taylor13 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I've been dating someone for 7+ months. We've never thoroughly discussed the girlfriend/boyfriend thing but we see each other at least 3/4 times a week and it's definitely not just a sexual thing. It really started to bother me after talking to friends who think it's not 'normal' that we aren't at the "you're the one" stage (I've never been at that stage with anyone infact). We are definitely only seeing each other...but I'm apprehensive to bring it up is that we can go 2 sometimes 3 days without even talking. To me that doesn't merit boyfriend/girlfriend. I knooow it's a two-way street, and call me old fashion but I like it when the guy is proactive. Does this sound like a hopeless case? Or do I just need to chill? Guys, would you date a girl for over 6 months (and not just for the sex) if you weren't expecting the relationship to go anywhere?
Agoraphobianebula Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Do you want to be his girlfriend? Would your current arrangement have bothered you if your friends hadn't said anything about your relationship? If your answer to both of these is yes, then open your mouth and say something to him. Don't give us that "I'm traditional" bs. You are both human beings with feelings that matter equally as much. If you want the relationship to go somewhere, then take the necessary steps to make that happen, starting with talking to him about your wants and desires and asking him about his. It's your life, take control of it.
Author taylor13 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 I know. I plan to talk to him about it. I'm not a big fan of using official terms, but I do want something that has potential. We had a rough patch a few weeks ago because he was going through some unrelated things (lost his job) and he kept saying "I just don't know what I want". Hoooow can you not know by now if you don't want me?! I understand he's unsure about a lot of other things in his life right now, so is it too much to ask him to be sure about me?
Toe Jam Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I've been dating someone for 7+ months. We've never thoroughly discussed the girlfriend/boyfriend thing but we see each other at least 3/4 times a week and it's definitely not just a sexual thing. this is a man's DREAM
Author taylor13 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 (edited) fyi we didn't sex for 2 and 1/2 weeks recently (I wasn't feeling good and then that time of the month ofcourse) and he acted complllletely the same. still took me out and everything. now is this really a man's dream? Edited October 6, 2009 by taylor13
boogieboy Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Tell him youre going to bail if this isnt moved up to the next level. Problem is, this is the way he is. He needs his space, and he is comfortable with hearing from you with the frequency that he is hearing from you now. If he knows hes going to lose you, he might shift his focus. If he doesnt, you know where youre at.
Author taylor13 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 ****, boogieboy. you're pretty damn good at this
Ruby Slippers Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Guys, would you date a girl for over 6 months (and not just for the sex) if you weren't expecting the relationship to go anywhere? Never. If after a few months he hasn't expressed his desire for exclusivity and being a committed couple, I'm starting to lose interest and pull back. Chasing men (even emotionally) never works. Telling him you want to "be official" is emotional chasing, and it rarely works out well. he kept saying "I just don't know what I want". Hoooow can you not know by now if you don't want me?! I understand he's unsure about a lot of other things in his life right now, so is it too much to ask him to be sure about me? I hate to say it, but in my experience, "I don't know what I want" is a statement that warrants concern. Because I agree with you -- if he's crazy about you, he knows what he wants. If I were in your position, I'd pull back, consider other options, see him less often. Don't say yes to every invitation from him, and don't invite him to do things. If he really does want to be with you, these actions will grab his attention like nothing you can say would. If he doesn't, you'll find out, and that will save you a lot of wasted time being with someone who's not that into you.
Toe Jam Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Guys, would you date a girl for over 6 months (and not just for the sex) if you weren't expecting the relationship to go anywhere? a relationship, even an extended one, does not necessarily need to "go anywhere"
boogieboy Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 ****, boogieboy. you're pretty damn good at this Actually, Im good at this particular advise because I was in your bf's shoes, my ex left, and I didnt get a second chance. If she would have given me a warning, I would have woken up, but she just bailed. You want to stay with him, at least give him a warning.
aerogurl87 Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Actually, Im good at this particular advise because I was in your bf's shoes, my ex left, and I didnt get a second chance. If she would have given me a warning, I would have woken up, but she just bailed. You want to stay with him, at least give him a warning. I'm traditional too, but I gotta agree with boogieboy. Give the man a warning, tell him that it's been 7+ months and if he hasn't decided on whether or not he wants you two to officially be a couple by now that your going to start looking elsewhere for someone who can make that decision. If he's smart he'll make a move to make you his girlfriend, if not well at least you can move on to someone else who will. On a side note, no one can read someone's mind, so expecting a guy to know what you want without you saying something isn't going to work. Neither will very subtle, almost subliminal, hints that lots of people (myself included) like to give to their SOs or potential SOs.
Enema Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 I don't understand at all. What "is" the next level? In an ideal world, what do you want him to do?
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