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Meeting for lunch with someone who once told me he was attracted to me

Onionskin

By Onionskin
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Onionskin Member

Onionskin

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Hi everyone. I recently contacted an old friend of mine who told me some 7 years back after a few too many drinks that he was attracted to me. Now he is married with a child and I am in a long term relationship.

Apart from that one uncomfortable moment, he has always been a great friend to me. I emailed him regarding his sporting team recently and we got to talking. We both thought it would be a great idea to catch up, and I really want to, but I am unsure how my boyfriend is going to take it (I told him all those years back about this friend confessing his feelings to me).

Am I in the wrong if I meet up with him? It is ancient history as far as I am concerned.

Roxanna Established Member

Roxanna

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What does your bf have to say about it? That's really all that matters.

Toe Jam Member

Toe Jam

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Am I in the wrong if I meet up with him?

yes

 

It is ancient history as far as I am concerned.

as far as he's concerned probably not

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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Too many unanswered questions to make a call on this one. Perhaps you need to ask yourself why you felt the urge to contact him again, after 7 years.

 

How's your current relationship going? Everything going like gangbusters or are you bored or upset about anything?

JustLooking123 Established Member

JustLooking123

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Would you feel more comfortable if you made it a double date - you and your BF, and him and his wife?

New_Life08 Established Member

New_Life08

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You are only wrong to meet up with him if you deceive your boyfriend to do it. A true friend (who isn't after something more) would appreciate that your bf knows the truth so it doesn't put him in an awkward position too. If you have nothing to hide then hide nothing.

 

Your bf may not like the idea, but he will respect your honesty...and that goes a loooong way in a relationship.

 

What would be wrong with asking your bf to join you? I think it would be the right thing to do considering you are long term and the incident that happened in the past.

 

If you sincerely offer your bf to go and he doesn't want to, then that is another story.

 

When it comes to opposite sex friends...we really need to be more open and considerate of our partner's feelings than in other friendships. :cool:

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Onionskin Member

Onionskin

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Too many unanswered questions to make a call on this one. Perhaps you need to ask yourself why you felt the urge to contact him again, after 7 years.

 

No big reason, really. We are both big rugby league heads, and for the first time since 1986 his team made it into the Grand Final. I couldn't wait to congratulate him as I always knew him as a massive fan of that team. That's it.

We both work in the same part of town and that's why we thought it would be cool to catch up for lunch. My bf works a million miles from me.

So I really can't catch up with an old friend because I was honest with my bf in the past and told him what the friend said to me??

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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No big reason, really. We are both big rugby league heads, and for the first time since 1986 his team made it into the Grand Final. I couldn't wait to congratulate him as I always knew him as a massive fan of that team. That's it.

We both work in the same part of town and that's why we thought it would be cool to catch up for lunch. My bf works a million miles from me.

So I really can't catch up with an old friend because I was honest with my bf in the past and told him what the friend said to me??

After I posted in this thread the first time, I saw your other thread.

 

You're in the danger zone. You know it, which is why you're questioning your own actions by creating this thread.

seibert253 Established Member

seibert253

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No big reason, really. We are both big rugby league heads, and for the first time since 1986 his team made it into the Grand Final. I couldn't wait to congratulate him as I always knew him as a massive fan of that team. That's it.

We both work in the same part of town and that's why we thought it would be cool to catch up for lunch. My bf works a million miles from me.

So I really can't catch up with an old friend because I was honest with my bf in the past and told him what the friend said to me??

 

Re-read what Roxanna said. That answers your question.

Untouchable_Fire Established Member

Untouchable_Fire

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Am I in the wrong if I meet up with him? It is ancient history as far as I am concerned.

 

I've read your other post... so I know there is more going on here.

 

Just get honest with your current relationship. If it doesn't work out... then go in another direction. This is the wrong path for you to take!

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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Onionskin, have you ever heard the guy theory that women are like monkeys, where they swing from branch to branch? What this means is that a certain subsection of the female population, line up a new guy to move to, sometimes even crossing the relationship line while still in it, so they always have someone to move on to.

 

I hope this isn't what you're trying to do. Looking for someone to be your new branch or in the least, your emotional tampon.

 

Move on from your first guy, before swinging to the second one.

 

So, no, don't go on this lunch.

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Onionskin Member

Onionskin

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Ok despite my other post I want to make something very, very clear - I am not in any way sexually attracted or interested in this man. Not at all. Quite the opposite in fact.

Yes... as you saw I am having some troubles in my relationship, but I have no plans on "lining up" another guy or cheating. I have never cheated in a relationship no matter what temptations came my way and wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did.

I just don't want to be doing the wrong thing by my man. He was recently told he and some friends are going to be having a reunion - and the girl that told him was someone that he has always told me was "hot". I don't mind because I trust him.

Citizen Erased Established Member

Citizen Erased

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No big reason, really. We are both big rugby league heads, and for the first time since 1986 his team made it into the Grand Final. I couldn't wait to congratulate him as I always knew him as a massive fan of that team. That's it.

We both work in the same part of town and that's why we thought it would be cool to catch up for lunch. My bf works a million miles from me.

So I really can't catch up with an old friend because I was honest with my bf in the past and told him what the friend said to me??

He's a Parramatta supporter? :sick: Never speak to him again, just based on that. :laugh:

 

Judging by your other thread, you're in very dangerous territory. You're not happy, this guy likes you...not hard to see where this can lead. You may not think it can happen but it happens. Plus...you may feed his feelings for you and that's not fair on his wife.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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Ok despite my other post I want to make something very, very clear - I am not in any way sexually attracted or interested in this man. Not at all. Quite the opposite in fact.

Yes... as you saw I am having some troubles in my relationship, but I have no plans on "lining up" another guy or cheating. I have never cheated in a relationship no matter what temptations came my way and wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did.

I just don't want to be doing the wrong thing by my man. He was recently told he and some friends are going to be having a reunion - and the girl that told him was someone that he has always told me was "hot". I don't mind because I trust him.

Then do what Roxanna suggested and ask your b/f. If he's in agreement that this is as harmless as you say, then there's nothing to worry about...right?

 

Don't forget the emotional tampon portion. If this guy likes you, is it fair to him to renew your friendship?

 

There's another thread going on LS right now that is an article about cross-gender friendship, from one of the most hilarious political satire sites on the Internet, called....coincidentally, The Onion.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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he's probably bored in his hum-drum married/family life and wants sex

 

meeting him would only open a sexual pandoras box

Untouchable_Fire Established Member

Untouchable_Fire

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Ok despite my other post I want to make something very, very clear - I am not in any way sexually attracted or interested in this man. Not at all. Quite the opposite in fact.

Yes... as you saw I am having some troubles in my relationship, but I have no plans on "lining up" another guy or cheating. I have never cheated in a relationship no matter what temptations came my way and wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did.

I just don't want to be doing the wrong thing by my man. He was recently told he and some friends are going to be having a reunion - and the girl that told him was someone that he has always told me was "hot". I don't mind because I trust him.

 

If your not interested in the guy... then why are you making this post? Sorry, but that just doesn't make sense.

 

I think your looking for attention... and yes, your preparing to line up another guy! It might not be this one... but your practicing. :(

 

The reason you don't mind... is because your not attracted to him. What... like your afraid to lose him? Gah... don't be so naive with yourself.

seibert253 Established Member

seibert253

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Ok despite my other post I want to make something very, very clear - I am not in any way sexually attracted or interested in this man. Not at all. Quite the opposite in fact.

Yes... as you saw I am having some troubles in my relationship, but I have no plans on "lining up" another guy or cheating. I have never cheated in a relationship no matter what temptations came my way and wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did.

I just don't want to be doing the wrong thing by my man. He was recently told he and some friends are going to be having a reunion - and the girl that told him was someone that he has always told me was "hot". I don't mind because I trust him.

 

 

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. You may not intend to cheat, as a matter of fact I can't recall any threads on this forum where any WS's intended to cheat. So many BS's write where there WS's were the last person anyone would suspect to be involved in infidelity. Yet, they are.

 

Never say never. Bad things happen even when things started "innocently".

 

Lets look at it this way, if your man had a close female friend, who expressed romantic interest in the past, would you feel comfortable with your man meeting up with her without first telling you about it, and asking if it was OK? If say you don't then you're lying, not only to us, but to yourself.

IMO meeting up with someone of the opposite sex, one on one, for dinner, lunch, drinks, whatever, without first letting your BF, S, SO, know your intentions is disrespectful to them and your relationship.

lkjh Established Member

lkjh

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Don't ask questions that you already know the answer to. You are trying to trick yourself into believing that this is innocent. Tell your bf and see what he says

New_Life08 Established Member

New_Life08

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Hi again....I want you to know that I feel for you because you are getting your butt busted in this thread and however valid the advice, it can be disheartening when you feel you are doing nothing wrong.

 

I don't know the extent of your emotional connection with your friend, and I really don't want to assume your intentions; that doesn't matter in the long run, what matters is the choices you make now.

 

This is an interesting topic for me because I have learned a lot from it. This may or may not be what your friendship is about, but I need to say it. :cool:

 

I have been on both ends of emotional friendship issue, and I have learned when there is a need to hide something it is because there is something to hide.

 

When we share our woes of life with an opposite sex friend who btw has every reason to stroke our ego; we inadvertently start up an emotional affair. It can get to the point where there is no need to share any thoughts with our partner because someone else is filling that need. In some cases it is because the new found attention makes us feel as though our partner does not appreciate what we have to say.

 

What we do not realize (or want to believe) is that the friend is seeing things our way because they don't know the other side, nor do they have to live with us in a day-to-day relationship. Not to mention that a break-up from your current relationship frees you to hook-up. So, naturally little by little you can get sucked into a situation where you need to make some careful choices. :confused:

 

I don't think every opposite sex friendship winds up this way, or that this is the initial intention of either person. But you are in a position where this could easily happen if you are not mindful of the boundaries. The first one being an open book of honesty with your bf. Regardless of what hot woman told him about a reunion, or what he may not be telling you....it's irrelevant.

 

It is more important that you are true to yourself and to your relationship. Then at least whatever the outcome you will know that YOU did the right thing.

 

I read something not too long ago...it is simple but very profound:

 

"If your gut is telling you that you shouldn't be doing something, you should take your own advice"

 

All my best to you~

Dexter Morgan Established Member

Dexter Morgan

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Am I in the wrong if I meet up with him?

 

alone.....yes. as a group or with your boyfriend....no.

 

 

It is ancient history as far as I am concerned.

 

 

of course it would be to YOU. but maybe your boyfriend will see it differently.

 

I wouldn't want a gf of mine hanging out alone with a guy that has designs on her, married or not......would you want your bf hanging out with someone that wants to, or at one time wanted to, jump his bones?

Dexter Morgan Established Member

Dexter Morgan

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Ok despite my other post I want to make something very, very clear - I am not in any way sexually attracted or interested in this man. Not at all. Quite the opposite in fact.

Yes... as you saw I am having some troubles in my relationship, but I have no plans on "lining up" another guy or cheating. I have never cheated in a relationship no matter what temptations came my way and wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did.

I just don't want to be doing the wrong thing by my man.

 

then only your man can help you answer this question. if he has a problem with it and you go see this other guy anyway, then you would be disrespecting him.

 

Would this be a 1 on 1 rendezvous? Or is this as a group? Why not suggest that he and his wife, and you and your bf go out to dinner?

serialgf Established Member

serialgf

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i don't think there is anything wrong with you meeting him for lunch if you are totally open and honest with your bf about it.... big deal if this guy had/has a boner for you.... seriously, that's not a big deal... it sounds like you have good morals and aren't attracted to him - you just want to catch up and maybe that's all he wants too.... you'll find out in the first few minutes of your lunch. and if he tries to put the moves on you, i'm sure you'll feel uncomfortable and that'll be the last lunch you have.... otherwise, maybe you'll re-connect with a good friend and y'all can get together with your partners the next time you get together

 

i am a big believer in promoting independence in my relationships and that includes having your own friends... i also have plenty of guy friends who think i'm hot or whatever... guys are like that they think with their dicks... its no big deal and it doesn't mean we're going to sleep together and they're still my friends....

 

oh, also, what exactly was your bf's response when you suggested it to him? was he like absolutely not or mildly upset?

 

good luck!

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