scalcs Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 like i said in ealier posts, that my ex wife, whom i have been separated from for 6 months, recently showed interest in me sexually, ie lonely. I really do not want to base much on that, but 1 month ago she did not want much to do with me, I lost 35 lbs, and have been showing her kindness, and dignity that she deseveres no matter what happens>>we spilt becuase of finanacial issue mostly from her spending habits, but I reacted very poorly toward her, yelling, emotional abuse which I finally have realized is wronmg no matter what happens. but I think that i am going to be a little harder to get, if she just wants sex which she has stated then i cannot be there for her, becuase i feel like i would like to reconcill. we have done things together with children lately we went apple picking as a family, also we went out for dinner together as a family, she also asked me to go with her to beach on this coming holiday with the boys, so I see some things happening, but I just do not want to get to invested in this thing in case she is just lonely, she she stated in the begining. one of two things are happening, she is truly lonely and just needs comfort, or she has been seeing chnages in me and is testing the waters. she stated in the begining that she does not want to be in relationship with anyone just becuase all of the things that she is going thru right now, she got layed off recently. In the begining when we got intimate she said that is all it is, and she could find someone, an i could find someone. But as i stated she would not even give me the time of day 1 month ago. very confusing issue, and I think i need to step back a little just so I do not get rejected again, and have to go thru the pain again>> i wonder if I should make up excuses why i cannot have sex with her, to see how she reacts, and to see if her intentions are to rekindled our relationship. what does everyone think
floridapad Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 You are in an interesting situation. Here's my two cents. You "i wonder if I should make up excuses why i cannot have sex with her, to see how she reacts, and to see if her intentions are to rekindled our relationship." Her "she stated in the begining that she does not want to be in relationship with anyone just becuase all of the things that she is going thru right now, she got layed off recently. In the begining when we got intimate she said that is all it is, and she could find someone, an i could find someone." Believe her. She does not want to be in a relationship.......right now. She probably does miss you and perhaps she is seeing changes in you (good job), but she can't image the "idea" of a relationship right now. People work off of the "ideas/images" in their head and the last relationship she had (which was with you) didn't quite work out as well as she wanted. It's going to take her time to get the "idea" of a relationship back in her head. Yes she is probably coming around now because she is lonely. Does that make it bad?? In my view thats part of the beginning of wanting to get into a relationship. People need to feel lonely in order to want to find companionship and someone they can share good times with. Now having said that, I would definately not be her booty call on her beckon call. I would say no sometimes and make an excuse (going out with "freinds" etc.), but I would not pull away completely. If she is lonely and she is looking to you to fill a void then I would do it or someone else will. But sometimes say No. Try not to make yourself so available to her. Few women can do just the "booty call" thing and I don't know if your wife is one of them. Women will say one thing but mean another. Your situation is very complicated and delicate. Make sure you keep yourself in check if you can. If not then you have 2 options 1) pull away completely and give her the "I'm not doing this" speech or 2) take a risk and "play" the game. The only absolute piece of advice I would say to take to the bank is to NOT talk about the relationship with her. AT ALL. She fears the "idea" of a relationship (right now and likely for the near future) and if you bring it up she will run. These things take alot of time and patience. The other piece of advice I would say to take to the bank is to keep focusing on yourself. If you focus to much (in your own head) on the relationship and her, it will come out in your words and actions even if you do not overtly intend to. Good luck. I would love to know how everything goes.
Author scalcs Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 told her that i cannot do this, and that I would rather have a real relationship, than just physical>>told her I care about her and have feelings, but cannot be there for that>>I told her that i will always treat her with kindness, and decency. I am now going to have either nc or lc
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