lonelyboy Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I met this girl online...im from england and she was from cali...we started talking on msn and web cam...we grew immensly strong and it was just one of them feelings you know?...everything just clicked and inside your heart was telling you it was true love, she ticked every box and i never felt so confident to tell this girl my deepest secrets because thats how strong our bond was and our love for one another. We talked everyday on msn for the 9 months we were together apart from when i actually came to visit...thats how amazing we kept our relationship alive and the flame burning strong. As being a college student i did college full time and worked part time saving up £1000 to come visit her for 6 months solid. We started dating about a year ago today and i came to stay at her house for 2 weeks in June...the 2 weeks in June just felt like pure heaven, we clicked like we'd been dating for years and my feelings for her as well as hers were sky high...even with the distance and all i was prepared to commit my future for her and we had even planned about me getting an internship over in cali so i could spend 2 years and a possible future citzenship to move there. During our 9 months together we had about 5 arguements where id have outbursts due to the stresses of the distance and the pressures of college and having no time for myself. My scedule was college mon-fri as well as working mon, thurs and friday. then evenings and weekends i devoted my time to her and not go out seeing friends or enjoying trips to the cinema etc and not spending a single penny on myself as i was desperately saving to come see her...hence why sometimes everything just got too tuff and id take it out on her...even though deep down it killed me to see me hurt her like that..it was just something out of my control about 3 weeks after i visited in June..plans were made for me to visit for 2 months for halloween, our 1 year anniversary and thanks giving..everything was sorted and planned. Then my dad got extremly ill and had to stop working and he is now on 12 tablets a day to keep him alive. I regret it so bad but i seriously lost the plot one day..i was looking for someone to take the anger out of my dads suffering and yes it was my ex..i said some nasty terrible things but a lot of the stuff i said was what id been hiding away for months inside and it finally just boiled over and spilled out. 2 days passed and we patched things up and just before she went on vacation for a month she said it was over...she showed little or no emotion and said she needed a break but she promised she'd text me every few days while she was on vacation. 2 weeks had past she didnt text nor phone me...so i sent her a text to see if she was ok...i got no reply and started to worry...about 5 days later again i asked her whats going on and why she didnt text me at all...no reply, Then a week later i asked her to put me in my place and stop ignoring me...she sent me a really horrible message on facebook saying we were done and over for good. My heart literally got torn out at that very moment and crushed...i worked so hard and did everything in my power to keep her happy. Her parents are very very overprotective of her and they have a huge influence on her how life works even though she is 19 years old. She then a few days after coming back from vacation deleted me from facebook..i assume blocked me on msn cause i havent seen her since and lastly deleted all pics of us and everything and its like she doesnt even want to know i exist in life. During the time she was on vacation my dad had 2 diabetic attacks where he collasped..the second time he fell and cut open his head and we had to spend all night in the hospital worrying for him. I text my ex this and she didnt even care or even reply...i dont know how anyone could be so heartless after everything she use to say to me and everything we had been through to get to where we were she use to talk to my dad and webcam etc and everything was so friendly and great. I've tried sending her about 3 emails in the space of the 3 months since we've split via facebook just asking to explain what went wrong and why she doesnt even want to be friends anymore...i feel like ive been backstabbed so hard and its hurt bad. So this is the climax...because of my dad being terribly ill and the house problems were facing now my dad is out of work we face loosing our house. I suffered from a nervous breakdown and major depression. I now stay at a clinic 4 days per week to try and fix my problems but all i have is her on my mind...i even explained to her about how ive now been taken into the clinic..but it seems she honestly doesnt feel any emotion or care for me anymore. I seriously mucked things up because she was honestly the best thing to ever happen to me in my life..my life was on course to an amazing future and a new start in america. I miss her dearly and we havent spoken since mid august and she still haunts my mind every day and night because i feel so lost with out her. I just need to escape from reality because she plagues my mind every night and i dont know what to do about it because she meant the world to me.
JaggedRoad Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Wow... it felt like my own heart was getting ripped out and being thrown around when I read your story. I don't really know what to say other than hang in there. I don't want to put you down, but you need to find a way to manage your anger issues. There's no excuse for you to let out your anger on someone who has done nothing to you.
Notsogood Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 You have my deepest sympathy. You will get through this ok though so chin up. You can still go to the US and you will meet many more girls there. Good luck and all the best!
DustySaltus Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 (edited) Lonelyboy, first let me say I hope that your father makes a quick recovery and you continue to take a step forward one day at a time. I know how it is to be in a long distance relationship as well. If you read some of my oldest threads you can see all the pain that I went through. With that being said I need to make a few points about your situation. I met this girl online...im from england and she was from cali...we started talking on msn and web cam...we grew immensly strong and it was just one of them feelings you know?...everything just clicked and inside your heart was telling you it was true love, she ticked every box and i never felt so confident to tell this girl my deepest secrets because thats how strong our bond was and our love for one another. We talked everyday on msn for the 9 months we were together apart from when i actually came to visit...thats how amazing we kept our relationship alive and the flame burning strong. When you meet someone online and don't meet them in real life for a long period of time the person's legend sometimes becomes bigger than their reality. What I'm saying is that in 9 months of online chat and phone calls someone can really hide a lot of their issues that you would otherwise see in person on a first or second date. The feelings may have been genuine but I think that they were premature. As being a college student i did college full time and worked part time saving up £1000 to come visit her for 6 months solid. We started dating about a year ago today and i came to stay at her house for 2 weeks in June...the 2 weeks in June just felt like pure heaven, we clicked like we'd been dating for years and my feelings for her as well as hers were sky high...even with the distance and all i was prepared to commit my future for her and we had even planned about me getting an internship over in cali so i could spend 2 years and a possible future citzenship to move there.. Although you were talking online for 9 months, you guys were really on together for two weeks. I know how it is to obtain citizenship in another country. I have Israeli citizenship because of how serious I was with my ex-fiance. If there happened to be a war in Israel (which happens) I would be drafted into the army. I made the decision after being together for a few months but I was also engaged and knew her over a 10 year period. And you know what? Maybe it STILL was too soon. Imagine being in that internship in California for a two year period without her? You're not though. You're home with your family, where you should be at this moment anyway. During our 9 months together we had about 5 arguements where id have outbursts due to the stresses of the distance and the pressures of college and having no time for myself. My scedule was college mon-fri as well as working mon, thurs and friday. then evenings and weekends i devoted my time to her and not go out seeing friends or enjoying trips to the cinema etc and not spending a single penny on myself as i was desperately saving to come see her...hence why sometimes everything just got too tuff and id take it out on her...even though deep down it killed me to see me hurt her like that..it was just something out of my control.. Trust me I know how it is to make the sacrifices that you made. The problem is that she was 7000 miles away and couldn't see those sacrifices firsthand. I gave up a beautiful car. moved out of my own place to live with two roomates, risked my job and spent all my free time trying to learn a new language. But when you start complaining to her about how stressed you are and taking it out on her, it wipes away all of the good intentions that you had. Because you're 7000 miles away COMMUNICATION is the key. You can be stressed about things but you can't take it out on her.....remember you can't just go over there, apologize and give her a hug...all you have is words. about 3 weeks after i visited in June..plans were made for me to visit for 2 months for halloween, our 1 year anniversary and thanks giving..everything was sorted and planned. Then my dad got extremly ill and had to stop working and he is now on 12 tablets a day to keep him alive. I regret it so bad but i seriously lost the plot one day..i was looking for someone to take the anger out of my dads suffering and yes it was my ex..i said some nasty terrible things but a lot of the stuff i said was what id been hiding away for months inside and it finally just boiled over and spilled out... Any woman that really cared about you and your feelings would understand that you were going through major things and should take everything you say with a grain of salt. This is something that couples learn to get past. It seems to me that she was looking for a way out. 2 days passed and we patched things up and just before she went on vacation for a month she said it was over...she showed little or no emotion and said she needed a break but she promised she'd text me every few days while she was on vacation. 2 weeks had past she didnt text nor phone me...so i sent her a text to see if she was ok...i got no reply and started to worry...about 5 days later again i asked her whats going on and why she didnt text me at all...no reply, Then a week later i asked her to put me in my place and stop ignoring me...she sent me a really horrible message on facebook saying we were done and over for good.... Again, I think she was looking for a way out. It seems that she was pulling away emotionally. And as far a "putting you in your place" c'mon man, that's not what you REALLY wanted. She said she needed a "break" to try and let you down easy and then she fell off the face of the earth. That isn't true love, that's weak and self-serving. You learned a valuable lesson and you are still a VERY young man. You have a lot of living to do. My heart literally got torn out at that very moment and crushed...i worked so hard and did everything in my power to keep her happy. Her parents are very very overprotective of her and they have a huge influence on her how life works even though she is 19 years old. She then a few days after coming back from vacation deleted me from facebook..i assume blocked me on msn cause i havent seen her since and lastly deleted all pics of us and everything and its like she doesnt even want to know i exist in life. During the time she was on vacation my dad had 2 diabetic attacks where he collasped..the second time he fell and cut open his head and we had to spend all night in the hospital worrying for him. I text my ex this and she didnt even care or even reply...i dont know how anyone could be so heartless after everything she use to say to me and everything we had been through to get to where we were she use to talk to my dad and webcam etc and everything was so friendly and great. I've tried sending her about 3 emails in the space of the 3 months since we've split via facebook just asking to explain what went wrong and why she doesnt even want to be friends anymore...i feel like ive been backstabbed so hard and its hurt bad. So this is the climax...because of my dad being terribly ill and the house problems were facing now my dad is out of work we face loosing our house. I suffered from a nervous breakdown and major depression. I now stay at a clinic 4 days per week to try and fix my problems but all i have is her on my mind...i even explained to her about how ive now been taken into the clinic..but it seems she honestly doesnt feel any emotion or care for me anymore. I seriously mucked things up because she was honestly the best thing to ever happen to me in my life..my life was on course to an amazing future and a new start in america. I miss her dearly and we havent spoken since mid august and she still haunts my mind every day and night because i feel so lost with out her. I just need to escape from reality because she plagues my mind every night and i dont know what to do about it because she meant the world to me. 1. You don't want a future with a woman like this. True love is about being there in good times and bad times. Remember you were only with her physically for 2 weeks. If you were with her longer I'm sure other issues would have popped up just based upon how she handled things. 2. The best thing for you to right now is to stay NC (No Contact) with her. You are going to these clinics to BETTER YOURSELF. Let them help you, but you need to WANT to be helped. 3. You are there for your family and that is the most important thing. I'm sure your father is EXTREMELY happy that he has your support. It seems like you have a good heart and down the line you will be rewarded for that. 4. Everyone has a long distance relationship story and you learn from it. Being young is about trying different things and really narrowing down what you are looking for. I don't want someone who is going to run away from me at the first sign of trouble and i'm sure you don't either. 5. Recoonect with your old friends. Put all the energy that you put into her towards things to better YOURSELF. Trust me, that energy is still thert. Pick up the phone, give an old friend a call. I'm sure they'll be happy to have you back. I'm sorry about what you are going through but it will make you stronger in the long run. You have no reason to blame yourself about what happened. Just learn from this. Good luck. Edited October 7, 2009 by DustySaltus
Author lonelyboy Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 Dustysaltus thank for you the amazing advice..its been such a tuff time and i do agree i think she was looking for a way out but the way she went about it was just really tuff to handle. If she really values me as a person she will get in contact with me again...i feel so much pain still and i was hoping after 3 months it would start to heal but it doesnt. But your right i need to focus on my dad and me getting better also...she doesnt care and seems to be a heartless person deep down. I need to learn from this and move on and meet someone over here...it takes time to heal but you have to start somewhere.
JaggedRoad Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 You want to switch citizenships, lonelyboy? I'm in New York and my ex is in Scotland. xP
Author lonelyboy Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 You want to switch citizenships, lonelyboy? I'm in New York and my ex is in Scotland. xP if only it was as easy as that!
Limbo21 Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 They are no better here brother, mines from the beautiful city of Oxford, posh as they come and will break many hearts before she's 40 good luck & all the best
Author lonelyboy Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 An update of my situation: Well its been months since i replied on this topic and things have changed a lot for me. Firstly im doing great the clinic treatment went amazing and it was a long overdue course of help i needed to better myself. My dad is on the road to recovery..its been a long hard time for him too not only with his own problems but having to cope with mine also..but it shows when family stick together you can achieve anything. As far as my LDR split with the suffering i went through i can now safely say she doesn't effect my emotions anymore, She tried after months of no contact by sending me a message on facebook, I listened to what she had to say but she hadn't changed..she just wanted to talk to me as a 'distraction' to pass time by, when confronted, i asked her where was she during all these months when i really needed her, she then proceeded to get really aggressive and act really immature about the whole situation. So in turn i did the best option and that is blocking all ways she can get in contact with me, even after the months of no contact she never once asked how i coped with things or how im feeling now..it was always about her and i think i dodged a real bullet with this one. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice on this topic it really helped and to all those suffering from pain in a split..you can get through it..just stick close with your family and real life friends and overtime you will heal Finally, im currently doing some part time work at my uncles company in london, this coming may im spending 3 months in vegas doing some volunteer work..the perfect way for me to get away from things and do something for communities and i cant wait to go
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