mr.jekyll Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I was on a date with a girl and she wouldn't let me pay for dinner but split the costs. Does that signal anything? Low interest or high feminism?
Art_Critic Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 The only thing I can think of it might mean no second date.. I guess it's possible that she is just the type of person who goes dutch.. Time will tell.. do you have a second date lined up with her ?
boogieboy Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Was it a first date? Shouldnt have done dinner on a first date.
Author mr.jekyll Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 It was a first date. We haven't talked about a second date. Does that really mean no second date? Boogieboy, why should a first date not be dinner?
R2D Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I recently went out on a first date and paid my portion. The gentleman I dated makes a great deal more money than me. I am no feminist but the difference in our income level does make me feel a little uncomfortable. At some point this may change but I feel paying my portion is acceptable. I did explain before we met for the date (via email) that I planned on paying my way which he understood. It may have nothing to do with you but be her hang up (like it is in my case). So hang in there.
carhill Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Did she wear a short skirt to dinner? Try a change-up with a quickie coffee meet-up. See how she reacts. Any sign of hesitation.... buh-bye
Author mr.jekyll Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 I was a little taken aback by her wanting to pay for her share. If that shows lack of interest, there would be little point in asking her next, wouldn't there?
carhill Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 If you otherwise had a good time on the date, don't worry about it. You'll go insane trying to figure women out, so don't bother. Do what *you* want.
Left in a Lurch Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 You don't know her interest and her paying does not exclusively mean she is not interested. Ask her and find out. If she gives you a maybe, or an I don't know, or call me later then I would say move on.
caramel c Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I would not insist on paying for a first date no matter what my level of interest was, so I am not sure.
boogieboy Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Boogieboy, why should a first date not be dinner? Because the stigma seems to always be that a guy is trying to buy a womans company with dinner. Thats why she insists on paying. She doesnt want to be obligated to anything. It makes some women very uncomfortable. The first date should always be something simple, like coffee. You're only trying to get to know her, dinner is for when youre sure she is into you, and it doesnt make a difference who pays. Matter of fact, you only do dinner when you know youre a sure thing. "Dinner" can be misconstrued as trying to impress her with money in the beginning, once you put off a vibe like that, youre sunk. Same reason you dont buy gifts for a woman before youre exclusive.
ashleigh422 Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 (edited) On another note... if I dated someone who made substantially less money than I did.. Id at the VERY least ask to pay my own way.. if not offering to pay thiers as well.. money is not the makeit breakit thing for me.. DID she offer to pay and you refused? Edited October 8, 2009 by ashleigh422 typo
aerogurl87 Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I was on a date with a girl and she wouldn't let me pay for dinner but split the costs. Does that signal anything? Low interest or high feminism? 1) She's crazy. 2) It could be either low interest or high feminism. My best friend attempts to be the ultimate feminist and rarely lets her boyfriend pay for anything (she almost had a heart attack when I told her I wanted to be a stay at home mom who cooked, cleaned, and treated my future husband like a king ). But I digress, it could be either that or low interest. And if it's low interest well I'd be kind of happy she paid for half the meal. More money to spend on the next woman who might actually like you and want to date you.
Author mr.jekyll Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 On another note... if I dated someone who made substantially less money than I did.. Id at the VERY least ask to pay my own way.. if not offering to pay thiers as well.. money is not the makeit breakit thing for me.. DID she offer to pay and you refused? She offered to pay her share when the bill came.
Author mr.jekyll Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 My offering to pay should have signaled to her that I'm interested, right? Otherwise why would I want to do that?
aerogurl87 Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 My offering to pay should have signaled to her that I'm interested, right? Otherwise why would I want to do that? Well here's a theory. Maybe she offered to pay because she didn't want to feel like she owed you anything, even if the date went well. Maybe she felt like if she paid her way she didn't owe you a thing after the date (possibly even the courtesy of a second date if she wasn't interested). Or it could be that she dated someone before who paid her way, then wanted sex, and she felt in a sense obligated to oblige even though she wasn't feeling it. So maybe she doesn't want to put herself in the same position again, just a guess.
hopesndreams Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 If I had no intention of seeing him again I would let him pay for dinner. Otherwise, I'd go dutch and show him I'm not a mooch.
Jersey Shortie Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Well it might mean a low interest but I wouldn't say that's the only answer. We get alot of mixed messages about who should pay. We don't really know if men want us to pay or if we don't pay they are going to call us names. She might have paid because she isn't interested and didn't want to take advantage of you. Of course, she might have paid because she didn't want you to think bad of her. What was her response after the date? Have you followed up with her or vice versa and talked since?
Author mr.jekyll Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 Well it might mean a low interest but I wouldn't say that's the only answer. We get alot of mixed messages about who should pay. We don't really know if men want us to pay or if we don't pay they are going to call us names. She might have paid because she isn't interested and didn't want to take advantage of you. Of course, she might have paid because she didn't want you to think bad of her. What was her response after the date? Have you followed up with her or vice versa and talked since? She was still friendly but she didn't say much at the end of the date. I haven't followed up because she's away on a long business trip. I'm not sure about her interest level, what with the paying and how we ended the date. Any clues?
Jersey Shortie Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 She was still friendly but she didn't say much at the end of the date. I haven't followed up because she's away on a long business trip. I'm not sure about her interest level, what with the paying and how we ended the date. Any clues? I am going to agree with Carhill here. His post is good advice. I can't tell either way from what you've said. So many things can be mis-interrupted. When yuo know she is back, give her a call. If you like her. If she turns you down then you are free to move on and not wonder. Really, women are so vastly different sometimes it's hard to say.
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