Ex is still using fiances last name-divorce decree says she went to madien name!!!

[retro80zkids]

My finaces ex wife went to her madien name when they got divorced. Mostly she has switched everything but everytime she calls our house (the kids live here) the caller id pops up with her number and his last name still. She has done everything under the sun to hurt my fiance and treats him like dirt. We have kept so quite about the name thing but after awhile we feel it is disrespectful to have to keep seeing her number attached to his last name. Is there a law that says something about this??? What would be the best way to say something to her about it without sounding nasty???

 

Robin~

[steveb]

Just be clear and cordial.

 

The name on the caller ID doesn't change automatically when the name on the bill changes. (at least not with Ameritech SBC)

When my wife and I first moved in together, we moved her existing phone number to our place, because he moved close to her place.

Our caller ID and bill had her maiden name. (we werent married yet.)

 

When we got married, the bill changed to her married name, but the caller ID stayed the same, even when we moved several times and got new phone numbers.

 

For us, it was great, the caller ID name must be what goes to the solicitors, so when someone asked for Mr. or Mrs. Maiden name, we would just tell them they had the wrong number.

 

Then we just changed to a different local carrier (reseller) talk america and our caller ID changed.

 

Now when someone calls and asked for my wife, I am never sure if it is one of her freinds or not.

 

Anyway, long story short, She will have to call her phone company and specifically ask the caller ID be changed. She may not even know it didn't change when her phone bill name changed.

[midori]

You are allowed to have your phone number listed under any name you like -- which may not be the name used for billing purposes. The name listed with the phone number is the one that appears on caller ID. She could be "Clown, Bozo The" if she wanted to.

 

If she doesn't treat your fiance well and takes every opportunity to get at him, do you really think that mentioning this will yield anything positive for you? You'd just be letting her know that she gets under your skin. Which is apparently what she's trying to do.

 

In the larger scheme of things this sounds like a pretty minor irritant. I'd just let it go.

[retro80zkids]

but that hardly seems fair - would she like it if I started using her last name?

[steveb]

I guess you need to make the call whether it is intended or an oversight.

If it is exactly how it was before the name change, I would assume it to be an oversight.

On the other hand, I would assume that one of her freinds has already noticed it and commented on it. (unless no one she know has caller-ID)

[retro80zkids]

If we tell her and she doesnt switch the name then isnt that using a false idenity???

[retro80zkids]

we have stayed quiet for so long now - never ever said a word. WE are planning to get married next year and im sorry- i think its time she switched that. It on both phones - home and cell. Im sure its not a oversight either. Im sure other people had to have noticed.

[midori]

but no, it's not "false identity" with legal implications of fraud. It's what she has chosen to list her phone number under. And that can be anything she wants it to be. You can't control it, I really don't think there is any kind of official complaint you could lodge. She's not breaking any laws. If you disagree, why not call your local police precinct and/or the telephone company to see what they have to say?

 

If you're quite certain that she's aware of it then there would be no use in bringing it up with her. But if you want to by all means go ahead. You know her better than we do, if you think it will do some good, why not go ahead?

 

If she's doing it deliberately, how sad for her. I have to say that I really don't think I would be upset about this -- of course I'm not in your shoes. But it really seems like a minor thing. If she's doing nasty things there are surely bigger fish you could fry than the name she has her numbers listed under.

[retro80zkids]

but cant you see how annoying it could be............

[midori]

But you have no grounds upon which you can insist that she change it.

 

And if she's doing it deliberately to get your goat then complaining to her about it, or even mildly bringing it up and thus confirming to her that you've noticed, would be playing into her hands.

 

That's why I think you ought to let it go. There's nothing you can do, except choose to let it eat you up, or decide to ignore it.

[I'mJustAGurl]

I am going through a divorce also.. and I just wanted to say.. that I'm keeping his last name. It is my leal right, even after divorce. But to make it clear.. I'm not doing it out of spite at all.. that is the last name that my children share... and I feel like I've earned the right to keep it. Just my input, sorry if it offends.. but I did want to offere that perhaps this is a possiblility..

[retro80zkids]

she wanted to give up his last name- he didnt make her she wanted it that way........ so in this case she should stop using it if it was her choice!!!

[moimeme]

LET IT GO.

 

 

Some people are like a dog with a bone. You want to be mad about this. You are making yourself mad about this and you must enjoy that. You need to be mad at her, and this helps you do that. It is not that big a deal but you are making it a huge deal - why? Ask yourself what you are gaining by making an issue out of this minor thing.

 

Have you ever heard the phrase "you have to pick your battles"? It means that in a world of difficulties, you'll blow out all your fuses if you get yourself into a lather about every thing that comes along. Another saying for you is 'don't sweat the small stuff'. THIS is small stuff. LET. IT. GO.

[Iamhappy]

Originally posted by moimeme:

 

Some people are like a dog with a bone. You want to be mad about this. You are making yourself mad about this and you must enjoy that. You need to be mad at her, and this helps you do that. It is not that big a deal but you are making it a huge deal - why? Ask yourself what you are gaining by making an issue out of this minor thing.

 

I am in complete agreement that for some reason you need to find a reason to be/stay angry with this woman. My guess (and I'd love to be wrong on this) is that you're really insecure about your relationship with your fiance.

 

we have stayed quiet for so long now - never ever said a word. WE are planning to get married next year and im sorry- i think its time she switched that. It on both phones - home and cell. Im sure its not a oversight either. Im sure other people had to have noticed.

 

So many WEs. It really just sounds like YOU are the only one who's determined to be all buggered out by this.

 

On another note, who are you to tell her how she lists her phone number. Are you paying the bills? No, then I'd say it's none of your business.

 

By the way, why is it your job to tell her that this practice is annoying? Can't her ex-husband (your fiance) speak for himself? Is he mute? And if HE was so annoyed by it, why wait a year?

 

And as midori said:

 

If she's doing nasty things there are surely bigger fish you could fry than the name she has her numbers listed under.

[midori]

Hi retro80,

 

I agree with moimeme and Iamnotnothing.

 

Originally posted by retro80zkids

but that hardly seems fair - would she like it if I started using her last name?

 

This is a very possessive, territorial attitude. Do you feel threatened by this ex? You say that their kids live with you and your fiance. She's always going to be a part of their life, and thus your life. Does that make you feel uneasy, like you need to establish Who is Who? Perhaps it also makes you feel a bit resentful -- do you feel like you're doing the dirty work of raising her kids while she gets to do as she pleases while still getting recognition as their mom?

 

The phone listing seems like a red herring. It's just so unimportant. But maybe there are much bigger issues that you haven't admitted to yet -- maybe not even to yourself. Maybe you've been swallowing a lot of uneasiness and frustration, to the point where little weird things like the phone listing are unbearable to you. Possible?

 

Cos as Iamnotnothing has pointed out, if this really is a big issue for both you and your fiance, why hasn't he spoken to his ex about it? It is, after all his name that she is using. It's not your name yet. There is no possible confusion between the former Mrs. SoandSo and the current Mrs. SoandSo. You're not Mrs. SoandSo yet... so why is this bothering you? I suspect there are other things behind this anger.

[abc]

Changing a name can be a nightmare.

 

Before I was divorced I had a career in my ex husbands name. Got divorced and changed it to my maiden name. Got married and kept my maiden name cuz it was so hard to change everything again. Well, I recently accepted a different job in my same field and new company wants me to still use my old professional name. See how confusing this can get? I don't even know what my name is anymore!

 

You can call me Ray.