Rollercoasterr Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Ugh. I'm so furious right now that I can't stand it. My mother is having that gastric bypass surgery done soon, but due to a variety of other medical problems that she's found out she has while getting tested for this surgery, they haven't set a date yet. Today, she finds out that she's clear to have it, and they're telling her that it'll be the last week of october, or the first week of november. I'm going to see Mathew on November 7th. I was going to go early this month, but I put it off so that I could possibly be here for her surgery, which turned out not to happen. But because she doesn't really want me to go to canada at all(she says we should be concentrating on paying for our wedding), she is DELIBERATELY refusing to put her surgery off one week so that I can be here for it. Now, she works for the hospital and can basically get herself scheduled for whenever she wants to be scheduled, but she's doing this to me so that I'll feel really bad and guilty, or just wont go at all. She says she isn't, but then she backs that statement up by saying "Now while you're gone I don't want you to call me, or even think about me!". Now, if I had another choice I'd probably do the daughterly thing that put off my visit. But I have to take my vacation before November 22nd, or my work wont let me take one for the rest of the year. Also, if I don't go and see him in November at all, it will have been 9 months before we'll get to see each other again. I know that there are many here who have gone much longer, but not because they wanted to. I have the chance and the opportunity to see him, and if I passed it up I'd be crazy! Right? Anyway, I'm at a loss. What do I do?
hoping2heal Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Boy do I understand this one. My mother, bless her heart has tried also to control me and my choices to suit her wishes or agenda or thoughts on it. She's tried to pull fast moves to hinder my plans etc. In the case of your mother, don't fold to her. I understand she's your mother, but mother's can disrespect us and our boundaries too, just like anyone else if we DON'T stand our ground. Needless to say? The more I have stood up to my mother, the less she's pulled her antics. It's not that your mother COULDN'T do something about the surgery date, it's that she intentionally refuses too as a method of hoping to control you. Not okay, just because she is your mother.
Author Rollercoasterr Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 She's always been this way. Last year I was actually supposed to meet Mathew in Burlington, VT on October 10th. I was looking at going to a school up there and wanted to visit it. Of course some kind of family thing came up that she planned to be right at the time I was going and of course, I caved. Bought a car that weekend, but I also lost the money I spent on a plane ticket and he lost the money he spent on a hotel room for the two of us. She just always does this kind of stuff to keep me around. I'm her only child and she and my dad have been divorced for about 10 years. She's controlling as can be and she doesn't know when to let go. But I'm not folding on this one. I can't. This is not a life or death surgery. She just wants to lose her weight before my wedding, which I doubt will happen. If anything she's going to look weird if she's got the flabby skin thing going on. It just bothers me so much that's shes always so against anything that I want to do. And honestly, there are wedding things I need to do while I'm up there. VSC has been moving pretty fast. There's some paperwork he and I could be working on for immigration, I need to get his measurements for a tux, there are wedding plans that need to be done that are best if done together. Of course I want to see him, but this is more than that.
Bearandsue Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Well I think you should go see Matthew. She should not try to control your life and tell you what to do. You are grown! Don't feel guilty for wanting to go see him. She is the one that should feel bad for putting you in that position. Nine months is a LOOONG time to wait...I've been there. And you will be back to help her through the recovery. And like you said this is an elective surgery. Go do what you need to do girl!
Author Rollercoasterr Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 I've decided that I'm going no matter what. This is an oppourtunity I can't pass up, and I wont. I'll be gone the 7th-15th of November, and just so happens that November 13th is the one year anniversary of the first time we met in person. So I'm trying to plan something special for that. I just can't imagine not seeing Mathew for 9 months. It kills me. Especially since we're going through all of this immigration stuff. We're going to need all the support from each other that we can get, and I'm sure that by the end of this we're going to want to pull each others hair out. This visit will do us some good. Mom has just always tried to blackmail me emotionally, and I'm not going to let her do it anymore. My papaw called her and basically gave her what-for over the whole situation, and my uncle did the same thing. So now she's simmered down, but we're not really talking that much. But that's fine with me!
sb129 Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Go see Matthew. Keep to your plans- I bet when your mum knows you aren't going to budge, she will change hers. Its good for her to learn that she can't control you forever.
SuburbanOblivion Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Do NOT give in, because the more you do, the more crap she will try to pull. Seriously, you standing up to her the best thing you can do for yourself. What kind of visa are you guy doing?
Author Rollercoasterr Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 He bought the ticket the other day and I'm standing my ground. Canada, here I come! We're doing the K-1(fiance visa).
Recommended Posts