deadboy666 Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 i keep breaking nc and talking to her. not only were we lovers, we were also best friends for almost 5 years so it's really hard to not be able to talk to someone like that. spare me all the yelling at because i know it's stupid to break NC. believe me, i know. ive heard it on here, and ive heard it from all of my friends irl. we all can relate to things, but in the end every experience is unique and you cant 100% see things through my eyes. i find out monday that she has feelings for her ex bf that she went out before me, that left her and was very neglectful. they had become good friends again eventually. she said he's fresh out of a long term relationship too and that theyre finding each other again. i am beyond angry about it. how can she go back to someone who treated her like ****? im so angry, sad, frustrated and feeling hopeless =\
NoneoftheAbove Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 i keep breaking nc and talking to her. not only were we lovers, we were also best friends for almost 5 years so it's really hard to not be able to talk to someone like that. spare me all the yelling at because i know it's stupid to break NC. believe me, i know. ive heard it on here, and ive heard it from all of my friends irl. we all can relate to things, but in the end every experience is unique and you cant 100% see things through my eyes. i find out monday that she has feelings for her ex bf that she went out before me, that left her and was very neglectful. they had become good friends again eventually. she said he's fresh out of a long term relationship too and that theyre finding each other again. i am beyond angry about it. how can she go back to someone who treated her like ****? im so angry, sad, frustrated and feeling hopeless =\ there is nothing you can do.. doesnt matter if you are friends 10 years.. REAL FRIENDS dont betray you.. if you keep breaking NC.. you will get angry, sad, fustrated and feel hopeless.. you did nothing wrong.. she left you for another men.. just let it go man... not worth it.. she betrayed you once this might happen again.. and you dont wanna get hurt AGAIN trust me.. dont contact with her cut every links... maybe one day she ll realize what she has done terribly wrong.. because her current bf will treat her bad once again.. im sorry but you gotta move ON RIGHT NOW..
Exit Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 We all sit here and say things like "my situation is unique, you can't see it from my perspective, you don't understand", but in reality, all our situations are pretty similar. At this point your feelings for her are not being returned and it is nothing more than an unhealthy addiction for you. Like any other addiction, it doesn't get any easier until you stop exposing yourself to it. You need time away from her.
Confused_Chump Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 OP, I agree with you that everyone's situation is unique and no one can truly understand how you're feeling other than yourself. However, I see some similarities between you and myself. Like you, I also recently lost my first love and best friend. At first I felt there was no way I can go on and live my life without her in it. We've known each other for many years and were a huge part of each other's lives. I was adamant on trying to maintain contact and be friends eventhough she's now in a new relationship because I was so attached to her. In a sense, she was like a drug to me and I was an adict. I think what I experienced is quite similar to yours, so I may have an idea of how your feeling right now in terms of not being able to maintain NC. However, the longer I tried to be around her and maintain a friendship, the harder it was for me. I got to the point where I just grew tired of how I was feeling. I no longer wanted to feel like crap and I was determined to become whole again. I decided to say good bye to her and have been in NC since. Here I am almost 4 months later and I am doing much better than I was before. I still care for her because we left on good terms and if the opportunity arises in the future when I fully heal, I would very much like to be friends with her. But that is something I try extremely hard not to worry about at this moment. The only thing I worry about now is myself and my process of healing. The point I am trying to get at is no matter how much advice people are giving you and how many people keep on insisting you maintain NC, none of it will work unless YOU'RE willing to open up to the idea of healing. In other words, nothing is going to work until you're determined that you want to become whole again and that you no longer want to suffer. Once you're in that state, further support from family, friends, books, loveshack, etc. will be there to help you along. Hence, the most important force behind all of this is yourself and your determination. So ask yourself if you're ready to heal and remove yourself from this suffering...
Author deadboy666 Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 OP, I agree with you that everyone's situation is unique and no one can truly understand how you're feeling other than yourself. However, I see some similarities between you and myself. Like you, I also recently lost my first love and best friend. At first I felt there was no way I can go on and live my life without her in it. We've known each other for many years and were a huge part of each other's lives. I was adamant on trying to maintain contact and be friends eventhough she's now in a new relationship because I was so attached to her. In a sense, she was like a drug to me and I was an adict. I think what I experienced is quite similar to yours, so I may have an idea of how your feeling right now in terms of not being able to maintain NC. However, the longer I tried to be around her and maintain a friendship, the harder it was for me. I got to the point where I just grew tired of how I was feeling. I no longer wanted to feel like crap and I was determined to become whole again. I decided to say good bye to her and have been in NC since. Here I am almost 4 months later and I am doing much better than I was before. I still care for her because we left on good terms and if the opportunity arises in the future when I fully heal, I would very much like to be friends with her. But that is something I try extremely hard not to worry about at this moment. The only thing I worry about now is myself and my process of healing. The point I am trying to get at is no matter how much advice people are giving you and how many people keep on insisting you maintain NC, none of it will work unless YOU'RE willing to open up to the idea of healing. In other words, nothing is going to work until you're determined that you want to become whole again and that you no longer want to suffer. Once you're in that state, further support from family, friends, books, loveshack, etc. will be there to help you along. Hence, the most important force behind all of this is yourself and your determination. So ask yourself if you're ready to heal and remove yourself from this suffering... i want to heal and feel better. it's just very hard for me to completely let go. it has only been 2 and a half weeks and we were together for almost 5 years. i AM open to the idea of not contacting her, but i can't fight my impulses. believe me, ive been trying, and the development about her having feelings for the person that she convinced me that there was nothing left with has been a major setback for me =\
Confused_Chump Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 (edited) i want to heal and feel better. it's just very hard for me to completely let go. it has only been 2 and a half weeks and we were together for almost 5 years. i AM open to the idea of not contacting her, but i can't fight my impulses. believe me, ive been trying, and the development about her having feelings for the person that she convinced me that there was nothing left with has been a major setback for me =\ It was really hard for me to fight my impulses too at the start and it took me about 2 months of on and off contact before I finally realized it was time to say good bye. As others and I have said, she is like a drug to you right now and maintaining contact with her will maintain that addiction. It will take time, but hopefully you too will soon realize it's not worth it to remain in contact and consequently be in constant pain. You say finding out that she's getting back together with an old flame has set you back, this is just something you have to deal with now that you've received the news. Try your best not to think about them together and if you do end up breaking NC again, don't ask her about her relationship status because it will only set you back even more. At this point in time, you don't need extra information that is irrelevant and hurtful to yourself. What's most important now is trying to find a means to move on and start feeling better about yourself. Again, it's all up to you and your determination. Edited October 8, 2009 by Confused_Chump
marley671 Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Like you, I also recently lost my first love and best friend. At first I felt there was no way I can go on and live my life without her in it. We've known each other for many years and were a huge part of each other's lives. I was adamant on trying to maintain contact and be friends eventhough she's now in a new relationship because I was so attached to her. In a sense, she was like a drug to me and I was an adict. I think what I experienced is quite similar to yours, so I may have an idea of how your feeling right now in terms of not being able to maintain NC. However, the longer I tried to be around her and maintain a friendship, the harder it was for me. I got to the point where I just grew tired of how I was feeling. I no longer wanted to feel like crap and I was determined to become whole again. I decided to say good bye to her and have been in NC since. Here I am almost 4 months later and I am doing much better than I was before. I still care for her because we left on good terms and if the opportunity arises in the future when I fully heal, I would very much like to be friends with her. But that is something I try extremely hard not to worry about at this moment. The only thing I worry about now is myself and my process of healing. The point I am trying to get at is no matter how much advice people are giving you and how many people keep on insisting you maintain NC, none of it will work unless YOU'RE willing to open up to the idea of healing. In other words, nothing is going to work until you're determined that you want to become whole again and that you no longer want to suffer. Once you're in that state, further support from family, friends, books, loveshack, etc. will be there to help you along. Hence, the most important force behind all of this is yourself and your determination. So ask yourself if you're ready to heal and remove yourself from this suffering... I can totally relate with you here confused_chump. I too just lost my love and best friend and it has been quite a difficult road. She was definitely like a drug to me. She too is in a new relationship and it was the most devastating news to find out. It is now 3 weeks of NC and although I still feel pain, I've accepted the fact that she is gone and have to go through this grievance phase. I completely agree with you here..."I still care for her because we left on good terms and if the opportunity arises in the future when I fully heal, I would very much like to be friends with her. But that is something I try extremely hard not to worry about at this moment. The only thing I worry about now is myself and my process of healing." Thanks for the advice. Reading your posts has helped me with my healing process. Good luck deadboy666. Hang in there bro. You are not alone.
Author deadboy666 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 thanks all... im determined to make myself better, and i am. if you havent read my posts i have lost almost 20 pounds since the breakup, have been hitting the gym again, rekindled my relationship with my parents, leaned on friends harder than i have leaned before and so on and so forth. some days are easier than others, and usually if im busy doing something that completely consumes me then i wont think about it. usually, im the worst when im by myself late at night. at least when im bummed around my friends i can vent about it to them and they offer me words of encouragement. i KNOW for a fact that i will eventually get better from this, but it's just barely been 3 weeks so the wounds are very, very fresh and they have been wide open since i found out about the guy she has feelings for again. the guy was a neglectful ******* to her when they dated and prevented us from going out in the first place because she wasnt over him yet. they had started as friends, and slowly became good friends again. over the years i felt threatened by him, and whenever i would ask her she would convince me that i have nothign to worry about. i eventually grew to like him and was 100% convinced that there was nothing left between them, which is why it's such a shock to me. there are still triggers that i have that will just set me off. it could be the clothes that im wearing that she bought for me, or it could be going somewhere that we used to go to all the time, anything! it will just set me off and make me think about the times that we shared. it also doesnt help that i have bad impulses and if im in the wrong mindset i will just do something (like contact her) without any thought to it.
DustySaltus Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 I know all about those triggers deadboy. The smell of the the perfume she used to wear is the biggest trigger for me. There are things you can control and things you can't control that will make you think of her. The biggest thing you need to do right now is to stop investigating what she is doing. THAT WILL EAT YOU ALIVE!!!!
Confused_Chump Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 (edited) Thanks for the advice. Reading your posts has helped me with my healing process. Good luck deadboy666. Hang in there bro. You are not alone. Since we're going through similar situations, I am glad I was of some help. Every little bit of advice/positive encouragement goes a long way when we're in this state. The biggest thing you need to do right now is to stop investigating what she is doing. THAT WILL EAT YOU ALIVE!!!! Ohhh....this is so true. "Curiosity killed the cat" and it happened to me once. Boy did that hurt...never again! thanks all... im determined to make myself better, and i am. if you havent read my posts i have lost almost 20 pounds since the breakup, have been hitting the gym again, rekindled my relationship with my parents, leaned on friends harder than i have leaned before and so on and so forth. some days are easier than others, and usually if im busy doing something that completely consumes me then i wont think about it. usually, im the worst when im by myself late at night. at least when im bummed around my friends i can vent about it to them and they offer me words of encouragement. i KNOW for a fact that i will eventually get better from this, but it's just barely been 3 weeks so the wounds are very, very fresh and they have been wide open since i found out about the guy she has feelings for again. the guy was a neglectful ******* to her when they dated and prevented us from going out in the first place because she wasnt over him yet. they had started as friends, and slowly became good friends again. over the years i felt threatened by him, and whenever i would ask her she would convince me that i have nothign to worry about. i eventually grew to like him and was 100% convinced that there was nothing left between them, which is why it's such a shock to me. there are still triggers that i have that will just set me off. it could be the clothes that im wearing that she bought for me, or it could be going somewhere that we used to go to all the time, anything! it will just set me off and make me think about the times that we shared. it also doesnt help that i have bad impulses and if im in the wrong mindset i will just do something (like contact her) without any thought to it. It's good to hear that you're determined to become whole again. I myself am also trying my best to maintain a positive attitude about this whole situation. I still get moments of relapse but I think everyone goes through them. Furthermore, NC will do wonders in due time, but it is extremely difficult when the wounds are fresh. So just try your best to resist your impulse to break it. Make a commitment to yourself to maintain NC because staying in contact will just slow down your healing process. I recall being extremely sensitive to triggers as well when this whole thing started for me. Even now they can be bothersome but it's no where near as bad as they were before. Sometimes I can even find myself smiling at certain triggers because of the good memories we've had. Things will get better bit by bit, day by day. So hang in there! Edited October 9, 2009 by Confused_Chump
WiseOne1 Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Your sistuation sounds just like me and my EX GF's issue. Me and her were best friends 5 years before we started dating, we eventually started growing emotional feelings for eachother and decided we should try dating. During being together for 9 months her "jerk EX BF" came back, yes he was one of those *******s, that didn't care about her and neither did he keep it a secret from her. He came back after being gone for 9 months str8!!! He didn't even tell her that he wanted to breakup, he just got up and left! He then came back and said that he loved her, and she started getting feelings for him again. She says that they could possibly work on there relationship, and I'm like so your going to leave the good guy, for that no good piece of crap???? This sistuation went on for 2 months, he then started to show his old ways, and she made the choice that she did not want to be with him, and then came back and told me she had choosen me over him "personally I think that her ex BF just got distracted again and left for someone else". She sweared that she choose me over him and we got back together and that last for a year, and in the end it broke up back up, because I could not get over how badly she treated me when he came back, "it was like I didn't matter anymore."
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