Some

[Thebob]

I don't know if this was the right section to put this under, but anyways....

 

I dated this girl for 1.5 months, and it was the greatest 1.5 months. I couldn't have been any happier. So before she went back to school 2 states away, I asked her if she wanted to make this official. She told me that she had a Long distance relationship the previous school year and that she wants to experience college single. We talked for 2 more weeks as a Long distance thing when she went back to school, and she told me that she really cares for me and doesn't want to hurt me in anyway. Then she said that she wants to have those random hookup nights and not have to worry or have regrets about me. So I told her that maybe we shouldn't talk as much, and that we should only stay in contact when she is back in town. This is the first girl that I have ever cared for. Before this girl I was the hit and run kind of guy and never really had feelings for the girls i hooked up with previously. So actually caring for this girl makes it really difficult for me to get over. She thought I was a great guy, cared about me, loved being with me but she felt that she needed to stay single no matter what. So i told her that for my mental health I shouldn't talk to you until your in town because I would just go nuts overall. Will it ever be the same when she is back? and do you think she will want to contact me when she is back in town? I have only talked to her twice now in the past 3 weeks and we honestly haven't had any bad times together. So she has no reason to not want to contact me in my opinion. Professional advice please! Or should I move on? before she left she told me that she didn't think that she would find anyone like me up at school! so their was hope! haha

[Thebob]

anyone? I really need some help with this

[Bullydog1982]

TheBob,

 

Hey, I see nobody’s replied to your post so I thought I’d take a crack at it. Please don’t take my advice as gospel, I’ve made and continue to make many mistakes in my personal relationships as we all do. I do recommend that if you’re lucky enough to have a more experienced/wiser poster post to your thread (I’m a huge advocate of Carhill and Caliguy – though I’ve never conversed with either of you THANK YOU for your advice, it’s helped me a lot this past year through a divorce and a recent ending of a relationship with a women I was head over heels about) that they’ll probably lead you on a better path. With that being said…..

 

Based on your post, it appears you have very strong feelings for this woman. Strong enough you’re willing to endure a long distance relationship and make it a commited relationship. Having experienced this before, it’s no easy task and even if the best of circumstances; it can be highly draining (even devastating?) emotionally and mentally (physically too, but not as so much). I can’t make an honest assessment of this woman’s feelings towards you. HOWEVER; I think if they were reciprocated on the same level as yours she’d be willing to take a crack at the long distance things as well. Not saying she doesn’t have feelings for you, just that yours seem to be much stronger

 

It sounds like you’re both young (early early 20’s?) and it’s not uncommon for people to not want to be in a committed relationship and to go out and experience life and people. She was honest in telling you this (something that is commendable on her part) and I think you’d be wise to do the same. Go out and enjoy life. Talk to women, go on dates, “hit and run” if that is what you like (something I DON'T RECOMMEND because it just ends up screwing up more women in the long run for us guys that do want something more), take up a new hobby, go to the gym, do the dishes (or don’t do them if need be). In other words, be yourself and do what you want to do. Don’t wait for her, go live your life.

 

Yes, I think there’s a good chance this woman will contact you when she’s back in town. But remember, if she wanted to be with you, she’d make the effort - NOW. If she’s waiting until she’s in town then you almost sound like more of a “back burner” for her. If what she has out there doesn’t work, she’s still got still you. This is a huge red flag to let you know where you stand with her and personally, having been a back burner before, I’ll never do it again – I’m awesome and so are you and if they can’t see that, then they don’t deserve you. Not trying to sound arrogant, just attempting to instill some self-confidence and worth into you so you don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of.

 

You can still be her friend but, if you’re not in the state where you can handle being her friend, then maybe going No Contact (NC) would be better. Caliguy wrote a wonderful guide on how to implement this and you can find a link to it on the bottom of all his posts (I think it’s on Carhill’s too). If you can be her friend, then be her friend and maybe, just maybe after she's done running around she'll see what she wants (maybe in you) and come back around. But don't stop living and experiencing life waiting around for her. Go be happy and be you.

 

ALSO, last thing I’m going to say on this huge post. Don’t let this experience bitter you. It’s okay to care for people and open up. Just don’t let yourself get taken advantage of.

 

Hope this helps!

Edited October 8, 2009 by Bullydog1982

[Thebob]

Thanks for the thorough response, and I really appreciate it. If their is another girl I come across , I am definitely going to go after her no matter what. It's just this girl and I had the best of times when she was in town, and it's hard to get over a girl that you never had a fight with, never thought negatively about, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with her at all, if that makes sense? And correct on your assumption we are both 20. It's just I really don't want to lose contact with this girl because she is the first girl that I have ever cared about, and that is why I am taking the drastic measures that I am. Cause I know if I keep trying to keep it going with her, I am going to lose it because of constant paranoia and what not. So for my mental health I felt that if we didn't talk until she is back in town for the summer is the best way to go in order for me to get my mind off her quicker. I guess I am just worried that since I said that, she'll just forget about me and put those great memories we had in the back of her head and never think about them again.

 

It's just hard overall, but I completely understand what your saying. Normally the girl is the back burner for me, and I don't want to be a back burner for a girl. And I really don't think we could ever be the same because I would know that she was looking for other guys up at school, and if she wants to re-connect I really don't see myself looking at her the same if that makes sense as well. She just told me that she doesn't want a boyfriend at all, even when she is at school, and she doesn't want to have an official boyfriend even from that school. Unless her casanova comes flying by and swoops her off her feet, but I felt that was me, but obviously not. I hope she realizes what I sacrificed to treat her the way I did, and that she realizes that I would have done anything for her because that is how much I cared for this girl. Thanks again for that response, and I really do appreciate it. If you have anymore advice that would be greatly appreciated.

[Bullydog1982]

Hey TheBob, sorry for the delayed response, I was out of town for a while. I sympathize with you completely. I’m moving on from a similar situation with a woman that I was head over heels crazy about after only 2 months. And like you, I had nothing but the best of times with.

There’s nothing you can do about her memories. But you do have yours, and yours sound great. And really, what more could you ask for?

I guess what I’m curious to know is if you learned something from her? Did she open your eyes to something new in life or did she teach you about yourself? Perhaps she showed you what you’d like in a long term partner? Those lessons are invaluable and can’t be taught, but must be experienced.

Good luck to your future endeavors and whatever the future might bring.

BullyDog1982

[dreamergrl]

Less then two months out of your adult life - and you can't think of any other 'best of times'? I'm guessing you're about 19 or 20. Trust me, you'll get over it.

 

Accept the fact that she doesn't want to be serious and move on. In fact, I wouldn't even see her when she comes back, because you'll just get reattached.

[Thebob]

Hey TheBob, sorry for the delayed response, I was out of town for a while. I sympathize with you completely. I’m moving on from a similar situation with a woman that I was head over heels crazy about after only 2 months. And like you, I had nothing but the best of times with.

There’s nothing you can do about her memories. But you do have yours, and yours sound great. And really, what more could you ask for?

I guess what I’m curious to know is if you learned something from her? Did she open your eyes to something new in life or did she teach you about yourself? Perhaps she showed you what you’d like in a long term partner? Those lessons are invaluable and can’t be taught, but must be experienced.

Good luck to your future endeavors and whatever the future might bring.

BullyDog1982

 

I learned that I shouldn't be a sucker so easily, and I need to make sure that I don't fall for a girl so quickly. I need to figure out her motives and ask the right questions that aren't going to push them away so they can show there true colors towards me. I need to try and take things slower so I can see if they are in it for the long hall. It's a life lesson, and I really hope that she doesn't forget any of the memories that we had together. I remember her saying that she has a photo of me and her up in her dormitory so hopefully everytime she looks at it, she gets memories of how much of a great guy I was and how I treated her.

 

She definitely opened my eyes to something that I been longing for since I started hooking up with girls, and that is someone being there when your out and about that cares about you. The feeling of them texting you and asking you how your day is going or calling you, the feeling that your life couldn't get any better if she is in it even if your life is going ****ty at that time. Not caring if you don't have any friends in the location you moved to, as long as she is there with you. I been longing for that for a long time, but I was to scared or shy before until I moved down here. I feel that this is only goin to get my stronger mentally, and if it happens again I will be able to cope with it easier.

 

It just sucks cause this girl was like the perfect girl for me, the one I always dreamt about and wished I could date. At least I got the opportunity to do this at least once in my life, and I'm glad that I got to experience the perfect girl that had the looks I wanted, the cute smile i longed for, and the smartness and wealthiness that I always desired. She was so out of my league it was hilarious, but yet she took the time to see me when she was in town, until **** hit the fan when she went to school. At least the Lord " if there is one" allowed me to experience someone who fit my standards perfectly once, cause many people don't get that at all within there life.

 

I was always the guy who treated girls bad, and just wanted to hook up, until i met this girl and took her on multiple dates before we became intimate because I wanted to make sure she was right for me, and she hit every soft spot of me during our short time together. But thanks Bully for responding back, and your posts have taught me a lot.

 

 

 

 

- Dreamergirl- I might have worded that badly, but It was the best two months I have spent with any girl, and the way she made me felt was incredible even when my work day was going absolutely horrible. I couldn't stop thinking about her at any time of the day, and we'd call and text each other evenly because we both cared about each other at that time. At least I know she still cares about me even though she is at school, and she respect my decision of doing NC until next summer. Most likely I'll be completely over her, but I really don't see myself totally ignoring her for the rest of my life cause I understand her reasoning behind her thoughts, and LDR just don't work for some people since she experienced that the previous year before. I won't plan on her being serious or getting re-attached with her, but I'll be dating other people during this time when she is back. It's just a thing I feel is right, and I don't see myself never talking to this girl ever again cause she taught me so much about what I want in a girl, except for the fact that she didn't want to become serious. She was scared of being in a relationship due to her previous year LDR and didn't want the some consequences again with a break-up and never talking to her Ex again. I believe that is what she was thinking, and I understand and I hope you do as well.

 

Thanks for the input guys and girls, I really appreciate it, and hopefully this long post allows you guys to understand what Im goin through

 

Thebob