yah Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I've been seeing this guy for 3 weeks now. Things have been really good, moving at the right pace, both attracted to each other, etc. I feel like we just had our first argument/disagreement last night and I want to know who was in the right. I'm on my period and was pretty irritable last night. My friend drove me nuts all night and I just overall had a bad day. I was SO pissed off by the end of the night. I called him, asked if he's had dinner yet and if we could get together after a bad day. He says yes, he'll call me back after he gets home and showers. After he showers, he calls me back and says he's tired from staying late at work and basketball and asks if I really need for him to come. I say no but that I'd REALLY appreciated if he did (in my head I said "H*LL YES"). I re-itterated that I need someoen to talk to. He lives 10-15mins away. He then asks "btw, do you think you want to come with me to check out a band and go to my friend's bday party with me this Sat?" Now I'm thinking, well I'd go if you'd come and be there for me when I need you to be! I just said I'll think about it. That was a phone convo. He has bad reception so I just said "i cant really hear you very well" and hung up. He texts back asking me to go online to chat. I do, we say the same stuff again, I get irritated and say that I think I'll just find someone else to vent away my troubles. I get that I cant depend on him (just dating phase) but you'd think that during the initial dating phase is when a guy would go out of his way to be extra sweet! Is this a sign that he doesn't want to be depended on? If we were to be in a relationship, that this is an indicator of the type of boyfriend/partner he'd be? What do you think I/he/we should do? Who calls and apologizes first?
Left in a Lurch Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Honestly it sounds like your invitation didn't sound all that fun, "Hey, come over and let me vent my crappy day on you". An invitation to hear someone complain is a pretty crappy invitation. It sounds like he worked and did some things after and it was late and he was tired. After your bad day if he had called and said, "hey, you want to come over and hear all about my troubles?" I am guessing after your bad day you'd say you were tired too. Maybe had you said you really wanted to see him because you missed him it might have been different. Look at it like this, had he come over and you were both tired and in crappy moods, you probably would have had a bad time and argued and felt worse.
SweetyBear Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 My advice to you would be that you also be on your best behavior with your new boyfriend and that you let him respond in his own way and decide if you appreciate it or don't. So early in the relationship and you're wanting him to come listen to you vent? I would think that would scare most men off, wondering if that's what the relationship will end up being--him listening to you complain. I only say that because I recognized it in myself in my relationship and it's pretty unattractive. I could be totally offbase with you and your relationship. That said, your question was who should apologize. Why is an apology necessary? Did either of you say mean things to hurt the other? Otherwise, it sounds like you were each just expressing your needs for the evening and they differed. Nothing wrong with that on either side in my opinion.
Yukikazi Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Because a guy ALWAYS wants to listen to a woman complain about her day and perish the thought he wouldn't drop everything to drive right over to listen to you. There is a reason we avoid you women when its that time of the month.. talk about trying to trap the poor guy...
NoneoftheAbove Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 it doesnt mean you gotta be an ass to your bf because of that time of the month. it also depends how you invited him to come over.. because sometimes the way you say things doesnt really sound right.. but again.. no matter how nuts your friend drove you or you are on your period.. you should not reflect this on your relationship.
bayouboi Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I've been seeing this guy for 3 weeks now. Things have been really good, moving at the right pace, both attracted to each other, etc. I feel like we just had our first argument/disagreement last night and I want to know who was in the right. I'm on my period and was pretty irritable last night. I could have stopped reading there and probably guessed the answer to your question is "yes, you were being unreasonable". But I kept reading. After he showers, he calls me back and says he's tired from staying late at work and basketball and asks if I really need for him to come. I say no I could have stopped reading here again and told you that you were in the wrong. If you mean yes, don't say no.
callingyouuu Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 In guyspeak: yes = yes no = no It's not really that complicated, to be honest. I think you need to buy yourself a diary or start a blogspot for situations like that, not call on some guy you started dating a few weeks ago.
Roxanna Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Just wanted to weigh in that you were beyond unreasonable, and that everyone that posted above pretty much covered why.
boogieboy Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 After he showers, he calls me back and says he's tired from staying late at work and basketball and asks if I really need for him to come. I say no but that I'd REALLY appreciated if he did (in my head I said "H*LL YES"). I re-itterated that I need someoen to talk to. Who calls and apologizes first? This is ALL your fault. When you said no, you gave him an out. You got what you deserved. If you meant hell yes, YOU SAY HELL YES!!! guys dont speak hint, nor do they appreciate it. What you were supposed to say is "Yes I really want you here, I want to see you". If he denied that, then he would owe yOU an apology. You dont test him to see if he will take your no seriously. So now you owe him an apology for trying to test him when you said no. Dont ever do that again.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I've been seeing this guy for 3 weeks now. Things have been really good, moving at the right pace, both attracted to each other, etc. I feel like we just had our first argument/disagreement last night and I want to know who was in the right. I'm on my period and was pretty irritable last night. My friend drove me nuts all night and I just overall had a bad day. I was SO pissed off by the end of the night. I called him, asked if he's had dinner yet and if we could get together after a bad day. He says yes, he'll call me back after he gets home and showers. After he showers, he calls me back and says he's tired from staying late at work and basketball and asks if I really need for him to come. I say no but that I'd REALLY appreciated if he did (in my head I said "H*LL YES"). I re-itterated that I need someoen to talk to. He lives 10-15mins away. He then asks "btw, do you think you want to come with me to check out a band and go to my friend's bday party with me this Sat?" Now I'm thinking, well I'd go if you'd come and be there for me when I need you to be! I just said I'll think about it. That was a phone convo. He has bad reception so I just said "i cant really hear you very well" and hung up. He texts back asking me to go online to chat. I do, we say the same stuff again, I get irritated and say that I think I'll just find someone else to vent away my troubles. I get that I cant depend on him (just dating phase) but you'd think that during the initial dating phase is when a guy would go out of his way to be extra sweet! Is this a sign that he doesn't want to be depended on? If we were to be in a relationship, that this is an indicator of the type of boyfriend/partner he'd be? What do you think I/he/we should do? Who calls and apologizes first? Wow, this is a real puzzler, from both sides... Your request was fair, so you weren't "unreasonable", BUT you are sorta responsible for your own outcome for not having made yourself CLEAR enough. After dating 3 weeks, you probably need not get into the nitty gritty of your period, but you could certainly allude to it as a contributing factor, and then express clearly that you sooooooooooo want to get together just do de-stress from an irritating day. I suggest not judging him on this YET, until such a time as when you DO make your urgency more clear, and he THEN makes the wrong decision.
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