millyness Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I had a boyfriend of 10 months, we didn't talk for one straight week in that 10 months and it was because I had broken up with him. We ended up getting back together. But last night I broke up with him..for good this time. The thing that bothers me is that I am still soo attached. I mean, I KNOW I don't want him, but my emotions get the better of me. I am still talking with him, although I told him be platonic with me and take the break up seriously, and at the very least not act like we're together. Also, I still worry about what his mom thinks of me. She and I have had a rocky sort of relationship. I don't know her very well, only on the surface, and what's lame is that every once in a while my (then) boyfriend would tell me something negative she said about me. I would flip out and then try my best to please her. Lately, she is mad at me because she thinks that I will waste all my (then) boyfriends money (she doesn't know we've broken up) and that afterwords I will break up with him. And I got soo mad when I heard that, that I am coming over tonight to deal with this and get issues out of the way. Respectfully of course. My question is: should I even care at this point? I mean, the reason I do is because I want to be friends with my ex (after a while of space of course! when we're over each other. Because we get along VERY well, compatibly friends, I mean). Or should I just stop all contact with him?
NoneoftheAbove Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 he shouldnt have done that at first place...what if his mom had a negative point of view for you.. that should not change the way your bf looks at you..and you shouldnt have taken it seriously because his mom doesnt know you from inside.... if you think you guys can be friends without opening a argument about your relationship or get a long well.. and you love him.. why not just sit and talk things though and work it out..
harmfulsweetz Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 First off, why did you break up in the first place? Second, go No Contact. Seriously, you want to get over the attachment, you can't do this while talking with him. It's leading him on and you're not giving yourself chance to heal. I always find FMILs etc can be difficult, but he shouldn't tell you that, it just puts it all to pot, and causes trouble. Clearly, he overlooked that point. Go NC. Then once you're both over it, look into friendship. CaliGuy posted a good thread about NC, it'll help you. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/
Author millyness Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 I broke up with him because I couldn't stand the arguments and how annoying and stubborn he can be. Also, it's hard for him to give me space-we've talked about this issue a lot and we seem to go around in circles of getting in an argument, having a discussion on whether to break up or stay together, decide to stay together, make a list of improvements, have it go well for a few weeks, then slip back into an argument. I also have a confessions-as much as I tried to, I couldn't get overr the fact that he is shorter (by 1 inch) and small boned. Whereas I am medium boned and he is asian, whereas I am european. For some reason, I couldn't get over the superficiality- the way we looked together, I mean. Also, I didn't want to be with him, because I realized that his mom would be in our life (if we ended up being together for a loooong time) one way or another and I don't get her. She never tells me when she has a problem with me, it's always through him (but I don't blame her- it's her culture to be like that- not like us Americans). I also broke up becuase I want to see what else is out there. A long time down the road of course! But I didn't want to be with him if I wasn't 110% committed. And deep down, I felt as if I would not be happy.
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