RangersFC Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Here's my story, and I really need advice on how to proceed! I met this girl at my workplace over a year ago. Let's name her Patrica. She had just gotten with her boyfriend Cam at the time, but there was always something there between us. As time went on, this young lady confided in a friend of mine, and used to tell himhow she always wanted to date me, and that she's not very happy with Cam. Cam is lazy, a retard, smokes a ton of weed, and never takes her out. Obviously, my buddy gave me the heads up and let me know how Patrica was feeling towards me. Sooner after that, Patrica and I started spending a lot of time with each other outside of our work building, and at local coffee shops. Oh, I forgot to mention. Cam worked at the same place too, but just on a different shift as Patrica and I. And Cam and Patrica lived together. So Patrica and I get closer and closer as time goes by, until finally she admits to me that she has deep feelings towards me and wants to be with me, but would have no where to live if she left Cam. By this time I had fallen in love with her, and would stop at nothing to be with her. I treated her the best I could, and showed her a good time by taking her out, and introducing her to new things. Patrica and I were pretty much seeing each other behind Cam's back for about a year. And the time came when they broke up. In all honesty, I thought she was mine after that. But she never did move out, as Cam was trying desparately to hold on to her. To make a long story short, she switched shifts to be with him, ignored me for a few weeks and went back to him. But they eventually moved out of their apartment, and back to the separate families homes. Now my issue is, since she made the decision to go back to Cam, she repeatedly makes contact with me, stops to talk to me all the time when she sees me, and when we do end up together, she acts the same way as she did, when she was ready to leave her man for me. She also admitted to my buddy, that if her and I hung out again, feelings could come back. I feel that I can't move on with my life, cause I really do feel that she's on the brink of actually giving me the chance I never had. To this day, she texts and calls me. I am in love with this woman, but I dont know how to play this. Or to even play it at all. I tried to date around, but once Patrica found out, she has called me and texted me even more. I love this girl like nothing else and the feelings for her is way stronger then my previous relationships, and I do want to be with her. Does anyone have any advice on how I should proceed with her? Do I continue to hang out with her? Do I go NC? What do I do? Thanks in advance!
quarterlifecrisis Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 I am certainly not an expert, but go NC on her. I was a mess just a few weeks ago, but since going NC, I've heard that my ex who is now with someone else misses me and asks people how I'm doing. This doesn't necessarily mean anything, but absence does make the heart grow fonder. More importantly, I have a much clearer head and can prioritize other things over thinking about her. I'm not even sure I would want her back anymore. Here's what I suggest. Go NC on her for a few days without talking to her. Do not respond when she contacts you for at least 3 days. She will most likely wonder what's going on and ask you what's up at some point. Once you do, say you've gotten a lot of clarity from the NC. You want your space, care about her, but realize that you want to be an independent man. Tell her you are going back to NC and for her not to contact you. At this point, if she's cool with it, good riddance. Her feelings are gone and you will get over her with time. If she keeps trying to talk to you, maintain NC even when she texts/calls, whatever...for AT LEAST a few weeks. I'd say a minimum of 3, but preferably more. Let her miss you and lose that security blanket. This will force her to make a decision. If she chooses you, tell her you don't want her unless she's loyal and stops seeing the other guy. Simple as that. Accept nothing less. This will make you a strong, attractive male to her. Women need a guy they respect and CAN'T push around. By constantly orbitting her and reinforcing her terrible two-timing, wishy-washy behavior, you are showing her that you are dependent and low value. Instead, show her you are a man with self respect and demand respect from your significant other. Hell, go on some dates and show her you have other options as well. Be an alpha male, not a beta male.
Author RangersFC Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 Well as I was reading your reply, thank you btw. You are exactly right with everything you have said. As it sits now, I've done all of this. We stopped talking back in March or so and in that time i had deleted her contacts from my phone and deleted her from Facebook. It mesed me up too much emotionally to see what she was up to in her current life. She had stopped talking to me in this time and that was ok for me. She had met with a mutual friend that is mentioned in the first post about a month or so ago. We had already started talking again for about 2 weeks by then but she had gone on about how she misses me and thinks about me all the time. Admits that things could go back to how they were if we started hanging out again. Which they have cause the last month we have talked and hung out a lot. All the same pet names come back in conversation and things are getting back to "normal" She has always said that if she didn't life with her BF she ouldn't be with him. They live at home again! I feel although this is the last time things can happen between us. It's either all or nothing and I feel that I just have to bring the connection back to how it was and then the decision should be made from there. So long story short. I went 6 months NC and now I am seeing another girl and Patrica tells me that she isn't going to like/approve of any girl I date... not that this matters I know
quarterlifecrisis Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Whoa, I thought this was a new story. So you mean everything is resolved now? You went NC for 6 months and got over her?
Author RangersFC Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 Well I wish I could say that everything is resolved. I went NC for that 6 months and moved on, but at the beginning it back in March she was still living with cam. In that time she has moved back home and is contacting me more. Yes she still works on the other shift with him but has hinted to a few people that she would like to come to the shift i'm working. This is a story that has gone on for a very long time. My friend used this site for his situation and suggested that I post mine too. So I did, leaving out tonnes of details just to get it out there and get advice. I want to be with patrica so bad. I was with my ex of four years and can honestly and truely say that my feelings are way stronger for patrica! She is just making very small movements in my direction and i'm looking for what I can do to maybe get her with me.
Author RangersFC Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 Ok so I have an update. To settle some things now, she IS still with Cam but living away from him and still working on his shift. Now, the new girl and I had a talk lastnight and I can honestly say, i'm not leading her on or anything like that. Fact of the matter is that we do care about eachother but the relationship is a dead end we are just two differant people and it won't work. We are just going to continue doing what we are doing. Having fun and enjoying eachothers company. These are her words and I agreed. Patrica has text me everynight this week and we had a convo. Nothing much of anything just random talk. She then stopped by my house today for 45 minutes to show me her new clothes she just bought. She never cared about style or anything nice looking before. I got her into name brand things and changing her image. I go out with my friend and she with hers to different bars. She texts me saying that she is leaving cause she is very tired, long story short we hang out for 2 hours. She was already in bed when I pulled up and i've seen her in pj's and stuff before but she found the need to get all redressed and come outside to see me. It was my bday on Wednesday so i'm celebrating today, saturday. There is a party going on with work people too that I won't be attending as I don't care much for them. Patrica was invited and so was I. When another co-worker asked if she was going she pretty much said its my bday so she is going to see what happens. I haven't invited her. But can tell she wants to come. I can see that she is really slowly coming back to how it was. Now my best friend can't stand her anymore after what she put me through. I didn't tell him anything about the situation cause I know how he is. Kind of an *******. I want her to come... It would be a lot of fun, i'm not inviting her though cause of my buddy being a dick and also if she comes and we have fun, it doesn't change anything cause she is still with Cam. She honestly isn't smart enough to plan out how to string me along or anything like that. She is very by the moment and acts like that too. I have honestly come to far to walk away and this is the last time I will pursue her however long it takes. How do I play this? What can I do to maybe have her? How do I handle my friend? Please help.
Author RangersFC Posted October 15, 2009 Author Posted October 15, 2009 Ok so here is an update from the weekend. As I mentioned before about wanting her to come out for my bday on saturday I wasn't going to invite her. Ended up that she was texting me all night asking how the bar was and such. She showed up! I knew she would if told her to come. Had a great night. We got dropped off at her frineds house so she could grab her car and go home and asked if I wanted to hang out and drive her home and she would drive me back. I did this. In the meantime we were in my buddy's car texting eachother so we wouldn't have to talk and have them hear us. I asked if I could kiss her, she just said "why in the car with your friends?" I held off. When we got in her car I pretty much just told her how I think she is feeling towards me. I was very straight with her and not too emotional about anything. Told her that I know she can't say the truth cause of her man, but that I know she realy likes me. I told her to stop lying to herself and relize that it is me that makes her happy. I called her out on everything. Why she texts me everynight, randomally comes by my house. I was asking her questions and she wasn't really answering. (she isn't a really open and emotional girl) but I figure if I was wrong on anything I was saying she would correct me and get angry... she didn't correct me but was just smiling and I could tell that what I was saying was exactly how she was feeling. I asked again if I could kiss her and she said yes, just a peck cause it would be more than just a kiss if we did it again. I ended up kissing her on the cheek. I then got dropped off at my house andIi asked if I had upset her or made her feel awkard, she said No and not to worry about it, its Ok. When she left I had got in my car and went to meet my friends but they were already home and I text her to come back out. (I wanted to get more out of her) we were joking around via texting about random stuff. She had just said that "she is just going to stay in, as she was already for bed. It's the Smart Decision for her" I then replied it might be the smart decision but it's not the true decision. but have a good night and we will talk soon. She said thanks and she had a lot of fun Now I honestly thought that I had maybe caused tension and wouldn't hear from her again for a while, but she text me to hang out on sunday night. We went for a small cruise and just chilled out and had fun. Nothing was mentioned about the prior night! I strongly feel that I am very close to getting her to open up and have something new happen. I cannot go NC as I have before and this is the last time I will be going for her. The connection is so strong I know it for a fact. I just feel that I need to do that last thing to get her to open up. She is nervous of new things and honestly has no chemistry with Cam. I know she has given thought to her and I being together. She even made the point to say that it wouldn't work cause of our schedules. I know it would work cause i would make it work. I really need advice from people who have been here or can just help me out. I'm not going NC again. We do work on opposite shifts, I need to keep the connection there and conversation open. PLEASE HELP! I'm so damn close!
Author RangersFC Posted October 18, 2009 Author Posted October 18, 2009 C'mon loveshackers!! How come all the views but no replies? I'd really apprichate some feed back. What could I do to actually win her over. I'm at the point to where I would do anything to be with her. We did date for a year behind her mans back and had sex only once after about 9 months of getting emotionally attached. She was single at the time of all the kissing and sex. I figured that if it was going to work out between her and I that I didn't want her to actually cheat on Cam. Anyways, anything that can maybe help me out. I'm on all the time so I can answer any questions! Thanks everybody
honeypear Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 First off love the name and the team..Have you ever asked her why she stays in that relationship with Cam. What keeps her going back? Just curious. Speaking from my side as the one who has recently broken someone's heart for not being honest. You need to find out why she stays.
Author RangersFC Posted November 28, 2009 Author Posted November 28, 2009 Hello again all loveshackers! Haven't been on in a while but thought i'd give an update! Its been since October 12th that her and I spoke. There has not been a single word exchanged between us. I would like to say that I am over this girl, but I am far from it! We worked the same shift today, I did not talk to her or anything. I almost did but I had to hold my ground! However, I noticed her constantly looking at me. And we did lock eyes tonnes of times. I can tell she wants to talk but its not going to happen. Nothing would make me happier than to be with this girl. I've been dicked around for many months now but I just cannot shake her off. Tonight really made me a little emotional. Its the first time we have worked the same shift since we were "dating", just a hard day for me. I thought I was doing really well until now. My big problem is, i'm going to be working with her everyday for the next month and I can honestly say that I am nervous as hell. I don't know what to do. I will not be talking to her as a friend...0we really have nothing to talk about. I just don't know what to do.... I still love this girl more than ever, i've stepped back and watched her, she is immature everyone is right, its not enough for me to leave. I'm not showing any emotion of any kind that it bothers me that she is there. I can't let her or anyone else see my pain. She just looked so good and pretty. It killed me to think she wanted to talk and we didn't. I'm very glad that I didn't break the NC with her! Help me out guys! Anything to get over her, anything to come to me and respect me, anything all, all responses are apprichated!
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