tryagaintoday Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Hi all, Summary: Ex-fiancee for 13 years left me for another man. She had an EA with him for about 6 mths and while I’d sensed something’s was up, it was my in-action that contributed to the break up as well. She was someone that couldn’t have loved me more. Current situation: I’d told everyone around me and also myself that I had let go and wish her all the best (truly I do). But sometimes, I just feel like tearing myself apart. I admit suicide sometimes popped up in my head. Off a building, pills, hang. I’ve been talking to my family and friends but I’d never mention these suicidal thoughts for fear of overburdening them and they may feel obligated to always have to be there for me. I’d attempted it twice. Once was when I stole from my mom when I was very young. Another was when I was working very long hours and neglected my soon-to-be wife a lot. It pains me to see her hurting like that. My mind’s a bit messed up so I’ll just type in point form from now. Things I’ve been doing: - Keeping busy with driving lessons, packing the house, jogging and light work out - Talking to my sister once in a while and hanging out with friends almost every other day. I guess that they knew that I am not ok. Was just putting up a forced front. One of my best friends has been trying very hard coming up with ideas and it broke my heart seeing him trying so much. He is broke, struggling with his job and still he needs to do all these. I guess it’s cause one of his pals jumped off a building years ago and he couldn’t be there in time. - Chain smoking and mild drinking is what I do every night. I just do not want to fall asleep normally. Everytime, I’d done that, I dreamt about my soon-to-be wife and it’s all ok in my dreams. Then I wake and realize it’s not ok at all. It is s**t. - I’m keen to get a dog. But I must make sure I am ready and committed. This is a life we are talking about here. The thought of having something to look forward to when I go home always made my day! - I’ve been on NC for almost a month now. But this NC should be breaking because we still need to settle the apartment and belongings. - I’m quite an attractive young man (28). Not those ripped alpha-male but those vampirical (is there such a word?!?) kind that makes school girls swoon – although maybe not now. I really do not know what I want and am feeling. I guess I just need to type these out. I truly hope that this over-rated phenomenon called “Time” can come heal me. Here’s hoping that maybe a year or so, we can re-visit this thread and we all can laugh at this emo guy!
GrayClouds Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Hi all, Summary: Ex-fiancee for 13 years left me for another man. She had an EA with him for about 6 mths and while I’d sensed something’s was up, it was my in-action that contributed to the break up as well. She was someone that couldn’t have loved me more. Current situation: I’d told everyone around me and also myself that I had let go and wish her all the best (truly I do). But sometimes, I just feel like tearing myself apart. I admit suicide sometimes popped up in my head. Off a building, pills, hang. I’ve been talking to my family and friends but I’d never mention these suicidal thoughts for fear of overburdening them and they may feel obligated to always have to be there for me. I’d attempted it twice. Once was when I stole from my mom when I was very young. Another was when I was working very long hours and neglected my soon-to-be wife a lot. It pains me to see her hurting like that. My mind’s a bit messed up so I’ll just type in point form from now. Things I’ve been doing: - Keeping busy with driving lessons, packing the house, jogging and light work out - Talking to my sister once in a while and hanging out with friends almost every other day. I guess that they knew that I am not ok. Was just putting up a forced front. One of my best friends has been trying very hard coming up with ideas and it broke my heart seeing him trying so much. He is broke, struggling with his job and still he needs to do all these. I guess it’s cause one of his pals jumped off a building years ago and he couldn’t be there in time. - Chain smoking and mild drinking is what I do every night. I just do not want to fall asleep normally. Everytime, I’d done that, I dreamt about my soon-to-be wife and it’s all ok in my dreams. Then I wake and realize it’s not ok at all. It is s**t. - I’m keen to get a dog. But I must make sure I am ready and committed. This is a life we are talking about here. The thought of having something to look forward to when I go home always made my day! - I’ve been on NC for almost a month now. But this NC should be breaking because we still need to settle the apartment and belongings. - I’m quite an attractive young man (28). Not those ripped alpha-male but those vampirical (is there such a word?!?) kind that makes school girls swoon – although maybe not now. I really do not know what I want and am feeling. I guess I just need to type these out. I truly hope that this over-rated phenomenon called “Time” can come heal me. Here’s hoping that maybe a year or so, we can re-visit this thread and we all can laugh at this emo guy! stop the drinking specially if thoughts of offing your self is present. Get the dog and walk it every day twice, Start working out hard so your exhausted at night. Try reading and journaling before bed. Time will help but you have to push yourself.
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