daisyduke Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Hi everyone Im new to this so be gentle with me!! So here goes ... I was with my boyfriend for 2 years (were both 27) and we lived together for 18 months. During that time he supported me financially and emotionally so I could go back and study and was amazing. We spent all of our time together and he had moved to be with me. This meant that he had no friends around where we lived and due to working from home he couldnt meet people. He became sad and we began to argue. I have a few insecurity issues and kept pushing him to see how much he loved me. We argued alot and everytime we split up I chased him. We generally bickered about silly things but I am the sort of person who can just forget easily, he isnt - he broods. He then hides or runs away from the problem. We were due to move to a new house and this involved one of ur friends staying with us. Two days before the move he had a panic attack and decided that he couldnt do it, he didnt want to move there and ended it. I was devastated. He basically flipped out and left and then refused to talk to me. He spent two weeks ignoring my phonecalls and then eventually he started texting back. He says he couldnt argue anymore and he felt that I didnt like anything about him. Hes quite sensitive and insecure too (hes had weight problems in the past). He also has a kidney problem and I dont think he felt I was there for him - well hes told me this. He couldnt be further from the truth but i dont know what to do. We discussed marriage and I always thought we were right together. We met on a blind date and spent a week together on our first date - sounds silly but I knew he was the one! I think that there were other issues but he wont face them. Hes always had panic attacks and I dont know what to do. Hes told me to give him space but I worry about him and I miss him. he seems so angry with me too. Its been 6 weeks today since he finished it and I last saw him and I dont even know his address :-( What would you do?
Author daisyduke Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 Yeh I know....just seems so weird when two days before he finished it he was telling me how much he loved me and text our friend saying he was looking forward to the move!! I just wondered if people thought i should try doing the no contact? Hes done things which make me think he still has feelings - i told him that until he tells me hes no longer in love with me I wont give up on him and he wont say that.
TaraMaiden Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Oh..... I thought when you said - Its been 6 weeks today since he finished it and I last saw him and I dont even know his address you meant that you'd not had any contact with him at all.... so have you been in touch with him? I would go no contact. The more you chase and pressure him (as he sees it), the more he'll retreat.
Author daisyduke Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 oh sorry that wasnt too clear was it. I meant to say that basically hes moved out and I dont know where hes living now. Its so frustrating because I know he loves me, he did so much for me that I cant think otherwise but then hes just shut himself off completley.
TaraMaiden Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 And that, unfortunately, is his choice. And it's possible it's his anxiety/low self-esteem issues that are making him behave the way he is behaving. I think you might need to back off, and let him know that you're going 'No Contact', and will not be speaking to him again, unless it's to discuss getting back together, and that this aspect will be up to him, so you'll wait for his decision. But give him a finite time...say, for example... "I'll wait until the end of October. If by November first, you still haven't come back to me, I will take it that we are finally finished, and that we can both move on." And leave the ball in his court. Then, do exactly what I have suggested. go No Contact - and stick with it. Unless of course, he decides otherwise......
Author daisyduke Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 I am soooo rubbish at the no contact thing! I know its what I need to do though. Its so crap because he wouldnt even see me when he was moving his things out, I think he felt he may falter if he saw me and thats why he wont talk to me either. One side of me thinks sod him - if he wants me he will come back, the other side thinks god he was so insecure that I hated everything about him and now I need to prove to him I do love him. I have tried for 6 long weeks now though so I suppose theres my answer!
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