Hkizzle Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 How many of you are aware of the psychological process behind self deception, and it's negative impact on your relationship and dating life?
Author Hkizzle Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 First of all read this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_deception I know it's wiki but trust me, you'll rather read that than 10 research papers. I see self deception on this board all the time. Mainly in 3 groups of people. 1) Jerks wanting to find excuses/justification for their actions without guilt. 2) People being played, wanting validation and wanting to hear the pleasant answer when the reality is they're being played. 3) People living in an idealistic la la land that can't handle it when someone reveals the truth to them. The most interesting I think is when people are being played, but not once they're hurting, but in the initial stages. I think a lot of women are unable to detect jerks because in the initial stages a lot of them will be deceiving themselves and telling themselves the guy is nice, when there is zero evidence the guy is nice. They are switching their attraction to justification that the guy is nice.
Author Hkizzle Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 OK, so what's your point? Well, I notice way too many people on this board use logical reasoning to deal with irrational problems. Hence why there's a high failure rate. People stand to benefit a lot more by learning and researching the irrational reasons they do the things they do. But understanding the irrational/subconscious things and seemingly illogical reasons for the actions of human beings a person can solve much of the problems in their own life.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Sure. And World Peace would be nice, too. Not to mention a million dollars. But saying how things should be and the reality are generally two different things. Just sayin. I think it's a losing battle, is all I'm trying to say, hkizzle.
Author Hkizzle Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 Sure. And World Peace would be nice, too. Not to mention a million dollars. But saying how things should be and the reality are generally two different things. Just sayin. I think it's a losing battle, is all I'm trying to say, hkizzle. Huh? I said understand the irrational human behaviors to solve relationship problems. I never said anything about what someone SHOULD do. It's like if you understand an animals behavior you can track and hunt it, but if you think like a human you will lose it. In fact if you read my threads you know I am a proponent of reality, and I think half the people here are idealistic lala hypocrites that don't even realize their own hypocrisy.
EarthGirl Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 problem is some of us humans can only think like humans and aren't master trackers...some of us have other talents in other fields and are not properly trained or even capable to sniff out dirty evil animals.
Rudderless Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 (edited) I think half the people here are idealistic lala hypocrites that don't even realize their own hypocrisy. Wow, talk about irony. The self appointed dating guru act is getting a bit old now, particularly all the ivory tower criticisms of "people here". The majority of your posts are plagiarised from mens health articles and presented as original ground-breaking thoughts - apart from the odd post where you post drunk after failing miserably with some girl and we get some insight into the real you. If that's not self deception when it comes to dating I don't know what is. Either that or you're totally on a windup. Edited October 7, 2009 by Rudderless
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Wow, talk about irony. The self appointed dating guru act is getting a bit old now, particularly all the ivory tower criticisms of "people here". The majority of your posts are plagiarised from mens health articles and presented as original ground-breaking thoughts - apart from the odd post where you post drunk after failing miserably with some girl and we get some insight into the real you. If that's not self deception when it comes to dating I don't know what is. Either that or you're totally on a windup. Heehee. I personally think LS should have a "Vote this poster off the island" option.
Author Hkizzle Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 The majority of your posts are plagiarised from mens health articles and presented as original ground-breaking thoughts - . Men's health lol. Too bad I've never read that mag. I've read men's fitness though, but not for many years. When did I say I was a guru? I've never said that. I'm just saying you're deceiving yourself.
BlueHarvest Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 First of all read this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_deception I know it's wiki but trust me, you'll rather read that than 10 research papers. I see self deception on this board all the time. Mainly in 3 groups of people. 1) Jerks wanting to find excuses/justification for their actions without guilt. 2) People being played, wanting validation and wanting to hear the pleasant answer when the reality is they're being played. 3) People living in an idealistic la la land that can't handle it when someone reveals the truth to them. The most interesting I think is when people are being played, but not once they're hurting, but in the initial stages. I think a lot of women are unable to detect jerks because in the initial stages a lot of them will be deceiving themselves and telling themselves the guy is nice, when there is zero evidence the guy is nice. They are switching their attraction to justification that the guy is nice. Well we know which one you fall into don't we?
Author Hkizzle Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 Well we know which one you fall into don't we? Too bad I admit everything I do. You on the other hand might just be a jerk in denial. Maybe that's why women run away from you all the time. They smell something wrong with you.
BlueHarvest Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Too bad I admit everything I do. You on the other hand might just be a jerk in denial. Maybe that's why women run away from you all the time. They smell something wrong with you. They smell something wrong with me? *sniff sniff* Whew...maybe it is time to change the aftershave. Trust me Hkizzle, I'll start taking your advice seriously when your gone. (See the conondrum I did there? )
Peaceful Guy Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 The most interesting I think is when people are being played, but not once they're hurting, but in the initial stages. I think a lot of women are unable to detect jerks because in the initial stages a lot of them will be deceiving themselves and telling themselves the guy is nice, when there is zero evidence the guy is nice. They are switching their attraction to justification that the guy is nice. this can be very frustrating when you care about someone, and you see it but they don't. but then, sometimes its way easier to see it from the outside. who hasn't told a friend how someone treated them and the friend is shocked, when at the time, when it happened to you, you really didn't think anything of it. i also think that people try to give others the benefit of the doubt, as to not fall into seeing life as some sort of grim fairy tale, where everybody is out to get you. the person whose doing the using is to blame, and they do what they do because it works on people. it can be hard not to get mad at the person in denial though, because as someone who cares about them and spends time with them, it does affect us. we can hope to get better at dectecting b.s., or people that wish us harm, but you can never become so real that people can't hurt you. in fact, its gonna happen. ive seen other people in denial and ive been in it myself so these are my thoughts on it in general.. not in any way directed at anyone here or anything said by anyone here. also, ive found that personally, by being willing to accept that some people i like might not be treating me that well, and by being willing to examine the relationships in my life, ive been able to make reasonable decisions about continuing or ending relationships. some people can be jerks, but you know that its your responsibility to forgive, accept, work through it with them.. others, and this may be more my problem (than yours), seem really cool, but aren't worth any more of your time.
Devil Inside Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 How many of you are aware of the psychological process behind self deception, and it's negative impact on your relationship and dating life? Self deception also has a major impact on other parts of your life.
Author Hkizzle Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 this can be very frustrating when you care about someone, and you see it but they don't. but then, sometimes its way easier to see it from the outside. who hasn't told a friend how someone treated them and the friend is shocked, when at the time, when it happened to you, you really didn't think anything of it. i also think that people try to give others the benefit of the doubt, as to not fall into seeing life as some sort of grim fairy tale, where everybody is out to get you. the person whose doing the using is to blame, and they do what they do because it works on people. it can be hard not to get mad at the person in denial though, because as someone who cares about them and spends time with them, it does affect us. we can hope to get better at dectecting b.s., or people that wish us harm, but you can never become so real that people can't hurt you. in fact, its gonna happen. ive seen other people in denial and ive been in it myself so these are my thoughts on it in general.. not in any way directed at anyone here or anything said by anyone here. also, ive found that personally, by being willing to accept that some people i like might not be treating me that well, and by being willing to examine the relationships in my life, ive been able to make reasonable decisions about continuing or ending relationships. some people can be jerks, but you know that its your responsibility to forgive, accept, work through it with them.. others, and this may be more my problem (than yours), seem really cool, but aren't worth any more of your time. I'm not so sure it's wise to work through anything with a jerk. Best to just not get involved with them. Lots of jerks make good friends but as soon as you get romatically involved with them your life will go to hell. Devil inside: yes self deception applies to many areas in life, not just relationships.
Odyssey Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 this can be very frustrating when you care about someone, and you see it but they don't. Exactly. It's easier see that someone might be deluding themselves because you (on the outside looking in) don't have strong emotional investment in the situation, be it relationship or anything else for that matter.
westernxer Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I don't suffer from self-deception, but I do suffer from self-preservation. LOL
Author Hkizzle Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 They smell something wrong with me? *sniff sniff* Whew...maybe it is time to change the aftershave. Trust me Hkizzle, I'll start taking your advice seriously when your gone. (See the conondrum I did there? ) Oh I'm so glad you took me off the ignore list. It's more fun this way. I mean, it just sucks to have someone write bad things about you and not know what's being written. But I'm not kidding, you try to come off as a nice person, but your posts are full of maliciousness. At least I admit to what I write. Maybe if you realized you have a problem and made some changes then women will stop running from you.
Peaceful Guy Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I'm not so sure it's wise to work through anything with a jerk. yeah, that's probably true, but i more meant when people you love "act" like jerks, not people who do it all the time. i like to give people a few chances, and then, well, the rest is history.
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