OMG I cant believe today!!!!!

[4givrnt4gtr]

Just yesterday I was celebrating that I in fact have decided that I am on top right now. I know my ex is retarded, he knows he is retarded, I did all I could, he didnt. I was at relative peace...even today, during work i felt good and happy that im doing something i love.

 

And then....

 

THen today I realized...I dont want ANYONE to touch me, to even look at me. I was a bit...well.....horny, but even fantasising about anyone else, even a random stranger, made my skin crawl. I was sooo frustrated.

 

And then....I realized...I only want HIM to touch me, to hug me to kiss me I only want HIM. It occurred to me that maybe its gonna take a lot longer to not only stop wanting him but also start even imagining myself with anyone else....(way to throw me that curve ball life!!!!! )

 

Turn on the water works and the whys....why why why....why are we separated, why cant he stop being an idiot, why cant he freaking love me like he wants to! like I want to!!!!! IF it felt so freaking right when we were together, why does it have to be like this?! God sometimes i love him to the point of hating him.

I thought i was fine......what the FFFFFFF!!!! happened!!!!!

 

 

 

How is it that contacting him doesnt make me flinch, but imagining being with anyone else makes me spiral down to where I thought i didnt have to go to anymore.

 

GOD I HATE THIS PROCESSSSS!!!!!!! i miss him so much

[smookie]

I find offence to the turm that you used to express the way you feel that you ex is unless he truly is retarded then all is fine. I am overly senitive to the turn unless they truly are and I am talking medical.

 

I have a brother and a daughter who truly is retarded... they are and always will be the best people that have always taught me in life how to smile through the hard time and really life is not that bad.

 

Hearing this term retarted is just wrong and really I do not care about the past relationship... Ya you can all blast me and you can all say anything but live it and watch and see how many people use it losley in there words... But befor you try to blast me think about it ... it like calling a white person black or a irish indian... all the same crap.

 

my daughter who is retarted medically can not do much, she suffers everyday, she is called down everyday, people look at her funny everyday. She can not get employment because of this... But the best thing about her is her smile.. she has the best smile ever as well no one in life is more positive then she is and her head has been taken apart 2 times and is held by 28 plates... but you know what she smiles and helps people I am appoled at this and how the general public can use this and not be called rasist or be charged with slander/defamation of charater.. see i can not spell call me retarted....

[Limbo21]

I was gonna say the same thing until I read your response. Tht term is used here often and I find it offensive

 

my son who's 8 has autisim & he gets called that by little f@#kers in the playground & it breaks my heart. Always said people are so insensitive with their words until it happens to them

[Broseph]

Well guys everything is relative and she did not mean in anyway to offend anyone here!! Just as you dont want judgement passed onto them please dont pass it onto her

 

anyways 4givrnt4gtr, I hope you are feeling better today and i know what you are saying.

[Arabella]

And then....I realized...I only want HIM to touch me, to hug me to kiss me I only want HIM. It occurred to me that maybe its gonna take a lot longer to not only stop wanting him but also start even imagining myself with anyone else....(way to throw me that curve ball life!!!!! )

 

You know, I can totally relate. My ex is a total idiot who has done nothing but ruin our relationship every step of the way while using mental illness as an excuse to get away with his crappy behavior. I still care about him, but I feel completely disenchanted by the way things turned out. I don't even think I would get back with him if he asked (not that he would...).

 

Yet, somehow, he's the only one I can think of kissing, hugging or even being intimate with. How's that for ironic?

 

 

Arabella

[4givrnt4gtr]

Well im sorry for those of you that were offended by the TERM retarded.

However, I know all of you have been in situations where you are so pissed off or hurt or scared that the last thing in your mind was to be politically correct. If im not mistaken, this is the place to vent and let all those things out without having to worry if someone is gonna take what is said out of context and personalize it to create drama.

Im having a sh*tty time as it is without having to worry about someone giving me cr*p because I used a popular term without the intention of offending mentally challenged or autistic people (which by the way are the correct ways to address them, so if you're calling your kids retarded, you better rethink that one).

 

IN ANY CASE

 

today wasnt much better for the most part, for those of you who were caring enough to look past semantics and actually read the anguish with which i wrote the post.

However I decided that it was best for me to totally give up on him, delete EVERYTHING that would allow me to contact him, as hidden as it might be (including old messages on my trash email bin). I need to exorcised him from my life entirely...

 

Why did i give in when he asked me out?!?!

Edited October 8, 2009 by 4givrnt4gtr

[Phedre]

Wait - was that last part about him asking you out meant to be when he asked you out originally when you started dating... or has he asked you again?

 

This feeling will pass - physicallity and intimacy are things that are usually inherent in most relationships - so with the grief you feel over a relationship ending it is natural to feel grief that that part is gone too. This is just a good baraometer of how ready you are to date someone else. And so clearly you aren't yet - however it will NOT always feel like this!!! Pretty soon it will be less that you want the ex and more than you are indifferent to being with anyone, and then there will be someone who sparks your attention for whatever reason and you will notice that the idea doesn't seem appalling at all anymore, but welcomed.. nervewracking, but welcome. Think about the way your ex made you feel, about what you have gone though as a result.. do you REALLY want that person holding you? For me personally this is a struggle because every time I've cried and thought I would rather die than experience one more moment of pain.. all at the hands of my stbx, i still wished that HE were the one there to hold me and comfort me.. when if it weren't for him I wouldn't need to be comforted at all! It's screwed up that we want comfort from the people that injured us, but we can't help it, we are used to them.. used to seeking their comfort, used to putting their kisses and touches in a different category from anyone elses because they were special.... but we have to realize, they aren't special anymore. I've cried myself to sleep at night many a time because I wanted nothing more than my stbx to hold me and fall asleep next to me like before. But I also know I don't want someone like who he really is in my life, let alone in my bed. And it still sucks right now, but I don't cry about it anymore. And I know that soon enough it won't suck anymore. I think this particular part of the process is made harder by the fact that is requires us to view our ex through the harsh light of reality and that isn't something we are used to doing nor really want to because it is painful. But if you can see him the way he really is, I think it will be easier to no longer crave him as much - At least that is what is working for me so far :/ I feel for you! be strong and take heart

Edited October 8, 2009 by Phedre

[Island Girl]

Well im sorry for those of you that were offended by the TERM retarded.

 

You used the term appropriately actually.

 

The secondary definition is: a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way: a hopeless social retard.

 

It always amazes me that people don't understand this word isn't only used in reference to a mentally challenged person but a descriptive word as well.

 

That said - it isn't surprising you are hurting. You loved this man. You wanted a future with him. So of course it hurts.

 

He was terrible for you and did not bring true happiness to your life. And you made the right move breaking it off - you know that.

 

Getting over him is a process and there will be difficult days. But they soon become fewer and farther between.

 

You really aren't in a position to think about dating anyone else because your heart isn't healed. All of this is so very fresh.

 

It was the right thing to just delete everything. It is painful but it will help you heal faster.

 

I wish there was something I could say to make it easier but it just takes time. Time heals all wounds.

 

{{4givrnt4gtr}}

 

 

And yes - can you clarify the asked you out part? Did he ask you out recently?

[4givrnt4gtr]

 

 

And yes - can you clarify the asked you out part? Did he ask you out recently?

 

No I meant when he asked me out last year (around this time actually). I originally said no, and stood my ground for good 2 months. I knew he was still very hurt because of his past and he wanted to leave the city.

 

Yet he insisted and charmed the bejesus out of me. I finally gave in by the end of december. And i cant lie, I was so ridiculously happy for a good while, he treated me so well and seemed to really like me. Too bad everything that shines isnt gold.

 

In all honesty I still cannot think ill of him at all. I really cant undertand why, but I know he didnt mean to hurt me or even actually end the relationship. Yet we both knew it was going to happen even before he left. The night he left he told me he had been really really upset during the drive, that he knew he was gonna miss me and that this was gonna be a total uphill battle.

I knew it too.

But i had hope, stupid stupid hope, that we could get thru it. Despite the indications that his character is too weak for a long distance relationship, that any difficulties knocks him on his ass and it takes a lot for him to fight back.

I just want to forget it, especially the good times, those hurt the most. That and the idea that he isnt happy either, that he doesnt want this but cant find it in him to fix it. I just wish he hadnt come into my life at all.

[Tamia78]

Whoa, 4givrn.....

 

I'm so with you on your feelings. I hate hate HATE imagining him talking, flirting or being intimate with anyone else. That was mine! I know he's not mine anymore, but I can just imagine him doing the thing he did with me while being with another girl. It hurts bad. It really hurts to think of him being happy with someone else. I don't want to look at any guy right now. I know he's the type of person who HAS to have someone else, so he's probably talking to someone else as we speak............and that absolutely kills me. How can I even think about being with someone else when all I can think about is him sharing "our" special moments with some other chick? I'm with you, I just wish I never met him at all.

 

sending good thoughts your way,

--T

[EricaH329]

No I meant when he asked me out last year (around this time actually). I originally said no, and stood my ground for good 2 months. I knew he was still very hurt because of his past and he wanted to leave the city.

 

Yet he insisted and charmed the bejesus out of me. I finally gave in by the end of december. And i cant lie, I was so ridiculously happy for a good while, he treated me so well and seemed to really like me. Too bad everything that shines isnt gold.

 

In all honesty I still cannot think ill of him at all. I really cant undertand why, but I know he didnt mean to hurt me or even actually end the relationship. Yet we both knew it was going to happen even before he left. The night he left he told me he had been really really upset during the drive, that he knew he was gonna miss me and that this was gonna be a total uphill battle.

I knew it too.

But i had hope, stupid stupid hope, that we could get thru it. Despite the indications that his character is too weak for a long distance relationship, that any difficulties knocks him on his ass and it takes a lot for him to fight back.

I just want to forget it, especially the good times, those hurt the most. That and the idea that he isnt happy either, that he doesnt want this but cant find it in him to fix it. I just wish he hadnt come into my life at all.

 

I really do feel for you. I, also, thought I would never be able to think negatively about him. No one understood this, I didn't even understand it myself. Until one day, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

I don't wish that on you, but I know that it helped me to open my eyes to the person he truley is.

 

I, too, have a hard time imagining myself being intimate with another person... but that's just a part of the process. I know it sucks. Trust me. I want more than anything to just merely know that it will be able to happen again with another person.

 

I'm taking this feeling as me needing to focus a little bit more on myself. Before I know it, i'll be ready to settle down again with someone who can appreciate what I have to offer.

 

I had a dream last night that I was stuck at the bottom of a very big pool, and I couldn't swim up to the top no matter how hard I tried. But, I was able to breathe under water, and I remember thinking to myself "As long as I can breathe, i'll be alright."

 

We are still very much alive, even though we do not see an end to our suffering. We are becoming stronger people every day, even if we don't realize it.

 

Hang in there. This will pass.

[4givrnt4gtr]

I really do feel for you. I, also, thought I would never be able to think negatively about him. No one understood this, I didn't even understand it myself. Until one day, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

I don't wish that on you, but I know that it helped me to open my eyes to the person he truley is.

 

I, too, have a hard time imagining myself being intimate with another person... but that's just a part of the process. I know it sucks. Trust me. I want more than anything to just merely know that it will be able to happen again with another person.

 

I'm taking this feeling as me needing to focus a little bit more on myself. Before I know it, i'll be ready to settle down again with someone who can appreciate what I have to offer.

 

I had a dream last night that I was stuck at the bottom of a very big pool, and I couldn't swim up to the top no matter how hard I tried. But, I was able to breathe under water, and I remember thinking to myself "As long as I can breathe, i'll be alright."

 

We are still very much alive, even though we do not see an end to our suffering. We are becoming stronger people every day, even if we don't realize it.

 

Hang in there. This will pass.

 

 

Thank you

 

I dont know what happened, what made me fall back, even further than I was when we first broke up. Its so ridiculously painful, It feels like physical pain.

 

I was talking to my friend about it, telling her that lately nothing really catches my attention. Before I dated him I was so very excited about my life, I was all full steam ahead working out, just so happy to be single and doing my own thing.

 

She asked me what were my plans back then, that made me so happy. It saddened me to realized that they are still the same goals I have right now...only they dont seem so shiny and pretty anymore. I told her that thats the reason why i wish he hadnt come into my life. Sometimes ignorance IS bliss. I was so happy back then because I didnt know I could feel the way I felt with him, or that someone could treat me (until he moved) the way he did. I didnt really believe in the possibility of finding someone with similar goals, and similar morals. Now that all that is gone, all the plans, all the goals and all the dreams that fitted so well with my own goals, makes me feel like something is missing and as hard as I try the "shininess" of it all is just not there.

 

I know ill get over it eventually....its just so f*ing hard.

 

Right now all I ask for is to get back to where I was, when although i was sad I didnt feel so low.

 

Today i signed up to run a half marathon tomorrow. No other reason than why not. Nothing can hurt as much as what Im feeling right now and it might be a good distraction. Ive done it before, though i havent trained, or really ran in a while. But I need something, anything to get me out of this sadness.

 

I dont think Ive ever really understood what a lot of you have gone through until now. I am usually more level headed, not so emotional, and I think later on Im gonna look back and think 'oh it wasnt THAT bad" but i think break ups are like childbirth, your mind forgets cuz otherwise you would never put yourself in this type of situation again.

 

My heart really does go out to you who are going thru the same. I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy.

[EricaH329]

Are we the same person? Cuz we have the same exact story...

 

Thank you

 

I dont know what happened, what made me fall back, even further than I was when we first broke up. Its so ridiculously painful, It feels like physical pain.

 

I was completely fine for the first couple of weeks we weren't together, then the memories started piling on. It's like a rollercoaster. You'll feel alright about it one week... terrible the next. But, do not for one second think that you won't get over the terrible part... because it will pass.

 

I remember how it felt also. At first, I literally felt my heart breaking. It was hard for me to catch my breath for a good week or so. It was physically taxing. Not to mention, I didn't get any sleep what-so-ever... mayyybe 3 or 4 hours a night (sporadically). And I lost 26 pounds. As if the mental pain of it all wasn't enough, the physical part was just as bad!

 

But, i'm better now. I'm sleeping a lot better, and i'm gaining a little bit more weight back. I didn't see an end to it, I thought I was going to be stuck like that forever! That's the way it feels as you are going through it, terrible terrible feeling. But, I promise you, it will get better. Very slowly.

 

 

I was talking to my friend about it, telling her that lately nothing really catches my attention. Before I dated him I was so very excited about my life, I was all full steam ahead working out, just so happy to be single and doing my own thing.

 

She asked me what were my plans back then, that made me so happy. It saddened me to realized that they are still the same goals I have right now...only they dont seem so shiny and pretty anymore. I told her that thats the reason why i wish he hadnt come into my life. Sometimes ignorance IS bliss. I was so happy back then because I didnt know I could feel the way I felt with him, or that someone could treat me (until he moved) the way he did. I didnt really believe in the possibility of finding someone with similar goals, and similar morals. Now that all that is gone, all the plans, all the goals and all the dreams that fitted so well with my own goals, makes me feel like something is missing and as hard as I try the "shininess" of it all is just not there.

 

You know, i've actually said this to my ex before, "The only time in my life that I was happy by myself, without needing to be with anyone else, was before I met you."

 

It's a very painful thought. How happy you were before you met him. How glad you were to have these goals and these plans. And then he walks into your life so casually. Sweeps you off your feet. Breaks your heart. Then leaves you by yourself to pick up the broken pieces. All the while, remembering how much better off you were without him.

 

Oh, how I understand your pain. I, too, had the same goals that I have now, then. And I too, feel as though they aren't as thrilling as they once were. But... I see it this way. We've just been through something life changing. If we don't expect for our future goals and dreams to be changed after this, then we haven't really changed as a person.

 

As scary as that thought might be, it's actually a veryy good thing. We've changed for the better. And even though we might not know what we want now, that doesn't mean we won't figure it out. Don't give up hope. Our minds are redirected right now. Once the smoke clears, we will be able to see things much more clearly.

 

 

 

I know ill get over it eventually....its just so f*ing hard.

 

Right now all I ask for is to get back to where I was, when although i was sad I didnt feel so low.

 

Today i signed up to run a half marathon tomorrow. No other reason than why not. Nothing can hurt as much as what Im feeling right now and it might be a good distraction. Ive done it before, though i havent trained, or really ran in a while. But I need something, anything to get me out of this sadness.

 

That's fantastic!! You'll feel such a sense of accomplishment (which you are FULLY entitled to) afterwards. Just don't over-do yourself. Please be careful.

 

I dont think Ive ever really understood what a lot of you have gone through until now. I am usually more level headed, not so emotional, and I think later on Im gonna look back and think 'oh it wasnt THAT bad" but i think break ups are like childbirth, your mind forgets cuz otherwise you would never put yourself in this type of situation again.

 

My heart really does go out to you who are going thru the same. I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy.

 

That's funny you say that, my best friend just had her beautiful baby girl, and the first thing out of her mouth was "I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone!"

 

I do agree with your analogy though. But, I think that next time we fall in love again, it'll be much greater. To the extent that we will wonder why we were so hurt over our ex to begin with. That love will be so much more worth the chance.

 

We are strong women. We will get through this! We need to keep reminding ourselves that we are wonderful, unique individuals that need to find ourselves again. Away from our ex's. We need to come into our own person again. To love, cherish, and respect ourselves as individuals again. It'll take some time, tears, pain, and suffering... but after all is said and done, we will be brand new, improved women.

 

Keep your head up sweetheart! You are amazing ALL by yourself!