fightinthruit Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 hello all split with my ex 2 months ago but for the first month it was ups n downs false hopes signs, lies promises of counciling then on the 7th last month found out she has been picking guys up for nsa sex, we were together for 6yrs and have a 3 and a half year old, Well even though i feel somthing big is missing out my life I feel I am doing a great job getting over her even though she was my first and only love, after weeks of no contact and her keeping my daughter away from me she txt me out the blue to say my daughter wants to speak 2 me, so of course i spoke to my lil girl which made me so happy and sad at the same time! After this I got another txt saying " its not my place to ask but how are you?" I replied not to bad life goes on! Then got another txt from her saying how happy she is that im getting over her and that she knows how strong I am and i just got to believe it??? What I was wandering because of the way she rubbed it in my face that she is sleeping with others, does her txts mean she sees how cruel she is and said those txts to relief her guilt? I hope someone can answer this as im moving on slowly but want to know how I should handle this as if she is feeling guilt I want her 2 and dont want her to think everything is now fine as it truely is not! Thanyou ps; its so hard with a child envolved as I know if i could go 100% nc it would be so much easier!
jlr Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 It may very well be that. That's what my ex does. It eases their mind when they reach out to you. They want it to be ok. They want to say, "he's moving on, he's getting better, so I shouldn't blame myself for this." They don't want to take responsibilty for it.
contax Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Man I would flip out. It sucks. I can't see how they can do this, you try to heal and forgive - it's hard and when you do they think they're off scotch free. I have been n/c with my ex for almost 6 months now. I remember 1 month in crying to her, telling her how angry I am at her and hurt...while she was with her new man. She comfortablytalked on the phone like don't worry you will be okay, you need to get yourself together... meanwhile they are having fun... it's like they are the ones that need to get themselves together..they didn't even heal - they are running around...but from my perspective it's like they're enjoing themselves more. OUr pain I believe truely heals us in the end. I would just talk to the kid, be cordial to her and keep it moving. With mine she called me last month, she called me every month since. I have been nc for over 5 months. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out...people are doing these debauchery things....but I stick to my principles and values....it's like I couldn't get into that sht if I tried...and I know I'd feel guilty cause it would defile me....that chick you were with sounds like garbage...you had her when she was good now she's garbage....and to think you have to truely forgive and move on....how hard it is..and it's like they get it so easy??? It's a challenge....You are better than her. Focus on your own growth, and show your kid you're the better parent, and role model.
GrayClouds Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Combination of guilt release and ego boost if you said you were doing poorly. Kids makes it difficult but it sounds like you got a good handle balancing doing what you need to be with the child and putting up with the inconvenience of the EX...polite and to the point. Good luck.
trueblue72ny Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 In my opinion her telling you she is happy that you are getting over her is just her being immature and trying to push your buttons. Her texts do not mean she sees how cruel she has been. She is right about one thing, it is none of her business how are you. she lost that privilege when she decided to see others. Rubbing it in your face that she is sleeping with others? Wow real classy. Keep doing what you are doing. You are doing a good job thru a real difficult time in your life. Stay strong and stay true to yourself. Down the road you will be happy that you did. You are stuck with at least limited contact with her because of your daughter. No need to be rude to her, but at the same time I think you would be better off not getting personal with her. tell her you are not comfortable discussing your personal life with her at this time. she is just trying to make herself feel better for screwing you over. Just be prepared if she tries to use your daughter as a weapon against you because you don’t take her scraps of attention. I hope that she does not do that. But I have seen that happen before. People do it unfortunately.
Author fightinthruit Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 Thankyou all for your replys! The one thing I do fear for the future is the ex using my daughter as a weapon she done it many times before when we were together, in many ways! I also see problems when it comes to decisions at school etc, Its tough, all I wanted was to raise my daughter in a family unit like I had, but the ex has taken so much away from me its like ive been betrayed and all my beliefs trampled on then kicked while im squirming on the floor, All I want now is to heal fully to a point where I dont care at all about the ex one way or the other! As sadly its very hard seperating the two from each other I guess only time will help me there? This makes me feel guilty though, I will never let my daughter see this in anyway but it is very hard as I always seen that they came together as a family, Guess il just have to work hard on disasociating them from each other! Very tough time this!
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