Author NSW768 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) i didnt contact her last night. im on 11 days NC, i was just talking about the apology email i sent out when i said all the bad things, i said maybe we shouldnt talk for awhile (some months). im just hoping that doesnt prevent her from reaching out. itsfine. i was just weak last night and lonely. i will seriously never contact her again Edited October 13, 2009 by NSW768
Author NSW768 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 just got this email... "I just want to let you know that I appreciate your apologies. I also want to say that I'm sorry for the way I handled everything. I think I could have handled it better and communicated things to you better. I hope you are well."
Ilovecake Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 so some of you might have been following my plight, but i need somebody to pyscho-analyze why i did something lately that was so bad. so me and the ex about 2 weeks ago had dinner at my request. it was very painful, but i needed the closure. she said i still hadnt given the space she asked for and i agreed. we left on a good note and i gave her a typed letter. she called the next day and said the letter made her sad and she still needed more time and she loved me. so fast forward 9 days later and i wake up and feel great. ive been texting to vent but i dont send them. so i wake up and i write out this horribly mean text, but then i send it. it was so ****ing mean, only **** you could say if you really know a person and know what hurts them. i went to the gym and i felt really good. i dont know why. i said stuff like you dont deserve me, this was unfair, im going to find someone that really loves me, and the last 3 years were a waste and called her a bitch. all of her texts though were sincere and it made me sad. stuff like they werent a waste for me, ive been fair to you, i might regret this. im sorry. and also (which kicked me in the teeth) "do you think saying these things will ever make me want to come back?" "you havent given me time to breathe or think" i felt really bad after the initial high or whatever and called to apologize which ultimately led to another argument. i said i was sorry and no more contact from me in an email. and sorry again i feel so bad. in fact dont pick up my calls or respond to my emails or texts because were both hurting so much now. and i plan on staying NC forever. i guess my question is without seeing a shrink and be honest, why would i do and say those horrible things? some people told me i did it so i could finally move on and stop hoping. i think i did it just to be mean and make her feel like ****. its really eating me up inside. i hurt the girl i loved so much right there and she didnt deserve it at all. instead of our last moment being a beautiful, tearful dinner its me acting childish and small. i really cant stop thinking about it and regrettting it. its been 6 days.' i guess im dwelling more by posting but **** it... Sounds to me like this girl is stringing you along and it's only natural that you got angry. I'm sorry to be harsh but screw her time and space. What about your feelings? She sounds very selfish.
Author NSW768 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) its funny for me now. 11 days and the guilt and the realization is hitting her.also probably the fact im not around and shes lonely and im not bugging her every 5 days asking her to come back or see me. shouldve gone NC 6 weeks ago. i will not contact her forever. Edited October 13, 2009 by NSW768
Author NSW768 Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 any outside insight into that email? funny i was freaking out last night thinking she would never get back to me. its pretty obvious i think, shes just trying to appease her guilt and conscience.
Author NSW768 Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 (edited) i think i can decode it with italics: "I just want to let you know that I appreciate your apologies. (thank you for the ego-boost after calling me a slut and a bitch. please more apologies) I also want to say that I'm sorry for the way I handled everything. I think I could have handled it better and communicated things to you better. (i shouldve broken up with you sooner and not dragged you on for 2 months) I hope you are well.(dont kill yourself) Edited October 14, 2009 by NSW768
Author NSW768 Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 really, no one enjoyed that analysis?
Author NSW768 Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 (edited) i think you may be right. the 2nd part (I also want to say that I'm sorry for the way I handled everything.... )is her probably being sorry for giving me hope. Edited October 14, 2009 by NSW768
Author NSW768 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 i cant stop analyzing that email. 13 days NC
NoneoftheAbove Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 You gotta stop it man. You are only hurting yourself trust me, just let GO. If she truly loved you, you,me, and others wouldn't be in this position. We can;t make someone come back if they dont want to, we can't make them love us. Just let go. A person who loves you will not make you cry, will laugh and cry with you and you know the rest. Hang in there man.
JaggedRoad Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Watch Bruce Almighty. Even when Carrey was omnipotent, he could not make his wife love him again. There are things out of our control and for good reason too.
Author NSW768 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 agreed. i gotta let this thread die. im doing much better but i keep logging in and looking at it. deleted the email so it exists solely on here.
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