Nikki Sahagin Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 (edited) Today I guess is a good day. He is OFF the pedestal. I did a bit of facebook spying and I know many advise against it...but it helped me personally. The way he speaks, the way he poses, the things he says....make me dislike the person that he is...as such that makes me cringe to think we ever kissed, to think he ever touched me. He flirts with EVERY girl he can in the EXACT same way. He told me he hates women and has many statuses to back it up. He acts like a fake gangster nowadays. Its all about money and girls (which he hates - irony). Just the person he is, is so shallow and fake. And the guy I met....who said that that was his fake side, and the real him was sweet and kind. Well whether that was real or fake, I HATE who this guy is now. Its almost like being shocked out of love. At the moment I don't even think I love him. Its like feeling the audacity of how he treated me at the end. The way he broke up with, not even giving me a voice. The way he treated me. The whole arrogant, ignorant, big man act. I HATE those qualities in a man; in a human being. I'm not indifferent so obviously there is some feeling but I just can't stand him. He makes me sick to my stomach. He has changed so much into this needy, desperate, whiny, weird, freak of a person to be frank :s who flirts with girls that are not even good-looking (2 of them were but the rest its like...errr.....do you have no selectivity?) I see him now as just an untrusting, hypocritical, cruel, misogynistic and very false person who made me happy once but then made my life hell. Rather than being alone and desperate, I am free. Free of him. Free of his crippling influence on my life. Free of his issues. I am FREE of him and he is off of the pedestal. I know see him in the same light as any other kind of guy I dislike. He is just another one of them now. Its like I see the REAL him and its not the dream I had in my mind which was just a combination of good memories and expectations; he was a freud. Even if its all a big tough guy act for the lads its pathetic. I don't get why some men have to act like ignorant, arrogant ***** so that other guys will like them. What a shame. Your friends like you for being an idiot - good for you. Not the real qualities I liked...because I wasn't a guy you had to impress. You spend more time trying to impress men than girls...are you secretly gay? You know NORMAL girls don't like idiots. I liked you when you weren't being one, I just tolerated the meaness because I liked the you underneath it all. I think you are having a quarter life crisis. You are just a lost little boy playing at being a man. But you don't know what a real man is. And its not throwing your weight around, being rude and insulting. Shame you will never know that. Goodbye stranger I'm going to get better, you are just getting worse as a person. Edited October 8, 2009 by Nikki Sahagin
trueblue72ny Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I know from personal experience sometimes it takes a LONG time to get them off the pedestal. i am really thick so it took me years. So congratulations. I always thought I would always feel that special feeling for this person. That I would never let myself feel any different. And the thought of not caring about them hurt me. Well I guess that’s changed for me. I still care, thats true. but I believe I am really starting to feel noticeably indifferent, which I feel good about. i am not shaken up anymore if i do, or dont, hear from her. I never thought I would feel that way. Don’t know if I am completely out of the woods, still good and bad days, but I think I see a new path FINALLY. what a crazy journey. A fake gangster? Lol. sounds annoying. No offense.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 I know from personal experience sometimes it takes a LONG time to get them off the pedestal. i am really thick so it took me years. So congratulations. I always thought I would always feel that special feeling for this person. That I would never let myself feel any different. And the thought of not caring about them hurt me. Well I guess that’s changed for me. I still care, thats true. but I believe I am really starting to feel noticeably indifferent, which I feel good about. i am not shaken up anymore if i do, or dont, hear from her. I never thought I would feel that way. Don’t know if I am completely out of the woods, still good and bad days, but I think I see a new path FINALLY. what a crazy journey. A fake gangster? Lol. sounds annoying. No offense. You don't need to worry about offending me Yeah....the person he is now just, IRRITATES me. Its just a pure feeling of aggitation. I think I will always feel that 'special feeling' for him as I think once you love it can't ever truly die. And I know I will miss the friend before all this...but i've realised realistically the person he is now, the person he became, is incompatable with me. He makes no sense to me. The whole way he broke up with me, his 'reasons', the way his acting now. It does hurt...I know it will as the anger wears off. But he does me no good anymore. It really is such a crazy journey And because he was once the closest human connection i've ever had, I feel strangely lonely and cynical of others. But maybe I need this alone time to find my strength again
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