are fools if they view college as just a time to **** around and have casual sex without commitment. Bad idea for any girl who doesn't want to be forced to "settle" later on.

 

 

No men don't marry up in terms of personality. Men usually give more emotional support and usually are funnier more affectionate.

 

Women marry up in ALL ways.

 

And most men might not care upfront about how much women make but think about all the things marrying up financially does for you.

 

-You can go back to college and have a more fulfilling lesser paying job while your partner supports you.

-You don't have to work long hours to provide and your health is better.

-No having to pay alimony.

 

Men have been complaining about this for years.

 

You think men like sacrificing their passion, being the main breadwinner and paying alimony? i wouldn't it like it if i was in the average husband's place.

 

of course not but since women marry up (and only women marry up) they have no choice.

[Skump]

No men don't marry up in terms of personality. Men usually give more emotional support and usually are funnier more affectionate.

 

Women marry up in ALL ways.

 

Which is why the internet is filled with millions of forum threads in which angsty men in their 30s whine about how hard it is to find a decent person to date, and how they've had to "settle" for whomever they married, with all the sundry defects that person has.

 

Oh, that's right, those are women making those threads. Because men don't have to settle as frequently as women do, and even when they do settle, what they have to "settle for" is usually a hell of a lot better than the available options for women in their 30s and beyond.

 

Seriously, this whole idea that men always "marry down" is a fiction. Considered from the male perspective, men aren't marrying down - they're more often than not getting good mothers who are better looking than they are, i.e., exactly what they wanted. Heck, a lot of men (and this is screwed up, but here it is) don't even want a wife who is comparably successful. Ultimately, it's women in their late 20s, 30s, and further on that do the real "marrying down." They're the ones frequently dealing with the substance abusing, mentally ill, etc. partners, not men.

 

I mean, the dating scene for a successful guy in his late 20s and 30s is so stupendously better than what women of comparable age are confronted with it's just sad.

[musicfan876]

Which is why the internet is filled with millions of forum threads in which angsty men in their 30s whine about how hard it is to find a decent person to date, and how they've had to "settle" for whomever they married, with all the sundry defects that person has.

 

Oh, that's right, those are women making those threads. Because men don't have to settle as frequently as women do, and even when they do settle, what they have to "settle for" is usually a hell of a lot better than the available options for women in their 30s and beyond.

 

Seriously, this whole idea that men always "marry down" is a fiction. Considered from the male perspective, men aren't marrying down - they're more often than not getting good mothers who are better looking than they are, i.e., exactly what they wanted. Heck, a lot of men (and this is screwed up, but here it is) don't even want a wife who is comparably successful. Ultimately, it's women in their late 20s, 30s, and further on that do the real "marrying down." They're the ones frequently dealing with the substance abusing, mentally ill, etc. partners, not men.

 

I mean, the dating scene for a successful guy in his late 20s and 30s is so stupendously better than what women of comparable age are confronted with it's just sad.

 

Not really. Most men do resent women for marrying down financially.

 

Once again there are advantages to marrying up financially which can not be outmatched by anything.

 

I think you are wrong. Surveys always show men want to spend more time with their families and work less. That is what most want.

[Skump]

^^^Eh, respectfully, if men cared that much, they wouldn't prioritize looks and personality over accomplishment. But they do, manifestly. Again and again.

 

Moreover, many of the most successful men I know don't/didn't want to marry "career women" precisely in order that they can/could spend more time with their families. Having two career minded people in a relationship entails plenty of problems of its own, and money can't fix all of them. So, I can't agree with you.

[musicfan876]

I don't date high maintenance princesses so I honestly don't experiance this.

 

So she pays for half, is as easy to deal with as you, gives an equal amount of support, provides , does the heavy lifting/ dirty work, calls you, is the one who holds you most of the time and protects you equally?

 

are you serious?

 

no need to lie.

[musicfan876]

^^^Eh, respectfully, if men cared that much, they wouldn't prioritize looks and personality over accomplishment. But they do, manifestly. Again and again.

 

Moreover, many of the most successful men I know don't/didn't want to marry "career women" precisely in order that they can/could spend more time with their families. Having two career minded people in a relationship entails plenty of problems of its own, and money can't fix all of them. So, I can't agree with you.

 

 

Personality is related to accomplishment for one.

 

Your statements are true ONLY for successful men.

 

Yes rich men have money. They don't need more.

 

But most men don't have money. In order to provide they have two jobs. There were men complaining about this even in the early 20th century.

 

And career minded?

 

Most men AND women who work have jobs not careers.

 

Ask how many men how many of them enjoy their jobs.

 

Career minded men get a good deal.

 

But less than 1% of men are career minded. Most people have zero power at the workplace, have to deal with gossip, have menial jobs, barely ever make a difference and have boring repetitive jobs.

[SoulSearch_CO]

What a genius post. Not only are you clearly not a woman based on your posts. But evolution has provided that women be the selectors, Einstein. Their productive capacity is severely limited compared to men. Men could **** 10 women in a night and increase his chances of having multiple spawn. A woman can **** 10 guys in one night and look at that - only ONE chance at ONE spawn. Give me a break. It's simple math. Women have limited resources. Why WOULDN'T they be more selective? It only makes sense.

[musicfan876]

What a genius post. Not only are you clearly not a woman based on your posts. But evolution has provided that women be the selectors, Einstein. Their productive capacity is severely limited compared to men. Men could **** 10 women in a night and increase his chances of having multiple spawn. A woman can **** 10 guys in one night and look at that - only ONE chance at ONE spawn. Give me a break. It's simple math. Women have limited resources. Why WOULDN'T they be more selective? It only makes sense.

 

Lol. Like I didn't know this. i know evolution benefits women. whatever the reason it still shows how dominant women are.

 

 

you should address your post to the guys who are saying only women settle. Stop acting like a loser.

[lab_brat]

Lol. Like I didn't know this. i know evolution benefits women. whatever the reason it still shows how dominant women are.

 

 

you should address your post to the guys who are saying only women settle. Stop acting like a loser.

 

 

OP, i'm absolutely dying to know about your relationship status?

[Sam Spade]

The poster above has it basically right IMO. This idea that women have overwhelming power in romantic relationships is a canard: it may be true for a very brief span of time, but on a long timeline it's false.

 

I think it's helpful to analyze courting... economically. Think of everything that a potential partner offers as being an asset or a liability (or risk). Good looks - asset. Good education - asset. Past criminal history - liability. Mental illness - liability. Et Cetera.

 

The problem for women is that just one asset - their physical attractiveness - is disproportionately weighted in guys' estimation of a woman's "value proposition." And unlike prestige, wealth, educational accomplishment, etc., all of which can increase with age, physical attractiveness is a rapidly depreciating asset, especially for women.

 

What does this mean? Well, let's make a value plot in our imaginations for two hypothetical potential partners, a man and a woman of comparable accomplishment and age. Imagine two graphs, with time on x and "total human value, gender adjusted" () on y, for the man and woman respectively. "Total human value, gender adjusted" is the sum of the values of assets and liabilities as each asset/liability is generally valued by the opposite gender. Where the value plot of the woman is higher than the man, she has higher relationship power; where the value plot of the man is higher than the woman, he has higher negotiating power.

 

Think about what these graphs are going to look like. Let's start at age, say, 18, and take a narrative journey thorough the economics of partner valuation.

 

At age 18, the woman has begun to enter physical maturity, the bloom of her youth. Her physical asset hasn't quite reached the peak of its value, but it's close. What about the guy? Well, okay, he's cute, but he won't look as manly as he will at 30, and he's still a useless college freshman. No accomplishments, no money, no proven character virtues, nada. In other words, in all the areas in which women value men most, the guy is at his value nadir right now. Although the woman isn't any more accomplished, her physical asset is near the peak of its value as weighted by men, and guys aren't weighting her (non-existant) career accomplishments with nearly so much importance.

 

So at age 18, the woman's graph is far above the guy's. The woman's value proposition is much higher and thus she has more negotiating power. Moreover, this dynamic will persist for several years, because the basic circumstances won't change. On an economic calculus, this is a bad time to be in the dating scene for our guy. If they met, our young woman would probably pass him over.

 

However, below the surface, changes are brewing. College doesn't last forever, and neither does youth.

 

Over the last four years, the guy has been making connections. Let's say he's decided he wants to be a lawyer, and has been working hard on LSAT prep. He even scored a good internship and spends the year after graduation doing doc review at a respected law firm. Then the scores come back - he's going to a t14 baby! Our heroine hasn't been any slouch either, mind, and has comparable professional hopes; moreover, she's now at the absolute zenith of her physical beauty. Problem is, her most highly-weighted asset is now on a precipitous slope of depreciation. As in so many cases in history, the greatest glory comes right before the fall. This is the last point at which the woman's value graph will exceed the guy's.

 

It's going to be subtle, but it's going to happen fast. The guy proceeds through law school. He's no feckless pube now, but a young professional with hopes of making up to 150K per year with bonuses upon graduation. Moreover, his looks have improved. He's better built and more confident - he seems more like a man. He's 26 and ready to enter the world like a lion. He has everything going for him and time is on his side.

 

What about the woman? Tick... tick... tick... "Still not married yet, dear?" whines her Mom. "Rasing kids is so difficult when you're old - you know, like 30" gripes Grandma. It all seems a little silly. It's not like it's hard for the 26 year old woman to get dates. But something has changed. Boys aren't throwing themselves at her anymore - though lots of guys she dates still just really want sex (that hasn't, and never will, change). Moreover, Facebook reveals that lot of those cute guys she passed over in college as being "not quite right" are now... married. There's no shortage of "not right guys," of course, but most are more than a little "not right," these days. From the human perspective, the change was almost too subtle to notice, but our graphs reveal the truth: the guy and woman's value plots have intersected. For the woman, it's all down hill from here.

 

Time goes by - our hero and heroine hit 30. Just like the man, our woman has continued to build up professional accomplishments. However, men won't value her professional accomplishments as highly as she will theirs, and although no single male asset is valued as highly by woman as physical beauty is valued by men, there are now several assets well-weighted by women that are appreciating in our young man, whereas the woman's chief asset is steadily depreciating. Moreover, his looks have just reached their peak, and if he takes care of himself he could remain very handsome for a decade or more. Our woman also has another problem - a major liability has appeared. As an unmarried woman entering her 30s, any pregnancy will now be geriatric. Her fitness as a potential mother is thus also depreciating.

 

Thus we enter the long part of the graph, whose trend will characterize the lives of our man and woman until death. In this region, the man's value plot is forever above that of the woman's. Barring severe disfigurement, mental illness or complete financial destruction, he would always have the upper hand in a relationship with her.

 

The woman feels the changes. They're now impossible to ignore. Almost all of the best men are married - often snatched years ago by less attractive but more forward-thinking, cunning and aggressive women. Those that remain are either closted gays, players, or guys who know the score, and are primarily interested younger girls. The woman must now face an ugly reality: Her relationship prospects are not improving, and her options will only get worse with each passing year. The heinous "S" word is on the lips of her mother in every other conversation, and the woman has no retort. It's true, after all. If she wants to marry, she's probably going to have to settle.

 

And she'd better settle fast. Oh for the days when settling might've meant marrying that cute-but-a-bit-shy-and-bookish-boy from Bio2 who could barely work up the courage to ask her out. He's now a surgeon with a 24 year old wife from Croatia and has two kids. He's not that shy anymore, either. He drives a porche.

 

Still, she does have a date lined up with Phil, that cute artist she met over eHarmony. He seems nice. He's struggling, of course, but that's what artists do, right? It probably means his work is provocative. He's also totally over that problem with drinking he had when he was in college (what was the name of that college? She can't remember). Besides, she tells herself, money, prestige... none of that's so important, right? Her mom and friends are just being shallow when they needle her about the guy's she's dating these days. Maybe she's just worrying herself needlessly anyway: Her spirits were buoyed by a thread she read in a relationship advice internet forum. Almost everyone there said women have the upper hand in relationships. Well, everyone except some guy with a weird name and a long, boring post that she didn't bother to really read.

 

It's just like they said, she tells herself: It's women who choose. She can choose to reject this struggling artist, just like she rejected all those guys in college; like John, who had that weird curly hair (now a Wharton MBA at Goldman), and Steve, who had that annoying laugh (Entertainment Attorney in LA). She rejected them, and if this doesn't work out, she can reject this guy too.

 

Because she's a woman, and it's women who do the choosing... right?

 

 

This made me laugh . It's funny, because there is some (a lot of?) truth to it*, especially when outlined in such a meticulously sicko way .

 

The truth is, men really don't care that much about a woman's accomplishments as long as she has some bare minimum of ambition and some bare minimum of ability to be productive (basically, as long as she isn't a lazy turd and can find and keep a job). Beyond that, from family/marriage perspective, it is more of a liability than an asset. More importantly, even women who have careers and make money *still* want guys who are able to support them nevertheless - that's the part that's highly annoying --> if you are going to be a provider, better be one for an appreciative sweet woman who will be at home shortly after 5, rather than for one coming home late at night, angry from the latest snafu at the office, and then angry at you for 'holding her back', right?

 

 

*except it doesn't completely apply to asian chicks who have the unfair advantage of looking 18 until they turn 80 :-*

Edited October 10, 2009 by Sam Spade

[Zoff]

Most women on average have relationships with 10 men in their lifetimes to find one that will commit.

 

That's because your average woman is a terrible judge of which man would make a good partner.

[You'reasian]

The poster above has it basically right IMO. This idea that women have overwhelming power in romantic relationships is a canard: it may be true for a very brief span of time, but on a long timeline it's false.

 

I think it's helpful to analyze courting... economically. Think of everything that a potential partner offers as being an asset or a liability (or risk). Good looks - asset. Good education - asset. Past criminal history - liability. Mental illness - liability. Et Cetera.

 

The problem for women is that just one asset - their physical attractiveness - is disproportionately weighted in guys' estimation of a woman's "value proposition." And unlike prestige, wealth, educational accomplishment, etc., all of which can increase with age, physical attractiveness is a rapidly depreciating asset, especially for women.

 

The financial analysts guide to relationships. Love the comparison.

 

What does this mean? Well, let's make a value plot in our imaginations for two hypothetical potential partners, a man and a woman of comparable accomplishment and age. Imagine two graphs, with time on x and "total human value, gender adjusted" () on y, for the man and woman respectively. "Total human value, gender adjusted" is the sum of the values of assets and liabilities as each asset/liability is generally valued by the opposite gender. Where the value plot of the woman is higher than the man, she has higher relationship power; where the value plot of the man is higher than the woman, he has higher negotiating power.

 

Think about what these graphs are going to look like. Let's start at age, say, 18, and take a narrative journey thorough the economics of partner valuation.

 

At age 18, the woman has begun to enter physical maturity, the bloom of her youth. Her physical asset hasn't quite reached the peak of its value, but it's close. What about the guy? Well, okay, he's cute, but he won't look as manly as he will at 30, and he's still a useless college freshman. No accomplishments, no money, no proven character virtues, nada. In other words, in all the areas in which women value men most, the guy is at his value nadir right now. Although the woman isn't any more accomplished, her physical asset is near the peak of its value as weighted by men, and guys aren't weighting her (non-existant) career accomplishments with nearly so much importance.

 

So at age 18, the woman's graph is far above the guy's. The woman's value proposition is much higher and thus she has more negotiating power. Moreover, this dynamic will persist for several years, because the basic circumstances won't change. On an economic calculus, this is a bad time to be in the dating scene for our guy. If they met, our young woman would probably pass him over.

 

However, below the surface, changes are brewing. College doesn't last forever, and neither does youth..

 

Now you're thinking like an economist. Brilliant!

 

 

Over the last four years, the guy has been making connections. Let's say he's decided he wants to be a lawyer, and has been working hard on LSAT prep. He even scored a good internship and spends the year after graduation doing doc review at a respected law firm. Then the scores come back - he's going to a t14 baby! Our heroine hasn't been any slouch either, mind, and has comparable professional hopes; moreover, she's now at the absolute zenith of her physical beauty. Problem is, her most highly-weighted asset is now on a precipitous slope of depreciation. As in so many cases in history, the greatest glory comes right before the fall. This is the last point at which the woman's value graph will exceed the guy's.

 

It's going to be subtle, but it's going to happen fast. The guy proceeds through law school. He's no feckless pube now, but a young professional with hopes of making up to 150K per year with bonuses upon graduation. Moreover, his looks have improved. He's better built and more confident - he seems more like a man. He's 26 and ready to enter the world like a lion. He has everything going for him and time is on his side.

 

What about the woman? Tick... tick... tick... "Still not married yet, dear?" whines her Mom. "Rasing kids is so difficult when you're old - you know, like 30" gripes Grandma. It all seems a little silly. It's not like it's hard for the 26 year old woman to get dates. But something has changed. Boys aren't throwing themselves at her anymore - though lots of guys she dates still just really want sex (that hasn't, and never will, change). Moreover, Facebook reveals that lot of those cute guys she passed over in college as being "not quite right" are now... married. There's no shortage of "not right guys," of course, but most are more than a little "not right," these days. From the human perspective, the change was almost too subtle to notice, but our graphs reveal the truth: the guy and woman's value plots have intersected. For the woman, it's all down hill from here. ..

 

There are exceptions to this. Some women keep themselves in awesome shape, take good care of themselves and are happy single - and they enter their 40's, smokin' hot, really cool - sometimes in better shape than they were in their 30's - while this is the exception, its becoming a little more frequent.

 

Time goes by - our hero and heroine hit 30. Just like the man, our woman has continued to build up professional accomplishments. However, men won't value her professional accomplishments as highly as she will theirs, and although no single male asset is valued as highly by woman as physical beauty is valued by men, there are now several assets well-weighted by women that are appreciating in our young man, whereas the woman's chief asset is steadily depreciating. Moreover, his looks have just reached their peak, and if he takes care of himself he could remain very handsome for a decade or more. Our woman also has another problem - a major liability has appeared. As an unmarried woman entering her 30s, any pregnancy will now be geriatric. Her fitness as a potential mother is thus also depreciating.

 

Thus we enter the long part of the graph, whose trend will characterize the lives of our man and woman until death. In this region, the man's value plot is forever above that of the woman's. Barring severe disfigurement, mental illness or complete financial destruction, he would always have the upper hand in a relationship with her.

 

The woman feels the changes. They're now impossible to ignore. Almost all of the best men are married - often snatched years ago by less attractive but more forward-thinking, cunning and aggressive women. Those that remain are either closted gays, players, or guys who know the score, and are primarily interested younger girls. The woman must now face an ugly reality: Her relationship prospects are not improving, and her options will only get worse with each passing year. The heinous "S" word is on the lips of her mother in every other conversation, and the woman has no retort. It's true, after all. If she wants to marry, she's probably going to have to settle.

 

And she'd better settle fast. Oh for the days when settling might've meant marrying that cute-but-a-bit-shy-and-bookish-boy from Bio2 who could barely work up the courage to ask her out. He's now a surgeon with a 24 year old wife from Croatia and has two kids. He's not that shy anymore, either. He drives a porche.

 

Still, she does have a date lined up with Phil, that cute artist she met over eHarmony. He seems nice. He's struggling, of course, but that's what artists do, right? It probably means his work is provocative. He's also totally over that problem with drinking he had when he was in college (what was the name of that college? She can't remember). Besides, she tells herself, money, prestige... none of that's so important, right? Her mom and friends are just being shallow when they needle her about the guy's she's dating these days. Maybe she's just worrying herself needlessly anyway: Her spirits were buoyed by a thread she read in a relationship advice internet forum. Almost everyone there said women have the upper hand in relationships. Well, everyone except some guy with a weird name and a long, boring post that she didn't bother to really read.

 

It's just like they said, she tells herself: It's women who choose. She can choose to reject this struggling artist, just like she rejected all those guys in college; like John, who had that weird curly hair (now a Wharton MBA at Goldman), and Steve, who had that annoying laugh (Entertainment Attorney in LA). She rejected them, and if this doesn't work out, she can reject this guy too.

 

Because she's a woman, and it's women who do the choosing... right?

 

I like your style - a good mix and match of personal experiences and acute observations. Some women hold the belief of never settling - add to it, they often look at some positive character traits as liabilities - take kindness and stability.

 

We guys are imperfect too. As you mentioned, many of us look at a woman's physical beauty as her primary asset - which does not take into account a woman as a whole person and is the downfall of the relationship we are in.

 

Some women have contradictory desires in us men; they want it all. Some women want, kind, sensitive, touchy-feely, liberal guys who are also strong, Alpha-protectors, providers with unshakeable values.

 

I'm not saying such qualities can't exist in us, but more often than not, we are more concentrated in one area than the others. Next thing you know, you have women on here who complain about why guys don't protect women - when there clearly are many men who are protectors - just not of the woman's political/social/ideological bend.

Edited October 12, 2009 by You'reasian

[Pink Cupcakes]

Everyone, musicfan is one of those 30ish year old male virgins and he is one angry dude.

Your post is such BS and it smacks that you have never had a date or even been kissed in your life, musicfan.

Good luck with finally getting a woman.

you will need to get rid of the anger in order to do so, however.

[You'reasian]

Everyone, musicfan is one of those 30ish year old male virgins and he is one angry dude.

Your post is such BS and it smacks that you have never had a date or even been kissed in your life, musicfan.

Good luck with finally getting a woman.

you will need to get rid of the anger in order to do so, however.

 

Its possible - the poster could be as you say and that would be lame. It could be a woman too, that's just as scary.

[musicfan876]

Everyone, musicfan is one of those 30ish year old male virgins and he is one angry dude.

Your post is such BS and it smacks that you have never had a date or even been kissed in your life, musicfan.

Good luck with finally getting a woman.

you will need to get rid of the anger in order to do so, however.

 

believe whatever you want. my assertions are correct. no one has really contradicted it.

[Awesome Username]

The poster above has it basically right IMO. This idea that women have overwhelming power in romantic relationships is a canard: it may be true for a very brief span of time, but on a long timeline it's false.

 

I think it's helpful to analyze courting... economically. Think of everything that a potential partner offers as being an asset or a liability (or risk). Good looks - asset. Good education - asset. Past criminal history - liability. Mental illness - liability. Et Cetera.

 

The problem for women is that just one asset - their physical attractiveness - is disproportionately weighted in guys' estimation of a woman's "value proposition." And unlike prestige, wealth, educational accomplishment, etc., all of which can increase with age, physical attractiveness is a rapidly depreciating asset, especially for women.

 

What does this mean? Well, let's make a value plot in our imaginations for two hypothetical potential partners, a man and a woman of comparable accomplishment and age. Imagine two graphs, with time on x and "total human value, gender adjusted" () on y, for the man and woman respectively. "Total human value, gender adjusted" is the sum of the values of assets and liabilities as each asset/liability is generally valued by the opposite gender. Where the value plot of the woman is higher than the man, she has higher relationship power; where the value plot of the man is higher than the woman, he has higher negotiating power.

 

Think about what these graphs are going to look like. Let's start at age, say, 18, and take a narrative journey thorough the economics of partner valuation.

 

At age 18, the woman has begun to enter physical maturity, the bloom of her youth. Her physical asset hasn't quite reached the peak of its value, but it's close. What about the guy? Well, okay, he's cute, but he won't look as manly as he will at 30, and he's still a useless college freshman. No accomplishments, no money, no proven character virtues, nada. In other words, in all the areas in which women value men most, the guy is at his value nadir right now. Although the woman isn't any more accomplished, her physical asset is near the peak of its value as weighted by men, and guys aren't weighting her (non-existant) career accomplishments with nearly so much importance.

 

So at age 18, the woman's graph is far above the guy's. The woman's value proposition is much higher and thus she has more negotiating power. Moreover, this dynamic will persist for several years, because the basic circumstances won't change. On an economic calculus, this is a bad time to be in the dating scene for our guy. If they met, our young woman would probably pass him over.

 

However, below the surface, changes are brewing. College doesn't last forever, and neither does youth.

 

Over the last four years, the guy has been making connections. Let's say he's decided he wants to be a lawyer, and has been working hard on LSAT prep. He even scored a good internship and spends the year after graduation doing doc review at a respected law firm. Then the scores come back - he's going to a t14 baby! Our heroine hasn't been any slouch either, mind, and has comparable professional hopes; moreover, she's now at the absolute zenith of her physical beauty. Problem is, her most highly-weighted asset is now on a precipitous slope of depreciation. As in so many cases in history, the greatest glory comes right before the fall. This is the last point at which the woman's value graph will exceed the guy's.

 

It's going to be subtle, but it's going to happen fast. The guy proceeds through law school. He's no feckless pube now, but a young professional with hopes of making up to 150K per year with bonuses upon graduation. Moreover, his looks have improved. He's better built and more confident - he seems more like a man. He's 26 and ready to enter the world like a lion. He has everything going for him and time is on his side.

 

What about the woman? Tick... tick... tick... "Still not married yet, dear?" whines her Mom. "Rasing kids is so difficult when you're old - you know, like 30" gripes Grandma. It all seems a little silly. It's not like it's hard for the 26 year old woman to get dates. But something has changed. Boys aren't throwing themselves at her anymore - though lots of guys she dates still just really want sex (that hasn't, and never will, change). Moreover, Facebook reveals that lot of those cute guys she passed over in college as being "not quite right" are now... married. There's no shortage of "not right guys," of course, but most are more than a little "not right," these days. From the human perspective, the change was almost too subtle to notice, but our graphs reveal the truth: the guy and woman's value plots have intersected. For the woman, it's all down hill from here.

 

Time goes by - our hero and heroine hit 30. Just like the man, our woman has continued to build up professional accomplishments. However, men won't value her professional accomplishments as highly as she will theirs, and although no single male asset is valued as highly by woman as physical beauty is valued by men, there are now several assets well-weighted by women that are appreciating in our young man, whereas the woman's chief asset is steadily depreciating. Moreover, his looks have just reached their peak, and if he takes care of himself he could remain very handsome for a decade or more. Our woman also has another problem - a major liability has appeared. As an unmarried woman entering her 30s, any pregnancy will now be geriatric. Her fitness as a potential mother is thus also depreciating.

 

Thus we enter the long part of the graph, whose trend will characterize the lives of our man and woman until death. In this region, the man's value plot is forever above that of the woman's. Barring severe disfigurement, mental illness or complete financial destruction, he would always have the upper hand in a relationship with her.

 

The woman feels the changes. They're now impossible to ignore. Almost all of the best men are married - often snatched years ago by less attractive but more forward-thinking, cunning and aggressive women. Those that remain are either closted gays, players, or guys who know the score, and are primarily interested younger girls. The woman must now face an ugly reality: Her relationship prospects are not improving, and her options will only get worse with each passing year. The heinous "S" word is on the lips of her mother in every other conversation, and the woman has no retort. It's true, after all. If she wants to marry, she's probably going to have to settle.

 

And she'd better settle fast. Oh for the days when settling might've meant marrying that cute-but-a-bit-shy-and-bookish-boy from Bio2 who could barely work up the courage to ask her out. He's now a surgeon with a 24 year old wife from Croatia and has two kids. He's not that shy anymore, either. He drives a porche.

 

Still, she does have a date lined up with Phil, that cute artist she met over eHarmony. He seems nice. He's struggling, of course, but that's what artists do, right? It probably means his work is provocative. He's also totally over that problem with drinking he had when he was in college (what was the name of that college? She can't remember). Besides, she tells herself, money, prestige... none of that's so important, right? Her mom and friends are just being shallow when they needle her about the guy's she's dating these days. Maybe she's just worrying herself needlessly anyway: Her spirits were buoyed by a thread she read in a relationship advice internet forum. Almost everyone there said women have the upper hand in relationships. Well, everyone except some guy with a weird name and a long, boring post that she didn't bother to really read.

 

It's just like they said, she tells herself: It's women who choose. She can choose to reject this struggling artist, just like she rejected all those guys in college; like John, who had that weird curly hair (now a Wharton MBA at Goldman), and Steve, who had that annoying laugh (Entertainment Attorney in LA). She rejected them, and if this doesn't work out, she can reject this guy too.

 

Because she's a woman, and it's women who do the choosing... right?

 

 

Personal story:

 

I spent college studying and networking, and staying away from dating for the most part. I'm doing everything I can to have a good enough job that if a man decides to leave me later in life, I'll still be able to bring in enough money.

 

Reading this made me very sad. I'm still in my early 20s but it's making me think that I have a time limit if I want to meet a good, successful guy.

 

[SadandConfusedWA]

Skump, there is a lot of truth to what you are saying. However being 30, female and single, your post has just made me borderline suicidal

[alphamale]

when it comes to dating and mating i do believe women have more advantages but when it comes to life in general i think men have more advantages...

[phineas]

Skump - I am surprised you didn't take a beating from women objecting, you know, the truth is often hard to take. I suppose it's as you said, that most women wouldn't bother to read it. Nice work. I would like to disrupt your graph, though, for an unmentioned and growing trend.

 

You introduced an appearance of a major liability for the choosing woman, and I'd like to mention the appearance of a major liability for our heroin. By and large your graph is not uninterrupted until the death of the man. Truth is, it's going to be a very short ride for our heroin. He will actually have a rebirth and be reintroduced back into the single pool, and he'll do so more than 50% of the time (divorce). Interesting though, you made no mention of a Western woman being married to your ideal heroine. I'm sure your choice example of a Croatian woman was not haphazard. It doesn't matter much though. In the end, the Croatian woman, now Westernized, and armed with an easy-to-get divorce, even better if she's in a no-fault state, will do some life reflecting. Culture shock sets in, unchecked resentment builds, and while finding the "better life" wasn't all that it was cracked up to be, she realizes she can cash out and take her prize money back to her sorely missed homeland.

 

Same goes for the more forward-thinking Western woman. They can sustain just fine without him, while keeping his paycheck.

 

Uh oh, the heroin's new liabilities are now: alimony, debilitating child support, baby momma drama, and almost always, at least short term - financial ruin. Our poor heroin, while marring so young, he didn't have the emotional wisdom to realize that most women are in love with the *concept* of love and marriage- it was doomed from the start.

 

So where's our heroin now, and what's his value? Things are now looking up for our "choosing woman." To be continued...

 

Not really.

If you think about it, all that's mostly left at that point in time is other womens flotsam & jetsam dealing with the same alimony, debilitating child support, baby momma drama, and almost always, at least short term - financial ruin.

 

:lmao::lmao:

[musicfan876]

Thought this was related.

 

 

 

http://www.maritalaffair.co.uk/married/why_women_want_affairs.html

 

 

Women are the sexual element, they contain the wanted package and therefore hold the power. It is considerably easier for a woman, should it be desired, to engage in an affair.

 

 

Women, though they may not need it, are creatures that require polishing, nurturing and general attention to assist their self esteem and confidence, they are in far more need of this than a man.

[caramel c]

I thank God I am a girl. I love, love, love it!

[musicfan876]

Let's not forget how sneaky most women are at hiding affairs, much better at hiding affairs than men. So yes women get the better deal. Sorry to disappoint those going on about limited options as women get older.

[looking4 green grass]

Skump, there is a lot of truth to what you are saying. However being 30, female and single, your post has just made me borderline suicidal

 

 

Yeah, that makes me sound doomed. Although, people consistently think I am 21, so I don't really think my looks peaked in college. I think I'm just now getting there.