Nagini Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Dating for 4 months but he keeps looking, go No Contact ... Limited contact ? Quick backstory: After several delays I am moving to his city for work and good friends december 1st *YAY !* I have a great time when we're together and we were friends for a long tiem before dating (i had a boyfriend during that time) so i know a lot about him that he wants 'a hole in one' of a relationship. a great perfect marriage, kids. and so do I. But he still hasnt asked to be exclusive AND he knows I wont have sex sex unless Im in an exclusive relationship. So we mainly hang out and go to concerts, dinners and hang out with his sister and his dogs a lot when I visit. Not a lot of alone time except when we're in bed (again no sex and he says he respects that cause he likes religious good girls) we do kiss well together and flirt when were together. But he is still on Match and whenever I bring it up he claims that he is just bored. still he updates his profile regularly. changes it to sound even cuter and more fleshed out also he calls me when we're apart sunday-thursday, but rarely fri/sat. he does tell me what hes up to during those nights but it still concerns me im thinking that im too nice available and wear my heart on my sleeve to much with him I m thinking to start being mysterious/busy/distant until I move. Not answer every single call and email. Good plan ?
Author Nagini Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 for example since i just posted this he has emailed me on facebook. im afraid im like simmering pot on the back burner for him nice warm and always within reach
Ruby Slippers Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Sorry, I think he's the dreaded just not that into you.
aerogurl87 Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 for example since i just posted this he has emailed me on facebook. im afraid im like simmering pot on the back burner for him nice warm and always within reach I'm afraid your absolutely right. This guy has been wining and dining you for 4 months and has yet to agree to be exclusive with you. To make matters worse he's on a dating site regularly, updating his profile regularly, and seemingly always MIA on Friday and Saturday nights (biggest nights for dates in the week). I think he's just stringing you along until he finds a woman who really peaks his interest and thus that's why he hasn't said anything about wanting to be exclusive even with no sex being involved. Believe me, if this man wanted to really be with you and knows that no sex will happen until he does agree to be with you exclusively, he would've brought up the subject by now.
Author Nagini Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 (edited) I'm afraid your absolutely right. This guy has been wining and dining you for 4 months and has yet to agree to be exclusive with you. To make matters worse he's on a dating site regularly, updating his profile regularly, and seemingly always MIA on Friday and Saturday nights (biggest nights for dates in the week). I think he's just stringing you along until he finds a woman who really peaks his interest and thus that's why he hasn't said anything about wanting to be exclusive even with no sex being involved. Believe me, if this man wanted to really be with you and knows that no sex will happen until he does agree to be with you exclusively, he would've brought up the subject by now. See what makes it slightly confusing is I can account for his whereabouts on the friday or saturdays i dont see him. we have had 10 dates over the last 4 months. so when i see him its always fridays or saturdays He was with his sister or his sister and friends. but it also seems like he was hitting on girls when we goes out with them to bars. But again we're not exclusive so I can't complain. And the ONLY time Ive seriously tried to discuss things with him on the phone he said he was tired and not to "psychoanalyze him" So I said well he is the one calling me and I was just tyring to understand where we stand. He replied he was just calling to 'say hi' oh and to make matters weirder, i found an old post of his from 1 year ago on some eharmony thread. he said he has an issue where he doesnt know he is in love or doesnt appreciate how great a girl is until she has left him or pulled away ... the coach gave him great advice, but he seems to be either guilty of same issue or hjntiy Edited October 7, 2009 by Nagini
aerogurl87 Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 And the ONLY time Ive seriously tried to discuss things with him on the phone he said he was tired and not to "psychoanalyze him" It's been 4 months and you've only discussed this once! I'm sorry but maybe you need to bring it up again and preferably in person. Because the difference with a phone conversation and being face to face with someone is that face to face you can see their WHOLE reaction (body movements, facial expression, tone of voice, etc.) while on the phone you only get part of that picture. So I'd talk to him in person one day about it, maybe when you two go out again, that way you'll get a more concrete answer. By the way, since when did discussing the future of your relationship become "psychoanalyzing"? Sounds to me like someone might have commitment issues.
Author Nagini Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 It's been 4 months and you've only discussed this once! I'm sorry but maybe you need to bring it up again and preferably in person. Because the difference with a phone conversation and being face to face with someone is that face to face you can see their WHOLE reaction (body movements, facial expression, tone of voice, etc.) while on the phone you only get part of that picture. So I'd talk to him in person one day about it, maybe when you two go out again, that way you'll get a more concrete answer. By the way, since when did discussing the future of your relationship become "psychoanalyzing"? Sounds to me like someone might have commitment issues. its hard to bring it up in person because his sister has been staying at his house until she gets a job. and then when we go to sleep he usually passes out because he is usually super tired when i visit. ive been tempted to talk about it on long car drives, but that seems like Im cornering him idk. i think i just posted this question here because i already know the answers, i just need them confirmed (that he is trying to 'better deal' because i seem so into him, upfront with my feelings and 100% into him) he knows i took down my match profile, that im not seeing anyone else and that i miss him a lot. I think I need to back it up and shut down being little miss starry eyed girl in love.
aerogurl87 Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 its hard to bring it up in person because his sister has been staying at his house until she gets a job. and then when we go to sleep he usually passes out because he is usually super tired when i visit. ive been tempted to talk about it on long car drives, but that seems like Im cornering him idk. i think i just posted this question here because i already know the answers, i just need them confirmed (that he is trying to 'better deal' because i seem so into him, upfront with my feelings and 100% into him) he knows i took down my match profile, that im not seeing anyone else and that i miss him a lot. I think I need to back it up and shut down being little miss starry eyed girl in love. What's wrong with cornering him? It's been 4 months! Maybe I'm a little impatient but I expect a guy to have some idea of whether or not he wants to be exclusive with me after about a month of dating. But that's just me. An there is nothing wrong with being upfront with someone and missing them alot. The problem is your his fall girl till he can find the next best thing out there. Don't be the fall girl Nagini. Find someone who will fall just as hard for you as you fall for them. That type of guy does exist, I should know because I found 2 guys like that myself (my ex and my current BF). Good luck.
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Nagini, guy after guy you're getting involved with, appear to have similar issues. But...there's only one constant in all of this. Either your filter for men is way off, or you're seeing way, way more into each situation, than is real.
Author Nagini Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 (edited) Nagini, guy after guy you're getting involved with, appear to have similar issues. But...there's only one constant in all of this. Either your filter for men is way off, or you're seeing way, way more into each situation, than is real. ? ive had one previously crappy ex and the rest Im friends with and are awesome. and this guy, ironically enough, is the one who helped me break up with my bad ex. This guy may not be into me but he is nothing like my ex boyfriend who charmed every woman, women much more powerful, smarter and older than I am I might add. Anyhoo. I answered the phone last night when he called. I just acted neutral and not flirty like usual. realized crap he is treating me like a platonic friend. : he started talking about how he was reading that dead skin weight makes m@ttresses heavier over the years. eww he then added .... plus F@RTS must add weight. he then said yes the f@rting in bed adds weight to the m@ttress and laughed um oh wow. i was thinking to myself, would he be calling up a girl he found super hot and was impressed by and talk to her about him farting ? sure maybe if he was 16, but he is mid 30s and educated and well spoken. think not. Edited October 7, 2009 by Nagini
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Nagini, I think you're hooked on drama, which is counterproductive to viable relationships.
Author Nagini Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 AND then weirder he was holding his cute puppy on his lap while on the phone (a gift from his sister to him) he 'joked' to the puppy she was getting older and now no boy dogs would want her. wth ? weird joke to make to his dog that i could clearly heaR ?
Author Nagini Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 Nagini, I think you're hooked on drama, which is counterproductive to viable relationships. nope. as i said ive had other great boyfriends. and i dont see drama in this relationship way too placid and ho hum to equal drama. just a growing horror of a guy who sees me as a super great pal and back up plan b back burner fallback girl if he doesnt mean his size 0 dreamgirl.
Star Gazer Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 So you haven't had "sex sex" yet... does that mean you've had "sex" in the singular? Can you explain? SMF and SFO aren't that far apart that the distance should cause any problems. Me thinks it's the HJNTIY thing, particularly due to his Match updates.
Author Nagini Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 well he asked me out again. for this saturday or friday, my choice. but now I already have plans. funny.
Hkizzle Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 way too placid and ho hum to equal drama. . That's exactly the point. What other people see as seriously wrong, you think is "too placid" and "ho hum". You're so used to drama you think it's normal when many people would walk away from the same situations.
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