Dating Your Therapist- hmmm....

[Misstery]

Ok, not sure if this is the correct forum for this question, but I suspect I'll know what type of answers I'll get, and I've seen some people's way of responding lurking about before...but here goes anyway. Please read the whole post before responding. I know it's long, but it's most appreciated! Please be advised this is partially something I've contemplated in real life, and partially a hypothetical question as I've not decided on anything either way.

 

I shall preface this question by letting people know that I am a psychologist myself in profession, so I know what the supposed rules are, and I have never crossed the line myself with one of my own patients (nor been tempted to), but suffice to say, Im curious how bad it really would be to date someone that was PREVIOUSLY in a patient-therapist position with you, NOT while you are STILL in therapy. The basic rules of the professional boards (and please don't quote them to me, I know what they are) are that there should be no sexual intimacy between patients and therapists, and that once the professional relationship is over there should be no less than two years before you are allowed to socially hang out, and even after two years, it is on the therapist to prove that they have not taken advantage of the prior knowledge/relationship they had with the patient, as many people in therapy ARE in a position of vulnerability and transference often occurs where they mistake love or like for a therapeutic relationship. I am not at risk for this , trust me. After all, I know WHY the rule is in place, but that doesn't mean it applies to everyone, right? The reason a person should not date their own patient is obvious, you may be taking advantage of a position of emotional authority....but if you're no longer patient-therapist, does it matter? Let's say, for instance, you break off the patient-therapist relationship, and now you are simply two people, who work in the same field no less....is it then ok to date?

 

Even though I am a therapist, I also see a therapist myself. Hey, Im a normal person with normal problems, and most psychiatrists/therapists/psychs/SW's etc that I know do see their own therapist, because the stress of the job and hearing other people's problems all day can be stressful. I don't tell my therapist anything I wouldn't tell my own close friends to be honest, but I have one because it's an impartial third party that I can just vent to every week who has to listen.

 

I was seeing the same therapist for quite some time, but he left the center I was going to and moved to another state. He referred me to another (male) therapist at the same location, so I figured I would give the new guy a shot. To be honest, I had seen this guy walking around the office before and thought he was incredibly attractive. I am RARELY genuinly attracted to a man on both a personal and physical level, so when I feel that spark it is noticeable. Anyway, so, coincidentally, the therapist my old therapist refers me to happens to be this hot guy I've seen walking around the office. I was hesitant, because I've never had a therapist I was attracted to before, but I rationalized that I myself have had patients hit on me and express attraction to me and I was still able to provide them with effective counseling, so I figured I'd give it a try.

 

It has now been something like 3 months, maybe a tad less, that I have been seeing this new guy for therapy. To be honest, as I said, there is nothing I say to him that I wouldnt say to my own friends, as I am a very open person overall. If I have intense secrets I don't tell my friends, I don't tell my therapist either, so there isn't any crazy dark secret he knows that most of my friends don't know. I view therapy as more of an arena to vent and b*tch about things without the worry that someone will get sick of hearing about the same things over and over.

 

My dilemma has become that, rather than ignoring the attraction I've had from the moment I laid eyes on him, it's beginning to become more noticeable. I still speak to him freely and openly and calmly, but honestly, I find myself fantasizing about him quite often lately, and I could be wrong, but I swear the last session or two he's subtley flirted with me. Nothing huge, mind you, as he's not an idiot and wouldn't be so brash as to say some obvious flirtation (neither would I to someone I was a therapist to!), but it's been enough to make me cock my head for a second and wonder. For example, I joked about my cynical and sarcastic/occasionally depressive nature and said that most people find me outgoing and funny, and he said "well, people can have more than one side to them", to which I said, "don't all people have more than one side?", and he says, "no, boring people don't. [pause. smile.] And you, Misstery, are most certainly not boring." I blush, smile, and then tell him about a couple of dates I had recently with some new guys. I lament that I don't seem to have any interest in them, but that they all seem to be vastly interested in me, to which my therapist states , "I can't imagine why not, your gorgeous, intelligent, funny, [pause] and have the most intriguing eyes". He then stops as if he's unsure he's said something inapporpriate and we just keep talking. He has a habit of staring at me and smiling in a manner that's different than the mannerisms in which I see him interact with other patients. I know it's possible for me to see what I want to see, but really, I don't know how to convince anyone here that I'm not one of those people who does that. I pride myself on being incredibly perceptive, which is a trait that has made me very good at my job, and I do believe that he finds my personality to be intriguing and I'm fairly certain he is physically attracted to me.

 

So, Im not sure what to do now. Do I end the therapy, and find a new one? Do I tell him the honest reason why I feel we might need to end our professional relationship, or do I make up some bogus excuse? And, lastly, should the opportunity even arise that we should become aquainted on a social level (provided our therapeutic relationship is OVER, of course), should I even consider it? These and other questions....

 

And no, please do not give me the typical "well, if you are asking, you must know it is wrong" responses, because those are just silly. People question many things in life, that doesn't make them all wrong. Just, perhaps, unconventional.

 

I'm sure I've left out something, but we shall come back to that if anything comes up in responses of people! Thank you very much for reading this lengthy posting, and I appreciate seeing other people's viewpoints on this matter. Oh, and if anyone needs to know or it matters, him and I are approximately the same age (early 30's), I am a doctorate level psychologist, he is an MSW level therapist, not that it matters, but that's the most personal information I can give on here and still be totally anonymous ;-)

[JustLooking123]

I think that you should end the therapy no matter what. It clearly is no longer serving the purpose it is intended to serve. And if you know the rules about dating patients, why all the rationalization about why they don't apply to you? The (theoretical) relationship would always be affected by the power differential. Find a new therapist, and find other men to date. Or if you aren't comfortable with that, discuss your feelings towards him. Didn't they address how to handle things like this (ie what to do if a patient is attracted to you) in your training? Likewise, I'm sure he is trained to handle that conversation coming from you.

[Lucky_One]

Rationalize much?

[artchick88]

you should probably keep seeing him. Its wonderful that he can get to know you like this.

If you stopped seeing him and saw someone else in an attempt to date him, do you think you would still feel attracted to him without the circumstance you're in now?

There's something appealing about this "taboo" and also its great that you're not dating, trying to impress on another, or doing some mating dance. youre just talking to him about personal issues!

I'd just keep seeing him. When things become more heated I'd ask him if he'd like to get together outside of therapy sometime. Or maybe ask him about himself? I don't know but it really sounds like he's attracted to you. You should always follow your intuition about sex because its usually dead on. Especially those comments he's made.

You should just wait and see if things progress and if they start to feel like something REAL then you should find a new therapist and tell him its because you want to see him.

Good luck!

[tigressA]

You should definitely end the therapy sessions with this man as soon as you possibly can, and if he asks why, tell him it's because you're attracted to him. Then see what happens...once you end the sessions, then he's certainly fair game. But don't try to rationalize continuing to see him; going down that road will only lead to unnecessary complication. That's why they have "supposed rules" about therapist-patient dating.

[SoulSearch_CO]

I agree that regardless of what happens - ending the therapist/patient relationship is crucial at this point. Then I think once you've had a good amount of time away from him, you can re-address your possible feelings for him.

 

But don't forget - even if YOU decide you're okay with dating your former therapist doesn't mean that HE will be. Just sayin. I understand why the rules are there. I've been involved on both sides of the equation (I'm not a schooled anything-having-to-do-with-that-stuff, but have worked in a counselor capacity). IMO, as long as you're both cautious, aware of the boundaries and restrictions involved, it's all consensual, I don't see the big deal. You being a therapist yourself, I would imagine you understand a little better than most how easy it would be to manipulate patients, but I don't think that's the "issue" in your case. Although I could be wrong, I suppose. Some people are really good at denial.

[2sunny]

first of all this should be in the business/professional forum...

 

secondly - you can't date him... not now anyway, and you know that. you are trying to find a loophole to which you COULD date him.

 

the only way would be to follow the rules. stop seeing him as your therapist... then wait two years to date him.

 

that would be the ethical order of things - but, you are trying to still find that loophole... good luck.

[Misstery]

Forgive me, I assumed the business/professional relationships category was for what it exemplifies-- namely , well, business relationships and work problems, and this is a little beyond that. It's a professional relationship but the dilemma ingrained is one of a romantic nature. Anyway.

 

Right, so, sarcastic responses aside which I'll dutifully ignore (forgive me if no one has been sarcastic, it doesn't come across well in typed forums), I know this seems like a silly question coming from someone who should "know better", trust me, but I suppose all those rules you follow on a general basis when it's to do with other people suddenly become questionable when you are trying to apply them to yourself in this situation, does that make sense? The basic reason behind the ethics of not dating a former patient is essentially because you don't want to risk taking advantage of a position (or prior position) of emotional authority, in a way, because patients often become attached to therapists because of the intimate nature of the information divulged, and the patient themselves just might be in a vulnerable position emotionally/mentally. That isn't the case with me, as the "patient". If me and him were to not be patient-therapist anymore, I don't feel there is some imbalance or vulnerability on my end at all. As I said, I don't go there out of helplessness or depression, it's more venting on daily life in a way. And again, he doesn't know anything that the majority of my close friends don't know. There are no deep dark secrets of abused childhoods, past intense traumas, illegal activities, etc. When I talk about past dating relationships to him, I don't say anything I wouldn't say to anyone I'm close with to a reasonable degree. Granted, I wouldn't say all of that to someone on a first date or something, but I've dated guys that I was friends with first in the past, and those guys knew as much about me as this therapist does for the most part.

 

I know to some it sounds like Im trying to find a loophole or rationalize, but believe me when I say this is sort of how I approach everything-- by discussing it from all angles. It's my pseudo-scientific approach to life ;-) I like to analyze everything. Bad habit. Or just habit, I suppose.

 

Anyway, it's somewhat odd, as this is not behavior I myself would engage in on my own professional platform.

As in, I would NEVER date one of my own former-patients. I have had attractive patients before and never been tempted in any way, shape or form. Somehow my mind automatically shuts them off, as you would with a brother or something. No sexual attraction whatsoever no matter who they are. but for some reason, since I'm on the "patient" end of this relationship, its almost as if my brain has said I'm "allowed" to be attracted to him, and maybe I find it odd that he's been so casual and semi-flirty with me. I can't really recall every instance or verbatim word that he's said to me, but suffice to say it's been more than I would ever say to a patient of my own. I think I'm more disturbed with my own unrelenting attraction to this man because of the weird way we met and this never happening to me before, and I suppose by nature I am curious about human intention, my own included....I digress. In a "normal" situation I'd be quite forward and un-shy about making a first move, and as rare as it is for me to be this attracted to someone, it's almost quite annoying that I've met him in this manner.

 

So I suppose I should end the therapeutic relationship. I just was not sure I should tell him the real reason. Will it make him uncomfortable, or will it encourage him to take that step to contact me outside of the professional arena? I have no idea. I guess I'm curious but I also wonder if I should just make up some excuse about how I think this is just not working to my liking, even though I think that will sound flimsy, but whatever. I mean, let's be honest here-- rules are put in place for a reason, but as I said, that doesn't mean they apply to everyone. Let's say, hypothetically for argument's sake, that I do NOT fall into that category or risk of someone who has just become emotionally vulnerable or attached , and I end the professional relationship, and I were to bump into him in a bar one day, and we have a drink, and find we're getting along really well. Would it be horrendous for us to date?

 

Anyway, guess I'm just wondering. No harm in that. I don't suspect I would be bold enough to say "gee, I think you're hot", and I don't think he'll cross the professional line on his own for fear of reprisal at least, so it's probably going to remain a hypothetical, but it's still a good basis for discussion....you never know, I suppose.

Edited October 7, 2009 by Misstery

[phineas]

I think you are going to need therepy.

[looking4 green grass]

Anyway, it's somewhat odd, as this is not behavior I myself would engage in on my own professional platform.

As in, I would NEVER date one of my own former-patients. I have had attractive patients before and never been tempted in any way, shape or form. Somehow my mind automatically shuts them off, as you would with a brother or something.

 

If you would never engage in this type of behavior, what makes you think he would? I have a feeling he does the same thing.

 

Find someone else to date. Why would you want to ethically compromise yourself over a date?

 

The psych community is relatively small in comparison to other medical fields, and in my area, everybody knows everybody. Think about what this would look like to the other professionals in your area? A blatant breaking of the "rules"? Personally it would make me question your ethics and I would be more hesitant to refer my own patients to you.

 

So from one psych professional to another, stop trying to convince yourself you are different. Regardless of your role at work, to this guy, your role is patient, not colleague.

[CaliGuy]

You know the ethical implications of dating someone who is either a patient or your Counselor. I don't think I need to remind you or anyone else here of how WRONG I feel that is.

 

That said, I don’t see the harm in it if therapy has ended -- provided if the person needs to see a Counselor again, that Counselor is NOT you. Also, you must not attempt to circumvent the Counseling process by doing some "ad hoc" counseling from home.

 

Catch my drift?

[Misstery]

If you would never engage in this type of behavior, what makes you think he would? I have a feeling he does the same thing.

 

Find someone else to date. Why would you want to ethically compromise yourself over a date?

 

The psych community is relatively small in comparison to other medical fields, and in my area, everybody knows everybody. Think about what this would look like to the other professionals in your area? A blatant breaking of the "rules"? Personally it would make me question your ethics and I would be more hesitant to refer my own patients to you.

 

So from one psych professional to another, stop trying to convince yourself you are different. Regardless of your role at work, to this guy, your role is patient, not colleague.

 

Well, anyone else wouldn't know he was my therapist really, it's all confidential, and I live in a massively large city....the psych community may be small, but not that small. He and I are not near in the same work circles. Not even in the same area code. I'm not saying you are wrong in your general theory at all, just that it's unlikely, really, that anyone would ever really find out that at one time I saw him for a few months if we didn't let anyone know.

 

Anyway, it's entirely unlikely, I think more than anything I was contemplating this oddness I feel over the whole thing. And well, normally you'd discuss this with your therapist I suppose, but that's not feasible here :-P and so I went on an anonymous board to think aloud. Not that i hadn't mentioned it to one close friend of mine, who likewise said to run in the other direction.

 

And I don't think he WOULD actually make a move, it wold be too risky, even if he is thinking the same things I am. But crazier things have happened I suppose. I should probably just make up some excuse as to why I can't see him anymore, though, will save me the headache of continuously wondering what he looks like naked.

 

That was a joke. You know, haha.

 

Right, but still, I'd be curious to know if anyone out there ever HAS crossed that professional line with someone who is supposed to be just providing services, particularly these sort, I guess, and what happened?

[looking4 green grass]

No, my professional reputation is too important for me to cross such an obvious ethical line. Granted I work with an SPMI population, so the likelihood of being attracted to a patient is nil. Even if I was in a different setting, no, I would not go there.

 

That whole, do no harm thing.

[tigressA]

Right, but still, I'd be curious to know if anyone out there ever HAS crossed that professional line with someone who is supposed to be just providing services, particularly these sort, I guess, and what happened?

 

This looks like you're fishing for validation. Why do you want or need to know this?

[2sunny]

Forgive me, I assumed the business/professional relationships category was for what it exemplifies-- namely , well, business relationships and work problems, and this is a little beyond that. It's a professional relationship but the dilemma ingrained is one of a romantic nature. Anyway.

 

Right, so, sarcastic responses aside which I'll dutifully ignore (forgive me if no one has been sarcastic, it doesn't come across well in typed forums), I know this seems like a silly question coming from someone who should "know better", trust me, but I suppose all those rules you follow on a general basis when it's to do with other people suddenly become questionable when you are trying to apply them to yourself in this situation, does that make sense? The basic reason behind the ethics of not dating a former patient is essentially because you don't want to risk taking advantage of a position (or prior position) of emotional authority, in a way, because patients often become attached to therapists because of the intimate nature of the information divulged, and the patient themselves just might be in a vulnerable position emotionally/mentally. That isn't the case with me, as the "patient". If me and him were to not be patient-therapist anymore, I don't feel there is some imbalance or vulnerability on my end at all. As I said, I don't go there out of helplessness or depression, it's more venting on daily life in a way. And again, he doesn't know anything that the majority of my close friends don't know. There are no deep dark secrets of abused childhoods, past intense traumas, illegal activities, etc. When I talk about past dating relationships to him, I don't say anything I wouldn't say to anyone I'm close with to a reasonable degree. Granted, I wouldn't say all of that to someone on a first date or something, but I've dated guys that I was friends with first in the past, and those guys knew as much about me as this therapist does for the most part.

 

I know to some it sounds like Im trying to find a loophole or rationalize, but believe me when I say this is sort of how I approach everything-- by discussing it from all angles. It's my pseudo-scientific approach to life ;-) I like to analyze everything. Bad habit. Or just habit, I suppose.

 

Anyway, it's somewhat odd, as this is not behavior I myself would engage in on my own professional platform.

As in, I would NEVER date one of my own former-patients. I have had attractive patients before and never been tempted in any way, shape or form. Somehow my mind automatically shuts them off, as you would with a brother or something. No sexual attraction whatsoever no matter who they are. but for some reason, since I'm on the "patient" end of this relationship, its almost as if my brain has said I'm "allowed" to be attracted to him, and maybe I find it odd that he's been so casual and semi-flirty with me. I can't really recall every instance or verbatim word that he's said to me, but suffice to say it's been more than I would ever say to a patient of my own. I think I'm more disturbed with my own unrelenting attraction to this man because of the weird way we met and this never happening to me before, and I suppose by nature I am curious about human intention, my own included....I digress. In a "normal" situation I'd be quite forward and un-shy about making a first move, and as rare as it is for me to be this attracted to someone, it's almost quite annoying that I've met him in this manner.

 

So I suppose I should end the therapeutic relationship. I just was not sure I should tell him the real reason. Will it make him uncomfortable, or will it encourage him to take that step to contact me outside of the professional arena? I have no idea. I guess I'm curious but I also wonder if I should just make up some excuse about how I think this is just not working to my liking, even though I think that will sound flimsy, but whatever. I mean, let's be honest here-- rules are put in place for a reason, but as I said, that doesn't mean they apply to everyone. Let's say, hypothetically for argument's sake, that I do NOT fall into that category or risk of someone who has just become emotionally vulnerable or attached , and I end the professional relationship, and I were to bump into him in a bar one day, and we have a drink, and find we're getting along really well. Would it be horrendous for us to date?

 

Anyway, guess I'm just wondering. No harm in that. I don't suspect I would be bold enough to say "gee, I think you're hot", and I don't think he'll cross the professional line on his own for fear of reprisal at least, so it's probably going to remain a hypothetical, but it's still a good basis for discussion....you never know, I suppose.

 

 

i would be honest and tell him the attraction to him is getting in the way of the reason for the office visit. that way, when it ends, he isn't left thinking that he's a lousy counselor.

 

also, after two years pass - he may just call and request a date. if he feels the same way you do - two years is worth the wait. i wouldn't risk your professional education and your ability to earn the income on an attraction to any man. this is your livelihood and you don't want to take a risk with that.

 

if he is also interested - he will find a way to reach you when the timing is right.

[Devil Inside]

Hey Misstery....

 

I too am a therapist. LPC. This is quite the little situation you have here.

 

I am wondering why you don't let him know how you feel so that it can be addressed in the therapeutic space. I mean isn't this all "grist for the mill."

 

I agree that he is attracted to you. I often say nice things to show my clients that they have strengths...but the comment about the eyes...come on.

 

I also think that if you were to end therapy...wait two years...and run into him...why not?

[GrayClouds]

Rationalize much?

 

What he said.

 

There is inherently an inequality of power in a relationship of this nature. It allow one knowledge and insights into the other that they don't have. Giving them the ability to manipulate the other. And if the relationship does not last it questions the quality of the therapy (did they say what they said just to get me in bed) as well as the other doubts that break-up can offer.

 

Woody Allen can merry his step daughter but, like this, is doesn't keep it form being sleazy.

[Misstery]

This looks like you're fishing for validation. Why do you want or need to know this?

lol why does there have to be ulterior motives? Im not seeking validation, more curiosity to see if others have been in a simliar situation and what happened. Pure curiosity, seriously.

[Misstery]

i would be honest and tell him the attraction to him is getting in the way of the reason for the office visit. that way, when it ends, he isn't left thinking that he's a lousy counselor.

 

also, after two years pass - he may just call and request a date. if he feels the same way you do - two years is worth the wait. i wouldn't risk your professional education and your ability to earn the income on an attraction to any man. this is your livelihood and you don't want to take a risk with that.

 

if he is also interested - he will find a way to reach you when the timing is right.

 

That's true, but most people aren't willing to wait. Two years is a long time! We could potentially be a good match but I dont think most people are willing to wait around two years, so Im starting to think Im going to need to find a way to break this off before we get ourselves in trouble....he'd get more slack for this seeing as how I am the patient in this scenario, but I daresay if it got out it wouldn't look good for me either. The risk of anyone finding out, of course, is really quite minute....I've never run into him anywhere, not in conferences, not in work, nowhere.

 

But the whole risking-livelihood thing is a real threat of course, moreso than any ethical breach, because in this case, there really isn't any emotional vulnerability on my end. At all. He's quite easy to talk to and really a good person to discuss things with, but we end up having conversations that are more academic in some ways than "therapy-like". I'll actually recommend books/studies that I think he can use with other patients all the time and he's always taking my advice lol. It's almost a pity I have met him this way to be honest....I rarely find someone this easy to speak to about work and life that I am also attracted to. He often prefaces comments with "now, Im not saying this as a 'therapist', Im just saying this as a guy", and it makes me wonder more if he's subconsciously trying to play down the therapist-patient relationship in his own way. Thoughts?

[Devil Inside]

He often prefaces comments with "now, Im not saying this as a 'therapist', Im just saying this as a guy", and it makes me wonder more if he's subconsciously trying to play down the therapist-patient relationship in his own way. Thoughts?

 

As a male therapist it makes me wonder. What is he saying after he makes this statement. If he is commenting on you as a woman and your attractiveness...then yeah he is trying to let you know..I am feeling you.

[Misstery]

Hey Misstery....

 

I too am a therapist. LPC. This is quite the little situation you have here.

 

I am wondering why you don't let him know how you feel so that it can be addressed in the therapeutic space. I mean isn't this all "grist for the mill."

 

I agree that he is attracted to you. I often say nice things to show my clients that they have strengths...but the comment about the eyes...come on.

 

I also think that if you were to end therapy...wait two years...and run into him...why not?

 

Hi there! Good to hear from a colleague ;-) Yes I like to think I'm fairly perceptive and the impression I get is that there is a mutual attraction. He is VERY subtle for the most part, almost blink-and-you-miss-it for most people, but I tend to notice these things and as time goes he's slightly less obtuse about it I think. The comment about the eyes definitely was an obvious one, for me anyway. I too complement patients to make them feel better, but its generally in a very objective way just to make them realize their own positive attributes. Not that I don't have sexy eyes ;-) but ya know.

 

At this point I wonder if it would be terrible if, following an end in therapy, I asked him if he would want to come to a mutual social event, a party or something else with lots of people, not date-like in anyway, sort of as a leeway to "friendship" or aquaintanceship, in the meantime. There's strict rules on sexual relationships, and friendships are frowned upon perhaps but some sort of minimal contact just to keep some contact, I wonder how terrible that would be? Sort of like, a sporadic email , or some such thing....anyway just fantasy perhaps.

 

Why don't I tell him....good question. I suppose I don't want to make him feel awkward. I think at this point, even if he is attracted to me, he is in the position to be worse off if he made some sort of move that is deemed inappropriate, and perhaps in a way he is glad that he doesnt know for sure how I feel so he is not tempted? I suppose I don't want to make things difficult on him. I have been tempted to tell him just because I find it interesting to discuss things this bluntly, but honestly I just don't want to put him in a spot. But I saw him today and I swear we smile and glance away from each other while speaking. Like.... teenagers or some such thing. It's bizarre. I am a grown woman, we are around the same age, and I feel like a giddy teenager when I know we're going to see each other. But lately I find myself looking forward to Mondays just so I can see him so I've got to decide what to do soon, whether to tell him what's going on, or just to make a clean break and make up some other excuse why I need to end things. Decisions decisions....

[Misstery]

What he said.

 

There is inherently an inequality of power in a relationship of this nature. It allow one knowledge and insights into the other that they don't have. Giving them the ability to manipulate the other. And if the relationship does not last it questions the quality of the therapy (did they say what they said just to get me in bed) as well as the other doubts that break-up can offer.

 

Woody Allen can merry his step daughter but, like this, is doesn't keep it form being sleazy.

 

Trust me, in the majority of cases, I agree with you 500%. There is limitation in my ability to convince anyone here that there is not the typical inequality you might find in some therapuetic relationships. I will be honest- while I am very open with him, as I said, it is no more than I would be with a good friend. Everyone has "those things" that run through their head that they wouldnt say to someone who they have an interest in, and I probably have held back on saying certain things to him purely because of the attraction I've always had to him, so I don't feel there's much of an inbalance. Obviously he hasn't said as much about himself as I have, but he's said enough to make me think he's not that open about himself with his other patients. The way he prefaces things and complements he makes, the body language, etc. It is a shaky situation for sure, I do not deny that, but not in a stepfather-sleeping-with-his-stepdaughter kind of way!,nor do I think because I think there is some sort of inequality that would follow in a relationship, but only because I would fear a reprimand to one or both of us professionally IF anyone who cares found out.

[Misstery]

As a male therapist it makes me wonder. What is he saying after he makes this statement. If he is commenting on you as a woman and your attractiveness...then yeah he is trying to let you know..I am feeling you.

 

Ah, he's said that sort of thing prior to commenting on any of a number of things. We were discussing a recent string of dates I'd had with a guy that I thought had had potential but who turned out to be a bit of a bum, and I'd said I was somewhat insulted the guy had not called me back after we'd had a few dates , and I mentioned that this man I'd gone out with was considerably younger than myself, and so my therapist says something along the lines of "now, i'm not saying this as your therapist, but as another guy...I guarantee you it was not because of you. You are amazingly intelligent, intriguingly perceptive, have a great sense of humor and are beautiful. You need to start to wonder if you just chose a guy who was fearful of commitment, maybe due to his age, sometimes men in their early 20's just don't know when they have a good thing right in front of them, because had I been in a position with [insert awkward stammer] with, um, well with a woman like you the last thing I would do is question whether I wanted to see you again because that would be a given"

 

That's not exactly verbatim, but I remembered most of it because i remember being quite, well...flattered, I guess. He coudl have just said "well, the guy was young, they often don't know what they want out of life, you can't assume it's a negative reflection on yourself as a person", but he quite went all out as per the above.

 

Wht do you think? He stammered a bit in there when it seemed like he almost said "had i been in a position with YOU", but instead caught himself and changed it to "had i been in a position with a WOMAN LIKE YOU". Just my musings, perhaps....

[Soul Bear]

You need to try and watch the movie called ''Running with Scissors''

[Misstery]

You need to try and watch the movie called ''Running with Scissors''

 

It was a book first, I highly recommend it, good read. I tend to prefer books over their movie versions (though I have to say A Time to Kill was a good movie adaptation...randomly but it came to mind) But in either event, the movie or book bears no relevance to my situation. Thanks though. If I ever feel a need to shack up orgy-style with my shrink and his weird family while my mother masturbates over the writings of Anne Sexton, I'll let you know lol.

 

But I do apologize, i shall ask you then, how do YOU feel it bears relevance to my situation?