angelface78 Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 (edited) Everybody on here is probably tired of me and my posts but i just need to post to vent my pain and anger. My ex fiance of five years and i broke up 3 months ago. This man is very complicated. Throughout our relationship he didnt treat me very well...well thats an understatement. A month after out breakup he got a new girlfriend. I have seen their myspace headlines where he is just sooo nice to her. It really hurts bad because how can he treat this stranger like that and me who was always there for him and took so much **** from him bad. I loved this man with all my heart and it infuriates me how he can just walk away and treat someone else like gold after everything he has done to me. The worst part is i still love him...he played me dirty and totally disrespected me, but i just cant move on. Why?? I know he doesnt deserve me and everybody says oh someday he will get his but i am soo angry! Its not fair. I see how he talks to her on myspace and is sooo sweet to her. She treats him good too aparently. I was 3 months NC and was stupid enought to break it last week. I just had so many questions to ask and it was all bottled up inside...i just couldnt do the NC thing anymore. I went into NC right after the breakup cold turkey and it was the hardest thing in the world. Well i called him last week and he was shocked to hear from me. When he spoke to me his voice was cracking...both of our voices were cracking. I asked him why?? why did you do this to us? After 5 years..how can you just be with someone else?? (i know pathetic questions) all he did was stay quiet. I asked him is she your girlfriend..and he answered "something like that" while his voice cracked. I asked him is she or not..and he answered '"i dont want to answer that question" ....I asked him if he forgot about me already, if he was over me and he just stayed quiet. All in all i knew i wasnt gonna get answers but i just couldnt take it anymore. He sounded like he was confused. Later on that day he changed his myspace headline to "thinking...thinking...cant concentrate. mood: blessed. Two days later it seems like he is going to go ahead and stay with her. I know thats dumb to say..its not like he was gonna leave her just because i called. I know i shouldnt have broken NC. Now i feel worse. I just dont see the day when im going to get over this guy. Its not fair that after everything hes done he gets away with it all and on top of everything has a great new relationship. How can i make my heart understand that its over!!??? Its so hard to accept that he threw it all away..and that all i ever wanted from him he is giving to a stranger. I feel worthless...so betrayed and just pathetic. The worse part is that everybody has always said im way out of his league and that that is the reason he treated me bad..because he wanted me to be lower than him. Now i dont believe it anymore. Why does he treat this girl so well? She has done nothing for him. Why now? Why does he decide to change now with a stranger when thats all i ever wanted from him??? Just a little effort is all i wanted. Im so torn up inside. I cry like almost everyday. Im really suffering. I try and try but it just seems like the pain will never end. I DONT WANT TO EVER FALL IN LOVE AGAIN...NEVER GUYS... NEVER!! Edited October 7, 2009 by angelface78
Turista Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Everybody on here is probably tired of me and my posts but i just need to post to vent my pain and anger. My ex fiance of five years and i broke up 3 months ago. This man is very complicated. Throughout our relationship he didnt treat me very well...well thats an understatement. A month after out breakup he got a new girlfriend. I have seen their myspace headlines where he is just sooo nice to her. It really hurts bad because how can he treat this stranger like that and me who was always there for him and took so much **** from him bad. I loved this man with all my heart and it infuriates me how he can just walk away and treat someone else like gold after everything he has done to me. The worst part is i still love him...he played me dirty and totally disrespected me, but i just cant move on. Why?? I know he doesnt deserve me and everybody says oh someday he will get his but i am soo angry! Its not fair. I see how he talks to her on myspace and is sooo sweet to her. She treats him good too aparently. I was 3 months NC and was stupid enought to break it last week. I just had so many questions to ask and it was all bottled up inside...i just couldnt do the NC thing anymore. I went into NC right after the breakup cold turkey and it was the hardest thing in the world. Well i called him last week and he was shocked to hear from me. When he spoke to me his voice was cracking...both of our voices were cracking. I asked him why?? why did you do this to us? After 5 years..how can you just be with someone else?? (i know pathetic questions) all he did was stay quiet. I asked him is she your girlfriend..and he answered "something like that" while his voice cracked. I asked him is she or not..and he answered '"i dont want to answer that question" ....I asked him if he forgot about me already, if he was over me and he just stayed quiet. All in all i knew i wasnt gonna get answers but i just couldnt take it anymore. He sounded like he was confused. Later on that day he changed his myspace headline to "thinking...thinking...cant concentrate. mood: blessed. Two days later it seems like he is going to go ahead and stay with her. I know thats dumb to say..its not like he was gonna leave her just because i called. I know i shouldnt have broken NC. Now i feel worse. I just dont see the day when im going to get over this guy. Its not fair that after everything hes done he gets away with it all and on top of everything has a great new relationship. How can i make my heart understand that its over!!??? Its so hard to accept that he threw it all away..and that all i ever wanted from him he is giving to a stranger. I feel worthless...so betrayed and just pathetic. The worse part is that everybody has always said im way out of his league and that that is the reason he treated me bad..because he wanted me to be lower than him. Now i dont believe it anymore. Why does he treat this girl so well? She has done nothing for him. Why now? Why does he decide to change now with a stranger when thats all i ever wanted from him??? Just a little effort is all i wanted. Im so torn up inside. I cry like almost everyday. Im really suffering. I try and try but it just seems like the pain will never end. I DONT WANT TO EVER FALL IN LOVE AGAIN...NEVER GUYS... NEVER!! OK, number one, he's in sales mode right now. His new soulmate is seeing his absolute super bestest side much as I suspect you did at this phase for the express purpose of cementing as many possible heartstrings to him as possible for the next phase. And I know this very well, having just had this little ditty done to me last year and I'm still beat up inside. Phase 2 is the remainder of his relationship with you. Would you wish that on anyone? Because it's coming. But... From the outside, things will look super peachy dandy magnifico because I'm sure this guy is all about presentation. My ex is all about presentation too. We broke up for a month last year and she said a guy liked her but nothing happened. Bzzzt... She dated a pornographer for a couple weeks and I can just imagine the things he asked her to do given what passes for porn these days... Anyway, besides needing to let the poison seep out of you, and I really feel your pain because I'm having trouble doing so as well despite my ex really basically being a crazy 'ho with fake boobies and no life skills despite the initial sales job, you need to ask yourself some tough questions about why you put up with this long enough for him to detach and move on. That one's all you, much like me pining for a loser like this is all me. In my case, I think it's because she smelled so good, and that's a tough drug to leave. May yours go easier. But whatever you do, don't fall in love again until you're ready to give it your all. And finally, if you do some crazy $h!+ in the next few months, give yourself a pass for it...
Author angelface78 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 (edited) Everybody says that to me. To think back to the beginning of my relationship with him and how he treated me soo nice. Everybody says he will end up treating her bad sooner or later. That doesnt make me feel good that he will treat someone bad. I understand what you are saying and i believe it to be true to an extent. After that my feelings take over and i just feel pathetic. Turista im sorry this happened to you. Im sure it is painful to imagine what she is doing with that guy. You deserve better...what kind of woman would date a guy thats in porn?? Thats kinda weird. No women i know would. Edited October 7, 2009 by angelface78
Turista Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Everybody says that to me. To think back to the beginning of my relationship with him and how he treated me soo nice. Everybody says he will end up treating her bad sooner or later. That doesnt make me feel good that he will treat someone bad. I understand what you are saying and i believe it to be true to an extent. After that my feelings take over and i just feel pathetic. Turista im sorry this happened to you. Im sure it is painful to imagine what she is doing with that guy. You deserve better...what kind of woman would date a guy thats in porn?? Thats kinda weird. No women i know would. Thanks, and I know exactly what you mean about the feelings. But as others have said on here: your feelings are lying to you. He was so not worth it and he thrived on your pain. He needed someone on which to project his own inadequacies so he could continue to pretend he was perfect. I just lived this as well, just not for as long. But in answer to your question: what kind of woman dates a guy in porn? The same kind of woman who generally becomes a stripper: someone with unresolved daddy issues. In her case, her family is uber rich, the dad cheated and was physically abusive, and the mom neglected her as a child and assuaged her guilt by occasionally throwing money and lavish gifts at her. She's now taken that broken pattern into her adult life. This woman literally could have it all now, but I suspect she never will because she's hardwired to deny there's anything wrong with her. Once I get over her, I will mostly pity her, but I need to break the chemical romance first, and that's tough.
Author angelface78 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 Damn..she has issues. You dont need a woman like that in your life. Too complicated.. You need to find yourself a normal woman. One with values and morals. I totally get the chemical addiction thing youre talking about and funny enough my ex was one of those guys that always smelled good. He was so clean and was a cologne freak. He loved cologne and whenever a new fragrance came out he was on it. So i know what you mean about she smelled good. Its funny but it is an addiction...you get used to that. I thought i was the only one.
Turista Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Damn..she has issues. You dont need a woman like that in your life. Too complicated.. You need to find yourself a normal woman. One with values and morals. I totally get the chemical addiction thing youre talking about and funny enough my ex was one of those guys that always smelled good. He was so clean and was a cologne freak. He loved cologne and whenever a new fragrance came out he was on it. So i know what you mean about she smelled good. Its funny but it is an addiction...you get used to that. I thought i was the only one. Heh, just know that you're not alone in dealing with all this absurdity. But I think you and I both have codependency issues and we both need to resolve them the best we can. We both deserve better than what we got, but if we don't demand that, we only have ourselves to blame... And I know, easy words, but surprisingly tough to truly put into action. Just last night I was out with friends in some of the same old haunts that my ex and I frequented. At one point, I saw a girl that looked like her, and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to briefly cry but in the end those spaces are now cleared. And I know, ridiculous, but this chemical addiction stuff SUCKS.
Sbrizio Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 I perfectly agree on the chemical addiction...funny to think, all the images and romance we build around a relationship are based on the effects of brain produced drugs on our neural receptors...well i'm not in my most romantic mood tonight. Stay strong girls and guys... one day we'll be able to see clear... and then we'll be ready for another round. Until both we and our (to be) partners would be willing to go past this chemical addiction and starting embracing a life-lasting-project...
Sbrizio Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 But I think you and I both have codependency issues and we both need to resolve them the best we can. Good point. Maybe the break up is the chance life is giving us to look at ourselves and see what WE are doing wrong of our lives. NC is a trial in this sense. It forces you to put yourself in the right perspective. To put back "YOU" before "them"...
Turista Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Good point. Maybe the break up is the chance life is giving us to look at ourselves and see what WE are doing wrong of our lives. NC is a trial in this sense. It forces you to put yourself in the right perspective. To put back "YOU" before "them"... The most interesting part about my codependency issues is that up to now, they've mostly been a real advantage in relationships in that I am apparently one of the few guys that really wants to build something long past an 8-date hit and run. My 3 past relationships before this disaster lasted 4, 13, and 3.5 years respectively. I spent last Sunday with a great ex-gf from 2.5 years ago who had complained of me being too high maintenance only to admit she then dated two guys that made me look positively laid back, and neither of which were capable of real commitment. I topped things off by buying her dinner and apologizing for the times that I was indeed a bit high maintenance spelled N E U R O T I C (but I've gotten a lot better since because I was broke back then and in fear of losing my job and it's magical what effect getting rid of those two issues had on me). Anyway, major restorative egoboo to me in the midst of the detox... Was tempted at some level to try and start things back up, but when she was dating me, she pined for her first bf, and now she pines for the guy she dated after me. So that's out of the question. Sigh...
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