joga Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 after reading so many stories on this board, I thought I'd share mine. I've been dating a guy for 9 months abroad. We had an amazing time together, saw each other every day and learned a lot from each other. both of us need to travel around the world for work reasons, so there were times, where we would have been apart for about 3 weeks. I felt sad when he was gone, but thanks to phone we managed to stay in touch. towards June both of us needed to leave again and return to the states. For me it was a complete relocation, as I've never lived there. For him it was home. I moved to California, he moved to Georgia. This is when things started to go bad. On my way to California I had to spend 2 week. in Germany and felt very lonely there. I had anonymos phonesex with a few persons and one brief encounter with a guy. We did not have penetrational sex, he ejaculated though. The day it happened I felt horrible and decided to not share this experience with anyone. When me and my partner met in Georgia, he asked me whether we're faithful to each other. I denied any infidelity. He kept asking and I said I had cybersex. It is funny, how fear can make you lie. So, I lied, and he broke up with me on the phone, when I got back from my visit. It was very sad. He cried and I was in shock. I wrote him immediately after the coversation, that I did not have cybersex, but phonesex. I told him that I loved him and asked for forgiveness. A week later he called again. during this week, I started to think about that encounter I had with that other guy, and once more, I felt very guilty. when my partner called again I told him the whole truth. He cried and it was a horrible feeling to realize that I was able to cause so much pain. He said to me on that phonecall that he does not want to be in a relationship with me anymore, because he can not trust me, nor does he want to give me another chance. He said that maybe sometime in the future, but not now. I messed it up big times and it's has been a little more than a month now since we had that conversation. I've been going to a therapist, I've written him an honest apology-letter, to which he did not respond. I find myself very sad. I try to forgive myself every day for what I've done. Sometimes I feel anger for being ignored by him. I'm tempted to call, but he ignored me when I tried to reach him a few days after our last conversation. I miss him so much and even though some weeks have passed, I still wonder what he's doing, if he's entirely over me, why he doesn't contact me. It's tough. that's my story. Anyone experienced a similar thing? so many sites suggest to go NC... but I don't know. Hope that time will actually get some clarity...
Recommended Posts