lvixen Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 but after all this I'm not sure how. I had originally met him in high school and we reconnected on Facebook back in January. He lives 2500 miles away from me (in the same country) so it was a long distance relationship. We met a few times and decided that I should move in with him, which I did in late August. But now I'm back home. Anxiety took over me, I missed home and I was worried about finding a job in my new city. I eventually did find a job, however it was a really garbage one and I didn't think I could keep it. He pressured me to keep it so I tried to. I had sent out at least 150 resumes and only gotten a couple of calls back. Things had gotten really bad for me. I tried to talk to him about it, at first he was understanding, but then he turned really nasty. He said he couldn't help me with my problems and started to get angry, telling me to see a therapist. Things escalated and soon he was starting to call me really vile names, like the c word and a psychopath.. He admitted to me he was being selfish but he didn't care because he was afraid that since I couldn't find a job I would become dependent on him, which I never asked for nor wanted. This last Sunday things got really bad, he rose his hand to me (never hitting me though) and then told me to get out, go home and deal with my stressors. Drove me to the airport to get a ticket, I cried and pleaded to stay but he wouldn't have it. Then he starts crying saying I hope we can be friends which I agree to. So I go home devastated, I go through my things and find a note from him saying that he wants me to come back after I "get better" and learn how to be "independent". I don't know how I'm supposed to "get better" because my understanding is stress and anxiety are normal when one is unemployed. I honestly don't feel I did anything wrong by trying to talk to him, but according to him by talking to him on the phone last night it's all my fault that I had to move back because I didn't want to talk to a therapist about my problems. I don't understand why I can't talk to my boyfriend about my problems??? I told him straight up that I think he lacks empathy. This is more pain than I can bear. I'm having nightmares, it's very hard to sleep, I've been overeating, the crying spells are horrible and I feel hopeless. I'm not sure what to do now. He says he is coming down for Christmas so we can see each other then, but I don't want to do this long distance thing again. At this point I just want to fall out of love with him and move on with my life. I love him so much and I'm not sure what to do. Sorry for the long post. Any advice or insight would be appreciated. Thank you!
Scottdmw Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Best wishes in a difficult situation, it sounds like it's really tearing you up. From what you've written, it sounds to me like not a very good relationship. Perhaps you have issues also, but it certainly sounds like he does. A man that would call you vile names and threaten to hit you is not a particularly good catch at best. I would suggest you do your best to forget about him and focus on other things in your life that make you happy. Even if it seems very difficult to do other things right now, keep at it and eventually they will indeed make you happy. I would suggest against going back to this guy, unless perhaps some time goes by and you see strong evidence that he has worked to address his issues. But, given that its long-distance especially, it just seems like it would be better for you to find a different person. Scott
trueblue72ny Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 ok, you moved 2,500 miles to be with him, and within a few months he was calling you names, tells you there is something wrong with you, and now you are back home already? is that accurate? Do yourself a favor and move on with your life. You will probably save yourself a whole lot of pain down the road. Don’t mean to rain on your parade. There is nothing wrong with you now. so there is no need for you to “get better”. If he respected you and cared about you he would not be calling you names and telling you to come back when you “get better”. Do yourself a favor move on from what I perceive to be an unhealthy relationship. Long distance relationships are ridiculous anyway in my opinion. Someone has to move. You did. and it didn’t work out. its not going to change if you try it again. But if you really want to try again my suggestion is maybe he should consider moving out there and show you he really wants to be with you.
Exit Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Wow honestly he sounds terrible. Being unemployed can certainly cause stress on a relationship, but to literally drive you to the airport, force you to leave, and tell you to come back when you're "better" is just plain SICK! There's a man out there who will love you no matter what.
DustySaltus Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I didn't even get a ride to the airport.............and I was 7000 miles away.
Author lvixen Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 Thanks all for the replies. It is me chasing him again calling him. We got into another argument last night, this time with him interrogating me as to why I'm depressed, with him saying he doesn't know if he wants to work it out then later saying he does. I told him I don't want to wait in limbo but he says I already am. Also I'm tired of doing all the calling but it is soooo hard not to. At this point I'm really not sure what to do.
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