DustySaltus Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Let's say you have been involved in a relationship for a year. The break up is mutual. In a general sense do you think it takes longer for a male or female to move on? Who has the longer "mourning" period?
CaliGuy Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Let's say you have been involved in a relationship for a year. The break up is mutual. In a general sense do you think it takes longer for a male or female to move on? Who has the longer "mourning" period? If it's mutual, I think it would take about the same amount of time for both, usually. However, I will say from experience that women tend to heal faster than men in almost every case because women have stronger support groups. Men tend to withdraw internally (not all by a good majority) and deal with their emotions on a deeply personal level. The men who heal faster "tend" to be the ones who will come to a place like LS and throw their emotional baggage out there and get help dealing with it. The bottom line? People heal as fast as THEY WANT to heal. What I mean is, if you are determined to heal, to stick to NC, to leave the past behind and focus on your present and future, you'll heal as fast as possible. If you are stuck on the past, clinging to hope they'll come back, scheming ways to win them back, etc -- it will take you much longer to heal than it should. Cheers
MrFun Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 I reckon when men leave, they don't bother to look back (hardly any heartbreak), when they're left they're often destroyed. Women often reflect on any broken relationship with some degree of sadness, not matter if they actively left or were dumped. Generalisations, but I guess you had to ask I also think men tend to think it was all wasted time, whereas women realise quicker that it wasn't meant to be, but it was still worth it. What do you guys/gals think?
Crow9726 Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 As far as my case...when she decided to break up and she actually moved...I was destroyed...and still am.
SilverChrome Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 The bottom line? People heal as fast as THEY WANT to heal. Word. I don't get the whole "Oh I'm heartbroken. I am feeling sorry for myself. I want to stay home and cry all day long and do nothing else".
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 How MUTUAL is mutual though? I think there's always 1 person of the 2 that deep down wishes it would have worked out. I think it would take that person longer to move on. In a perfect world both people would be perfectly equal in feelings, but there's no way that's the case.
candoit Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 gals heal a lot faster than men , becoz they cry and talk about it , were as guys just shut down
Author DustySaltus Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 I think a guy is a lot more likely to go out and try and have a one night stand to temporarily "bounce back" than a woman. But in the end it almost never works.
SilverChrome Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 gals heal a lot faster than men , becoz they cry and talk about it , were as guys just shut down Personally, I get over a break up easily as I have learned that it's not worth shedding your tears for someone who does not want you (since my 2nd relationship didn't work).
carhill Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Whoever had less emotional investment will heal faster. In our case, that would be my stbx
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Let's say you have been involved in a relationship for a year. The break up is mutual. In a general sense do you think it takes longer for a male or female to move on? Who has the longer "mourning" period?Based on your parameters of mutual break up agreement, it's still individual reliant. The more obsessive your personality type, the longer it takes to move on.
GrayClouds Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 The bottom line? People heal as fast as THEY WANT to heal. I am usual 110% behind the "Word of Caliguy" but in this case I disagree. First there is a natural process one has to go through. Secondly we all have different personalities and different life experiences that effects the ability for us to successfully grieve loss. Be it that some are more sensitive to their feelings or others can compartmentalize them, some of us had secure family life growing up while others has experience significant abandonment, and in some case the style in which we love can effect of recovery( http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/relational_maintenance/public/love_styles.html ) these things will influence individuals recovery time. Though I do agree how active we work to move on will determine how quickly within these variable we are able to. But even if someone truly WANTS to recover it may not be as fast as they would like. Healing time will always be in context of other variables like the ones I stated earlier. I suspect part of what Caliguy is suggesting we can influence how much these variable control the process, a process as much on it's own time line as ours.
CaliGuy Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 I am usual 110% behind the "Word of Caliguy" but in this case I disagree. First there is a natural process one has to go through. Secondly we all have different personalities and different life experiences that effects the ability for us to successfully grieve loss. Be it that some are more sensitive to their feelings or others can compartmentalize them, some of us had secure family life growing up while others has experience significant abandonment, and in some case the style in which we love can effect of recovery( http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/relational_maintenance/public/love_styles.html ) these things will influence individuals recovery time. Though I do agree how active we work to move on will determine how quickly within these variable we are able to. But even if someone truly WANTS to recover it may not be as fast as they would like. Healing time will always be in context of other variables like the ones I stated earlier. I suspect part of what Caliguy is suggesting we can influence how much these variable control the process, a process as much on it's own time line as ours. All I am saying is simply that the healing process begins when one decides to love and respect themselves. One will NEVER heal if they hold out hope for reconciliation. As long as you are still hanging on to the past the future never really comes. There is a point in one's life where you know you're in the bottom of the pit. You've dug a huge hole for yourself. It's realization that "Hey wait a minute. Nobody is going to pick me up out of this hole. I have to climb out of here myself...." Often times people will say "Time heals all wounds" and I disagree with this completely. It's not time alone that heals, but what you DO with that time. And the best thing you can do is to focus on yourself, healing, acceptance, self-improvement, etc. The only thing we control in this life is OURSELVES -- and most definitely not our exes. So when I say "You'll heal when you want to" it's the implication that until you're ready to move on with your life and leave the one behind who left you, then you may NEVER heal. There are countless stories of people taking years to recover from relatively short relationships (in comparision). And honestly, I didn't start to heal until I decided that I loved and respected myself enough to not want to be with someone who didn't love or value me enough to work it out. Besides, just because your ex gave up (for whatever reason) does not mean that someone else won’t see the value in you. Everyone is worthy of being love -- I don't care who you are. The only question is "Who's it going to be?!" If you wait around for the wrong person to come back, the right person may walk right past you and you'll never notice them.
GrayClouds Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Back to agreeing with "The Word of Caliguy";)
Exit Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 The one thing I don't like about these forum are the threads that constantly attempt to categorize certain behaviors and feelings as "male" or "female". There is no way to accomplish this, these generalizations do not exist. Sometimes women heal quickly, sometimes men heal quickly. Some men are sleeping with another woman two days later, some women have their next boyfriend already waiting for them after the breakup. Trying to categorize these things is just a futile attempt to try to understand things.
delajoonal Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Let's say you have been involved in a relationship for a year. The break up is mutual. In a general sense do you think it takes longer for a male or female to move on? Who has the longer "mourning" period? most would prolly say that it takes women longer to move on, bounce back, start dating again. but in reality, statistics show that the men are the ones that grieve the longest. women tend to seek out support groups, therapy, hobbies, family, friends, etc. stats show men tend to drink/drugs, one night stands, etc...all the bad stuff after a break up. NOW this is NOT MY OPINION OK... this is actually what i have been reading online and in books, since my own separation from my H. but now speaking for myself... i am devastated, alone and miserable..in therapy, on LS, screw hobbies, i am numb and paralized with grief. my H, left for OW..so i guess in MY CASE, the stats were wrong... haha jokes on me...again:o
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