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How do I apologize for this?

Woggle

By Woggle
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted (edited)

As you all know right before my wedding I called it off and told her I didn't want to marry her only to change my mind a few days later. She actually took me back and forgave me but I know that had to hurt. I still feel bad about it because it was the only time I actually directed my the venom inside my towards her. I usually hold in my anger or vent it online because I will not make her pay for what other women did. I was thinking about it today and it truly was a rotten thing to do.

 

Should I just forget about it and move on? Will she think I am nuts if I want to apologize for something that happened in 2006 or will she appreciate that I genuinely do feel bad about it?

Edited by Woggle
LakesideDream Established Member

LakesideDream

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As you all know right before my wedding I called it off and told her I didn't want to marry her only to change my mind a few days later. She actually took me back and forgave me but I know that had to hurt. I still feel bad about it because it was the only time I actually directed my the venom inside my towards her. I usually hold in my anger or vent it online because I will not make her pay for what other women did. I was thinking about it today and it truly was a rotten thing to do.

 

Should I just forget about it and move on? Will she think I am nuts if I want to apologize for something that happened in 2006 or will she appreciate that I genuinely do feel bad about it?

 

 

Plan a nice dinner, then get her something she likes. Enclose a card, with a very brief apology for what happened... and leave it at that. Keep it short and simple. Enjoy your night out.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

Posted
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Plan a nice dinner, then get her something she likes. Enclose a card, with a very brief apology for what happened... and leave it at that. Keep it short and simple. Enjoy your night out.
What a lovely idea but instead of apologizing, just tell her how much you love and appreciate her and how happy she makes you, as your wife.
LakesideDream Established Member

LakesideDream

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What a lovely idea but instead of apologizing, just tell her how much you love and appreciate her and how happy she makes you, as your wife.

 

Your right TBF, I didn't think of adding the obvious. Thanks for the critique.

OpenBook Established Member

OpenBook

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No, I think Lakeside was right the first time. She DOES need to know the reason why you're going to all the trouble. Hearing how much it bothers you that you hurt her like that (as much as she understands why you did it) will help erase any remaining hurt she may harbor - even more than the dinner and flowers! (Note how I slipped in the flowers :laugh:)

InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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No, I think Lakeside was right the first time. She DOES need to know the reason why you're going to all the trouble. Hearing how much it bothers you that you hurt her like that (as much as she understands why you did it) will help erase any remaining hurt she may harbor - even more than the dinner and flowers! (Note how I slipped in the flowers :laugh:)

 

 

I agree with that too.

 

You need to tell her why you are doing this, need her to know you are thinking and feeling remorse for what you did. Be transparent in terms of your motives now and what is on your mind, it is the best gift you can give your wife for what you did.

 

Can't believe she went through with the marriage after that, wow! :eek:

carhill Established Member

carhill

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I'd plan something special for the (anniversary) day of the original wedding and not say a word about why. If she asked (and women never forget such things), I'd merely say I was an ass that day and have regretted it ever since and am so happy she is in my life.

 

Probably not a good idea to listen to me though, since I'm getting divorced (and have no such regrets)....

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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Your right TBF, I didn't think of adding the obvious. Thanks for the critique.
No critique intended. An apology after the fact where she hasn't brought it up herself, can dredge up memories and resentments best left forgotten. If it still bothers her, it's her responsibility to bring it up again.

 

As well, considering Woggle's psychy, I'm not certain how he would react, if her response to his apology isn't what he wanted, expected or anticipated.

 

But that doesn't stop anyone from loving and appreciating someone in their lives, hence...the obvious. :)

quankanne Established Member

quankanne

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that's a pretty big thing to realize, Woggle, and I'm sure she would appreciate you letting her know just how much you've come to regret that behavior back then. She loves you, she obviously "gets" you, and will forgive you anything ... but for you to quietly tell her that it pains you knowing you'd hurt her this way ... she's going to find her hopes and belief in the man she loves validated because she's seeing him grow.

 

you don't have to do anything fancy like a special dinner or anything, just let her know how rotten it's made you feel knowing you hurt her by doing this and then ask her forgiveness. Chances are, she's already forgiven you, but it's still something you need to hear.

 

I'm really proud of you, Woggle – you've made huge strides in learning to love and trust a woman again, and that's no small thing. :love:

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

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instead of apologizing, just tell her how much you love and appreciate her and how happy she makes you, as your wife.

I'd also go more along those lines. You could add something like, "Thank you for not letting me make the biggest mistake of my life back in 2006. I've been thinking about it again and...holy cow! what a big boob I was, huh? I so much appreciate your understanding and forgiveness."

 

She'll know exactly, I strongly suspect.

InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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As well, considering Woggle's psychy, I'm not certain how he would react, if her response to his apology isn't what he wanted, expected or anticipated.

 

 

 

Is he doing it for purely selfish reasons, for remorse, to truly come to peace with what he did and to also allow her to openly choose to forgive or a little bit of all of the above?

 

 

If he really wants to put his guilt to rest he has to do it with her in mind not just himself and how he might not get what HE wants out if it.

 

I think that is the main point, the risk factor.

InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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you don't have to do anything fancy like a special dinner or anything, just let her know how rotten it's made you feel knowing you hurt her by doing this and then ask her forgiveness. Chances are, she's already forgiven you, but it's still something you need to hear.

 

 

I totally agree with that, to me that is the main point everything else is filler.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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Should I just forget about it and move on?

^^^this^^^

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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Let her know how much you love, appreciate and need her in your life.. How special she is to you, and slip in that you are so grateful that she still married you, even after you got abit of cold feet.

 

Wog, you also need to forgive yourself..It seems to me, she has forgiven you, hense she married you!!

 

Just love her, and be happy!

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

Posted
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Is he doing it for purely selfish reasons, for remorse, to truly come to peace with what he did and to also allow her to openly choose to forgive or a little bit of all of the above?

 

 

If he really wants to put his guilt to rest he has to do it with her in mind not just himself and how he might not get what HE wants out if it.

 

I think that is the main point, the risk factor.

My advice is tailored to Woggle. For someone else, I would agree with you but for Woggle, no.
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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For someone else, I would agree with you but for Woggle, no.

 

Very true. ISY, you don't know Woggle like we all do..

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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Very true. ISY, you don't know Woggle like we all do..
Woggle has come a long, long way. I think many of us are really proud of how far he's come and want to protect the decent man who was trapped within himself, for so many years.
alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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Woggle has come a long, long way. I think many of us are really proud of how far he's come and want to protect the decent man who was trapped within himself, for so many years.

i am the antithesis to woogle as i have pretty much remained static over the years

InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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Very true. ISY, you don't know Woggle like we all do..

 

What is there to know though? What I do know is that if you are going to reach out and say sorry to your partner for something you did that was very wrong and that has been bothering you all these years, there is no skirting around the issue you must face the music and let things happen as they will. That is what saying sorry is all about. It's not about ridding onself of guilt and birds chirping and flowers blooming...it's about putting any lingering issue to rest at whatever cost that may be. It's the risk of that cost that actually settles the score, both for him and her.

 

Regardless of the outcome potentially creating some temporary neagtivity (I doubt that would happen she did marry him anyway afterall...) so I bet she will just be happy to know he is feeling sorry for this after all this time. ;)

Edited by InspiredbyYou
65tr6 Established Member

65tr6

Posted
Posted
Should I just forget about it and move on? Will she think I am nuts if I want to apologize for something that happened in 2006 or will she appreciate that I genuinely do feel bad about it?

 

You got me confused there for a minute. So you want to apologize for something you did back in 2006 ? You never apologized for calling off the wedding and then changing your mind few days later ? When did you get married ? Why all this now ? How is your married life in the last three years ?

 

If you never apologized, yes I agree it is never too late.

 

Surprise her. Do this at home. Get flowers. Some nice romantic candles, light music in the background. Ofcourse you would say how much you love her in your apology note. I would also buy a small surprise gift too. Yeah, overwhelm her.

laRubiaBonita Established Member

laRubiaBonita

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I would also buy a small surprise gift too. Yeah, overwhelm her.

 

i would NOT want a gift that every time i see it i think "oh, yes- this was the apology gift woggle gave me for calling off the wedding"

 

just no bueno...... flowers are cool though- cause they die and that is that

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